BOY  PROBLEM 
THE  HOME 


WILLIAM  BYRON  FORBIJS 


Southern  Branch 
of  the 

University  of  California 

Los  Angeles 


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THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 


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THE   BOY   PROBLEM 


IN  THE  HOME 


By 

WILLIAM   BYRON   FORBUSH 

Author  of  "The  Boy  Problem" 
-^7  &7  O 


THE     PILGRIM     PRESS 

BOSTON  NEW    YORK  CHICAGO 


Copyright  1915 
By    WILLIAM    BYRON    FORBUSH 


THE    PILGRIM    PRESS 
BOSTON 


PREFACE 


Ha 


This  book  differs  in  several  ways  from  others  written 
upon  the  home  training  of  children.  It  is  entirely  about 
boys.  It  deals  with  boys  at  all  ages.  (Some  writers  dodge 
the  high-school  age.)  It  has  to  do  solely  with  three  things: 
home  government,  sex  discipline  and  religious  nurture. 

There  are  many  other  interesting  phases  of  the  education 
of  boys.  There  is  the  boy  in  relation  to  his  gang,  but  the 
author  has  treated  that  in  his  earlier  book,  "The  Boy  Prob- 
lem." There  is  the  boy  in  relation  to  the  school  and  society, 
but  the  author  has  touched  that  in  "The  Coming  Generation." 
Then  there  is  the  boy  and  the  church,  but  in  "Church  Work 
with  Boys"  the  writer  has  thought  about  that.  Other  phases 
remain:  the  natural  repugnance  of  boys  to  Botticelli;  their 
immunity  from  the  great  English  classics;  their  affinity  for 
the  baseball  page  in  the  morning  papers;  their  scorn  of 
afternoon  tea.  Only  lack  of  space  has  prevented  considera- 
tion of  these  genial  themes  in  this  book. 

The  sons  who  inspired  "The  Boy  Problem"  in  1901  have 
now  grown  to  manhood.  Had  they  not  all  turned  out  well 
this  book  would  not  have  been  written.  Yet  they  have  not 
been  referred  to  often  here,  because  they  have  not  been  clini- 
cal subjects.  They  have  rather  been  like  friends  who  drop 
into  an  artist's  studio  while  he  is  painting  an  allegorical 
picture  and  consent  occasionally  to  sit  for  likenesses  as  his 
characters.  After  the  author  has  outlined  his  theories  they 
have  been  obliging  enough  usually  to  look  the  part. 

But  there  is  one,  whose  eternal  girlhood  hardly  suggests 
even  now  that  she  is  a  mother,  to  whom  they  and  this  book 
and  the  author  owe  everything. 

William  Byron  Forbush. 

The  Avicrirnn  Institute 

of   Child    Life 

Philadelphia 

[v] 


WHAT    THE    PROBLEM    IS 

"Our  aim  in  the  discipline  of  children,"  says  Edward 
Howard  Griggs,  "is  to  lead  them  to  love  and  will  the  best." 

This  is  the  aim,  and  it  is  the  only  right  aim.  The  training 
of  our  children  is  not  for  the  purpose  of  protecting  ourselves 
or  themselves  or  the  public  from  their  misdeeds,  nor  even 
for  the  purpose  of  forcibly  preventing  them  from  committing 
them. 

Another  way  of  saying  the  same  thing  is  to  remark  that, 
while  the  discipline  of  obedience  to  us  may  be  necessary 
during  early  childhood,  it  is  only  in  order  that  the  child  may 
become  able  later  to  obey  himself,  Patterson  Du  Bois  puts 
it  this  way:  "'I  will  conquer  that  child,  no  matter  what  it 
may  cost  him!'  boasts  the  misguided  parent.  But  suppose 
the  parent  should  say,  'I  will  help  that  child  to  conquer 
himself,  no  matter  what  it  may  cost  me.'  " 

Griggs  illustrates  the  two  kinds  of  obedience  in  the  follow- 
ing allusion:  "The  Greeks,  who  believed  so  thoroughly  in 
the  positive  view  of  life,  have  given  us  the  clue  to  the  right 
method  of  moral  culture  in  the  old  story  of  the  Sirens.  Both 
Ulysses  and  Orpheus  passed  the  Sirens,  escaped  falling 
victims  to  the  allurements  of  evil,  but  how  differently.  When 
Ulysses  realized  that  he  was  near  the  Sirens  he  had  the  ears 
of  his  sailors  stopped,  and  caused  himself  to  be  bound  to  the 
mast.  When  he  came  within  hearing  of  the  Siren  music  he 
was  charmed  by  it  and  struggled  to  free  himself,  calling 
loudly  to  the  sailors  to  release  him  that  he  might  go  to  the 
sweet  singers.  The  sailors,  not  hearing,  were  untempted, 
and  they  rowed  him  by.  They  rowed  him  by!  That  is  all 
one  can  say.     It  was  small  credit  to  the  moral  character  of 

[vii] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

Ulysses,  though  iimch  to  his  prudential  foresight.  On  the 
other  hand,  when  Orpheus  came  within  hearing  of  the  Sirens, 
he  played  so  sweetly  upon  the  instrument  he  had  invented 
and  sang  so  wondrously  that  he  was  not  tempted  to  leave  the 
ship,  nor  were  his  comrades.  It  is  symbolic  of  the  whole 
problem  of  moral  living:  to  waken  from  the  instrument  of 
one's  own  life  such  music  that  one  is  untempted  by  the  Siren 
song  of  evil." 

I  cannot  but  think  that  Ray  Stannard  Baker  summed  up 
the  great  purpose  of  the  home  training  of  boys  when  he  said 
once  that  "The  one  essential  purpose  of  education  is  to  set 
an  individual  to  going  from  within;  to  start  his  machinery  so 
that  he  will  run  himself." 

What  we  are  after  is  self-propelling  goodness.  We  are 
trying  to  produce  men  who  will  do  right  because  they  like  to. 


[  viii  ] 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTEB  PAGE 

Preface v 

What  the  Problem  Is vii 

BOOK  I 
THE  HOME  TRAINING  OF  YOUNG  BOYS 

I    The  Child's  Attitude 3 

How  children  regard  law — How  children  break  the 
law — How  children  regard  punishment 

II    The  Parent's  Attitude 11 

The  parent  as  educator — The  right  to  ask  obedience 
— The  right  to  disobey — A  discussion  of  fairness — The 
grace  to  overlook — The  need  of  firmness — Can  a  "good 
fellow"  be  firm? 

III  Methods  of  Goverxmext 29 

Government  by  suggestion — Government  by  words — 
Government  through  choice 

IV  GoVTiRXMEXT    BY    PUNISHMENT 36 

"Natural"  punishment — Corporal  punishment 

V    Goverxmext  by  Reward 51 

Government  by  reward — Government  by  emulation — 
Government  by  activity 

VI     Sex  Discipline 54 

Methods — Who  is  the  best  one  to  do  it? — The  periods 
of  boyhood — The  boy  before  eight — Motherhood — 
Fatherhood 

VII    Religious  Nurture 64 

The  child's  nurture — Teaching  about  God — Teaching 
about  duty — Habit-forming — Habits  of  reverence — 
Reverence  in  prayer — Attention  in  prayer — How  to 
teach  a  child  to  pray — A  treasury  of  prayers — Exam- 
ple— Play — Stories — The  little  child  and  the  Bible — 
Church-going  and  Sunday  school 

VIII     Facts  for  Encouragement 97 

The  child  is  on  our  sid^ — Self-control 

Summary loi 

References 102 

[ix] 


CONTENTS 

BOOK  II 
THE  HOME  TRAINING  OF  SCHOOLBOYS 

ClIArXER  PAGE 

IX    The  Parent's  Attitude 109 

Honesty — Listening — Foresight — Insight — Companion- 
shiii — Fitness 

X    The  Child's  Attitude 135 

Relation  to  law — The  artful  dodger — Obstinacy — Indi- 
vidualism— Sociability 

XI    Obedience 147 

XII    Methods  of  Government 153 

Suggestion  — Explanation  — Persuasion  — Diversion  — 
Drill— Activity 

XIII  Government  by  Punishment 161 

XIV  More  Methods  of  Government 167 

Choice  the  successor  of  obedience — Will-training — 
Parent  and  teacher 

XV    Sex  Discipline 176 

The  problem  and  the  period — Self-abuse — Seminal 
emissions — Sex  worries — Further  instruction 

XVI    Religious  Nurture 184 

Will-training  by  habit-forming — Mastering  a  code — 
Relations  with  others — The  training  of  the   feelings 

XVII    Facts  for  Encouragement 211 

Summary 213 

References 213 

BOOK  III 
THE  HOME  TRAINING  OF  ADOLESCENT  BOYS 

XVIII    Developments  of  Adolescence 219 

Physical  development — Emotional  changes — Social  in- 
stincts— Moral  awakening — Summary  of  conditions 

XIX    Methods  of  Government 228 

Physical  management — Management  of  the  emotions — 
Social  management — Moral  relations  :    will 

XX    Ruling   Motives 239 

Self-respect — Hero-worship — Responsibility — Chivalry 
— A  life  purpose — Combination  of  motives 

XXI    The   Prodigal 250 

The  situation  and  its  causes — Shall  he  be  put  to  work? 
— Shall  we  send  him  away  to  school? — Shall  we  let 
him  wander? — Influences  that  will  bring  him  home 

[X] 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  PAGE 

XXII    Sex   Discipline .    256 

Good  motives — Right  attitudes — Further  instruction 

XXIII    Religious   Nurture 265 

Religion  as  a  personal  matter — Religious  influences — 
Conversion — Prayer — The  Bible — The  Church — The 
Sunday  school — Personal  influence — Religious  living 

XXIV    Facts  for  Encouragement 276 

Summary 278 

References 278 

Index 283 


[xi] 


BOOK  I 
THE  HOME  TRAINING  OF  YOUNG  BOYS 


THE    CHILD'S    ATTITUDE 

^  "2  7  .i  "^.^ 

Our  problem  is  to  protect  our  little  children  from  self- 
harm  through  the  discipline  of  obedience  to  ourselves  until 
they  are  old  enough  to  live  a  life  of  not  merely  defensive  but 
of  positive  and  joyous  goodness. 

Horace  Bushnell,  in  one  of  his  sentences  of  almost  lyric 
beauty,  showed  insight  into  the  reason  for  these  long  years 
of  drill  when  he  said:  "And  to  make  the  work  a  sure  one,  the 
intrusted  soul  is  allowed  to  have  no  will  as  yet  of  its  own, 
that  this  motherhood  may  more  certainly  plant  the  angel  in 
the  man." 

In  order  to  do  this  well  we  need  to  learn  how  these  chil- 
dren regard  the  law  of  right  and  the  punishments  by  which 
we  try  to  help  them. 

How  THE  Child  Regards  Law 
The  young  child  is  inherently  neither  obedient  nor  dis- 
obedient. The  very  liveliness  of  young  children,  the  abun- 
dance of  their  vigorous  impulses,  brings  them  into  conflict 
with  law  as  represented  by  the  wills  of  adults  about  them. 
As  Sully  says: 

"The  child  has  his  natural  wishes  and  propensities.  He 
is  full  of  fun,  bent  on  his  harmless  tricks,  and  the  mother  has 
to  talk  seriously  to  him  about  being  nauglity.  How  can  we 
wonder  at  his  disliking  the  constraint?  He  has  a  number  of 
inconvenient,  active  impulses,  such  as  putting  things  in  dis- 
order, playing  with  water,  and  so  forth.  As  we  all  know, 
he  has  a  duck-like  fondness  for  dirty  puddles.  Civilization, 
which  wills  that  a  child  should  be  nicely  dressed  and  clean, 

[3] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

intervenes  in  the  shape  of  the  nurse  and  soon  puts  a  stop  to 
this  mode  of  diversion.  The  tyro  in  submission,  if  sound 
in  brain  and  limb,  kicks  against  the  restraint,  yells,  slaps  the 
nurse,  and  so  forth. 

"Such  collisions  are  perfectly  normal  in  the  first  years  of 
life.  We  should  not  care  to  see  a  child  give  up  his  inclina- 
tions at  another's  bidding  without  some  little  show  of  re- 
sistance. These  conflicts  are  frequent  and  sharp  in  proportion 
to  the  sanity  and  vigor  of  the  child.  The  best  children,  best 
from  a  biological  point  of  view,  have,  I  think,  most  of  the 
rebel  in  them." 

Particularly  is  the  child  resistant  toward  precautions  set 
up  against  dangers  which  he  does  not  comprehend  and  to- 
ward conventions,  like  manners  and  table  usages,  whose 
value  he  does  not  appreciate.  Upon  these,  long-continued 
conflicts  are  likely  to  occur,  and  the  result  is  that  a  typical 
year-old  child  is  angry  much  of  the  time.  He  is  compliant 
toward  adults  who  teach  him  things  to  do,  but  not  toward 
those  who  make  him  refrain  from  doing.  To  him,  as  Sully 
says,  "Love  is  doing  everything  for  his  present  enjoyment," 
and  when  his  mother  opposes  him  she  must  seem  to  him  as 
if  transformed  into  an  ogre  to  torment  him  and  make  him 
miserable. 

A  healthy,  natural  selfishness  is  part  of  the  child's  nature. 
He  must  begin  by,  first,  finding  himself  and,  second,  loving 
himself;  and  out  of  these  two  stages  he  must  come,  very 
gradually,  to  recognize  his  brother,  his  other  self.  We  have 
no  idea  of  the  limitations  of  a  baby's  conscience.  "People," 
says  Lady  Isabel  Margesson,  "will  slap  and  scold  a  baby 
of  a  year  and  a  half  to  two  years  old  for  being  'naughty,'  and 
then  ask  it  if  it  is  'sorry.'  The  baby  is  supposed  to  under- 
stand perfectly  what  is  meant,  because  it  first  cries  when  it 
is  scolded  and  called  naughty,  secondly,  it  comes  to  kiss  its 
mother  when  it  is  asked  in  a  kind  voice  if  it  is  sorry.     One 

[4] 


THE    CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

moment's  consideration  of  the  limitations  of  a  baby's  mind 
and  understanding,  will  show  that  the  crying  and  the  kissing 
are  not  in  the  least  due  to  the  ethical  sense  or  to  any  con- 
ception of  what  'naughty'  and  'sorry'  mean.  They  are  the 
reaction  of  the  mother's  attitude  on  him.  He  is  frightened 
and  unhappy  at  her  displeasure,  and  cries;  he  is  comforted 
by  her  subsequent  kindness,  and  comes  to  kiss  her." 

O'Shea  says  that:  "One  rarely  sees  a  child  before  the 
adolescent  period  ashamed  or  mortified  or  humiliated  or  even 
chagrined.  There  is  no  evidence  that  remorse  or  contrition 
is  felt  before  this  time.  The  child  may  be  annoyed  and  sorry 
and  suppliant,  and  the  like;  but  these  latter  attitudes  are 
quite  different." 

We  may  say  in  general  of  a  young  child's  attitude  toward 
law  that  he  eagerly  seeks  his  own  pleasure  regardless  of 
anything  but  forcible  restraint,  pain  or  fear;  that  he  feels 
no  self-condemnation;  regards  opposition  as  hostility;  and 
that  he  does  not  care  much  what  people  think  of  him. 

When  he  learns  that  he  makes  less  trouble  for  himself  by 
obedience  than  by  disobedience,  he  obeys.  He  yields  to  fear, 
he  submits  to  strength;  later  he  is  conquered  by  affection, 
at  least  to  such  an  extent  that  he  prefers  caresses  and  pleas- 
ant expressions  to  scolding  and  alienation  from  his  parent. 

Where  he  cannot  resist  law  directly  he  does  so  indirectly. 
He  delays,  he  quibbles,  he  "eases  off"  obedience  by  doing 
his  duty  partially,  he  lays  his  blame  on  others,  he  accuses  his 
accuser. 

Yet  the  child  likes  regularity.  This  is  perhaps  a  sort  of 
elementary  sense  of  justice.  If  he  has  been  taught  to  ar- 
range the  dishes  on  his  tray  in  an  orderly  manner,  he  soon 
insists  on  having  them  always  placed  exactly  in  that  order. 
He  likes  to  have  the  same  commands  for  the  same  duties,  and 
he  objects  to  exceptions. 

And  what  he  has  been  made  to  do  himself  he  likes  to  insist 

[5] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

upon  with  his  juniors.  He  is  "a  bully  by  birth,"  and  what 
he  gains  by  suggestion  from  his  superiors  he  likes  to  work 
out  on  his  inferiors,  such  as  his  younger  brothers  and  the 
smaller  boys  on  the  street. 

We  can  easily  see  what  these  facts  imply.  We  ought  to 
be  reasonable  ourselves,  but  it  is  largely  a  waste  of  time  to 
give  reasons  to  a  young  child.  Restless  toward  coercive 
discipline,  he  would  rather  please  than  displease  and  after  he 
has  been  made  firmly  and  persistently  to  pursue  a  right 
habit  he  prefers  the  habit  to  irregularity.  Also  he  learns 
something  perhaps  as  to  willing  right  by  practising  discipline 
upon  his  dolls  and  his  juniors. 

How  Children  Break  the  Law 

Barnes  sums  up  his  extensive  studies  of  the  offenses  of 
young  children  in  the  following  statements: 

"The  most  common  offense  is  general  disorder. 

"One-quarter  of  the  offenses  are  negative  in  character. 

"Of  the  active  offenses,  a  large  proportion  may  be  mis^ 
directed  energy. 

"Few  children  commit  offenses  against  the  Ten  Command- 
ments." 

This  is  not  a  very  serious  indictment.  A  glance  down  one 
of  Barnes'  charts  shows  that  below  "general  disorder"  come 
destroying  things,  talking  or  whispering,  neglecting  work, 
fighting  or  quarreling,  running  away,  but  there  is  almost 
no  story-telling  or  lying  and  no  real  sins  or  crimes.  The 
offenses  are  almost  all  caused  through  abundant  physical 
energy  and  restlessness,  curiosity,  neglecting  or  avoiding 
adult  mandates  and  disobeying  the  to-them-incomprehensi- 
ble  codes  of  adult  order  and  customs. 

Concerning  all  these  sorts  of  offenses  there  are  many 
opportunities  for  us  to  misunderstand  children,  of  which  most 
of  us  avail  ourselves. 

[6] 


THE    CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

Take  the  matter  of  disorder.  Elizabeth  Harrison,  in  her 
enlightening  book  on  "Misunderstood  Children,"  gives  us 
the  instance  of  a  little  boy  who  was  being  brought  up  by  a 
blindly  conscientious  aunt  and  who  rushed  into  the  midst 
of  her  sweeping  to  invite  her  out  to  see  some  flowers  that 
had  just  come  up  and  "were  going  to  have  a  party." 
His  entrance  whirled  in  a  gale  of  wind  and  sent  the  dust 
dancing  all  over  the  room.  The  aunt  was  in  a  hurry,  and 
was  annoyed  by  the  interruption,  and  sent  him  outdoors. 
After  what  seemed  to  him  a  long  time  of  waiting  he  opened 
the  door  again  to  ask  her  if  she  was  "  'most  ready."  Again 
her  nearly-finished  task  was  undone.  She  was  angry  now. 
True,  she  had  not  explained  to  him  why  she  wanted  the 
door  kept  shut,  but,  like  many  of  us,  she  expected  him  to 
understand  and  obey  her  intentions. 

"The  child's  eyes  were  looking  up  at  her.  He  had  be- 
come tired  of  waiting  and  he  simply  was  asking  if  she 
could  not  come  and  share  his  new  joy.  He  had  never 
swept  a  room,  and  so  he  had  not  noticed  that  the  dust  had 
been  scattered  by  the  wind.  Just  a  word  of  explanation 
would  have  made  him  go  oflf  happily  to  some  new  activity 
to  await  her  coming.  But  no.  She  was  in  a  hurry,  and 
that  room  must  be  swept  all  over  again!  It  was  too 
provoking!  With  resentment  tingling  in  her  tone  she 
sharply  exclaimed: 

" 'Sammie,  go  out  of  this  room  immediately!  And  shut 
that  door!     You  are  a  naughty,  naughty  boy!' 

"The  door  closed  with  a  bang!  A  moment  more  a  chair 
was  overthrown  on  the  porch.  The  boy  in  his  turn  was 
now  angry.  She  bit  her  lip  and  once  more  began  the  re- 
sweeping  of  the  room.  Bang!  Bang!  went  two  more 
chairs  on  the  porch  floor. 

"The  upshot  was  that  Sammie  was  finally  shut  up  in  a 
bedroom  until  he  would  promise  to  be  good.     A  season  of 

[7] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

kicking  and  screaming  followed,  which  soon  subsided  into 
long,  heart-breaking  sobs. 

"At  last  a  weak,  tired  little  voice  with  the  sobs  still  echo- 
ing in  it  called  through  the  door:  'I  will  be  good,  Aunty' — a 
sob — 'I  will  be  good.'  A  sob — but  stifled  now.  Instantly 
the  door  was  opened  and  in  a  moment  more  the  child  was 
nestling  in  his  foster  mother's  arms.  And  she  was  whisper- 
ing in  his  ear:  'Aunty  is  so  glad  to  have  her  boy  back  again. 
She  was  so  sorry  to  have  to  punish  him.'  The  child  made  no 
reply,  but  clung  closer  to  her;  his  lip  still  trembled;  the  sobs, 
coming  now  and  then  as  she  rocked  him  to  and  fro,  grew 
fainter  and  fainter;  the  loving  arms  that  were  clasped  around 
her  neck  gently  relaxed  their  hold,  and  soon  the  quiet,  peace- 
ful breathing  told  that  the  child,  exhausted  by  his  emotions, 
was  asleep.  Nature  had  come  to  his  rescue  and  was  undoing 
the  mischief  done  by  the  poisoning  of  his  blood  with  the 
violent  excitement  of  the  previous  hour.  Gently  the  aunt 
laid  the  limp  little  body  on  a  cot,  and,  bending  over  him,  she 
tenderly  kissed  the  tear-stained  face.  For,  as  I  have  said 
before,  she  was  a  good  woman  and  she  dearly  loved  the 
child." 

"That  night  when  the  aunt  put  Sammie  to  bed  she  urged 
him  to  tell  God  that  he  was  sorry  and  to  ask  him  to  make 
him  a  good  boy.  After  a  considerable  struggle  he  tremu- 
lously said,  'Please,  God,  make  Sammie  to  be  a  good  boy.' 

"Then,  as  if  the  flood  of  recollection  of  the  morning  were 
too  much  for  him,  he  added  in  a  tone  that  rang  with  the 
intensity  of  his  petition:  'And,  O  God,  please  don't  let  Aunt 
Betty  speak  that  way  to  me  any  morel' 

"The  scales  fell  from  her  eyes.  And  with  the  tears  stream- 
ing down  her  cheeks  she  picked  him  up,  and  as  she  kissed 
him  again  and  again  she  told  him  that  she  would  ask  God 
that  night  to  help  her  to  be  hereafter  a  good  aunt  and  to  refrain 
from  ever  speaking  crossly  to  him  again." 

[8] 


THE    CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

To  point  a  moral  to  this  story  would  spoil  it. 

Most  of  the  disorder  which  children  cause  is  the  result  of 
their  not  comprehending  that  they  are  creating  any  dis- 
order, and  the  rest  of  it  is  generally  the  result  of  the  mis- 
directed energy  of  their  natural  instincts.  Someone  speaks 
of  a  little  child's  "touch-hunger."  Pedagogues  now  recog- 
nize that  most  ancient  instinct  of  touch  as  the  prime  means 
of  a  child's  self-education.  But  a  nicely-dressed  little  lad  is 
left  alone  for  a  little  while  with  nothing  to  play  with,  or  is 
told  to  "sit  still" — an  impossible  task  to  anybody  under  six — ■ 
or  is  told  not  to  touch  almost  every  delightful  unknown  ob- 
ject in  a  new  place,  or  has  never  been  told  that  he  must  not 
tug  at  mother's  white  satin  gown  as  well  as  at  her  blue 
gingham,  and  then,  after  he  has  yielded  to  an  instinct  as 
imperious  and  proper  as  that  of  hunger  to  a  starving  man, 
we  punish  him  for  disobedience. 

Many  of  the  child's  offenses  are  negative.  A  young  child 
is  played  with  until  his  nerves  or  body  cry  out  with  excited 
exhaustion  and  then  is  punished  for  being  "ugly."  A  child 
is  flooded  with  numerous  and  unnecessary  and  meaningless 
commands  and  prohibitions  some  of  which  he  does  not  hear, 
others  of  which  he  does  not  understand  and  others  of  which 
he  forgets  and  as  the  result  is  regarded  by  his  adults  as  a 
miserable  sinner  who  has  done  that  which  he  ought  not  to 
have  done  and  left  undone  that  which  he  ought  to  have  done, 
and  who  has  no  health  in  him. 

Our  misunderstandings  of  children's  offenses  should  give 
us  light  upon  another  matter  which  is  of  importance  if  we 
are  rightly  to  govern  them. 

How  Children  Regard  Punishment 
The  child,  when  punished,  is  frightened  and  is  unhappy  at 
the  displeasure  of  his  mother,  and  he  is  comforted  by  her 
subsequent  kindness.     He  has  no  clear  moral  sense  of  shame, 

[9] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

but  he  suffers  through  a  fcehng  of  estrangement,  of  loneli- 
ness, of  self-restriction.  Sully  quotes  in  this  connection  the 
pathetic  remark  of  the  little  boy  who  told  his  mother  that  if 
he  could  say  to  God  what  he  liked  it  would  be:  "Love  me 
when  I'm  naughty." 

In  the  matter  of  response  to  punishments  there  is  a  differ- 
ence, according  to  the  temperament  of  children,  even  when 
they  are  very  young.  Mrs.  Wiggin  tells  of  the  child  "over 
Hardscrabble  way"  who  "acted  discouraged  from  the  time 
it  was  two  weeks  old."  Such  an  infant  Job  would  evidently 
greet  correction  in  a  different  mood  from  a  youthful 
Orpheus.  The  nervous  child  soon  ceases  kicking  and 
screaming  when  he  finds  himself  without  an  audience,  but 
there  is  a  type  of  child  whom  no  counter-irritation  can  de- 
flect and  no  punishment  prevent  from  carrying  his  expres- 
sions of  wrath  to  the  furthest  extreme. 

There  is  an  interesting  fact  as  to  the  matter  of  the  response 
of  children  to  authority.  The  respect  for  authority  is  so 
innate  that  children  seldom  express  anger  toward  those  from 
whom  they  have  learned  that  they  can  get  no  advantage. 
And,  as  Mrs.  Kate  Upson  Clark  says: 

"No  well-managed  boy  lives  who  is  not  glad  in  his  soul, 
whatever  he  may  say,  that  his  mother  makes  him  mind,  and 
maintains  a  wholesome  discipline.  He  is  proud  that  she 
can  do  it." 


[10] 


CHAPTER  II 
THE  PARENT'S  ATTITUDE 

As  the  administrators  of  law,  just,  firm,  kindly,  sympa- 
thetic, and  thus  as  the  representatives  of  God  to  our  ignorant, 
affectionate  and  helpless  children,  how  much  is  demanded 
of  us! 

"O'er   wayward   childhood   wouldst   thou   hold   firm   rule, 
And  sun  thee  in  the  hght  of  happy  faces? 
Love,  Hope  and  Patience,  these  must  be  thy  graces, 
And  in  thine  own  heart  let  them  first  keep  school." 

Many  of  us  are  whipping  out  of  our  children  things  that 
we  should  have  whipped  out  of  ourselves  before  they  were 
here. 

How  many  mothers  are  thoroughly  satisfied  that  they 
are  capable  of  governing  themselves  before  they  try  to 
govern  their  children,  and  how  many  more  consider  they 
are  completely  obedient  to  laws  divine  and  human  before 
they  demand  strict  obedience  from  their  children? 

Our  young  people  have  a  right  to  live  the  racial  life.  It 
is  doubtful  whether  they  can  be  completely  human  unless 
they  do  so.  We  must  frequently  ask  ourselves  with  serious- 
ness whether  those  acts  which  we  object  to  on  the  part  of 
our  children  are  really  wrong  or  simply  happen  to  be  annoy- 
ing to  us. 

So  much  of  child  government  consists  of  imitation  that  far 
more  important  than  any  special  virtues  or  devices  is  the 
genuine  goodness  of  the  parent.  Mrs.  Wiggin  quotes  the 
Chinese  proverb  that  runs:  "Not  the  cry  but  the  rising  of  a 
wild  duck  impels  the  flock  to  follow  him  in  upward 
flight." 

[II] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

It  is  nearly  needless  to  say  that  real  goodness  is  intelligent 
goodness.  To  prescribe  wisely,  we  must  know.  We  must 
know  both  the  fault  and  the  cause  of  the  fault.  To  gain  this 
wisdom  we  need  every  resource  possible.  We  need  retro- 
spection into  our  own  childhood.  We  need  to  keep  that 
confidence  of  the  child  which  shall  make  him  always  eager 
to  try  to  tell  why  he  thinks  he  has  erred.  We  need  that 
quiet  and  patient  meditation  afterward  which  shall  make  our 
interpretations  representative  of  our  total  wisdom. 

The  Parent  as  Educator 

If  the  parent  is  to  be  a  good  teacher  he  must  have  the 
right  attitude  toward  his  child.  There  are  three  wrong 
attitudes,  and  there  is  only  one  right  one.  The  three  wrong 
attitudes  are:  That  a  child  is  a  plaything  to  be  used  for  the 
pleasure  or  amusement  of  his  parents  and  adult  relatives; 
that  he  is  an  object  of  compassion  and  therefore  is  to  be 
perpetually  indulged;  that  he  is  to  blame  and  therefore  is  at 
times  to  be  punished.  The  right  idea  is  that  even  a  little 
child  is  a  person.  He  has  rights,  needs  and  wants  all  his 
own.     As  Miss  Helen  Webb,  of  England,  says: 

"The  fact  is  that  each  child  comes  into  this  world  an 
independent  being.  As  soon  as  he  has  developed  senses 
capable  of  feeling,  seeing  and  hearing,  he  at  once  begins 
forming  links,  on  his  own  account,  between  himself  and  the 
whole  world  around  him,  and  shows  himself  as  intelligent, 
or  often  much  more  intelligent,  than  the  grown-up  people  he 
lives  among.  He  is  ready  to  observe  and  notice  and  reason 
and  draw  his  own  conclusions  from  everything  he  sees  and 
hears,  but  as  yet  he  is  very  ignorant,  and  extremely  credu- 
lous; and  just  for  these  very  reasons,  if  for  no  others,  he 
puts  us  on  our  honor  to  be  truthful  and  honest  in  all  our 
dealings  with  him." 

The  purpose  of  this  chapter  is  to  show  how  the  child  may 

[12] 


THE    PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

have  his  early  rights  and  needs   satisfied  through  the  co- 
operation of  his  parents. 

The  Right  to  ask  Obedience 
For  the  safety  of  a  Httle  child,  unquestioning  obedience  is 
necessary.  This  unquestioning  obedience,  however,  like  that 
of  the  boy  who  "stood  on  the  burning  deck,"  may  be  perilous 
if  it  is  not  based  upon  demands  which  are  always  reasonable, 
foresighted  and  not  tyrannical.  In  order  to  be  able  always 
to  give  such  commands,  a  parent  needs  to  be  in  a  condition 
of  health  which  implies  at  least  healthy-mindedness,  a  sense 
of  humor  and  the  possibility  of  self-control.  A  command 
is  almost  certain  to  be  to  a  degree  unreasonable  if  it  is  the 
expression  of  a  conscious,  or  even  an  unconscious,  desire 
to  tyrannize.  Parental  wrath  can  never  be  effective  if  it  is 
the  expression  of  the  mere  feeling  of  the  moment,  instead  of 
the  outgrowth  of  concentrated  will  and  reason.  And  if  it 
be  an  expression  of  a  desire  for  retaliation  upon  the  child  by 
the  parent  it  is  nothing  else  than  diabolic.  It  is  said  of 
Joseph,  in  the  first  chapter  of  the  Gospel  according  to  Mat- 
thew, that  he  was  a  "just"  man,  which  might  be  translated, 
a  "fair"  man.  Fairness  is,  no  doubt,  the  one  virtue  of  parent- 
hood which  is  most  appreciated  by  a  child,  even  in  the 
early  years  when  the  nature  of  justice  is  not  completely 
comprehended. 

Is  it  because  children  are  small  that  we  find  it  hard  to  be 
fair  with  them?  Says  Mrs.  Annie  Winsor  Allen:  "If  we 
thought  of  them  as  other  people  instead  of  as  children,  we 
should  treat  them  more  acceptably.  We  make  the  same 
mistake  with  almost  all  subordinates.  Persons  whose  power 
compels  our  respect,  we  instinctively  treat  as  we  would  be 
treated.  But  the  further  they  get  from  equal  power,  the 
less  we  treat  them  as  equals  in  humanity.  It  is  wholesome 
to  regard  the  children  in  this  larger  light  as  members  of 

[13] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

society  like  ourselves,  for  it  would  be  hard  to  find  a  parent, 
no  matter  how  gentle,  sincere,  and  conscientious,  who  is  not 
every  day  guilty  of  the  sins  of  injustice  and  stupidity.  We 
are  unjust  because  we  have  the  immunity  of  tyrants,  and  we 
are  stupid  because  we  are  not  on  our  guard  against  it.  It  is 
the  more  highly  important  that  we  keep  strict  watch  over 
ourselves  because,  after  all,  the  chief  part  of  a  child's  moral 
training  comes  from  seeing  his  parents  try  to  do  right." 

What  a  commentary  upon  human  weakness  is  her  remark, 
"We  are  unjust  because  we  have  the  immunity  of  tyrants," 
and  upon  human  indolence,  when  she  adds,  "We  are  stupid 
because  we  are  not  on  our  guard."  But  the  incentive  to 
better  conduct  on  our  part  is  not  the  recognition  of  our 
weakness  and  indolence,  but  her  last  golden  sentence:  "The 
chief  part  of  a  child's  moral  training  comes  from  seeing  his 
parents  try  to  do  right."  Do  we  believe  this?  Rather  do 
we  not  like  to  assume  infallibility?  Have  we  not  so  much 
enjoyed  that  omniscience  which  we  felt  obliged  to  assume 
for  their  protection  when  our  children  were  babies  that  we 
are  tempted  to  carry  it  on  into  the  days  when  it  is  no  longer 
either  necessary  or  possible? 

Ennis  Richmond  wisely  says:  "In  a  world  of  mistakes,  I 
do  not  think  there  is  a  greater  one  than  that  most  popular 
idea  that  a  child  ought  not  to  know  when  a  grown-up  person 
is  at  fault.  There  are  two  reasons  for  this, — what  I  may  call 
a  practical  and  a  spiritual  reason;  in  the  first  place,  no  child 
ever  thinks  any  grown-up  person  infallible,  and  the  more 
we  endeavor  to  represent  ourselves  as  such,  the  less  does 
the  child  believe  in  our  representation ;  and,  in  the  second 
place,  honesty  is  the  virtue  that  appeals  most  strongly  to  the 
childish  mind.  We  are  apt  to  call  this  virtue,  when  speak- 
ing of  it  in  reference  to  children,  justice,  but  this  is  not 
correct.  Once  a  child  believes  in  our  honesty,  he  will  stand 
a  great  amount  of  injustice,  if  by  injustice  we  mean  mis- 

[14] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

understanding,  and  the  making  children  obey  rules  which 
originate  in  some  mistaken  idea  of  our  own.  We  cannot 
help  being  sometimes  unjust  in  our  dealing  with  children; 
we  can  help  being  dishonest." 

Edward  Howard  Griggs  also  believes  that  this  method 
pays.  "Suppose,"  he  says,  "the  parent  acknowledges  his 
fault  and  apologizes  for  it:  when  he  turns  to  the  further 
question  of  the  child's  impudence  his  hands  are  strengthened. 
He  meets  the  child  on  the  plane  of  moral  equality  in  refer- 
ence to  right  action,  the  only  plane  on  which  any  moral 
question  can  be  solved.  The  child  straightens  up;  it  is  no 
longer  five  years  old  or  three  feet  high,  but  a  human  spirit 
to  whom  you  have  said — by  your  action,  not  in  words — 
'My  child,  I  see  in  you  a  spirit  entrusted  through  some 
mystery  of  the  universe  for  a  little  time  to  my  care,  and  I 
recognize  it  as  my  earnest  duty  to  give  you  whatever  treat- 
ment will  help  you  out  into  the  sanest  and  sweetest  life.' 

"It  is  in  the  latter  case  that  the  real  respect  of  the  child  is 
kept, — not  the  notion  of  our  supposed  infallibility,  sure  to 
be  shattered  sooner  or  later,  but  the  reverence  that  comes 
from  seeing  more  and  more  clearly  that,  through  all  our 
mistakes,  we  have  been  striving,  not  for  our  ease  or  comfort, 
but  for  the  child's  welfare." 

It  is  of  course  most  difficult,  but  who  can  say  that  it  is  any- 
thing but  reasonable  for  a  mother,  when  she  has  been  un- 
justly impatient,  to  call  her  child  to  her  side  and  tell  him  that 
she  is  sorry  for  what  she  said;  that  such  words  are  always 
wrong  no  matter  who  says  them;  and  that  she  wishes  he 
would  try  to  be  very  kind  to  her  when  he  sees  that  she  looks 
as  if  she  were  going  to  be  cross?  Such  mothers  win  and 
hold  not  only  the  love  but  also  the  respect  of  their  children. 

To  speak  the  truth,  nobody  owes  anybody  else  any  kind 
of  obedience  if  he  is  an  unreasonable  person;  and  unless  we 
never  give  an  order  except  with  the  firm  belief  that  such  a  rule 

[15] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

is  of  real  necessity  to  the  child  in  his  task  of  becoming  a  man, 
and  purge  our  motives  continually  in  doing  so,  we  are  not 
fully  worthy  of  that  trust  which  has  a  right  to  demand 
obedience. 

Especially  must  we  remember  that  the  misfortunes  of  a 
little  child  are  not  punishable  ofTenses.  If  his  weak  and 
clumsy  liands  have  broken  a  dish  or  vase,  no  matter  how 
rare,  or  overturned  ink  to  no  matter  how  great  damage,  the 
occasion  is  one  for  the  expression  of  regret  but  not  of  anger. 
The  child  should  be  allowed  to  know  how  great  is  the  incon- 
venience, should  be  taught  how  to  apologize  and,  if  such  an 
offense  is  frequent,  may,  as  far  as  is  practicable,  make  restora- 
tion. There  may  exist  a  nervousness  which  needs  investi- 
gation. Often  there  is  merely  a  pretty  eagerness  to  help. 
Occasionally  there  appears  a  heedlessness  which  must  be  met 
with  some  form  of  discipline. 

The  Right  to  Disobey 
The  parent  who  is  fair  remembers  that  sometimes  circum- 
stances will  justify  a  disobedience.  A  boy  who  had  been 
promised  a  sound  thrashing  if  he  fought  in  the  street  again, 
came  home  with  all  the  evidences  of  combat  on  his  person. 
No  word  of  explanation  was  asked  or  even  permitted,  and  the 
whipping  was  administered,  "one  that  he  would  be  likely  to 
remember."  Fancy  the  chagrin  of  the  father  to  learn  out- 
side that  his  son  had  won  his  scars  in  defending  a  small  girl 
from  the  tormenting  attack  of  a  bully  almost  twice  his  own 
size.  And  he  had  won  out,  too.  The  apology  that  the  father 
was  man  enough  to  make  healed  all  the  son's  wounds,  and 
cemented  a  real  friendship  between  himself  and  the  boy  that 
lasted  all  the  term  of  their  lives. 

A  Discussion  of  Fairness 
One  of  the  most  important  elements  in  the  fairness  of  a 
parent  is  evenness  of  temper  and  action.     Says  Sully:  "The 

[i6] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

slovenly  discipline — if  indeed  discipline  it  is  to  be  called — 
which  consists  in  alternations  of  gushing  fondness  with 
almost  savage  severity,  or  fits  of  government  and  restraint 
interpolated  between  long  periods  of  neglect  and  laisses  faire, 
is  precisely  what  develops  the  rebellious  and  law-resisting 
propensities." 

Another  element  in  fairness  is  an  enlightened  recognition 
of  the  strength  of  the  child's  desires.  Play  which  seems  to 
us  desultory  and  unimportant  often  involves  the  most  eager 
attention  and  desire  on  the  part  of  the  child.  Wantonly 
and  unnecessarily  and  hastily  to  interrupt  such  play  is  not 
only  an  injustice  and  a  cruelty  but  arouses  every  force  of 
rebellion  in  the  child's  nature.  Mrs.  Mary  Wood-Allen 
illustrates  this  very  forcibly  by  the  instance  of  a  young  mer- 
-chant  intent  on  business  who,  while  rushing  across  the  city 
on  his  wheel,  met  with  a  collision,  resulting  in  bruises  and 
dislocations  which  kept  him  from  active  duties  for  a  few  days. 
The  mental  currents,  which  had  been  rushing  out  along  lines 
of  business  activity,  were  suddenly  checked,  and  boiled  and 
seethed  in  irritation  and  rebellion.  "It  would  not  have  been 
so  hard,"  he  said,  "if  I  could  have  been  let  down  easy ;  but  this 
sudden  stoppage  from  a  point  of  intense  activity  to  a  state  of 
enforced  quietness  is  almost  unbearable." 

One  evening,  while  lying  upon  his  sofa,  he  noticed  that  his 
boy,  a  bright  little  fellow  of  four  years,  was  remaining  up 
after  his  usual  bedtime,  and,  calling  the  nurse,  he  commanded 
her  to  take  the  child  to  bed.  The  little  fellow  resisted  with 
kicks  and  screams,  was  scolded  and  slapped  by  his  father  into 
sullen  acquiescence  and  carried  off  rebelliously  to  bed. 
"I  declare,"  said  the  father,  "that  child  is  getting  to  be 
incorrigible.  I  shall  certainly  have  to  take  him  severely  in 
hand." 

This  remark  was  addressed  to  a  friend  a  woman  of  expe- 
rience, who,  sitting  in  the  room,  had  been  a  witness  to  the 

[17] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

proceedings.  The  comment  of  the  father  opened  the  way 
for  the  expression  of  thoughts  which  were  welling  in  her 
mind. 

"Did  you  notice  what  the  child  was  doing  when  you 
ordered  him  to  bed?"  she  said. 

"Why,  no;  not    particularly.     He  was  playing,  I  believe." 

"He  was  very  busy,"  said  the  friend.  "He  had  a  grocery 
store  in  one  corner  of  the  room,  a  telephone  in  another,  and 
a  magnificent  train  of  cars  with  a  coal-scuttle  engine.  He 
was  taking  orders  from  the  telephone,  doing  up  packages  in 
the  grocery  store  and  delivering  them  by  train.  He  had  just 
very  courteously  assured  Mrs.  Brown  that  she  should  shortly 
have  a  pound  of  rice  pudding  and  a  bushel  of  baked  potatoes; 
and  had  done  up  a  pumpkin  pie  for  Mrs.  Smith,  when 
he  was  rudely  disturbed  in  his  business  by  Sarah  and  carried 
off  to  bed.  He  resented,  and  probably  if  he  could  have  put 
his  thoughts  into  words,  would  have  said  just  what  you  did 
a  short  time  ago — that  if  he  could  have  been  let  down  easy 
it  would  not  have  been  so  hard.  But  to  be  dropped  suddenly 
right  in  the  midst  of  business  was  intolerable.  Now,  he 
knows  that  tomorrow  the  grocery  store  will  have  been  de- 
molished, the  telephone  will  have  disappeared,  the  train  will 
have  been  wrecked,  and  if  he  goes  into  business  again  he 
will  have  to  begin  at  the  foundation.  You  think  your  ex- 
perience is  hard  enough;  but  you  know  there  are  others  at 
your  place  of  business  who  are  looking  after  things  as  well 
as  they  can.  How  would  you  feel  if  you  knew  that  your 
store  was  demolished  and  had  to  be  built  up  again  from  the 
foundation?" 

"Oh,  well,"  said  the  father,  "but  that  is  business.  The  boy 
was  only  playing." 

"The  boy's  occupation  to  him  was  business,  just  as  much 
as  yours  is  to  you;  his  mental  activities  were  just  as  intense; 
the  sudden  checking  of  his  currents  of  thought  were  just  as 

[i8] 


THE    PARENT'S    ATTITUDE 

hard  to  bear,  and  his  kicks  and  screams  were  no  more  un- 
reasonable in  him  than  have  been  yonr  exclamations  and 
sufferings  during  the  time  that  you  have  been  ignominiously 
consigned  to  bed.  You  have  been  worrying  over  plans 
that  were  suddenly  confused  because  of  your  accident ;  he 
goes  to  bed  feehng  that  Mrs.  Brown  would  be  disappointed 
because  she  didn't  get  her  rice  pudding,  and  it  was  just  as 
hard  for  him  to  bear  this  as  it  was  for  you  to  bear  your 
experience." 

"Well,  what  w^ould  you  have  me  do?"  said  the  father. 
"Would  you  let  the  child  sit  up  all  night  because  he  is 
interested  in  his  play?" 

"No,  but  you  might  have  let  him  down  easy.  Suppose 
you  had  given  him  fifteen  minutes  in  which  to  rearrange 
his  thoughts.  Suppose  you  had  called  him  up  and 
said: 

"  'Well,  Mr.  Grocer,  I  would  like  to  give  you  some  orders, 
but  I  see  that  it  is  about  time  for  your  store  to  close,  and  I 
shall  have  to  wait  until  tomorrow.'  No  doubt  the  little 
grocer  would  have  been  willing  to  fill  your  orders  at 
once;  but  you  could  have  said:  'Oh,  no.  Shops  must  close 
on  time,  so  that  the  clerks  can  go  home.  There  will  be 
plenty  of  time  tomorrow.  I  see  you  still  have  some  goods 
to  deliver,  and  your  engineer  is  getting  very  anxious  to  reach 
the  end  of  his  run.  In  about  fifteen  minutes  the  engine  must 
go  into  the  round-house  and  the  engineer  must  go  home  and 
go  to  bed,  so  as  to  be  ready  for  work  tomorrow.' 

"Do  you  not  sec  that  this  would  have  turned  the  thoughts 
of  the  child  into  just  the  line  that  you  wanted  him  to  follow? 
He  would  have  been  glad  to  close  up  his  shop,  because  that 
is  the  way  men  do;  and  as  the  little  engineer  at  the  end  of 
a  run  he  would  have  been  very  glad  to  go  to  bed  and  rest. 
Instead  of  a  rebellious  child,  sobbing  himself  sulkily  to  sleep 
with   an   indestructible   feeling  of   injustice   rankling   in   his 

[19] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

heart,  as  a  happy  little  engineer  he  would  have  gone  willingly 
to  bed,  to  think  with  loving  kindness  of  that  father  who  had 
sympathized  with  him  and  helped  him  to  close  his  day's  labor 
satisfactorily." 

"I  see,"  said  the  father,  "and  I  am  ashamed  of  myself. 
If  I  could  waken  him  I  would  go  to  him  and  ask  him  to  for- 
give me.     Sarah,  bring  Robbie  here!" 

"He  is  asleep,"  was  the  reply. 

"Never  mind;  bring  him  anyhow." 

The  girl  lifted  the  sleeping  boy  and  carried  him  to  his 
father's  arms.  The  child's  face  was  flushed  and  tear-stained; 
his  little  fists  were  clenched,  and  the  long-drawn,  sobbing 
breath  showed  with  what  a  perturbed  spirit  he  had  entered 
into  sleep. 

"Poor  little  chap,"  said  the  father  penitently,  as  he  kissed 
the  cheek  moist  with  weeping;  "can  you  forgive  your  father, 
my  boy?" 

The  child  did  not  waken;  but  his  hands  gently  unclosed,  his 
whole  body  relaxed,  and,  nestling  his  head  more  closely 
against  his  father's  breast,  he  raised  one  chubby  hand  and 
patted  the  father's  cheek.  It  was  as  if  the  loving  voice  had 
penetrated  through  the  encasing  flesh  to  the  child's  spirit, 
and  he  answered  love  with  love.  And  they  will  always  answer 
love  with  love. 

The  Grace  to  Overlook 

The  fairness  which  endeavors  to  understand  the  intensity 
of  a  child's  desires  also  learns  to  distinguish  between  what 
is  essential  and  what  is  not.  As  Griggs  tells  us:  "It  is  fatal 
to  take  everything  a  child  does  on  the  same  plane  of  serious- 
ness; and  a  sense  of  humor,  which  enables  us  to  regard  as 
amusing  childish  incongruities  wdiat  otherwise  we  should 
treat  as  annoying  faults,  is  indispensable  to  the  wise  control 
of  children.  One  value  of  sending  the  child  away  from 
home  for  a  time  is  that  we  thereby  gain  perspective  with 

[20] 


THE    PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

reference  to  his  faults,  and  so  can  concentrate  our  energies 
on  helping  him  over  those  which  are  really  important." 

The  Need  of  Firmness 

Firmness  also  is  a  quality  that  is  demanded  of  the  truly 
conscientious  and  loving  parent.  Some  people  say,  *Tf  you 
are  going  to  make  your  children  obey  you,  then  your  author- 
ity will  be  one  of  force  and  not  of  afifection."  This  is  not  so. 
Griggs  again  sensibly  says:  "Our  love  must  have  an  element 
of  iron  in  it.  It  must  be  willing  to  give  pain  to  the  loved  one 
where  that  is  necessary  to  his  moral  health.  Parents  who 
say,  T  love  my  child  too  much  to  punish  him,'  either  mean  by 
punishment  merely  whipping,  or  else  they  love,  not  the  child 
and  his  welfare,  but  their  own  ease  and  comfort.  It  is  far 
easier  to  say,  'Never  mind,  let  it  go,'  than  to  say,  'My  child, 
let  us  sit  down  together  and  try  to  understand  what  you  have 
done  and  how  you  can  be  helped  over  your  mistake,'  and 
then  to  give  the  moral  medicine  that  is  needed." 

Even  the  endeavor  to  enable  the  young  child  to  understand 
the  reasonableness  of  a  command  is  futile.  The  parent  must 
simply  protect  the  child  against  his  own  folly,  and  the  child 
must  learn  to  obey.  Mrs.  Jane  Dearborn  Mills,  in  her  book, 
"The  Mother- Artist,"  gives  this  excellent  illustration: 

"  'If  Donald  wants  to  make  a  dyspeptic  of  himself,'  said  his 
father,  'there  needn't  be  any  talk  about  it;  he  simply  can't 
do  it.'  He  was  trying  to  persuade  you  to  give  up  the  habit 
of  reasoning  with  the  child  every  time  you  refused  him  any- 
thing. You  had  started  with  this  error,  common  to  mothers 
who  think  much  about  treating  children  justly,  that  giving 
him  a  reason  would  fill  his  heart  with  contentment  even  if 
he  was  being  deprived  of  the  only  thing  he  wanted  at  the 
moment,  and  to  his  childish  perception  the  only  thing  he  ever 
would  want.  This  course  soon  got  you  into  trouble.  Finally, 
a  scene  was  this: 

[21] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

"  'Mamma,  there  isn't  any  sugar  on  my  oatmeal!' 

"  '\\  liy,  yes,  dear,  there  is.  You  saw  me  yourself  when  I 
put  it  on.  You  can't  see  it  because  it  has  melted.  Don't 
you  know  that  when  we  put  milk ' 

"  'Mamma,  give  me  some  more!  Give  me  much!  I  want 
nuich !' 

"  'No,  dear;  you  mustn't  have  any  more,  because ' 

"'Give  me  much!     I  want  much!' 

"  *No,  dear,  it  will  make  you  sick.' 

"  'I  ivant  to  be  sick.     I  like  to  be  sick.' 

"  'Oh,  Donald,  think  how  uncomfortable  you  feel  when  you 
arc  sick!' 

"  'No,  I  don't  feel  uncomfle!     Give  me  some  more  sugar!' 

"  'But,  Donald,  it  makes  mamma  trouble  to  take  care  of 
you  when  you  are  sick.' 

"  'You  don't  have  to  take  care  of  me.' 

"  'Oh,  yes,  mamma  couldn't  let  her  little  boy  be  sick  and 
not  take  care  of  him !' 

"(A  roar.)     'Yes,  you  could!     Give  me  some  sugar.' 

"Here  Fred  arrived  on  the  scene.  The  little  tyrant  soon 
was  settled  by  being  borne  upon  his  father's  shoulders  up  to 
his  own  room  and  going  breakfastless.  Fred  talked  more 
seriously  now  with  you  than  ever  before;  and  he  persuaded 
you  to  try  his  way  for  a  month,  and  if  it  seemed  not  better  for 
the  child  you  could  go  back  to  yours  without  more  protest 
from  himself. 

"At  first  it  was  very  hard,  but  steady  practice  made  it 
easier  in  time. 

"  'No,  Donald,  you  can't  have  any  more  sugar' — this  the 
next  day: 

"  'Why  not?' 

"You  did  not  answer. 

" 'Why-y-y-y  no-o-ot?' 

"  'Never  mind  why  not.     You  can't  have  it.' 

[22] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

"A  roar;  but  this  time  Fred  was  there,  'Donald !'  he  called 
across  the  table,  'will  you  stop,  or  shall  papa  take  you  up- 
stairs, just  like  yesterday?' 

"The  child  stopped  suddenly  on  the  half-cry  and  gazed 
through  tears  at  his  father,  who  looked  at  him  sternly. 
Donald  turned  to  you:  'Alamma,  wipe  Donnie's  tears.'  " 

That  was  the  last  conflict  for  sugar  in  his  father's  presence. 

"The  struggle  was  much  harder  when  you  and  Donald 
were  alone ;  for  you  had  taught  him  skill  in  argument,  and 
indeed,  yourself,  too;  and  once  the  habit  formed,  much  time 
was  necessary  to  get  both  you  and  him  out  of  it  when 
there  was  not  the  restraint  of  the  masculine  presence.  How- 
ever, the  month  saw  great  improvement,  and  your  old  ways 
have  never  been  resumed.  You  learned  then  that  the  time 
for  reasoning  with  a  child  is  when  he  has  no  immediate 
personal  interest  in  the  matter." 

The  ultimate  attitude  of  a  little  child  who  has  endeavored 
in  vain  to  overawe  a  parent  by  an  exhibition  of  temper,  will 
usually  be  that  expressed  by  the  child  who  confessed: 

'T  did  run  away,  mamma;  and  Aunt  Mary  tied  me  up,  and 
I  hollered  and  kicked  and  hollered  as  loud  as  I  could,  but 
she  never  scared  a  bit.  I  guess — I  guess  I  won't  run  away 
any  more." 

Miss  Agnes  Repplier  has  a  charming  essay,  entitled  "In 
Behalf  of  Parents,"  in  which  she  satirizes  the  mother  who 
thinks  it  never  proper  to  give  or  enforce  a  command  until 
she  has  persuaded  the  child  of  its  reasonableness.  Sl^e  con- 
trasts the  parent  who  tells  her  little  one  forcefully  to  pull  in 
his  head  from  the  open  car  window  with  another  one  who 
allowed  herself  to  be  confined  for  two  days  in  a  sleeping 
room  in  the  company  of  an  obstinate  youngster  who  took  an 
apparently  satanic  delight  in  holding  her  there  until  he  had 
decided  that  he  was  persuaded  of  the  justice  of  one  of  her 
suggestions.     She  retells  the  well-known  story  of  the  child 

[23] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

who  was  rushing,  unconscious,  to  the  top  of  a  precipice, 
when  he  stopped  suddenly  and  unquestioningly  at  the  sharp 
command  of  his  mother,  and  she  asks  what  would  have  be- 
come of  the  child  who  had  been  allowed  to  wait  and  get  ade- 
quate reasons,  m  such  a  moment  of  peril! 

Another  habit  of  firmness  is  in  seeing  that  the  punishment 
invariably  follows  when  it  has  been  promised.  To  tell  a 
child,  "If  you  do  that  again  I  must  do  something  serious  to 
make  you  remember,"  and  then  when  the  time  comes,  merely 
repeat  the  threat,  is  worse  than  folly.  But,  of  course,  one 
must  be  very  careful  in  making  the  first  statement.  If  one 
speaks  in  anger,  or  in  haste,  then  there  is  the  danger  of  in- 
justice, or  over-severe  punishment.  First  think  whether  you 
are  doing  the  wisest,  best  thing,  and  then  when  the  mind  is 
made  up  as  to  the  proper  punishment,  let  it  come  with  cool, 
even-handed  justice,  and  one  or  two  inflictions  will  cause 
the  lesson  to  be  remembered. 

Regarding  firmness  as  an  attitude,  some  commonplace  but 
sensible  maxims  are  found  in  an  excellent  book  by  H. 
Bompas  Smith,  on  discipline  in  school.     They  run  as  follows: 

"i.     Never  lose  your  head  or  your  temper. 

"2.     Make  up  your  mind  beforehand  exactly  what  you 
will,  and  what  you  will  not  allow. 

"3.     Make  it  perfectly  clear  what  your  standard  is. 

"4.     Always  appear  to  take  for  granted  that  you  will  get 
v.hat  you  want. 

"5.     Having  said  what  you  will  do,  do  not  change  your 
mind  if  it  can  possibly  be  avoided. 

"6.     Never  let  a  boy   off  from   kindness   of  heart. 

"7.     Never    threaten    vaguely    or    indulge     in    general 
declamations. 

"8.     Do  not  grumble  or  implore. 

"9.     Do  not  be  always  nagging. 
"10.     Never  let  a  boy  argue  about  his  punishment.     If  he 

[24] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

approaches  you  in  a  proper  way,  listen  to  what  he  has  to 
say  and  make  him  see  that  you  desire  to  be  reasonable,  but 
never  embark  upon  an  altercation." 

The  writer,  by  repeatingr  gQ  frequently  the  injunction  never 
to  punish  in  anger,  has  perhaps  discouraged  some  parent. 
"What  shall  I  do?"  he  asks  ruefully.  "Shall  I  wait  to  fall 
upon  a  child  when  he  comes  up  smiling  to  me  or  when  I  too 
feel  in  a  mood  of  tenderness,  and  correct  him  for  some  past 
misdeed?"  Irritable  as  most  of  us  are,  we  shall  hardly 
err  in  too  much  gentleness.  Dr.  Felix  Adler  ingeniously 
allows  us  the  mood  which  he  calls  "moral  warmth";  but  he 
really  makes  a  valid  and  eternal  distinction  when  he  says 
that  we  must  endeavor  that  this  warmth  be  consistently  held 
toward  the  offense  and  not  toward  the  offender,  so  that  the 
punishment  shall  not  be  of  a  bad  boy  but  of  a  good  boy  whom 
we  are  trying  to  separate  from  badness. 

It  is  the  opinion  of  many  whose  judgment  is  well  worth 
heeding  that  the  first  day  of  a  baby's  life  is  not  too  soon  to 
impress  upon  the  dawning  intelligence  the  necessity  of  sub- 
mission to  circumstances  and  law,  of  obedience  to  authority 
and  the  value  of  self-control.  For  example.  Dr.  Emelyn  L. 
Coolidge,  an  eminent  specialist  in  the  care  of  infants,  declares: 

"The  cry  of  temper  should  never  be  given  in  to  or  the 
mother  will  regret  it  later.  Baby's  training  must  be  begun 
from  the  first  day.  He  should  not  be  rocked  to  sleep, 
trotted,  nor  walked  the  floor  with,  nor  allowed  to  suck  his 
thumb  or  'pacifier.'  All  of  these  habits  will  soon  have  to  be 
broken,  so  why  begin  them?  He  needs  all  the  love  he  can 
get,  but  he  should  be  made  a  happy  little  blessing,  and  not  a 
naughty  little  tyrant." 

This  seems  a  severe  doctrine,  but  the  last  sentence  ex- 
plains and  justifies  it.  It  hns  been  sagaciously  said  that  the 
moment  the  first,  or  any,  baby  arrives,  the  question  presents 
itself,  "Shall  the  house  adjust  itself  to  the  baby,  or  the  baby 

[25] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEiM    IN   THE    HOME 

to  the  house?"  No  one  who  has  seen  the  former  condition 
will  uphold  that  policy.  Family  love  may  center  about  a 
baby,  but  there  is  no  reason  why  all  the  family  should  be  up- 
set for  years  by  the  whims  of  a  little  animal  who  hasn't  the 
least  idea  of  what  he  is  about  or  how  it  affects  others.  If  you 
have  a  puppy  that  is  worth  raising,  you  treat  him  substantially 
as  well  as  you  do  your  son  or  daughter,  but  you  don't  hesi- 
tate to  compel  him  to  behave  himself,  nor  do  you  disarrange 
your  usual  manner  of  life.  The  two  animals  are  pretty 
closely  alike  for  a  while;  and  the  mother  might  often  save 
herself  and  her  baby  much  trouble  and  sorrow  then  and 
afterward,  if  she  took  a  hint  from  the  method  her  husband 
uses  with  his  precious  puppy.  Almost  every  mother  has  to 
decide  very  early  whether  she  or  the  newcomer  is  to  rule. 
"If  his  mother  is  a  washerwoman,  he  gets  no  answer,"  as 
Ernest  H.  Abbott  remarks.  "She  goes  about  her  washing 
and  he  finds  his  place  without  much  remonstrance.  The  chil- 
dren of  the  poor  are  blessed  with  mothers  who  have  this 
problem  settled  for  them  by  the  gaunt  hand  of  necessity.  If, 
however,  this  lordling  has  been  born  in  the  purple,  even  of 
a  very  light  shade,  he  has  a  good  chance  of  seizing  the  scep- 
ter at  the  very  first  grasp.  He  certainly  will  seize  it  and 
wield  it  relentlessly,  if  his  mother  decides  to  do  the  easiest 
thing.  Of  course,  there  are  cases  which  cannot  be  consid- 
ered normal.  Ordinarily,  however,  the  issue  is  not  long 
postponed.  Probably  it  will  be  most  distinctly  varied  over 
a  question  of  feeding.  The  foundation  of  an  absolute  mon- 
archy within  many  a  plain  American  home  has  been  laid  by 
allowing  the  diminutive  heir  apparent  to  engage  in  midnight 
feasting  when  every  consideration  of  orderliness  commanded 
sleep." 

This  does  not  necessarily  imply  harshness  or  a  Spartan 
indifference  to  the  little  one's  discomfort,  or  refraining  from 
the  indulgent  and  comforting  caresses  which  mean  so  much 

[26] 


THE   PARENT'S    ATTITUDE 

to  both  mother  and  child.  It  is  mostly  the  physical  ofifenses 
that  require  parental  hardness.  After  those  requirements 
are  satisfied  there  remain  the  intellectual  and  the  spiritual 
ones,  and  these  absolutely  demand  for  their  satisfaction  those 
expressions  of  love  which  it  is  such  a  delight  to  render. 

Nevertheless,  whether  or  not  parents  may  have  the 
courage  or  think  it  wise  to  decide  the  question  of  authority 
in  the  cradle,  there  is  no  question  but  that  a  baby  accustomed 
to  submit  and  adjust  itself  to  circumstances  and  regulations 
will  more  easily  take  the  next  step,  which  is  obedience. 

Can  a  "Good  Fellow"  be  Firm? 

O'Shea  discusses  the  question  whether  it  is  possible  to 
maintain  firmness  in  these  days  when  a  parent  is  a  real  com- 
panion to  his  child.  "Can  a  father  be  a  'good  fellow'  with 
his  boys  and  train  them  in  right  living  at  the  same  time?" 
He  answers  the  question  in  the  affirmative:  "The  really  com- 
petent trainer  can  do  this.  He  can  be  on  the  most  familiar 
terms  with  his  children  when  the  occasion  permits  of  play 
relations;  but  when  the  situation  demands  coercion,  or 
penalizing,  he  can  assume  the  attitudes  essential  to  the  effi- 
cient performance  of  the  task.  In  this  way  he  can  lead  his 
children  to  properly  evaluate  their  experiences  and  the  va- 
rious lines  of  conduct  which  they  might  pursue.  But  one 
who  is  either  'easy'  or  severe  under  all  circumstances,  cannot 
give  the  young  the  right  perspective  in  viewing  the  varied 
possibilities  of  action  presented  to  them.  In  our  American 
life  we  need  to  cultivate  the  type  of  trainer  who  can  be  a 
playfellow  and  at  the  same  time  a  leader." 

One  more  remark  needs  to  be  made  in  reference  to  the 
attitude  of  parents  to  their  children.  This  is  concerning  the 
necessity  of  absolute  unity  between  a  father  and  mother  in 
home  discipline.  Mrs.  Chenery  quotes  a  father  who  said  the 
successful  management  of  their  children  had  depended  more 

[27] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

than  anythincT  else  upon  a  resolution  made  by  his  wife  and 
himself  upon  the  birth  of  their  first  child.  They  determined 
that  before  their  children  they  would  have  no  differences, 
even  in  trivial  matters.  This  made  their  word  seem  infallible. 
Griggs  makes  this  thought  apply  especially  to  fathers 
when  he  urges  that  "If  a  father  sees  his  children  little, 
except  at  mealtimes,  he  would  better  let  many  a  fault  in  table 
manners  go  uncorrected,  rather  than  give  his  children  the 
notion  that  his  main  function  is  to  reprove  them." 


[28] 


CHAPTER   in 
METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

Government  by  Suggestion 

Perhaps  the  most  efficacious  method  of  government,  espe- 
cially of  young  children,  is  by  suggestion.  It  is  the  method 
employed  in  the  training  of  young  animals.  It  is  particularly 
appropriate  in  the  years  when  a  strong  personality,  quality 
of  voice,  expectancy  of  manner,  produce  an  almost  magical 
influence  over  the  child  of  undeveloped  will.  It  can  be 
wielded  with  good  results  only  when  this  strength  of  person- 
ality is  the  expression  of  the  character  of  a  parent  who  thinks 
of  himself  as  the  agent  of  righteousness.  "One  reason  only 
do  I  allow  my  children,"  says  the  mother  in  Mrs.  Chenery's 
book.  "This  is  the  right  thing  to  do;  we  must  do  the  right." 
So  then  the  method  of  the  parent  is  not  that  of  arbitrary  mas- 
tery but  that  of  parental  aid  and  advice,  in  helping  the  child  to 
do  the  thing  rightly — that  is,  because  it  is  right.  The  re- 
sult of  obedience  on  the  part  of  the  child  to  wisely-put  sug- 
gestion from  the  parent  is  right  habit,  and,  as  Mrs.  Wiggin 
says,  "If  we  can  but  cultivate  the  habit  of  doing  right,  we 
enlist  in  our  service  one  of  the  strongest  of  human  agencies. 
Its  momentum  is  so  great  that  it  may  propel  the  child  into 
the  course  of  duty  before  he  has  time  to  discuss  the  question, 
or  to  parley  with  his  conscience  concerning  it. 

"We  must  remember  that  'force  of  character  is  cumulative, 
and  all  the  foregone  days  of  virtue  work  their  health  into 
this.'  The  task  need  not  be  begun  afresh  each  morning; 
yesterday's  strokes  are  still  there,  and  today's  efforts  will 
make  the  carving  deeper  and  bolder." 

An  excellent  illustration  of  a  method  of  producing  habitual 

[29] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

obedience  by  suggestive  drill  that  eventuated  in  good  habit 
is  given  in  Mrs.  Wood-Allen's  "Making  the  Best  of  Our 
Children."  A  small  boy,  temporarily  in  the  care  of  his  aunt, 
showed  a  temperamental  obstinacy  that  obstructed  the  atti- 
tude of  docility. 

"It  is  evident,"  she  said  to  herself,  "that  some  irritable 
cells  have  been  built  into  this  little  brain.  If  I  could  avoid 
arousing  them,  I  should  be  glad ;  but  he  must  learn  to  obey. 
How  can  I  teach  this  great  lesson  of  obedience  with  the  least 
friction?" 

She  pondered  a  moment.  "Why  not  have  an  obedience 
drill,  just  as  they  have  fire  drills  in  schools?  I'll  do  it,  and 
I'll  get  little  Anna  Corning  to  help  me." 

Little  Anna,  a  bright  girl  of  ten,  was  in  no  wise  averse  to 
spending  the  days  in  play  with  Robbie,  and  Miss  Wallace 
explained  to  her  what  she  wanted  to  do. 

"I  am  gomg  to  teach  you  a  new  play  called  'Orders.'  The 
game  is  to  see  which  one  can  do  what  1  order  the  most 
quickly.  You  will  show  Robbie  how,  and  I  think  we  can 
have  great  fun." 

A  pointed  paper  cap  with  a  paper  plume  was  made  for  each 
child,  and  each  carried  a  small  flag.  Miss  Wallace  explained 
such  orders  as  "Mark  time,  march."  "Forward,  march," 
"Halt,"  etc.,  and,  when  these  were  learned,  the  drill  be- 
gan. Back  and  forth  the  children  marched,  waving  their 
flags  to  the  right,  to  the  left,  over  their  heads,  leaving  the 
flags  on  a  chair,  bringing  them  to  Aunt  Clara,  carry- 
ing them  behind  tiiem,  in  front  of  them,  in  all  possible 
positions. 

Robbie  was  delighted  and  never  seemed  to  tire  of  the  new 
game.  During  the  two  weeks  that  followed,  little  by  little 
Miss  Wallace  introduced  other  orders,  such  as  "Open  the 
door,"  "Shut  the  door,"  "Bring  that  book,"  "Hang  up  your 
hat,"  etc.,  until  Robbie  grew  so  used  to  obeying  in  the  play 

[30] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

that  even  at  other  times  he  automatically  started  at  a  word 
of  command  and  obeyed  without  rebellion. 

One  of  the  best  facts  about  suggestion  is  that  it  is  a  thing 
that  is  always  positive,  and  positive  rather  than  negative  in- 
fluences are  the  effective  ones  with  children. 

"There  are,"  says  Jacob  Abbott,  "many  cases  in  which,  by 
the  exercise  of  a  little  tact  and  ingenuity,  the  parent  can 
actually  secure  the  co-operation  of  the  child  in  the  infliction 
of  the  punishment  prescribed  for  the  curing  of  a  fault.  There 
are  many  advantages  in  this,  when  it  can  be  done.  It  gives 
the  child  an  interest  in  curing  himself  of  the  fault;  it  makes 
the  punishment  more  effectual;  and  it  removes  almost  all 
possibility  of  its  producing  any  irritation  or  resentment  in 
his  mind. 

"Let  us  suppose  that  some  day,  while  she  is  engaged  with 
her  sewing  or  other  household  duties,  and  her  children  are 
playing  around  her,  she  tells  them  that  in  some  great  schools 
in  Europe,  when  the  boys  are  disobedient,  or  violate  the 
rules,  they  are  shut  up  for  punishment  in  a  kind  of  prison ;  or 
perhaps  she  entertains  them  with  invented  examples  of  boys 
that  would  not  go  to  prison,  and  had  to  be  taken  there 
by  force,  and  kept  there  longer  on  account  of  their  con- 
tumacy; and  also  of  other  noble  boys,  tall  and  handsome, 
and  the  best  players  on  the  grounds,  who  went  readily  when 
they  had  done  wrong  and  were  ordered  into  confinement, 
and  bore  their  punishment  like  men,  and  who  were  accord- 
ingly set  free  all  the  sooner  on  that  account.  Then  she  pro- 
poses to  them  the  idea  of  adopting  that  plan  herself,  and  asks 
them  to  look  all  about  the  room  and  find  a  good  seat  which 
they  can  have  for  a  prison — one  end  of  the  sofa,  perhaps,  a 
stool  in  a  corner,  or  a  box  used  as  a  house  for  a  kitten.  I 
once  knew  an  instance  where  a  step  before  a  door  leading  to 
a  staircase  served  as  a  penitentiary,  and  sitting  on  it  for  a 
minute  or  less  was  the  severest  punishment  required  to  main- 

[31] 


THE   BOY    TROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

tain  the  most  perfect  discipline  in  a  family  of  young  children 
for  a  long  time." 

Government  by  Words 

Another  method  of  government  is  by  zuords.  The  child 
must  learn  to  obey  clear  and  definite  words  before  he  can 
obey  abstract  ideals.  Several  remarks  must  be  made  about 
"word  of  command." 

We  must  be  sure  that  what  we  say  is  actually  heard  and 
clearly  understood.  It  is  creditable  to  a  child  that  he  can  be 
so  intent  upon  his  play  that  he  does  not  hear  us  speak;  it 
shows  that  he  is  a  child  of  parts. 

A  very  frequent  reason  why  children  do  not  obey  is  that 
they  do  not  attend,  and  so  do  not  hear  a  command.  Any 
request  we  make  should  be  made  in  such  a  way  as  to  dis- 
lodge everything  else  from  the  consciousness  while  we  are 
speaking.  To  this  end,  it  is  well  never  to  give  an  order  until 
the  child  looks  us  squarely  in  the  face  and  only  while  he  is 
thus  looking  attentively  at  us.  Such  a  habit  is  as  good  drill 
for  attention  as  it  is  for  obedience. 

It  is  not  uncommon  for  an  unwilling  child  so  to  steel 
himself  against  orders  which  he  knows  are  likely  to  be  un- 
pleasant that  after  a  while  he  actually  does  not  hear  them. 
In  such  a  case  the  deafness  will  be  corrected  only  after  the 
child's  attitude  has  become  altered. 

Elizabeth  Harrison  thinks  that  a  child  should  usually  be 
given  rational  grounds  for  a  command  calmly  and  in  an  im- 
personal way,  and  then  be  given  time  and  quiet  to  conquer 
himself,  and  obey,  but  Mrs.  Chenery  believes  that,  for  the 
child's  protection,  he  should  be  given  explanations  after 
obedience  rather  than  before.  Probably  we  are  all  agreed 
that  it  can  do  no  harm  to  give  reasons  for  our  commands, 
when  they  are  such  that  a  child  can  appreciate. 
There  is  a  difference  among  children,  as  we  can  soon  find  out, 

[32] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

as  to  their  response  to  moral  homilies.  Sully  cites  the  boy 
who  listened  with  apparent  impression  to  his  mother's  se- 
rious talk  one  day,  but  who  closed  the  colloquy  with  the  ob- 
servation: "Mamma,  when  you  talk  you  don't  move  your 
upper  jaw." 

Sarcasm  is  a  kind  of  word-discipline  which  ought  to  be 
pretty  nearly  abolished  in  dealing  with  children.  Says  Du- 
Bois: 

"There  are  certain  elements  which  make  practical  jokes, 
as  a  rule,  obnoxious.  They  are:  Implied  superiority  on  the 
part  of  the  joker,  and  embarrassing  ignorance,  defect,  or 
weakness  on  the  part  of  the  victim  (note  that  victim  is  the 
accepted  word);  hence  the  ludicrous  mental  confusion  or 
shame  of  the  latter.  In  a  greater  or  less  degree  these  ele- 
ments are  present  in  the  facetious  treatment  of  children,  and 
are  seldom  altogether  absent  from  the  most  good-natured 
fun  that  is  'poked  at'  them." 

It  seldom  does  good — never  in  moments  of  stress — to 
reminisce.  A  forgiven  fault  should  be  forgotten,  an  error 
of  which  the  child  is  ashamed  should  not  be  continually 
dragged  like  a  skeleton  in  the  closet  to  light,  and  a  dereliction 
of  yesterday  ought  not  to  be  used  to  shed  discouragement 
upon  today.  Warnings,  of  course,  drawn  from  past  fail- 
ures, are  sometimes  helpful  as  lighthouses,  but,  in  general, 
hopefulness  for  the  uncharted  future  is  more  constructive 
than  the  revisioning  of  a  wrecked  past. 

Government  by  word  should  be  by  means  of  the  fewest 
words  possible,  but  those  timely,  decisive,  cheerful,  and  not 
domineering,  challenging  to  obstinacy  or  irritating  to  wrath. 

_,  ft 

Government  Through  Choice 

Another  method  of  government  is  by  giving  the  opportunity 

for  a  choice.     Mrs.  Chcnery  believes  that  when  a  mother  telh 

a  child  to  do  a  thing  she  should  expect  her  to  do  it,  but  if 

[33] 


THE   BOY    TROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

slic  asks  a  favor  of  her  the  child  should  have  the  privilege 
of  refusing.  It  may  be  somewhat  difificult  to  make  this  dis- 
tinction, but  it  seems  worth  while  to  consider  the  possibility. 
It  is  easy  to  ask  too  much  of  the  willing  little  hands  and  feet, 
and  turning  their  help  into  a  burden  could  make  the  children 
ungracious.  Miss  Harrison  thinks  that  even  in  the  matter 
of  punishment  there  should  be  opportunity  for  choice.  She 
cites  the  instance  of  a  little  girl  of  six,  who  was  vexed  by 
some  trifle,  and  who  thereupon  set  up  a  lusty  bawl.  Her 
mother  stood  without  the  slightest  tone  of  disturbance  in 
her  voice,  and  said:  "Charlotte,  your  noise  is  disturbing  the 
rest  of  us.  You  must  either  stop  bawling  or  go  up  to  the 
nursery  where  you  can  be  by  yourself."  The  child  contin- 
ued to  bawl,  and  the  mother  took  out  her  watch  and  said: 
"I  will  give  you  just  two  minutes  to  cease  your  bawling  and 
remain  with  us,  or  go  up  to  the  nursery."  She  stood  per- 
fectly still,  holding  her  watch  in  her  hand.  At  the  end  of 
the  two  minutes  she  said:  "The  two  minutes  are  up.  You 
have  made  your  choice."  And  with  the  watch  still  in  her 
hand  she  pointed  to  the  door.  The  youngster  deliberately 
turned  around  and  walked  out  of  the  room  and  upstairs,  still 
continuing  to  bawl. 

It  is  probably  best  to  give  the  opportunity  of  choice  even 
in  some  things  that  are  definitely  forbidden.  Instead  of 
forcibly  restraining  the  child  who  is  on  the  way  to  disobey, 
it  may  be  better  to  allow  the  act  to  continue  once,  so  long  as 
it  is  without  immediate  danger,  and  then  enforce  the  penalty 
that  shall  prevent  its  occurring  again.  Mrs.  Wood-Allen 
gives  the  following  incident  of  treatment  of  a  little  one  who 
had  been  told  that  he  must  not  go  outside  the  gate.  He  had 
disobeyed  once,  after  being  warned,  and  had  been  tied  up. 
"He,  of  course,  was  not  pleased  with  this  restriction. 
Mamma  talked  with  him  very  seriously  and  explained  that 
he  must  not  go  outside  the  gate,  and  then  released  him. 

[34] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

Again  he  disobeyed  and  again  was  promptly  tied,  and  this 
was  repeated  until  he  came  to  understand,  without  any  scold- 
ing or  without  the  infliction  of  physical  pain,  that  the  yard 
was  a  domain  wherein  he  could  play  with  perfect  freedom, 
but  if  he  went  outside  he  lost  this  freedom.  It,  therefore, 
remained  for  him  to  decide  which  he  would  do, — be  free 
within  the  prescribed  limits  or,  going  beyond,  lose  his 
freedom." 

The  purpose  of  management  by  utilizing  the  choice  of  a 
child  is  the  gradual  development  of  his  will-power.  The 
intent  is  to  make  him  choose  to  do  right,  not  to  force  him  to. 


[35 


CHAPTER   IV 
GOVERNMENT   BY   PUNISHMENT 

We  come  now  to  the  perplexing  question  of  government 
by  punislimcnt.  There  are  many  false  and  imperfect  ways 
of  administering  punishment.  Some  parents  seem  to  regard 
it  chiefly  as  a  "right"  that  belongs  to  them.  Without  deny- 
ing this  as  a  fact,  it  seems  sufificient  to  say  that  the  satisfaction 
of  the  parent  in  punishing  is  the  least  of  all  the  elements 
concerned.  Punishment  as  an  expression  of  the  self-asser- 
tion of  the  parent,  as  an  exercise  to  relieve  his  mind,  as  an 
act  of  revenge  or  anger,  is  unworthy  of  a  sensible  adult.  It 
has  even  been  questioned  whether  we  have  the  right  to  use 
punishment  as  a  means  of  deterrence  by  fear.  On  the  whole 
it  would  appear  that  for  the  young  child's  self-protection 
it  may  sometimes  be  necessary  to  cause  him  to  pause,  appre- 
ciate his  danger  and  avoid  possible  peril.  This  we  can  some- 
times do  by  instilling  fear  of  consequences. 

The  chief  purpose  of  punishment,  of  course,  is  to  correct 
the  harm.  By  this  is  meant,  not  to  prevent  the  child  from 
performing  a  particularly  wrong  act,  but  so  to  guide  him 
that  he  will  form  the  habit  of  choosing  right  conduct  instead. 
"It  is  an  error,"  says  O'Shea,  "to  suppose  that  the  punish- 
ment must  be  necessarily  useless  in  itself;  it  may  even  render 
the  offender  physically  or  mentally  more  able."  It  ought  to 
help  in  self-control,  awaken  a  love  for  virtue  and  retain  the 
respect  and  favor  of  the  child  to  its  parent.  As  Griggs  says: 
"The  rage  of  the  one  punishing  does  not  prove  the  punish- 
ment bad,  but  corrective  discipline  does  little  for  moral  ref- 
ormation, unless  we  can  reason  with  the  offender  to  assent 
to  its  justice,  if  not  his  will  to  its  reception." 

[36] 


GOVERNMENT   BY   PUNISHMENT 

The  government  that  teaches  ought  to  have  the  following 
quahties,  which  Mrs.  Wiggin  names  in  her  "Children's 
Rights": 

"i.  The  discipline  should  be  thoroughly  in  harmony  with 
child-nature  in  general,  and  suited  to  the  age  and  develop- 
ment of  the  particular  child  in  question. 

"2.  It  should  appeal  to  the  higher  motives,  and  to  the 
higher  motives  alone. 

"3.     It  should  develop  kindness,  helpfulness  and  sympathy. 

"4.  It  should  never  use  weapons  which  would  tend  to 
lower  the  child's  self-respect. 

"5.  It  should  be  thoroughly  just,  and  the  punishment,  or 
rather  the  retribution,  should  be  commensurate  with  the 
offense. 

"6.  It  should  teach  respect  for  law,  and  for  the  rights  of 
others. 

"Finally,  it  should  teach  'voluntary  obedience,  the  last 
lesson  in  life,  the  choral  song  which  rises  from  all  elements 
and  all  angels,'  and,  as  the  object  of  true  discipline  is  the 
formation  of  character,  it  should  produce  a  human  being 
master  of  his  impulses,  his  passions,  and  his  will." 

"Natural"  Punishment 

We  usually  say  of  punishment  that  it  should  be,  if  possible, 
natural,  by  which  we  mean  that  it  should  be  similar  in  char- 
acter to  the  offense.  Natural  punishment  is  also  imitative 
of  the  result  which  the  offense,  if  unchecked,  would  be  likely 
to  produce.  Every  parent  learns  that  he  must  be  brave 
enough  to  allow  his  child  to  be  taught  in  what  is,  to  the  child, 
the  most  impressive  way,  vis.:  gaining  knowledge  by  ex- 
perience.    Says  one  of  our  wisest  parents: 

"They  must  learn,  they  crave  for  experience,  and  if  they  do 
not  cause  suffering  in  another,  and  if  they  do  not  suffer  them- 
selves, how  can  they   fully  understand?     To   bring  trouble 

[37] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

on  himself  is  to  gain  experience,  is  to  fully  grasp  the  conse- 
quences of  his  act;  the  boy  is  thus  led  to  abstain  from 
such  acts  in  the  future.  Hence,  anger,  passion,  envy, 
and  many  other  actions  in  the  child  are  self-correcting, 
self-arresting. 

"If  a  boy  were  reared  under  such  conditions  that  he  never 
saw  a  fight,  never  was  in  one,  and  he  never  suffered  from 
his  own  foolishness,  what  sort  of  a  man  would  he  make? 
The  very  best  way  to  sharpen  a  boy's  wits  and  to  cure  him 
from  wanting  to  ride  every  fractious  horse  that  his  father 
owns,  is  to  let  him  ride.  Life  is  in  living,  it  is  an  indefinite 
struggle  and  fight,  and  the  boy  who  never  did  a  foolish 
thing,  never  did  a  wise  one." 

A  natural  punishment  imitates  nature  in  the  fact  that  it  is 
both  just  and  certain.  "It  is  never  withheld,"  says  Mrs. 
Wiggin,  "in  weak  affection,  it  is  never  given  in  anger,  it  is 
entirely  disassociated  from  personal  feeling.  No  poisoned 
arrow  of  injustice  remains  rankling  in  the  child's  breast;  no 
rebellious  feeling  that  the  parent  has  taken  advantage  of  his 
superior  strength  to  inflict  the  punishment:  it  is  perceived 
to  be  absolutely  fair,  and,  being  fair,  it  must  be  although 
painful,  yet  satisfactory  to  that  sense  of  justice  which  is  a 
passion  of  childhood."  It  is  even  possible  thus  to  present 
corporal  punishment  to  a  child's  reason.  *T  taught  my  little 
daughter,"  said  a  mother,  "that  little  animals  had  no  reason- 
ing powers  and  had  to  be  whipped,  and  that  if  she  changed 
herself  into  a  little  wild  animal  she  must  be  trained  as  we 
train  such  creatures." 

One  of  the  chief  uses  of  "natural"  punishment  is  that  it  is 
a  help  to  convince  the  child  of  the  rightfulness  and  wisdom 
of  the  authority  of  the  parent.  To  tell  a  child  to  keep  away 
from  the  fire  might  bring  rebellion  until  doomsday,  when  one 
touch  of  the  flame  becomes  at  once  convincing.  It,  there- 
fore, becomes  a  temporary  means  of  government,  a  stage 

[38] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

toward  the  safe  and  cheerful  acceptance  of  the  parental 
authority  and  wisdom. 

"Natural"  punishment,  however,  has  its  limitations.  It 
is  not  always  real  punishment.     Says  Griggs: 

"The  natural  consequence  of  slovenly  table-manners  is 
exclusion  from  the  society  of  the  family  at  mealtime.  Often 
a  child  likes  nothing  better;  and,  surely,  to  allow  him  to  be 
as  slovenly  as  he  pleases  alone  is  not  to  cure  him  of  the  fault, 
but  to  deprive  him  of  just  the  example  of  good  manners  that 
may  finally  impress  itself  upon  him.  So  the  gluttonous  child 
needs  not  to  be  allowed  to  gorge  himself  and  then  to  suflfer 
the  natural  consequences, — physical  discomfort,  and  ulti- 
mately disease,  with  the  increasing  disgust  of  those  about 
him, — but  to  be  held  persistently  to  rigid  self-denial  until  the 
habit  of  controlling  his  appetites  is  formed.  The  child  who 
is  personally  dirty  needs  to  be  held  to  regular  habits  of  order 
and  cleanliness,  the  over-imaginative  child  to  definite  and 
exact  statement  of  reality." 

Other  limitations  of  the  range  of  "natural"  punishment 
are  obvious.  One  of  these  limitations  is  that  of  safety.  The 
natural  result  of  letting  a  child  hang  out  of  a  window  would 
be  that  he  would  break  his  neck,  but  we  do  not  let  him  go  to 
such  a  length.  In  the  higher  realms  of  influence  "natural" 
punishments  are  less  successful.  The  natural  result  of  a 
child's  lying  is  that  nobody  believes  anything  he  says,  yet  it 
is  when  he  is  just  falling  a  prey  to  this  habit  that  the  mother 
endeavors  to  encourage  his  telling  the  truth  by  insisting  on 
believing  in  his  word.  Thus  often  the  corrective  discipline 
that  will  be  most  cflfective  in  curing  the  child  of  the  fault 
is  the  exact  opposite  of  the  way  it  would  work  out  if 
uninterrupted. 

The  futility  of  merely  "natural"  punishment  as  soon  as  a 
child  is  old  enough  to  have  a  conscience  is  clearly  pointed 
out  in   an   investigation   made  by  Tracy.     Thirty-eight   per 

[39] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

cent  of  the  children  said  that  punishment  was  just  "because 
the  children  ought  to  obey,"  while  only  six  per  cent  thought 
it  should  be  inflicted  to  make  them  more  careful  in  the  future. 
In  other  words,  the  children  themselves  seem  to  insist  that 
punishments  should  be  regulative  of  the  inner  life  and  not 
merely  outvvorkings  of  natural  law. 

"The  attempted  reduction  of  moral  law  to  natural  law  is 
simply  an  attempt  to  get  rid  of  moral  law  altogether.  It 
entirely  ignores  the  element  of  personality,  and  dilutes  re- 
sponsibility by  placing  accidents  that  are  followed  by  physical 
pain  on  exactly  the  same  level  as  moral  dereliction.  Accord- 
ing to  this  'discipline  of  consequences,'  it  should  be  just  as 
wrong  to  stumble  and  hurt  one's  self  as  to  disobey  one's  par- 
ents and  be  punished.  But  any  child  knows  better  than  this 
without  special  instruction.  The  doctrine,  moreover,  utterly 
confuses  the  child's  moral  perspective  by  teaching  him  (by 
implication)  that  no  action  of  his  is  wrong  provided  he  can 
manage  to  escape  its  painful  consequences." 

Punishment  by  Deprivation 
Perhaps  the  best  of  all  "natural"  punishments,  because  the 
most  easily  understood,  is  that  of  deprivation. 

"Suppose  a  child  is  greedy  at  the  table  and  eats  with 
perfect  indifference  to  all  the  manners  which  have  been 
taught  him;  after  some  such  exhibition  a  mother  may  talk 
to  him  about  his  faults  and  explain  that  he  has  no  right  to 
spoil  the  comfort  of  others,  and  say  that  if  he  repeats  his 
objectionable  ways  he  must  lose  his  dessert  the  next  time. 
Perhaps  the  very  day  following  he  forgets,  and  repeats  his 
offenses  ;  his  mother  may  whisper  in  his  ear  a  reminder  which 
goes  unheeded;  but  when  the  dessert  comes  to  the  table 
and  he  may  have  none,  the  punishment  is  so  felt  that  it 
need  not  be  repeated  for  several  days,  and  a  few  experi- 
ences will  accomplish  a  complete  cure.     If  only  one  is  firm 

[40] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

and  relentless,  this  is  an  unfailing-  way  to  secure  one's 
end." 

So  with  quarreling;  children  who  will  spoil  the  peace  of 
the  home  by  squabbles  and  fights  may  have  a  penalty  of 
exactly  the  same  kind,  and  have  to  spend  an  hour  or  more 
alone  on  Saturday,  a  deprivation  which  they  will  keenly  feel. 
Any  loss  of  pleasures  is  a  real  punishment.  Many  a  boy 
would  far  rather  take  a  whipping  and  then  go  fishing  with  the 
other  boys  than  to  have  to  stay  at  home  and  see  them  go 
without  him;  and  so  the  very  essence  of  punishment  is 
secured. 

"As  children  grow  out  of  childhood,  deprivation  as  punish- 
ment still  has  some  validity.  A  girl  who  spends  all  her 
week's  allowance  and  has  to  go  without  something  she  wishes 
for,  or  even  something  she  really  needs,  is  being  punished 
in  this  way.  A  boy  who  must  give  up  an  anticipated  trip 
to  town  because  he  has  done  wrong,  remembers  it  for  weeks 
and  does  not  repeat  the  offense.  But,  of  course,  it  is  unjust 
on  ordinary  occasions  suddenly  to  punish  a  child  without 
warning.  It  is  better  at  a  first  offense  to  do  nothing  radical, 
but  rather  explain  the  wrong,  and  say  that  it  must  not  be 
repeated,  or  such  and  such  things  must  follow." 

In  the  use  of  deprivation  it  is  really  the  idea  of  punishment, 
more  than  the  thing  itself,  which  is  effective.  One  mother 
devised  a  system  by  preparing  little  squares  of  blue  and 
white  paper;  when  a  child  had  been  naughty  it  had  to  put 
one  or  more  blue  squares  in  a  box;  and  when  it  had  been 
good  all  day  it  put  in  white  ones  at  night;  at  the  end  of  the 
week,  if  the  white  squares  predominated,  there  was  a  reward, 
and  if  the  blue,  none  at  all.  Nothing  could  have  been  more 
simple,  but  it  worked  to  a  charm. 

Madame  Montessori  tells  how  ingeniously  she  works  out 
the  idea  of  deprivation  in  her  famous  school: 

"As  to  punishments,  we  have  many  times  come  in  contact 

[41] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

with  children  who  disturbed  the  others  without  paying  any 
attention  to  our  corrections.  Such  children  were  at  once 
examined  by  the  physician.  When  the  case  proved  to  be  that 
of  a  normal  child,  we  placed  one  of  the  little  tables  in  a  cor- 
ner of  the  room,  and  in  this  way  isolated  the  child;  having 
him  sit  in  a  comfortable  little  armchair,  so  placed  that  he 
might  see  his  companions  at  work,  and  giving  him  those 
games  and  toys  to  which  he  was  most  attracted.  This  isola- 
tion almost  always  succeeded  in  calming  the  child;  from  his 
position  he  could  see  the  entire  assembly  of  his  companions, 
and  the  way  in  which  they  carried  on  their  work  was  an  object 
lesson  much  more  efficacious  than  any  words  of  the  teacher 
could  possibly  have  been.  Little  by  little,  he  would  come  to 
see  the  advantages  of  being  one  of  the  company  working  so 
busily  before  his  eyes,  and  he  would  really  wish  to  go  back 
and  do  as  the  others  did.  We  have  in  this  way  led  back 
again  to  discipline  all  the  children  who  at  first  seemed  to 
rebel  against  it.  The  isolated  child  was  always  made  the 
object  of  special  care,  almost  as  if  he  were  ill.  I  myself, 
when  I  entered  the  room,  went  first  of  all  directly  to  him, 
caressing  him,  as  if  he  were  a  very  little  child.  Then  I  turned 
my  attention  to  the  others,  interesting  myself  in  their  work, 
asking  questions  about  it  as  if  they  had  been  little  men,  I 
do  not  know  what  happened  in  the  soul  of  these  children 
whom  we  found  it  necessary  to  discipline,  but  certainly,  the 
conversion  was  always  very  complete  and  lasting." 

The  old-fashioned  punishments  of  putting  a  child  in  the 
closet  or  sending  him  supperless  to  bed  have  been  rather 
forgotten,  and  wisely.  A  child  is  too  often  made  afraid  of 
the  dark  by  the  first  punishment,  and  physically  injured  by 
the  second.  It  is  just  as  effective  to  put  a  child  alone  in  a 
lighted  room,  and  let  him  sit  in  one  chair  for  a  time,  as  to 
put  him  in  a  dark  closet,  and  a  supper  of  bread  and  milk, 
eaten  all  alone  in  the  nursery,  is  better  than  no  supper  at  all. 

[42] 


GOVERNMENT    BY    PUNISHMENT 

The  method  of  deprivation  is  especially  effective  in  cases  of 
disobedience.     Says  Carolyn  Sherwin  Bailey: 

"The  child  who  is  disobedient  should  not  be  scolded.  He 
forfeits  something-,  instead,  loses  some  joy  perhaps  because 
he  broke  a  law.  He  was  forbidden  to  leave  the  garden,  to 
go  alone  across  the  street,  but,  childlike,  he  forgets  and 
opens  the  forbidden  gate,  following  the  mirage  of  his  imme- 
diate desire.  Nancy's  mother,  many  mothers  in  fact,  would 
follow  this  disobedient  child,  bringing  him  back  screaming 
and  unrepentant,  but  the  wise  mother  waits  for  the  return 
of  the  little  wanderer,  who  comes  home  to  find  his  punish- 
ment awaiting  him.  It  is  nothing  which  his  mother  inflicts 
upon  him,  mercilessly.  It  is  the  punishment  that  he,  himself, 
metes  out.  His  dearest  friend  came  to  play  while  he  was 
across  the  road  enjoying  in  the  dust  and  sun  the  spirit  of  the 
Wanderlust.  His  mother  could  not  allow  his  little  friend  to 
stay,  though.  How  could  she,  or  how  could  she  save  him  the 
little  tart  pie  she  baked,  or  let  him  go  for  a  long  delightful 
drive  to  the  village  with  grandfather  when  he  was  not  there? 
A  little  boy  who  runs  away  loses  all  those  charming  surprises. 
It  is  purely  his  own  fault  that  he  lost  his  playmate,  the  little 
tart,  and  the  drive  with  grandfather.  He  understands  all 
this.  He  is  his  own  punishment,  and  his  mother  acts  the 
part  of  the  comforter  rather  than  judge  as  she  explains  to  him 
the  unwisdom  of  putting  the  forbidden  gate  between  his  own 
small  self  and  his  little  daily  joys. 

"Does  this  seem  a  simple,  inefficient  means  of  punishing 
a  child?  It  is  vastly  more  efficient  than  pointless  scolding 
and  physical  force.  The  former  dulls  a  child  mentally,  and 
the  latter  warps  him  both  mentally  and  physically.  The 
method  of  depriving  a  child  of  some  pleasure  as  a  result  of 
his  disobedience  is  such  a  reasonable  punishment  that  it 
makes  a  deep  impression  on  the  child's  plastic  brain  tissue, 
and  is  recalled  the  next  time  he  is  tempted  to  disobey.     He 

[43] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

invades  the  pantry  and  cats  forbidden  sweets.  As  a  result 
he  has  no  sweets  for  several  days — how  could  he  when  he 
ate  them  all?  He  upsets  his  father's  inkwell,  spoiling  books 
and  papers  on  the  library  table.  He  is  required  to  assist  in 
cleaning  the  table,  but  no  further  notice  of  his  carelessness 
is  taken.  The  next  day,  the  next  week,  possibly  he  sees  a 
fascinating  new  book  in  the  toy  shop  which  he  wants,  oh,  so 
much,  but  the  book  is  denied  him.  How  can  he  be  given  a 
new  and  beautiful  book  when  he  was  so  careless  as  to  spoil 
with  spilled  ink  his  father's  precious  volumes?  A  few  such 
deprivations  will  suffice  to  cure  a  child  of  any  habits  of  dis- 
obedience. It  will  be  a  wholesome  cure,  too,  brought  about 
naturally  by  the  child  himself  and  at  the  expense  of  no 
nervous  strain  on  the  part  of  the  mother.  He  learns  to 
weigh  his  actions,  asking  himself  what  will  be  their  con- 
sequences as  far  as  he,  himself,  is  concerned.  Gradually  he 
forms  this  habit  of  forethought,  weighing  in  the  balance  the 
possible  result  of  his  disobedience  upon  the  world  at  large 
— and  at  last  wins  out  in  the  fight.     He  learns  to  obey." 

Corporal  Punishment 
We  now  come  to  the  most  difficult  question  of  all,  that  of 
corporal  punishment.  This,  which  was  once  the  chief  means  of 
correction,  is  being  superseded  by  other  modes  of  control. 
All  of  us  recognize  that  it  must  be  administered  with  the  great- 
est caution.  We  have,  we  may  hope,  outgrown  forever  the 
period  when  civilized  parents  spanked  to  relieve  their  own 
minds.  In  the  discipline  of  young  children,  where  the  parent 
is  both  judge  and  executioner,  the  most  impartial  justice 
and  perfect  self-control  are  required,  if  corporal  punishment 
is  ever  to  be  administered.  A  child  may  seem  to  deserve  to 
be  treated  like  an  animal,  but  we  don't  wish  our  treatment 
to  make  him  into  an  animal.  The  child  has  trouble  enough 
in   adjusting   his    little   body,    without   having   his    delicate 

[44] 


GOVERNMENT   BY   PUNISHMENT 

nervous  structure  continually  upset  by  shaking  or  other 
physical  assaults.  Edison  tells  how  a  box  on  the  ear,  ad- 
ministered by  an  angry  man,  made  him  deaf  for  life.  No 
child  should  ever  know  the  indignity  and  danger  of  a  blow 
on  the  head  or  face.  George  Eliot  advocated  "a  little  tin- 
gling in  soft,  safe  places."  Surely  no  one  could  ever  hear 
the  long-continued  and  agonizing  cries  of  a  child  upon 
whom  pain  has  been  inflicted  without  realizing  that  such  a 
method  of  punishment  can  never  be  justifiable,  except  as  it 
may  prevent  some  worse  ill.  Lady  Isabel  Margesson 
thinks  that,  "Few  parents,  perhaps  only  one  in  a  hundred, 
are  to  be  trusted  to  administer  it  wisely." 

The  argument  for  corporal  punishment  is  that  obstinacy 
and  insubordination  require  the  application  of  force  as  a 
corrective.  "Obedience,"  says  Carl  Werner,  "is  the  founda- 
tion-stone of  the  entire  structure  of  discipline.  There  is  a 
good  deal  in  discipline  besides  obedience,  but  without  obe- 
dience there  is  no  discipline.  Disobedience  calls  for  a  punish- 
ment that  is  short,  direct  and  impressive.  A  sharp  tap  on 
the  palm  of  a  boy's  hand,  or  on  the  calf  of  his  leg — or  two  or 
five  or  ten — is  the  only  kind  of  penance  I  know  of,  that  fills 
the  requirements.  It  is  the  one  short  and  sure  road  to  an 
immediate  result.  Naturalists  tell  us  that  the  sense  of  touch 
is  the  first  experienced  by  the  new-born  child.  It  is  the 
first  and  quickest  wire  from  the  outer  world  to  the  brain. 
Then  come  hearing  and  smelling  and  seeing,  and  long 
after  these  come  the  moral  perceptions— -the  power  of  de- 
duction, of  right  and  wrong.  My  experience  has  been 
that  this  first  sense  continues  to  be  the  live  wire  until 
well  on  toward  the  maturity  of  the  child — if  the  child  is 
a  boy. 

"Corporal    punishment   is    resorted    to    for    one    kind    of 
offense  only — disobedience.     Absolutely  for  no  other. 

"Corporal  punishment  consists  of  a  few  sharp  taps  on  the 

[45] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

palm  or  calf  with  a  thin  wood  ruler,  having  no  metal  attached 
to  it. 

"The  boy  is  never  punished  in  the  presence  of  a  third 
person,  even  a  brother  or  sister. 

"Punishment  is  never  administered  with  the  slightest  sign 
of  anger  or  under  excitement. 

"Punishment  must  partake  of  the  nature  of  a  ceremony 
rather  than  of  a  torture;  it  must  be  regarded  as  a  duty;  not 
as  a  personal  retaliation. 

"Punishment  is  always  prefaced  with  a  simple,  brief,  but 
definite  explanation,  like  this: 

"  'My  boy,  listen:  I  love  you  and  I  do  not  like  to  hurt  you. 
But  every  boy  )nust  be  made  to  obey  his  father  and  mother, 
and  this  seems  to  be  the  only  way  to  make  you  do  it.  So 
remember !  Every  time  you  disobey  me  you  shall  be  pun- 
ished. When  I  tell  you  to  do  a  thing,  you  must  do  it  in- 
stantly, without  a  moment's  delay.  If  you  hesitate,  if  you 
wait  to  be  told  the  second  time,  you  will  be  punished.  When 
I  speak,  you  must  act.  Just  as  sure  as  you  are  standing 
here  before  me,  this  punishment  will  follow  every  time  you 
do  not  do  as  you  are  told.'  " 

Children  themselves,  according  to  O'Shea,  Barnes  and 
Darrah,  often  regard  whipping  as  the  just  and  reasonable 
penalty  for  certain  misdeeds.  "If,"  says  O'Shea,  "it  be 
plainly  merited,  it  probably  does  not  crush  the  spirit  of  the 
ofYender,  as  the  philosopher  sitting  in  his  armchair  and  work- 
ing with  preconceived  premises  sometimes  reasons  that  it 
will.  If  a  child  is  in  continual  conflict  with  his  social  environ- 
ment because  he  insists  on  doing  what,  in  the  nature  of  things, 
he  cannot  do,  and  day  after  day  there  is  verbal  contest 
between  himself  and  those  who  are  responsible  for  his 
well-being,  then  would  it  not  be  better  for  all  concerned 
occasionally  to  have  the  question  of  leadership  definitely 
settled  by  the  application  of  force,  if  necessary?"     In  this 

[46] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

view  of  the  case  corporal  punishment  is  "natural"  punish- 
ment, for  the  representatives  of  law  and  order  have  the  right 
to  be  reckoned  with  when  we  are  counting  the  consequences 
of  deeds.  On  the  other  hand,  corporal  punishment  is  not 
to  be  resorted  to  on  every  occasion.  If  a  boy  is  always 
whipped  for  certain  kinds  of  wrong-doing,  he  is  apt  to  reach 
the  conclusion  that  everything  for  which  he  is  not  whipped 
(or  everything  in  which  he  is  not  found  out)  is  permissible. 
Corporal  punishment  by  wholesale  is  a  judgment  upon  the 
carelessness,  indolence  and  cruelty  of  the  parents.  Said 
Horace  Mann:  "I  confess  that  I  have  been  amazed  and  over- 
whelmed, to  see  a  teacher  spend  an  hour  at  the  blackboard, 
explaining  arithmetical  questions,  and  another  hour  on  the 
reading  or  grammar  lessons ;  and,  in  the  meantime,  as  though 
it  were  only  some  interlude,  seize  a  boy  by  the  collar,  drag 
him  to  the  floor,  castigate  him,  and  remand  him  to  his  seat, 
— the  whole  process  not  occupying  two  minutes.  Such  labori- 
ous processes  for  the  intellect,  such  summary  dealings  with 
the  heart !" 

There  is  no  way  of  deciding  beforehand  on  general  prin- 
ciples, just  what  remedy  will  be  used  for  a  particular  moral 
malady  of  a  child.  Lady  Isabel  Margesson  gives  the  follow- 
ing prescription  for  a  case  of  habitual  noisy  crying: 

"The  casual  'slap'  or  'smack'  administered  in  a  hasty  spirit, 
often  only  enrages  a  child,  and  should  never  be  given.  If, 
on  the  contrary,  there  is  a  passion  for  crying,  and  one  can 
see  the  child  is  giving  himself  up  to  temper,  then  it  is  highly 
desirable  to  put  him  to  bed,  turn  him  over  on  his  face  and 
give  him  a  sound  whipping.  He  should  be  left  alone  to  cry 
for  a  minute  or  two,  although  the  passion  and  fury  may  seem 
at  first  even  to  increase.  After  he  has  found  relief  in  tears, 
is  the  time  for  some  explanation  and  talk  about  obedience 
and  crying.  Probably  the  result  will  be  a  fresh  outburst, 
and  then  a  second  whipping  should  be  given,  and  again  the 

[47] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

child  should  be  left  alone  for  a  short  time.  After  this  he 
begins  to  feel  he  gains  nothing  by  crying,  and  for  fear  of 
another  'dose'  begins  to  exert  self-control.  This  is  the  mo- 
ment when  he  will  probably  listen  to  a  gentle,  rambling,  ex- 
planatory talk  and  story  of  another  child.  After  being  left 
alone  and  quiet  for  a  time  he  should  be  fondled  and  kissed, 
and  his  mother's  love,  in  trying  to  help  him  to  be  obedient, 
explained.  The  whole  occasion  may  be  made  very  impres- 
sive if,  before  leaving  his  bed,  the  child  says  his  prayers  with 
his  mother's  arms  round  him.  He  should  afterwards  be 
allowed  to  stay  with  his  mother  and  occupy  himself  happily 
and  quietly  for  an  hour  or  two.  This  detailed  account  of  a 
'whipping'  has  been  given  because  it  has  been  the  successful 
experience  of  many  years,  and  has  borne  the  following  good 
results  : 

"i.  It  cuts  short  a  passionate  outburst  that  may  have 
dangerous  physical  effects,  and  prevents  its  ever  reaching  its 
full  strength. 

"2.  It  impresses  a  child's  mind  with  the  necessity  for 
obedience,  for  he  does  not  easily  forget  such  an  impressive 
function  which  is  made  purposely  to  center  round  the  term 
obedience. 

"3.  It  gives  him  a  real  power  of  self-control  on  future 
occasions  when  a  repetition  will  be  known  to  be  imminent. 

"4.  It  saves  a  child  from  worrying  little  penalties  and 
naggings.  He  must  obey,  or  he  will  have  to  undergo  the 
same  process  again.  It  is  not,  therefore,  necessary  to  worry 
him  with  constant  threatenings  of  placing  him  in  the  corner, 
slapping  him,  putting  him  to  bed,  depriving  him  of  pleasures. 
The  child  obeys  because  he  recognizes  and  dislikes  the  one 
consequence  of  disobeying.  Gradually  the  idea  of  obedience, 
the  necessity  for  giving  up  his  own  way  cheerfully,  dawns  on 
him,  and  the  contest,  with  a  few  intermittent  storms,  is  over." 

Two  items  of  common  sense  about  punishment  ought  to  be 

[48] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

remembered.  One  is  about  promptness  in  correction.  Chil- 
dren's memories  are  so  short  that  they  feel  a  sense  of  injus- 
tice for  being  sent  to  bed  early  or  deprived  of  some  pleasure 
after  they  have  forgotten  what  the  punishment  is  for  or  at 
least  have  ceased  to  feci  the  enormity  of  the  offense.  The 
other  is  about  the  unfortunate  habit  some  parents  have  of 
using  bedtime  as  the  Day  of  Judgment.  As  the  talk  grows 
more  serious  the  tired  child  gets  more  nervous  and  usually 
ends  with  a  cry.  Now  a  child  should  always  go  to  sleep 
happily  or  else  his  rest  is  unrefreshing,  and  he  has  the  poor- 
est kind  of  preparation  for  being  good  the  next  day. 

There  is,  however,  a  beautiful  way  to  utilize  bedtime,  if 
the  child  is  in  a  normal  condition,  for  a  loving  and  construc- 
tive motivation.     We  quote  here  Doctor  LeGrand  Kerr: 

"It  is  usually  best  to  introduce  the  subject  for  correction 
in  a  roundabout  way,  beginning,  perhaps,  with  a  story  which 
in  its  main  features  parallels  the  thing  which  needs  correc- 
tion. Fictitious  names  may  be  used  and  the  child  is  then  led 
into  expressing  an  opinion  as  to  the  various  acts  of  these 
fictitious  persons.  Even  while  the  story  is  being  told,  he  may 
see  an  analogy  between  it  and  his  own  acts.  Then,  when  the 
child  has  made  his  decision,  clinch  it  quickly  with  just  as  few 
words  as  possible  and  make  a  short  appeal  to  the  child's 
better  nature.  Do  not  sermonize.  Then  follow  with  t!ie 
word  of  encouragement,  T  know  that  you  are  going  to  try 
to  do  better  after  this ;  you  can  be  good  and  you  are  going 
to,  I  know.'  Then  comes  the  word  of  good  cheer  and 
caresses;  the  child  is  left  happy,  contented  and  more  ame- 
nable to  moral  guidance." 

Whatever  the  form  of  punishment  which,  after  deliberation, 
we  think  it  best  to  use,  we  need  to  recall  again  just  what  the 
purpose  of  punishment  is.  Let  us  have  it  in  the  concise 
words  of  Kirtlcy: 

''When  punishment  is  truly  deserved,  it  must  be  given  and 

[49] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

the  occasion  made  an  epoch  in  tlic  hfe  of  the  boy.  It  is  not 
to  be  made  an  end  in  itself,  nor  a  matter  of  retribution,  nor 
any  one's  vindication,  but  an  education  to  the  boy.  It  must, 
first  of  all,  bring  him  back  to  the  line  of  rectitude  from  which 
he  departed.  It  must  awaken  in  him,  not  alone  a  sense  of 
the  majesty  of  right  and  truth,  but  a  new  desire  to  conform 
his  life  to  it.  It  must  be  the  means  of  starting  a  new  habit 
and  giving  him  a  new  attitude  of  mind  toward  what  is  right, 
and  a  new  respect  for  those  who  stand  in  this  severe  way  for 
what  is  right  and  true,  a  new  respect  for  himself,  which 
comes  through  self-reproach  and  then  self-rectification.  It 
must  promote  every  virtue  in  him  and  reinforce  every  worthy 
motive.  That  must  be  the  aim  of  the  one  who  inflicts  the 
punishment,  or  his  deed  is  worse  than  the  boy's  offense." 


[50] 


CHAPTER  V 
GOVERNMENT  BY  REWARD 

Another  method  of  government  is  that  by  means  ot 
rezcard.  We  all  recognize  that  this  is  a  stimulation  that 
needs  to  be  used  in  small  doses.  Mrs.  Wiggin  says,  "The 
child  delights  to  work  for  you,  to  please  you  if  he  can,  to  do 
his  tasks  well  enough  to  win  your  favorable  notice,  and  the 
breath  of  praise  is  sweet  to  his  nostrils.  It  is  right  and  justi- 
fiable that  he  should  have  this  praise,  and  it  will  be  an  aid  to 
his  spiritual  development,  if  bestowed  with  discrimination. 
Only  Titanic  strength  of  character  can  endure  constant  dis- 
couragement and  failure,  and  yet  work  steadily  onward,  and 
the  weak,  undeveloped  human  being  needs  a  word  of  ap- 
proval now  and  then  to  show  him  that  he  is  on  the  right 
track,  and  that  his  efforts  are  appreciated.  Of  course,  the 
kind  and  the  frequency  of  the  praise  bestowed  depend  en- 
tirely upon  the  nature  of  the  child."  The  reward  of  praise 
is  usually  safe  if  it  be  just,  but  it  is  not  safe  to  exclaim  of  a 
fairly  good  accomplishment,  "Splendid!  Perfect!"  for  it  is 
not  true  that  it  is  splendid,  and  nothing  could  possibly  be 
perfect.  To  praise  extravagantly  is  to  make  the  superlative 
so  cheap  that  it  is  no  longer  valued.  The  child  thus  becomes 
easily  satisfied  with  mediocre  attainments. 

The  use  of  physical  rewards  for  virtue  tends  to  substitute 
wrong  inducement.  "There  are,"  says  Mrs.  Wiggin,  "of 
course,  certain  simple  rewards  which  can  be  used  with  safety, 
and  which  the  child  easily  sees  to  be  the  natural  results  of 
good  conduct.  If  his  treatment  of  the  household  pussy  has 
been  kind  and  gentle,  he  may  well  be  trusted  with  a  pet  of 
his  own;  if  he  puts  his  toys  away  carefully  when  asked  to  do 

[51] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

so.  fatlicr  will  notice  the  neat  room  when  he  comes  home; 
if  he  learns  his  lessons  well  and  quickly,  he  will  have  the 
moie  time  to  work  in  the  garden;  and  the  suggestion  of  these 
natural  consequences  is  legitimate  and  of  good  effect. 

"It  is  always  safer,  no  doubt,  to  appeal  to  a  love  of  pleasure 
in  children  than  to  a  fear  of  pain,  yet  bribes  and  extrarieous 
rra'ords  inevitably  breed  selfishness  and  corruption,  and  lead 
the  child  to  expect  conditions  in  life  which  will  never  be 
realized.  Though  retribution  of  one  kind  or  another  follows 
quickly  on  the  heels  of  wrong-doing,  yet  virtue  is  commonly 
its  own  reward,  and  it  is  as  well  that  the  child  should  learn 
this  at  the  beginning  of  life." 

Government  by  Emulation 

There  is  a  similar  danger  in  government  by  emulation.  Tt 
was  Walter  Savage  Landor  who  defined  ambition  as  "avarice 
on  stilts."  Doing  well  for  the  sake  either  of  physical  reward 
or  of  outdoing  a  competitor  is  at  its  best  only  an  ugly  kind 
of  virtue.  Says  George  McDonald,  "No  work  noble  or  last- 
ingly good  can  come  of  any  emulation  where  the  motive  is 
greed.  I  think  the  two  motives  are  spiritually  the  same." 
It  is  hard  to  encourage  a  young  child  to  emulate  a  super- 
excellent  brother  or  neighbor  without  causing  him  to  look 
upon  the  one  whom  he  emulates  with  at  least  mild  hatred 
and  envy. 

Government  by  Activity 

Government  by  activity  refers  to  everything  which 
we  suggest  in  the  direction  of  positive  action  on  the  part  of 
the  child,  or  in  place  of  whatever  would  hinder  all  that  happy, 
eager  doing  w^hich  itself  is  self-government. 

The  parent  who  takes  her  children  as  her  partners  in 
the  work  of  the  home  and  who  becomes  their  partner  in  their 
play  has  chosen  not  only  the  easiest  but  the  most  productive 
-way  of  government.     In  thus  living  with  her  children  a  real 

[52] 


GOVERNMENT   BY   REWARD 

life,  she  has  the  opportunity  to  help  them  expel  the  evil  by 
doing  the  good,  as  she  becomes  to  them  alternately  play- 
fellow and  leader. 

This  subject  is  treated  in  some  fullness  in  the  chapter  on 
"Rehgious  Nurture"  under  the  caption,  "Teaching  about 
Duty." 

The  discussion  has  shown  us  that  no  one  form  of 
management  is  infallible  or  universal  in  application.  The 
parent  himself  must  take  each  child,  each  case  and  each 
remedy  separately  and  study  each  and  all  before  he  prescribes 
from  his  moral-medicine  chest. 


[53] 


CHAPTER   VI 
SEX    DISCIPLINE 

Whatever  be  the  differences  of  opinion  of  scholars  as  to 
the  advisabiHty  of  sex  instruction  in  the  schools,  they  are  all 
united  as  to  its  necessity  in  the  home.  The  great  task,  there- 
fore, is  to  prepare  fathers  and  mothers  for  this  important 
duty. 

The  best  authorities  are  telling  us  that  what  the  child 
needs  is  not  a  single  lecture  covering  all  the  branches  of  the 
subject,  but  information  at  different  periods  suited  to  the 
needs  of  each  period;  that  information  alone  is  not  preventive 
of  vice;  that  the  strength  for  pure  living  must  come  from 
within  rather  than  without,  and  that  sex  idealism  is  much 
more  important  than  sex  instruction.  In  the  search  for  an 
inclusive  term  which  should  embrace  this  large  program 
which  we  are  endeavoring  to  compass,  the  phrase  "sex  dis- 
cipline" has  been  fixed  upon  as  suitable  for  the  purpose. 

Methods 
The  methods  by  which  the  parent  may  discipline  his  son  are 
these:  First,  by  answering  his  questions;  second,  by  always 
telling  him  the  truth;  third,  by  satisfying  his  legitimate 
curiosity  at  each  stage  of  boyhood;  fourth,  by  furnishing  him 
a  series  of  facts  as  he  needs  them,  either  by  telling  them  to 
him  or  by  reading  them  to  him,  as  one  may  think  better;  fifth, 
by  questioning  him  at  times  in  order  to  discover  if  there  is 
more  that  he  ought  to  know;  sixth,  by  keeping  his  confidence 
so  that  he  may  miss  no  knowledge  nor  inspiration  that  will 
be  helpful  to  him  ;  seventh,  by  defending  him  so  far  as  possible 
against  unnecessary  temptation  and  error. 

[54] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

Who  Is  the  Best  One  To  Do  It? 

This  parental  task  cannot  be  done  in  the  best  way  by 
means  of  books.  Many  books  upon  this  subject  are  unin- 
teresting. Some  are  shallow  and  void  of  information. 
Some  tell  too  little  to  give  instruction,  and  others  tell  so 
much  that  they  excite  undesirable  emotions.  The  special 
book  which  may  fall  into  a  boy's  hands  is  pretty  certain  not 
to  be  graded  for  that  boy's  intelligence,  and  being  ready-made 
it  usually  omits  the  answer  to  the  call  of  the  moment.  For 
small  boys  such  books  are  usually  full  of  faith  when 
what  the  small  boy  needs  is  facts.  For  large  boys  they 
are  often  too  pathological  and  lack  the  needed  element  of 
inspiration. 

All  such  books  are  best  used  by  parents.  They  give  the 
information  which  the.  parent  himself  needs.  It  is  occasion- 
ally wise,  when  the  parent  is  unusually  timid,  for  him  to  lend 
such  a  book  to  his  son.  If  he  does  so,  he  should  either  read 
it  to  him  or  see  that  the  boy  actually  reads  it  and  then  help 
interpret  it  to  hmi.  In  other  words,  the  book  is  loaned  to 
the  boy  as  an  entering  wedge  to  a  frank  conversation.  Such 
books,  when  loaned,  should  be  taken  back  by  the  parent 
after  they  are  used.  Otherwise  they  may  pass  into  the  hands 
of  other  boys  whose  parents  are  unwilling  that  they  should 
read  them  or  to  whom  they  are  unsuitable. 

Physicians  are  not  the  best  persons  to  perform  this  task. 
Some  of  them  are  too  technical  in  their  expressions;  others 
are  too  cynical  in  the  attitude  toward  humanity;  a  few  of 
them  are  themselves  loose-livers.  Some  scare  boys  by  their 
manner ;  others  invariably  suggest  disease.  Few  of  them  are 
natural  pedagogues.  Since  the  information  which  boys 
should  have  cannot  be  given  them  in  one  lesson,  a  single 
consultation  with  a  physician  is  inadequate.  To  turn  a  boy 
over  to  a  doctor  does  not  lessen  the  fact  that  the  parent  is 
responsible  for  the  son. 

[55] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

Occasionally,  where  the  physician  is  well  known  and  the 
parent  has  had  a  previous  conversation  with  the  boy  upon 
the  matter,  it  may  be  well  in  later  boyhood  to  allow  the  boy 
to  go  to  the  doctor  "for  the  fullest  information,"  so  that  he 
may  feel  that  nothing  has  been  concealed  that  he  ought  to 
know.  In  such  a  case,  the  parent  should  always  ask  the 
boy  afterward  what  the  doctor  has  said,  and  use  this  also  as 
an  entering  wedge  for  free  conversation. 

Whenever  the  boy  needs  slight  surgical  attention,  of 
course  he  should  wait  upon  a  physician  in  company  with  his 
father,  and  certain  instruction  may  be  appropriate  at  that 
consultation. 

Teachers  are  not  the  best  persons  to  do  this  work.  They 
are  not  so  well  informed  as  physicians  and  there  is  often  a 
barrier  between  them  and  their  pupils.  In  this  kind  of  edu- 
cation alone  we  try  to  sate  and  not  stimulate  curiosity.  The 
schoolroom,  the  atmosphere  of  which  is  that  of  curiosity, 
therefore  does  not  seem  to  give  quite  the  right  environment 
for  this  kind  of  instruction.  Gymnasium  instructors  some- 
times work  under  favorable  circumstances  to  reinforce  the 
instruction  of  the  father. 

Ministers  are  not  the  best  persons  for  this  work.  Through 
earnestness  they  are  apt  to  scare  children  and  more  apt  to 
moralize  than  to  instruct.  Their  attitude  toward  these 
matters,  while  generally  wholesome,  sometimes  smacks  of 
sentimentality  or  an  unduly  ascetic  view  of  life. 

Professional  lecturers  and  so-called  "experts"  are  not  the 
best  people  to  help  boys.  So  many  people  who  study  the 
subject  of  sex  become  morbid  upon  it  that  we  may  wisely 
distrust  even  the  character  of  those  who  give  themselves 
entirely  to  this  kind  of  teaching.  Since  it  is  not  a  social 
subject,  it  does  not  lend  itself  to  public  gatherings.  Public 
instruction  must  necessarily  be  vague  and  ill-adapted  to  the 
individual.       Lectures   on  purity,  which   English  boys   call 

[56] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

"smut  jaws,"  are  often  followed  by  unwholesome  conversa- 
tion between  boys  and  may  tend  toward  impurity  rather  than 
morality. 

The  Periods  of  Boyhood 

There  is  a  general  unanimity  of  agreement  among  those 
who  have  studied  the  matter  that  there  are  three  periods 
of  boyhood,  each  of  which  has  its  own  individual  character- 
istics. These  are,  roughly  speaking,  the  years  before  eight, 
the  years  between  nine  and  fourteen,  and  the  years  after 
fifteen;  or  the  primary  years,  the  grammar-school  years  and 
the  high-school  years.  So  far  as  the  need  of  information  is 
concerned,  the  periods  are  two  rather  than  three.  That  is, 
the  first  two  periods,  or  the  years  before  the  sex  nature 
awakens,  are  the  years  of  general  preparation,  while  the 
adolescent  years  are  the  years  when  the  matter  is  a  personal 
problem.  Dr.  Ira  S.  Wile  names  these  periods  as  follows: 
the  age  of  mythology,  the  age  of  chivalry,  and  the  age  of 
civic  awakening.  These  distinctions  are  excellent.  As  to 
the  approach  appropriate  to  each  of  these  periods,  the  boy 
in  the  first  period  needs  facts;  in  the  second  period,  a  whole- 
some development  of  his  emotions  and  imagination;  and  in 
the  third,  self-control.  It  is  generally  agreed  that  the  proper 
person  to  guide  or  discipline  the  boy  during  the  first  period 
is  his  mother,  during  the  second,  his  mother  and  father,  and 
during  the  third,  his  father. 

The  information  naturally  to  be  given  is  as  follows:  dur- 
ing the  first  period,  as  to  the  decorous,  sanitary  care  of 
sex  organs,  and,  in  answer  to  questions,  as  to  the  origins 
and  renewals  of  life;  during  the  second  period,  as  to  the  de- 
sirability of  clean  thoughts  and  wholesome  physical  living, 
the  development  of  the  generative  apparatus,  the  naturalness 
of  seminal  discharges,  with  such  review  as  may  be  needed 
of  previous  instruction;  during  the  third  period,  as  to  a  regi- 
men  of   self-mastery   and   chastity,   the   chivalrous    attitude 

[57] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

toward  woinnii,  and  the  peril  of  the  sexual  plagues,  with 
special  instructions  for  marriage. 

The  Boy  Before  Eight 

The  boy  before  eight  needs  two  items  of  instruction:  first, 
as  to  his  personal  toilet,  and,  second,  as  to  the  origins  and 
renewal  of  life. 

Parents  should  be  satisfied  very  early  that  the  child's  pri- 
vate parts  are  in  a  normal  condition.  Tightness  of  the  foreskin 
is  an  indication  for  circumcision,  an  operation  so  harmless 
that  many  parents  and  some  entire  races  always  have  it 
performed  soon  after  birth.  The  result  is  to  keep  the  organ 
clean  and  unirritated,  to  lessen  the  temptation  to  self- 
handling,  to  reduce  later  the  frequency  of  seminal  losses  and 
to  temper  the  sensual  nature. 

The  child  should  be  shown  early  how  to  retract  the  fore- 
skin and  cleanse  the  parts  at  the  bath  and  told  that  they 
should  not  be  handled  for  any  other  purpose.  All  children 
should,  for  reasons  of  health  and  comfort,  sleep  alone;  also 
that  they  may  not  learn  to  meddle  with  each  other.  They 
should  be  told  to  treat  with  scorn  and  fury  any  one  who 
suggests  such  an  act.  If  a  child  eats  simple  and  non-stimu- 
lating food,  wears  loose  clothing  and  is  normal  and  clean, 
this  habit  should  not  become  troublesome  during  this  period. 
Should  it  have  appeared  because  of  any  neglect  by  the  par- 
ents, it  can  usually  be  cured  after  some  of  the  information 
suggested  below  has  been  given  and  the  boy  has  been  en- 
couraged to  sleep  with  his  hands  outside  the  bedclothes. 

Little  children  need  some  suggestions  about  modesty.  It 
is  well  to  explain  that  some  parts  of  the  body  are  not  ex- 
hibited because  they  are  like  the  house  drains,  not  shameful 
but  unsightly,  or  occasion  may  be  taken  to  show  how  men's 
clothing  among  savages  was  originally  intended  chiefly  to 
protect  these  sensitive  and  important  parts  from  injury,  and 

[58] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

so  it  has  grown  to  be  "our  custom"  to  keep  them  out  of 
sight.  The  child  may  also  be  told  that  whatever  the  parents 
may  tell  him  about  those  organs  is  rather  in  the  nature  of  a 
secret  between  themselves  and  him,  here  again  not  because 
the  subject  is  shameful,  as  it  is  not,  but  just  as  we  do  not 
tell  our  neighbors  about  our  acts  of  toilet,  our  prayers  or 
our  family  affairs.  Some  children  cannot  keep  any  kind  of 
secret,  but  the  harm  they  can  do  by  repeating  what  their 
parents  tell  them  properly  about  these  matters  need  not  be 
exaggerated. 

Some  explanation  of  the  origins  and  renewal  of  life  should 
be  made  to  all  children,  at  least  before  they  begin  to  go  to 
school.  The  occasion  would  better  be  in  answer  to  some  in- 
evitable question,  stimulated  perhaps  by  observation  in  tlie 
farmyard  or  in  the  human  family  life,  or  by  some  attempt 
at  revelation  by  a  playmate.  The  very  best  of  all  oppor- 
tunities that  comes,  apart  from  the  child's  own  suggestion, 
is  when  a  new  baby  is  expected  in  the  home  or  neighborhood. 
The  evening  is  a  good  time,  when  the  light  is  shaded  and  the 
child  is  in  the  mother's  lap,  too  sleepy  to  discuss  the  matter, 
but  in  the  mood  of  content  and  gratitude. 

As  to  the  parents'  manner  in  telling  this  story,  one  or  two 
reassuring  things  may  be  said.  Do  not  be  self-conscious. 
"In  the  experience  of  childhood,"  as  Dr.  Wile  reminds  us, 
"all  acts  have  equal  rank."  We  think  his  questions  serious 
when  they  are  only  innocent.  He  may  even  already  have 
shocked  us  by  the  use  of  some  vulgar  word  or  phrase,  but 
it  has  been  only  through  ignorance  or  bravado.  Our  own 
manner  should  be  matter-of-fact,  as  if  what  we  are  to  tell  is 
not  esoteric  or  unusual  to  grown-ups,  earnest  but  not  flip- 
pant, and,  above  all,  honest,  since  we  cannot  exact  honesty 
from  him  in  all  realms  unless  we  grant  it  to  him  in  this  one. 
We  shoulfl  be  sure  he  is  attentive,  so  that  he  rea'ly  gets  what 
we  arc  giving  him,  that  he  is  satisfied,  so  that  he  will  remem- 

[59] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

bor,  ami  that  wc  keep  his  confidence,  so  that  we  may  resume 
the  subject  when  necessary.  Wc  may  think  it  worth  while 
to  question  him  some  days  later,  to  be  sure  he  has  grasped 
what  we  were  saying,  and  to  continue  to  do  this  after  he  has 
made  any  new  acquaintances  whom  we  do  not  know  very 
much  about.  The  mother  may  often  wisely  postpone  an 
answer  to  a  specific  inquiry  to  some  more  propitious  time, 
or  until  she  is  better  prepared  to  answer  it,  so  long  as  she 
keeps  her  appointment.  But  the  parent  who  postpones  the 
questions  of  his  child  for  an  indefinite  period,  promising  that 
later  "if  he  will  come  to  him  he  will  answer,"  will  find  that 
the  child  will  never  come  back.  He  will  get  his  information 
another  way. 

It  helps  bind  the  family  together  in  this  intimate  matter 
if,  when  a  point  of  difficulty  arises,  she  says  confidently, 
"Father  will  know,"  and  arranges  that  he  shall  give  the 
answer. 

There  are  two  questions  which  a  young  child  might  ask, 
and  probably  will,  during  these  early  years. 

Motherhood 

One  is  this:  "Where  did  I  come  from?"  or  "How  are 
babies  born?"  or  some  other  query  which  leads  to  the 
mother's  part  in  the  renewal  of  life. 

We  may  suppose  that  by  this  time  most  parents  are  agreed 
that  "the  stork  story"  and  "the  doctor  story"  are  unneces- 
sary. Even  if  an  allegory  is  desirable  during  the  first  five 
years,  one  much  more  beautiful  and  fitting  may  be  drawn 
from  the  nest  or  the  cradle  than  from  the  bird.  Neither, 
according  to  the  author's  conviction,  is  it  necessary  to  make 
the  long  and  devious  explanation  by  way  of  the  plant  and 
animal  world.  I  am  sure  we  do  it  more  because  we  are  shy 
than  because  the  method  is  helpful.  In  some  ways,  it  seems 
more  important  to  teach  the  difference  rather  than  the  sim- 

[60] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

ilarity  between  man  and  animals,  for  there  will  come  a  time 
when  we  shall  want  the  boy  to  know  that  with  animals  a 
normal  sex  life  is  an  instinct,  but  with  men  it  is  an  achieve- 
ment. We  do  not  wish  to  encourage  the  idea  that  they  are 
to  act  like  the  animals.  Yet  for  the  present,  the  "farmyard 
method"  and  the  "flower-garden  method"  are  useful  as 
supports  for  the  human  story.  True  though  it  is  that  "all  life 
comes  from  the  tgg"  how  much  more  simple  it  is  to  teach 
at  once  that  all  human  life  comes  from  parents.  And  why  not 
tell  little  children  immediately  that  mothers  are  the  life-hearers, 
and  that  the  little  child  himself  was  carried  in  a  nest  in  his 
mother's  body  close  under  her  heart  and  was  born  into  tlie 
world,  as  all  Httle  ones  are,  through  the  gates  of  birth?  Soon 
after  the  mother  has  given  this  fact,  the  father  ought  to  take 
the  child  into  his  arms  and  tell  the  boy  how  long  it  was  and 
how  hard  and  how  perilous  for  the  dear  mother,  and  that  he 
owes  her  his  best  love  always,  since  his  life  in  this  beautiful 
world  was  given  by  hers  and  at  the  risk  of  hers.  After  this, 
the  universality  of  birth  in  the  animal  world  may  be  instanced 
as  it  comes  to  the  child's  observation  in  the  dog,  the  cat  and 
the  rabbit.  Yet  there  are  differences  which  need  always  to 
be  strongly  held  in  calling  attention  to  these  analogies:  the 
human  life  is  immeasurably  above  that  of  any  of  the  animals ; 
human  parents  love  before  they  mate,  and  they  care  for  their 
children  throughout  their  lifetime  as  none  of  the  animals  do. 
Analogies  from  the  plant  world  are  not  very  direct  or  clear. 
It  is  quite  possible  for  a  child  to  absorb  a  great  many  botan- 
ical and  other  biological  facts,  and  not  apply  them  to  himself 
until  it  is  too  late. 

Fatherhood 

The  other  question  which  the  young  child  may  ask  is  as  to 

the  father's  part  in  reproduction.     It  may  be  stimulated  by 

observation  of  his  pets  or  other  animals.     It  may  merely  be 

an  inquiry  as  to  the  purpose  of  his  own  sex  organs,  of  which 

[6i] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

he  has  been  urged  to  take  care.  It  is  often  asked  by  the 
child  when  taking  a  bath. 

Whether  the  question  is  really  asked  or  not,  the  writer 
believes  that  the  truth  should  be  told  very  early.  It  is  much 
better  to  tell  it  when  the  child  is  innocent  and  the  information 
is  received  by  the  child  absolutely  without  any  sex-conscious- 
ness. It  is  much  easier  to  tell  it  when  the  parent  is  not  self- 
conscious.  There  is  something  illogical  in  "playing  up"  moth- 
erhood and  entirely  ignoring  fatherhood,  which  is  the  vocation 
for  which  this  child  is  being  prepared.  We  do  not  use  the 
strongest  motive  for  the  protection  of  the  organs  of  genera- 
tion when  we  refram  knowledge  of  their  use.  True,  the 
young  child  may  partly  forget  what  we  tell  him  now,  but  it 
will  be  easier  later  to  remind  him  than  to  try  to  reveal  it 
dc  novo.  Knowledge  of  the  sex-differences  early  may  pre- 
vent some  embarrassing  situations  which  otherwise  are  quite 
inevitable. 

Since  it  has  been  found  that  the  majority  of  boys  by  the 
age  of  ten  have  some  idea,  usually  coarsened  and  garbled, 
of  the  father's  share  in  reproduction,  it  is  the  writer's  con- 
viction that  by  that  time,  at  least,  each  boy  should  be  in- 
formed by  his  own  father  in  what  a  father's  part  in  the 
renewal  of  life  consists. 

The  essential  thing  to  tell  is  that  as  the  mother  is  the  life- 
bearer,  so  tJic  father  is  the  life-giver.  The  child  may  be  in- 
formed that,  if  he  takes  good  care  of  himself  and  grows  up 
strong  and  pure,  some  day  he  will  have  within  his  body, 
in  the  region  already  indicated,  seeds  of  life.  Tell  him,  too,  that 
his  outer  tube,  the  penis  as  it  is  called,  must  carry  those  seeds 
of  life  into  some  mother-nest,  of  which  he  has  been  told, 
where,  after  they  have  been  joined  to  tiny  egg-cells  of  that 
mother,  a  little  baby  may  come  into  being.  The  story,  thus 
told,  will  impress  any  little  child  as  a  beautiful  miracle-play. 
In  all  such  explanation  the  scientific  names  of  the  parts  may 

[62] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

be  mentioned,  so  that  the  child  in  search  for  appellations 
will  not  cHng  to  the  vulgar  ones.  Here  again  occasional 
confirmation  of  fact  may  be  noted  in  the  neighboring  birds 
and  pets. 

There  are  a  number  of  important  advantages  in  the  ap- 
proach thus  indicated. 

It  starts  not,  as  such  teaching  usually  does,  from  the  indi- 
vidual— his  wants,  his  pleasures,  his  introspections — but  from 
the  family,  the  first  social  unit,  the  greatest  human  fact,  to 
which  we  should  focus  attention  throughout,  and  for  which 
we  should  demand  early  and  lifelong  loyalty. 

It  lays  the  foundation  of  self-control  in  sufficient  motives 
and  correct  ideas.  A  child  gets  no  other  conception  of  the 
use  of  the  sex  organs  from  his  companions  or  his  other  asso- 
ciations on  the  street  than  that  it  is  primarily  for  personal 
and  sensual  pleasure.  From  his  father  should  come  the 
thought  that  it  is  chiefly  intended  as  the  instrument  for  hand- 
ing down  the  life  of  the  family  and  for  his  own  virile  devel- 
opment as  a  future  man  in  that  family. 

It  satisfies  and  allays  normal  curiosity  and  thus  sets  the 
child  free  to  continue  to  be  childlike,  and  not  inquisitive, 
furtive  or  baffled.  This  method  would  seem  to  meet  the  ob- 
jections of  Miinsterberg,  who  is  about  the  only  opponent  of 
.sex  education.  He  thinks  such  knowledge  to  be  hygienically 
advantageous  but  emotionally  upsetting  to  a  boy.  Give  it 
early  enough,  when  it  is  first  wanted,  and  it  furnishes  the 
hygienic  protection  without  the  emotional  disturbance. 

How  sound  and  satisfying  was  the  testimony  of  the  boy 
who,  after  talking  these  matters  over  with  his  chums,  and 
becoming  disgusted  with  the  evident  subterfuges  which  had 
been  retailed  to  them  by  their  parents,  exclaimed:  "Let's  go 
and  ask  my  mother.     She  always  tells  the  truth!" 


[63] 


CHAPTER   VII 
RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

The  Child's  Nurture 
What  shall  we  teach  the  little  child  about  religion?  Re- 
membering that  he  is  perfectly  credulous,  but  also  that  he  is 
of  limited  capacity,  naturally  we  should  teach  him  only  what 
he  is  ready  for.  Instead  of  volunteering  information  upon 
all  sorts  of  religious  topics,  our  conversation  should  be 
chiefly  confined  to  those  things  in  which  he  shows  a  ready 
interest;  and  our  religious  replies  should  be  almost  entirely 
to  questions  that  he  raises  himself. 

Teaching  About  God 

Little  children  will  believe  about  God  whatever  we  tell 
them,  because  they  always  believe  what  they  are  told;  and 
in  this  respect  there  is,  as  Professor  Coe  tells  us,  "no  differ- 
ence discernible  between  belief  in  God,  the  Sand  Man  or  the 
Black  Man." 

President  Hall  thinks  that  "the  child's  conception  of  God 
should  not  be  personal  or  too  familiar  at  first,  but  that  He 
should  appear  distant  and  vague,  inspiring  awe  and  reverence 
far  more  than  love;  in  a  word,  as  the  God  of  nature,  rather 
than  as  devoted  to  lovable  ministrations  to  the  child's  individ- 
ual wants.  The  latter  should  be  taught  to  be  a  faithful  serv- 
ant rather  than  as  a  favorite  of  God."  This  is  not  quite  the 
view  of  God  which  is  usually  given  first  to  children  by  their 
parents.  The  peril  of  such  a  conception  is  that  God,  being 
removed  from  humanity  both  by  distance  and  by  nature,  be- 
comes to  the  child  a  sort  of  religious  watchman.  Harry  E. 
Bartow  tells  how  his  little  boy  once  came  in,  saying:  "I  was 

[64] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

playing  in  the  yard,  and  God  looked  down  on  me,  and  I  said, 
1  don't  like  you  to  look  at  me,  God.' "  Mr.  Bartow  there- 
fore proceeded  to  dwell  much  upon  God's  love  and  to  tell 
him  that  God  watched  to  see  how  good  and  happy  he  was. 
"That  God  we  told  him  about  did  not  dislike  naughty  boys; 
He  loved  all  boys,  but  was  happier  when  boys  were  good." 

Most  parents  teach  about  God  as  Jesus  did,  as  our  Father, 
perhaps  unconsciously  expecting  that  this  thought  will  be 
interpreted  by  human  parenthood.  It  may  not  be  wholly 
sentiment  which  causes  us  to  approve  the  following  anecdote, 
which  illustrates  how  the  child  reads  his  social  experience 
with  his  parents  into  his  thought  of  God.  The  story  is  told 
by  Coe.  "Mamma,"  said  a  small  boy,  "do  you  know  what 
I'm  going  to  do  the  first  thing  when  I  get  to  heaven?  I'm 
going  to  run  up  to  the  heavenly  Father  and  give  Him  a  kiss!" 

So  near  is  the  child  to  the  animal  world  that  we  cannot 
reach  to  the  depth  of  his  nature  unless  we  touch  the  animal 
and  passional  as  well  as  the  spiritual.  The  child  must  be 
made  manly  before  he  can  become  godlike.  In  no  better 
way  does  the  mother  reveal  the  love  of  God  than  by  her 
anxiety  so  to  satisfy  the  child's  physical  needs  as  to  reveal 
her  own  love  to  him.  The  sense  of  perpetual  comfort  and 
care  not  only  makes  the  child  feel  at  home  in  his  world,  but 
makes  him  convinced  that  God  is  a  person  there.  The  shar- 
ing of  physical  life  has  in  it,  as  Dr.  Coe  suggests,  the  sacred- 
ness  of  incarnation.  The  essential  method  of  education  is 
the  sharing  of  life  between  a  higher  and  a  lower  person, 
whereby  the  principle  of  incarnation  is  carried  forward  in 
each  new  generation. 

This  care  of  the  body  of  the  child  has  another  religious 
value,  too,  in  that  protecting  the  child  as  a  good  animal  Is 
the  wholesomest  way  to  prepare  him  to  become  a  good 
Christian. 

But  even  this  thought  of  the  Fatherhood  of  God  does  not 

[65] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

entirely  satisfy  the  child,  because  it  does  not  seem  to  fill  the 
spaces  of  the  universe  with  his  presence.  There  is  still  much 
that  is  dark  and  mysterious  which  the  child  cannot  explain. 
We  may  therefore  agree  with  President  Hall,  that  anything 
that  stimulates  the  child's  thoughts  about  the  unseen  world, 
which  makes  him  believe  that  nature  is  alive  and  friendly,  is 
truly  religious  teaching.  Whatever  fosters  the  sense  of 
being  at  home  in  the  universe,  or  in  any  way  teaches  the 
sense  of  the  oneness  of  it,  is  leading  toward  the  desired 
end. 

The  first  question  which  suggests  to  the  mother  the  neces- 
sity of  telling  the  child  about  God  is  usually  a  question  of 
cause.  Dr.  George  E.  Dawson  cites  a  child,  probably  his 
own,  who  began  with  his  fourth  year  and  seemed  always  to 
be  trying  to  find  out  where  things  come  from  originally  and 
who  keeps  the  world  a-going.  "Who  makes  the  birds?" 
"Who  made  the  very  first  bird?"  "Who  fixed  their  wings 
so  they  can  fly?"  "Who  takes  care  of  the  birds  and  rabbits 
in  the  winter,  when  the  snow  is  on  the  ground?"  "Who 
makes  the  grass  grow?"  "Who  makes  the  trees?"  "Who 
makes  them  shed  their  leaves  and  get  them  back  again?" 
"Who  made  the  sand  and  rocks  in  Forest  Park?"  "Who 
made  the  Connecticut  River?"  "Who  keeps  it  from  running 
dry?"  "Who  makes  it  thunder?"  Who  put  the  moon  in 
the  sky?"  "Who  made  the  whole  world?"  "Who  made  peo- 
ple?" "Who  made  me?"  "Does  God  make  everything?" 
"Who  made  God?"  "Was  God  already  made?"  "Is  God 
ever}"vvhere?"  Such  were  the  questions  asked  again  and 
again,  with  all  sorts  of  comments  in  reply  to  the  answers  that 
were  given.  The  question  of  zi'hat  is  the  origin  of  things 
was  seldom  or  never  asked.  It  was  always  who;  and  when  the 
personal  cause  the  child  was  seeking  was  named  "God"  in 
connection  with  numerous  objects  he  finally  generalized  by 
asking  if  God  makes  everything.     Earl  Barnes  cites  a  four- 

[66] 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

year-old  girl  who  asked  more  definite  questions.  "What 
does  God  eat?  Is  it  chopped  grass?  Doesn't  God  have  any 
dinner?  Did  Robinson  Crusoe  live  before  God?  Who  was 
before  God?  Is  rain  God's  tears  running  out  of  the  sky? 
How  did  God  put  the  moon  in  the  sky?" 

Mrs.  Edith  Read  Mumford  says: 

"The  romance  of  fairies,  gnomes  and  sprites  is,  to  my  mind, 
full  of  spiritual  truth.  Every  flower,  every  leaf,  every  object 
around  us,  has  a  spirit  of  its  own;  is  fraught  with  mystery. 
They  are  more  than  material  objects;  they  are,  as  it  were, 
thoughts  of  the  Creative  Power  clothed  in  matter.  Can  the 
Spirit  of  love,  of  power,  of  beauty,  of  humor,  embodied  In 
the  world,  be  more  fitly  expressed  for  the  child  than  in  this 
undergrowth,  as  it  were,  of  tiny  creatures,  haunting  the  night, 
when  the  'humans'  are  asleep;  this  world  of  moral,  immoral 
and  non-moral  fairy  beings?" 

Because  of  the  vividness  with  which  children  clothe  inani- 
mate things  with  life  we  must  be  cautious  about  telling  chil- 
dren things  which  they  may  magnify  into  terrorizing  objects. 
It  is  cruel  to  tell  children  stories  about  "The  Bad  Man," 
"The  Big  Bear  that  will  catch  you,"  etc.  Bolton  suggests 
that  even  the  good  fairies  and  Santa  Claus  should  never  be 
represented  as  dwelling  too  near.  Let  them  be  the  "good 
men  away  off."  A  child  may  suffer  great  mental  agony  if 
he  thinks  that  even  dear  old  Santa  Claus  lives  in  the 
kitchen  chimney. 

In  teaching  little  children  about  God,  Jesus  must  be  left 
for  the  present  in  their  thought,  no  matter  what  be  the 
theological  beliefs  of  the  parents,  rather,  as  Horace  Bushnell 
said,  "as  the  good  Carpenter  saving  the  world"  than  as  Deity. 
Any  other  idea  is  likely  to  be  grotesque.  Their  attitude 
toward  him  should  be  that  of  loyalty.  The  thought:  "You 
must  not  do  this  because  father  and  mother  would  not  like 
it"  may  be  extended  to  include  Jesus.     They  should  feel  to 

[67] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

him  a  similar  allegiance,  admiration  and  affection,  with  some- 
thing of  hero-worship  added.  To  develop  such  loyalty  in 
childhood  is  to  do  the  greatest  thing  that  can  be  done  for 
the  shaping  of  character. 

Teaching  About  Duty 

The  child's  conception  of  duty  is  always  concrete;  it  always 
takes  the  form  of  some  definite  thing  to  be  done  or  to  be 
left  undone  7ioiv. 

It  consists  therefore  almost  entirely  in  the  forming  of  cor- 
rect habits  of  doing  the  customary  things  that  are  to  be  done 
and  of  inhibiting  the  things  that  are  customarily  not  to  be 
done. 

Habit  is  not  morality,  but  habits  are  the  root  of  morality. 
"However  eager  you  may  be  that  your  child  should  con- 
scientiously press  toward  the  right,"  says  G.  Spiller;  "however 
convinced  you  may  be  of  the  small  value  of  mere  good  habits, 
yet  you  can  only  reasonably  hope  for  conscious  love  of  the 
right  when  good  habits  have  paved  the  way.  Your  whole 
hope  of  making  children  love  the  right  life  depends  entirely 
on  the  pre-supposition  that  the  desire  to  be  good  does  not 
encounter  a  mob  of  bad  habits.  It  depends  also  upon  your 
continued  watchfulness  in  this  direction,  never  allowing 
anarchy  to  enter  into  your  children's  souls."  And  Dr.  Arthur 
Holmes  puts  it  even  more  concretely  when  he  says:  "The 
problem  of  character-making  with  the  child  from  one  to 
twelve  years  of  age  resolves  itself  into  making  good  habits 
by  having  the  child  do  things." 

Let  there  be  regularity  in  meals,  going  to  bed,  getting  up, 
etc.  Let  there  be  order  in  picking  up  things  and  putting 
them  away  after  playing.  A  good  suggestion  for  this  is  a 
big  box,  with  a  cover  or  a  low  shelf,  where  the  baby  may  pile 
things  up.  A  child  should  be  taught  early  to  restrain  certain 
impulses,  like  crying  and  anger,  the  natural  processes  of 

[68] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

nature,  through  regularity,  and  at  the  same  time  gradually 
learn  to  wait  for  a  few  minutes  for  something  he  wants. 
Especially  must  the  habit  of  silence  at  proper  times  be  culti- 
vated in  a  little  child,  not  only  that  he  may  not  disturb  others, 
but  that  he  may  not  miss  some  experience  or  opportunity 
to  learn  himself. 

Habit-forming 

First  of  all  the  good  habits  of  Hfe  in  importance  is  abso- 
lute, unquestioning  obedience  to  father,  mother,  nurse, 
teacher  or  law.  When  the  child  reaches  for  articles  on  the 
table  and  the  parent  says,  "No,  no,"  that  should  be  as  final 
as  the  later  recognition  of  one  of  the  laws  of  nature.  We 
shall  never  succeed  in  making  of  the  child  a  moral  person  if 
he  does  not  realize  early  that  there  are  higher  laws  than  the 
law  of  his  will.  The  higher  law  is  the  law  of  absolute  right,  of 
which,  throughout  childhood,  the  parent  is  herself  trying  to 
be  the  embodiment.  With  very  young  children  no  reason 
need  be  given  for  our  commands.  "It  is  enough  to  them," 
says  Mrs.  Cradock,  "that  'mother  or  nurse  says  so.'  Grad- 
ually, as  they  learn  that  what  mother  or  nurse  says  is  always 
right,  they  will  learn  to  co-operate  in  this  matter  of  obedi- 
ence. This  is,  indeed,  what  we  have  to  aim  at.  Blind,  un- 
reasoning obedience  must  come  first;  but  unless  it  leads  the 
children  to  govern  themselves,  it  is  not  worth  much."  The 
child  has  such  good  will  that  we  need  neither  persuade  nor 
force  him  to  obey,  but  only  "clear-sightedly  remove  the 
various  moral  and  physical  obstructions  which  lie  in  the  way 
of  his  obedience,  with  the  confident  expectation  that  his 
latent  instinct  will  develop  spontaneously  in  the  new  and 
favorable  conditions." 

As  the  child  grows  older,  the  number  of  conscious  motives 
to  obedience  increases.  Imf)u]se  is  strengthened  by  loyal 
allegiance  and  the  experience  of  prudence  by  the  experience 
of  joy  in  duty.     A  mother,  who  was  herself  a  well-known 

[69] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

writer  for  cliildron,  has  recorded  in  some  notes  on  her  chil- 
dren that  when  one  of  her  Httle  girls  had  declined  to  accede 
to  her  wish  she  used  to  say  to  her:  "Oh,  yes;  I  think  when 
you  have  remembered  how  pleasant  it  is  to  oblige  others  you 
will  do  it."  "I  will  think  about  it,  mamma,"  the  child  would 
reply,  laughing,  and  then  go  and  hide  her  head  behind  a  sofa 
pillow  which  she  called  her  "thinking-corner."  In  half  a 
minute  she  would  come  out  and  say:  "Oh,  yes,  mamma;  I 
have  thought  about  it,  and  I  will  do  it."  This  strikes  me  as 
an  admirable  combination  of  regulative  suggestion  with  the 
consciousness  of  using  her  own  will,  which  yet  maintained 
the  needed  measure  of  guidance  and  loyalty. 

Though  we  do  not  undergo  the  waste  of  time  to  give 
reasons,  we  must,  of  course,  be  reasonable  ourselves.  Many 
of  the  children's  offenses  are  due  to  the  unreasonableness  of 
their  parents.  Some  mothers  are  so  secure  in  their  own  in- 
fallibility that  they  mistake  what  they  hear  from  "the  con- 
volutions of  a  smooth-lipped  shell"  for  the  thunders  of  the 
everlasting  sea.  To  watch  a  woman  with  an  Alice-in-Won- 
derland  type  of  mind  assume  the  sceptre  of  a  pope  with  the 
insensibility  of  a  goldfish  is  to  observe  an  instance  of  divine 
sovereignty  for  which  there  is  no  cure  and  from  which  there 
is  no  appeal.  Our  very  authority  tempts  us  to  a  lust  for 
power  and  for  an  exhibition  of  our  power  over  our  children. 
This  lust  for  power  itself  brings  blindness  and  causes  us  often 
to  do  our  children  pitiable  injustice. 

Among  the  habits  suitable  to  little  children  none  is  more 
important  than  that  of  self-directed  play.  It  is  possible  at 
a  very  early  period  to  begin  training  the  child  to  play  by 
himself  for  gradually  lengthening  periods.  It  is  also  pos- 
sible within  the  earliest  years  for  him  to  acquire  the  habits 
of  joy  in  little  things  and  in  home-made  playthings,  and 
increasingly  to  take  charge  of  his  own  time  and  his  own 
amusement. 

[70] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

Some  one  may  say  that  all  this  tends  to  make  the  child 
an  automaton.  He  does  good  now  as  a  matter  of  routine, 
but  this  does  not  mean  that  we  may  predict  that  he  will  do 
good  in  the  future.  Now,  this  is  exactly  what  the  vitality 
of  habit  does  accomplish.  "Children,"  says  W.  B.  Drum- 
mond,  "are  creatures  of  habit  in  nothing  more  than  this: 
that  a  particular  hne  of  conduct  which  they  once  pursue,  for 
any  reason  whatever,  becomes  a  source  of  childish  preference 
— the  germ  of  a  bias  toward  certain  lines  of  action,  the  pos- 
sible foundation  of  a  scheme  of  moral  values."  The  child 
is  pre-eminently  a  traditionalist.  When  he  has  once  or  twice 
conformed,  he  desires  thereafter  always  to  conform.  Ernest 
Abbott  cites  a  mother  who  came  into  the  nursery  one  Sunday 
afternoon  and  found  her  little  boy  studying.  She  was  sur- 
prised, and  said:  "We  try  to  keep  Sunday  different  from 
other  days.  After  this  we  shall  understand  that  you  are  not 
to  study  on  Sunday."  A  little  more  than  two  weeks  later 
the  boy  came  home  from  school  and  said,  "Sammy  is  a  funny 
boy."  Sammy  was  a  schoolmate.  "What  has  he  done?"  in- 
quired Paul's  mother.  "Why,  Sammy  gets  his  lessons  on 
Sunday."  Two  Sundays  had  sufficed  for  the  establishment 
of  a  new  purpose  in  a  relation  so  complete  that  a  violation  of 
it  by  another  had  seemed  to  him  grotesque. 

Perhaps  the  child  outgrows  this  automatic  relation  to 
righteousness  sometimes  earlier  than  Vv^e  think,  owing  to  his 
intense  personifying  of  things;  his  sense  of  loyalty  to  right 
may  be  as  early  and  as  powerful  as  that  of  loyalty  to  persons. 
Mrs.  Dorothy  Canfield  Fisher  says:  "I  know  a  child  not  yet 
quite  three,  who,  by  the  maddeningly  persistent  interroga- 
tions characteristic  of  his  age,  has  succeeded  in  extracting 
from  a  pair  of  gardening  elders  an  explanation  of  the  differ- 
ence between  weeds  and  flowers,  and  who  has  been  so  struck 
with  this  information  that  he  has,  entirely  of  his  own  volition, 
enlisted    himself    in    the    army    of    natural-born    reformers. 

[71] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

With  the  personal  note  of  very  little  children,  who  find  it 
impossible  to  think  in  terms  at  all  abstract,  he  has  con- 
structed in  his  baby  mind  an  exciting  drama  in  the  garden, 
unfolding  itself  before  his  eyes — a  drama  in  which  he  acts, 
by  virtue  of  his  comparatively  huge  size  and  giant  strength, 
the  generous  role  of  dens  ex  machina,  constantly  rescuing 
beauty  beset  by  her  foes.  He  throws  himself  upon  a  weed, 
uproots  it  and  casts  it  away  with  the  righteously  indignant 
exclamation:  'Horrid  old  weed!  Stop  eating  the  flowers' 
dinner!'" 

Our  children  do  not  entirely  satisfy  us.  They  develop, 
even  before  they  enter  school,  many  bad  habits.  What  shall 
we  do  about  these  bad  habits?  The  first  thing  to  try  is  to 
ignore  them  entirely.  Take,  for  example,  the  impulse  to- 
ward "bad  language,"  The  child  constantly  picks  up  ex- 
pressions absolutely  meaningless  to  him,  some  of  which  are 
shocking  to  us  who  are  older.  "If,"  says  Irving  King,  "one 
of  these  expressions  is  ignored  by  his  elders  or  playmates,  it 
never  comes  to  the  focus  of  attention  and  probably  is  per- 
manently dropped,  A  three-year-old  boy  in  a  refined  family 
was  once  trying  to  tell  his  mother  and  sisters  about  some- 
thing, but  they,  being  busy,  did  not  pay  attention  to  him 
and  several  times  asked  him  to  repeat  his  story.       Finally, 

he  cried  out  impatiently:  'Go  to !     Do  you  hear  that?' 

He  had  found  the  expression  no  one  knew  where,  and  as  no 
one  paid  the  least  attention  to  it,  he  never  said  it  again.  If 
he  had  been  scolded  'for  using  such  naughty  words,'  he 
would  probably  have  been  out  with  it  again  at  the  next 
appropriate  moment."  If  this  does  not  work,  we  may  place 
the  child  in  an  environment  where,  by  unconscious  imitation, 
he  will  acquire  correct  habits  and  will  forget  the  old  ones. 
This  is  Dr.  Holmes'  method  of  playing  an  instinct  against  a 
habit.  The  instinct  of  imitation  conquers  the  habit  of  slang 
dialect  and  profanity. 

[72] 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

Habits  of  Reverence 

The  importance  of  the  habit  of  courtesy  of  demeanor  lies 
in  the  fact  that  courtesy  is  a  form  of  reverence.  "Courtesy," 
as  Dr.  Hodges  tells  us,  "expresses  our  recognition  of  the 
presence  of  others,  and  is,  at  its  highest,  the  expression  of 
the  presence  of  God." 

Out  of  this  very  authority  of  ours  and  out  of  this  courtesy 
which  we  inculcate  in  the  children  comes  that  distinct  relation 
to  the  Divine  which  we  know  as  reverence.  By  the  absolute- 
ness of  our  authority  the  will  of  the  child  is  saved  from  ca- 
price and  feels  the  power  of  steadiness.  "Such  authority," 
says  Dr.  Hall,  "excites  a  unique,  unfathomable  sense  of  rev- 
erence, which  brings  the  capacity  for  will  culture — that 
strongest  and  soundest  of  all  moral  motives."  It  is  at  first  felt 
only  toward  persons,  but  it  soon  becomes  possible  to  trans- 
fer that  reverence  toward  the  person  of  God. 

"Children,"  says  Mrs.  Mumford,  "are  not  ready  for  prayer 
at  any  fixed  period  in  their  lives.  In  some  the  instinct  of 
affection  and  gratitude  is  late  in  developing.  If  they  do  not 
greatly  love  the  father  whom  they  have  seen,  how  can  they 
love  a  Father  whom  they  have  not  seen?  And  if  they  do 
not  love,  are  they  ready  to  pray?  The  first  condition  of  all 
religion  is  merging  of  self-love  into  other  love.  Love  goes 
before  faith.  Not  to  love  is  not  to  believe,  for  it  is  love 
which  makes  us  feel  that  the  object  is  worthy  of  our  faith. 
Bit  by  bit,  in  the  case  of  such  children,  we  need  to  develop 
the  loving  side  of  their  nature  and  watch  for  our  opportunity 
to  tell  them  of  God.  Some  children  can  truly  pray  before 
they  are  three;  others  not  till  much  later.  But  the  earlier 
the  better,  if  the  prayer  is  real.  Until  they  can  pray  them- 
selves we  must  let  them  see  that  we  pray  for  them.  But 
when  they  begin  to  be  capable  of  unselfish  love  toward  those 
around  them,  begin  to  grow  in  their  power  of  imagination — 
on  some  specially  glad  day,  when  we  are  tucking  them  up  at 

[73] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

night,  \vc  can  remind  them  of  all  the  glad  things  in  their 
lives — recall  the  joys  of  that  day,  the  beautiful  sunshine,  the 
flowers  in  the  garden,  the  romp  with  Father,  the  kisses  and 
the  hugs  at  bedtime,  till  the  little  one  glows  with  conscious 
joy!  Then  we  can  ask:  'Who  gives  you  all  this  joy?  Who 
makes  Father  and  Mother  love  you?  Who  makes  you  love 
them — the  loving  that  makes  you  so  glad?'  We  can  tell 
them  it  is  God  who  gives  all  good  things.  Would  they  like 
to  thank  God?  If  the  children  respond,  and  they  will  re- 
spond if  we  have  chosen  the  right  moment,  with  their  eyes 
shut  and  hands  reverently  folded,  we  let  them  say  their  first 
spontaneous  prayer:  'Thank  you  for  making  me  happy; 
please  make  everybody  happy,'  is  one  such  first  prayer.  The 
form  of  prayer  may  depend  upon  the  child  and  our  sugges- 
tions to  the  child;  but  we  must  see  that  it  is  real." 

Reverence  in  Prayer 

The  importance  of  reverent  attitudes  is  that  they  readily 
become  to  the  child  the  physical  expression  of  the  moral 
feeling.  "The  child's  first  ideas  of  prayer,"  Froebel  said, 
"come  to  him  when  an  infant  by  the  mother's  kneeling  beside 
his  crib  in  silent  prayer;  her  bowed  head  and  kneeling  body 
tell  of  submission  to  and  reverence  for  a  power  greater  than 
herself;  her  tone  of  voice  when  she  speaks  of  sacred  things  is 
far  more  effectual  with  the  Httle  listener  than  the  words  she 
says." 

Mrs.  Cradock  tells  of  a  man  who  once  said  to  her:  "I  do 
not  remember  anything  my  mother  said  to  me  about  my 
behavior  at  prayers,  but  what  did  impress  me  and  what  I  can 
never  forget  is  her  own  intense  reverence  as  she  knelt  beside 
me  when  I  said  my  childish  prayers.  That  impressed  me, 
though  her  words  are  all  forgotten." 

It  hardly  needs  to  be  said  that  kneeling  in  a  cold  room 
is  not  sacred  and  that  the  necessary  haste  to  get  into  bed 

[74] 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

destroys  any  sense  of  reverence.  Many  young-  children  love 
to  say  their  prayers  on  what  William  Canton's  "W.  V." 
called  mother's  "blessed  lap  of  heaven."  Why  should  a 
child  pray  at  his  mother's  knee?  Is  there  any  reason  ex- 
cept that  it  is  a  pretty  sight?  Mother  is  not  God,  She,  too, 
needs  to  pray.  Is  it  not  better  for  mother  and  child  to  kneel 
side  by  side? 

The  child  should  be  alone  with  his  mother  when  he  says 
his  prayers.  Charming-  as  is  the  sight  of  a  kneeling  baby,  it 
is  an  outrage  to  the  spirit  of  reverence  to  bring  him,  as  some 
careless  parents  do,  into  the  parlor  in  the  presence  of  guests 
to  say  his  bedtime  petitions,  or  to  allow  him  to  be  visited  or 
disturbed  while  he  is  repeating  them.  I  am  sure  we  must 
agree  with  Dr.  Henry  Woodward  Hurlbert,  that  "Any  parent 
who,  for  the  amusement  of  a  dinner  party  or  a  social  circle, 
will  thus  draw  aside  the  curtain  of  the  Holy  of  Holies,  into 
which  she  may  have  been  permitted  to  enter  with  her  child 
into  God's  very  presence,  seems  ill-fitted  to  be  intrusted  with 
a  child.  If  ever  a  confessional  should  be  considered  sacredly 
confidential,  it  is  that  at  a  mother's  knee.  Let  us  plead  with 
people  to  shut  the  doors  of  their  lips  on  such  a  theme  and  to 
discourage  in  every  way  we  know  how  the  common  modern 
practice.  No  sign  of  the  shallowness  of  much  of  our  more 
recent  home  life  is  more  saddening.  What  can  you  expect 
of  the  religious  life  of  a  child  who  must,  perforce,  sit  and 
hear  some  slip  of  his  tongue,  or  some  crude  pertness,  or 
some  extravaganza  of  language,  or  even  shrewd  and  bright 
utterance  in  prayer,  made  the  whimsical  entertainment  of  a 
company,  or  who  hears  the  prayers  of  other  children  thus 
bandied  about?" 

The  physical  relaxation  of  bedtime  is  an  appropriate  time 
for  prayers,  but  even  more  vital  to  the  spirit  of  the  child  is 
that  he  should  open  the  day  with  a  sense  of  gratitude  and 
an  active  spirit  of  devotion.     Even  the  little  child  should  also 

[75] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

be  taught  that  he  may  say  his  prayers  anywhere,  and  that 
kncehng  is  not  essential  to  talking  with  his  heavenly  Father. 

We  have  an  opportunity  to  develop  the  spirit  of  reverence 
by  the  child's  contact  with  the  world  in  which  he  lives.  To 
bring  a  little  one  into  a  great  church,  perhaps  a  cathedral, 
either  during  the  beautiful  service  or  when  the  sanctuary  is 
empty,  and  teaching  him  to  step  softly,  to  catch  the  wonder  of 
the  height,  the  depth  or  the  dimensions  and  to  look  up  with 
reverence  toward  the  Holy  Place,  is  to  give  the  child  an 
emotional  impression  that  will  be  far-reaching.  Even  more 
profound  is  the  child's  reaction  toward  darkness  and  star- 
light. Some  children  who  were  afraid  to  stay  in  bed  alone 
have  been  entirely  reassured  by  being  taken  to  the  window 
and  shown  the  hosts  of  heaven,  which  seemed  to  them  like 
guardian  spirits.  So  tremendous  is  the  impression  of  the 
multitude  of  stars  upon  children  that  one  child,  at  least, 
acknowledged,  even  in  womanhood,  that  she  was  scarcely 
able  then  to  endure  to  look  upon  their  splendor.  Courtesy, 
that  form  of  reverence  which  works  toward  inferior  beings, 
may  be  extended  to  the  world  of  animals  and  plants;  and  the 
tender-hearted  protection  of  the  tiny  world  of  living  things 
has  close  relation  to  a  reverential  religious  life. 

Father  Sill  thinks  that  there  should  be  a  special  prayer 
place  in  the  house,  an  "oratory"  if  possible,  if  not,  a  corner, 
as  an  aid  to  devotion. 

Attention  in  Prayer 
This  is  a  much-neglected  element  of  reverence.  It  may 
be  called  its  intellectual  side.  "It  may  seem,"  says  Mrs. 
Cradock,  "at  first  sight  strange  to  class  it  with  such  things 
as  reverence  or  truthfulness.  But  it  is  a  habit  which  so 
closely  afifects  our  whole  life,  spiritual,  mental  and  physical, 
that  the  importance  of  it  can  hardly  be  exaggerated.  How 
can  we  pray,  in  after  life,  with  any  real  force  or  reality  if  we 

I76] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

cannot  'attend'  for  five  minutes  together?  How  can  we 
relate  accurately  anything  we  have  heard  if  we  have  only  half 
'attended'  to  what  was  said?  How  much  shall  we  miss  of  the 
beauty  and  joy  of  life  if  we  only  look  at  noble  pictures  or 
read  great  poems  with  wandering  attention?  We  might  go 
into  almost  any  domain  of  life  and  see  what  a  hampering 
effect  want  of  attention  has  and  how  much  good  work  it 
cripples.  A  schoolmaster  said  to  a  boy  one  day  in  class: 
'If  you  don't  attend  better  to  what  you  are  doing,  you  will 
find  that  when  you  are  a  man  you  can't  pray  when  you  want 
to;  you  won't  be  able  to  attend  then.'  Years  afterward  the 
boy  met  a  school  friend  and  said:  'Do  you  remember  what 
so  and  so  (naming  his  old  master)  said  about  my  not  attend- 
ing? Well,  it  has  come  quite  true.  I  find  I  simply  can't 
attend  when  I  try  to  pray.' " 

Dr.  Henry  Hurlbert  reminds  us:  "Our  word  'thank'  comes 
from  the  same  Aryan  root  as  does  the  word  'think.'  A 
think-ful  heart  is  a  thank-ful  heart.  Let  even  a  very  little 
child  be  made  thankful  about  God's  goodness,  and  he  will 
desire  to  thank  Him." 

In  a  charming  book  for  children,  called  "The  Little  Book 
of  Courtesie,"  Katharine  Tynan  Hinkson  has  put  quaintly  the 
message  which  we  have  to  give  our  children:  "The  wise  Child, 
when  he  has  awakened  from  sleep  and  risen  and  clad  himself, 
will  remember  Him  who  kept  him  all  the  night  in  peace 
and  safety,  and,  kneeling  down,  with  his  hands  and  his  heart 
lifted  to  Heaven,  he  will  praise  and  thank  that  Kind  Maker 
and  Preserver.  He  will  be  so  in  unison  with  all  Creation, 
for  the  Birds  sing,  the  Flowers  lift  their  faces,  the  whole 
world,  refreshed,  sends  up  grateful  incense  toward  the  good 
God.  Even  in  the  Wintertime,  if  the  child  be  housed  in 
Town  rather  than  in  the  fresh  and  pleasant  Country,  he  will 
hear  the  Sparrows  saying  their  prayers.  Be  quite  sure  that  in 
the  great  chorus  of  praise  which  all  creation  is  sending  up 

[77] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

to  the  Throne  of  God  that  kind  and  fatherly  God  would  miss 
the  voice  of  one  little  Child  who  had  forgotten  Him.  It 
would  be  the  greatest  Discourtesy  if  while  he  prayed  a 
Child  were  to  think  of  other  things— of  his  Breakfast,  or  his 
Games,  or  a  Treat  promised  him,  or  any  other  matter  what- 
soever. If  one  was  talking  to  some  one  very  dear,  Father 
or  Mother  or  favorite  Friend,  he  would  not  be  thinking  of 
other  things  and  not  of  them.  So  the  good  Child  will  say 
his  Prayers,  remembering  to  Whom  he  speaks;  and  after- 
wards he  will  go  to  his  daily  Tasks  and  Pleasures  with  a  sense 
of  Blessing," 

How  TO  Teach  a  Child  to  Pray 
"When  Margery  was  about  two,"  says  the  mother 
in  a  book  by  Susan  Chenery,  "I  taught  her  to  say  a 
little  prayer,  and  had  her  repeat  it  every  night  on 
going  to  bed.  'God  bless  Margery,' — that  was  all  at 
first;  but  I  showed  her  how  to  kneel,  and  she  understood 
that  the  prayer  was  always  to  come  before  lying  down  for 
the  night.  Of  course,  the  name  of  God  meant  nothing  to 
her,  and  the  three  words  together  nothing  at  all.  My  only 
idea  was  to  have  her  begin  to  pray  so  early  that  it  would  be 
second  nature  to  her  to  say  her  evening  prayer,  and,  indeed, 
that  she  should  not  be  able  to  recall  the  time  when  she  did 
not  say  it.  As  she  grew  older  I  suggested  'God  bless  papa. 
God  bless  mamma.  God  bless  Frank.  God  bless  Margery,' 
and  this  was  the  form  for  some  time,  but  was  altered  to 
admit  others  from  time  to  time,  and  often  stretches  out  now 
into  a  long  list  of  friends  and  relatives. 

"Not  for  a  long  time  did  I  try  to  teach  her  anything  about 
God;  but  it  was  probably  in  answer  to  some  questions  of 
hers  that  I  explained,  when  she  was  old  enough  to  be  inter- 
ested, that  God  loves  us,  that  He  is  the  Father  of  all  the 
people  in  the  world,  that  He  wants  everyone  to  do  what  is 

[78] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

right,  that  He  sees  everything  that  happens,  that  He  is  glad 
when  we  do  right  and  sorry  when  we  do  wrong,  and  that  He 
has  a  home  where  He  takes  His  children  when  they  are 
through  with  this  world." 

One  mother,  cited  by  Kate  Upson  Clark,  met  a  special 
problem  in  teaching  her  child  to  frame  a  prayer  of  his  own. 
She  met  it  wisely,  as  follows:  "I  found  it  impossible,  when 
my  eldest  child  became  old  enough  to  make  up  a  prayer  for 
himself,  to  induce  him  to  do  it.  He  was  too  shy  and  too 
reserved  to  do  it.  He  could  not  seem  to  find  the  words.  I 
meditated  upon  the  matter,  and  prayed  for  light  upon  it.  At 
last  I  saw  that,  as  the  most  effective  instruction  is  by  means 
of  the  object  lesson,  it  was  my  duty  to  offer  such  a  prayer  as 
I  thought  he  ought  to,  until  he  should  learn  to  do  it  for 
himself.  Therefore,  instead  of  offering  a  mere  formal  and 
conventional  prayer,  as  I  had  been  used  to,  I  began  to  offer 
such  a  prayer  as  I  thought  he  would  want  to,  using  expres- 
sions like,  'when  I  grow  up,'  and  'help  me  to  obey  my  father 
and  mother  and  teachers,'  just  as  if  he  were  talking  himself. 
The  prayer  is  always  very  short  and  plain.  As  the  younger 
children  became  old  enough  to  understand,  I  adopted  the 
same  custom  wuth  them. 

"That  they  enjoyed  this  little  prayer,  so  simple  and  so 
short  that  I  am  almost  ashamed  to  mention  it,  is  proved  by 
the  fact  that  they  often  say,  'Don't  forget  your  little  prayer, 
mamma' ;  and  if  I  am  going  out  to  dinner,  or  to  any  enter- 
tainment, they  say,  'Why,  mamma,  you  can't  say  your  little 
prayer  if  you  go  away  and  don't  get  back  until  we  have 
gone  to  sleep.' " 

This  practice  is  certainly  a  beautiful  one,  and  if  the  mother 
does  not  always  succeed  in  making  her  petitions  childlike 
and  the  Httle  one  falls  asleep,  it  will  in  later  days  be  a  sacred 
memory  that  she  used  to  fall  asleep  amid  her  mother's 
prayers. 

[79] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

It  is  a  misfortune  to  allow  children  to  think  that  petition 
must  be  the  cliief  element  in  prayer.  If  they  think  that,  they 
are  bound  to  become  selfish.  The  chief  element  in  a  true 
prayer  is  gratitude.  A  spirit  of  thankfulness,  appreciation 
for  daily  blessings,  is  easily  inculcated  by  taking  every 
good  gift  as  direct  from  the  Father's  hand  and  mentioning 
it  as  such  to  the  child.  Susan  Chenery  cites  her  observation 
of  the  mother  in  her  story,  as  follows: 

"I  not  infrequently  heard  her  say  when  the  children  were 
near:  T  thank  God  for  this  beautiful  day.'  T  thank  God  for 
this  lovely  rain.'  T  thank  God  that  papa  is  all  right  again.* 
T  thank  God  that  He  sent  you  to  me,  my  darling  child.'  'I 
thank  God  that  no  bones  were  broken  in  that  fall.'  I  told 
Helen  one  day  that  she  reminded  me  of  the  'Lord  save  us'  of 
some  of  our  humbler  fellow  Christians!" 

"  T  think  I  learned  it  from  them,'  she  answered,  a  twinkle 
rippling  over  her  face.  'I  say  it  in  my  heart  every  time  my 
feet  are  kept  from  falling,  but  I  say  it  aloud  when  the  chil- 
dren are  near,  that  they  may  know  my  dependence  upon 
God.'  " 

The  mother  who  keeps  the  thought  of  gratitude  continually 
before  her  children  will  soon  see  what  an  effect  it  has  upon 
their  characters  in  making  them  happy  and  more  content. 
Here  comes  the  close  relation  between  hymns  and  prayer, 
since  a  hymn  is  chiefly  a  song  of  gratitude. 

From  the  little  kindergarten  song,  "Father,  we  thank 
thee,"  to  the  longer  hymns  in  the  church  hymnals,  there  are 
many  songs  and  hymns  which  have  a  powerful  influence  in 
directing  the  child's  thought  to  its  Maker  and  instilling  the 
habit  of  praise  and  thankfulness. 

One  mother  always  begins  the  day  with  a  hymn  of  praise. 
The  children  are  awakened  by  it,  and  each  joins  in  as  he 
hears  it  until  all  are  singing  happily. 

When  the  child  is  old  enough  to  attend  church,  special 

[80] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

care  should  be  taken  to  instruct  him  as  to  the  meaning  of 
public  worship.  At  the  first,  attendance  upon  such  services 
should  be  a  special  reward  of  merit  at  home  and  for  good 
behavior  at  church.  But  in  early  years  the  impressive  morn- 
ing worship  will  have  the  most  potent  effect  on  the  child's 
whole  life.  On  entering  the  church,  as  the  organ  plays 
devotionally,  the  child  should  be  taught  to  bow  the  head  in 
worship.  At  that  moment  he  may  be  instructed  to  whisper 
a  little  prayer  which  he  has  learned  at  home  for  the  purpose. 
I  suggest  this : 

Dear  Father,  here  T  am  in  Thy  house,  to  thank  Thee  for  Thy 
goodness  to  me  and  to  all  Thy  people.  Help  me  as  I  sing  and 
listen  with  those  who  love  Thee.    Amen. 

If  there  is  an  opportunity  to  kneel  or  bow  before  going 
out,  the  child  may  say: 

Dear  Father,  I  am  going  away  now  from  Thy  house  out 
into  the  world.  Help  me  not  to  forget  Thee,  and  to  be  always 
thankful.     Amen. 

So  Strong  is  the  imitativeness  of  little  children  that  it  is 
often  extraordinarily  difficult  to  determine,  even  in  the  case 
of  the  child  of  six  or  seven,  how  far  his  religion  has,  even  at 
that  age,  become  directly  personal  or  whether  God  is  not 
often  a  being  to  whom  access  is  only  possible  through  some 
one  else.  Susan  Chenery  gives  an  illustration  in  which  we 
seem  to  watch  the  growth  of  the  child  into  a  personal  con- 
ception of  God. 

"Margery  had  been  repeating  a  prayer  for  a  good  many 
months  before  she  realized  the  privileges  of  prayer.  One 
night  she  said  to  me  as  I  tucked  her  up  for  the  night, 
'Mamma,  what  do  people  do  when  they  want  things?'  Not 
quite  understanding  her,  I  yet  answered,  'If  it  is  something 
to  buy,  and  they  have  money  and  know  it  is  right  to  buy 
it,  why,  they  go  and  get  it.'     'But  if  it  isn't  to  buy  with  money, 

[8i] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

and  they  don't  know  how  to  get  it?'  'I'll  tell  you  what  I  do, 
Margery;  I  ask  God  to  let  me  have  it  if  it  is  good  for  me,  but 
that  I  don't  want  it  if  it  isn't,'  'How  do  you  ask  Him?'  'I 
say,  "Oh,  God,  if  it  is  best,  help  me  to  get  this  thing,  and 
don't  let  me  have  it  if  it  isn't  good  for  me."  '  *Oh,  yes, 
now  I  know.  If  I  whisper  it,  can  He  hear?'  'Yes,  indeed, 
or  if  you  just  think  it,  He  will  know  all  about  it.'  She  told 
me  afterward  what  it  was  she  wanted,  and  that  she  had  asked 
for  it." 

A  second-hand  relation  to  religion  may  be  due  to  the 
habit  of  always  encouraging  children  to  say  their  prayers 
at  their  mother's  knee.  It  may  be  that  entire  solitude  some- 
times will  help  counteract  the  tendency  of  letting  the  mother 
be  always  mediator  between  the  child  and  God. 

The  child  who  has  been  taught  that  the  existence  of  a 
personal  God  is  a  sure  conviction  has  a  personal  religious 
experience  which  is  both  a  comfort  and  strength.  Mrs. 
Mumford  cites  a  boy  named  Stephen,  who  was  about  four 
years  old  and  who  was  prone  to  fits  of  rudeness  and  anger. 
One  day  there  had  been  a  particularly  sad  exhibition  of 
temper  and  his  mother,  thinking  he  might  get  help  from 
prayer — she  had  tried  with  all  her  might  to  teach  him  self- 
control,  but  failure  was  frequent — added,  when  he  had  fin- 
ished his  prayers  at  night,  that  she  wanted  to  say  a  few  words 
to  God  for  him.  "Don't  tell  Him  about  today,"  urged  the 
poor  little  lad,  his  conscience  pricking  him  at  once,  but  when 
his  mother  told  him  that  He  knew  without  being  told, 
and  was  so  sorry,  and  wanted  to  help.  "If  He  knows," 
he  added,  "I  am  glad.  Do  ask  Him  to  help  me;  I  can't 
manage." 

A  sense  of  the  personal  presence  of  God  is  not  only  a 
comfort,  but  a  support.  The  child  who  feels  it  can  be  trusted 
anywhere.  "He  has  within  him,"  says  Dr.  Hodges,  "a  de- 
fense against  evil,  and  an  inspiration  to  do  good.     His  own, 

[82] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

native,  independent  desire  to  please  God.  He  has  a  talis- 
man of  protection  and  strength  which  no  amount  of  moral 
teaching  can  give  him.  He  has  been  given  a  spiritual  en- 
dowment which  will  make  him  rich  as  long  as  he  lives." 

Perhaps  the  prayer  most  commonly  taught  to  little  chil- 
dren is  the  one  that  begins  "Now  I  lay  me."  This  has  been 
objected  to  by  many  parents  because  of  its  entire  selfishness 
and  its  prominent  suggestion  of  danger  and  death.  It  is  no 
longer  necessary  that  every  child's  prayer  should  include 
an  anticipation  of  night  attacks  of  enemies.  A  better  render- 
ing is  this: 

"Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep, 
I  pray  Thee,  Lord,  my  soul  to  keep ; 
Thy  love  be  with  me  through  the  night, 
And  bless  me  with  the  morning  light." 

Mrs.  Mary  Duncan  many  years  ago  composed  a  rhyming 
prayer  which  is  thoroughly  childlike  and  contains  many  ele- 
ments of  a  good  prayer. 

"Jesus,  tender  Shepherd,  hear  me,   "All  this  day  Thy  hand  has  led  me, 
Bless  Thy  little  Iamb  to-night;       And  I  thank  Thee  for  Thy  care ; 
Through    the    darkness    be    Thou    Thou    hast    warmed    me,    clothed 
near  me;  and  fed  me; 

Keep  me  safe  till  morning  light.       Listen  to  my  evening  prayer! 

"Let  my  sins  be  all  forgiven ; 

Bless  the  friends  I  love  so  well ; 
Take  us  all  at  last  to  heaven. 
Happy  there  with  Thee  to  dwell." 

Dr.  George  Hodges  gives  the  following  petition,  in  which 
the  suggestion  of  a  rhyme  assists  the  memory:  "O  Lord  our 
Heavenly  Father,  lead  me,  guard  me,  help  me,  bless  me, 
keep  me,  make  me  pure  and  brave  and  true  in  all  I  think  and 
say  and  do!" 

Mrs.  Mumford  suggests  two  elements  as  appropriate  to 
the  content  of  a  child's  prayer. 

[83] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

"In  the  first  place,  the  words  of  the  prayer,  if  words  have 
to  be  suggested,  must  be  in  touch  with  the  child's  experience 
and  feelings. 

"In  the  second  place,  such  experience  must  be  recalled, 
and  the  feeling  of  love  reawakened,  as  a  preliminary  to 
prayer.  Only  in  this  way  can  prayer  be  real  on  the  part  of 
the  child." 

The  author  has  collected  from  various  sources  a  small 
Treasury  of  Prayers  for  Little  Children,  in  each  of  which 
Mrs.  Mumford's  two  criteria,  of  suitableness  of  thought  and 
stimulation  of  feeling,  seem  to  be  regarded. 

A  Treasury  of  Prayers 

A  Morning  Prayer 

Dear  God,  I  thank  Thee  for  the  light  and  the  food  and  the 
love  and  for  all  the  other  good  things  Thou  hast  given  me. 
Please  help  me  to  be  a  good,  kind  child  to-day  and  bless 
and  (naming  those  he  loves.)     Amen. 

A  Morning  Prayer 

"God,  guide  and  guard  us  all  to-day, 
In  times  of  work  and  thought  and'  play. 
Help  us  to  live  in  ways  to  prove 
That  we  are  grateful  for  Your  love.    Amen." 

— John  Martin. 

A  Morning  Prayer 

"Father,    we    thank    Thee    for   the  "Help    us    to    do    the    things    we 

night,  should, 

And    for    the    pleasant    morning  To  be  to  others  kind  and  good; 

light;  In  all  we  do  in  work  or  play, 

For  rest  and  food  and  loving  care.  To  grow  more  loving  every  day." 
And  all  that  makes  the  day  so  fair. 

A  Morning  Prayer 

"Father,  dear,  I   fain  would  thank  ".Ml  that  I  today  am  doing 

Thee  Help  me,  Lord,  to  do  for  Thee; 

For  my  long  refreshing  sleep  May  I  kind  and  helpful  be, 

And    the    watch    that   Thou    didst  Only  good  in  others  see, 

keep,  Try    to    serve    Thee    faithfully. 

While  I  slumbered  soft  and  deep,  Amen." 
O'er  Thy  child  so  lovinglj'. 

[84] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

A  Morning  Prayer 

"Dear  God,  Good  Morning,    I  am   "Today  I'll  have  some  things  to 
glad  do. 

To  see  another  happy  day.  Oh,  may  I  do  my  very  best. 

I  know  that  nothing  hard  or  sad     Help  me  to  think  of  others,  too, 
Will  come  to  take  my  joy  away.       When    I   would   rather   play   or 
I   know   that   You   are   here   with  rest. 

me  Oh,  God,  please  let  me  have  some 

The  same  as  You  were  near  all  fun ; 

night;  Please  love  me  when  I  work  or 

And  You  will  help  me,  God,  to  see  play, 

What  I  should  do,  and  what  is    So  when  night  comes,  and  day  is 
right  done, 

I'll  know  I've  had  a  fine,  good 
day.     Amen." 

— John  Martin. 
A  MoRXiNr,  Prayer 

"For  this  new  morning  with  its  light. 
For  rest  and  shelter  of  the  night, 
For  health  and  food,  for  love  and  friends, 
For  everything  thy  goodness  sends 
We  thanic  thee,  heavenly  Father. 

"Father,  we  look  to  thee,  and  pray 
That  thou  wilt  guide  us  through  this  day. 
From  all  wrong-doing  keep  us  free; 
May  we  thy  loving  children  be." 

A  Grace  at  Table 

"Lord  Jesus,  be  our  Holy  Guest, 
Our  morning  Joy,  our  evening  Rest; 
And  with  our  daily  bread  impart 
Thy  love  and  peace  to  every  heart." 

A  Grace  at  Table 

"We  thank  Thee  for  this  bread  and  meat 
And  all  the  good  things  which  we  eat; 
Lord,  may  we  strong  and  happy  be. 
And  always  good  and  true  like  Thee." 

— James  Maxon  Yard. 

An  Evening  Prayer 

"Now  I  lay  me  down  to  sleep:  "And  dear  Father,  while  I  share 

Heavenly  Father,  wilt  Thou  keep      In  Thy  tender  love  and  care, 
Me  and  those  I  love  all  night?  Help    me    every   day   to   be 

For  with  Thee  'tis  always  light.         An     oliedicnt     child     to     Thee. 

Amen." 

— Henrietta  R.  Eliot. 

[85] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

An  Evening  Prayer 
"In  my  work  and  in  my  play 
Thou  hast  kept  me  through  the  day. 
While  I  close  my  eyes  in  sleep, 
Tender  watch  above  me  keep. 
Loving  Jesus,  meek  and  mild. 
Let  me  be  thine  own  dear  child.  Amen." 

An  E\'ening  Prayer 
"Father,  bless  Thy  little  child  tonight; 
Wake  me  with  the  morning  light. 
May  I  pure  and  holy  be. 
Daily  growing  more  like  Thee.  Amen." 

Ex.\MPLE 

"The  best  way  for  a  child  to  learn  to  fear  God,"  said  the 
good  and  gentle  Pestalozzi,  "is  to  see  and  know  a  real 
Christian." 

As  we  have  already  seen,  the  prominent  factor  in  the  child's 
early  religious  training  is  a  personal  one.  No  other  reli- 
gious impressions  can  compare  with  those  which  arise  from 
constant  intercourse  with  friends  whom  the  child  can  trust 
and  reverence  and  love.  Mrs.  Birney  says:  "The  mother's 
face  and  voice  are  the  first  conscious  objects  as  the  infant 
soul  unfolds,  and  she  soon  comes  to  stand  in  the  very  place 
of  God  to  her  child.  All  the  religion  of  which  the  child  is 
capable  during  this  by  no  means  brief  stage  of  its  develop- 
ment consists  of  those  sentiments — gratitude,  trust,  de- 
pendence, love,  etc.,  now  felt  only  for  her — which  are  later 
directed  toward  God.  The  less  these  are  now  cultivated 
toward  the  mother,  who  is  now  their  only  fitting,  if  not  their 
only  possible  object,  the  more  feebly  they  will  later  be  felt 
toward  God.  This,  too,  adds  greatly  to  the  sacredness  and 
the  responsibilities  of  motherhood." 

Walter  Savage  Landor's  line  is  still  true:  "Children  are  what 
their  mothers  are."  Whether  the  mother  is  habitually  under 
the  influence  of  calm  and  tranquil  emotions,  or  her  temper  is 
fluctuating  or  violent,  or  her  movements  are  habitually  ener- 
getic or  soft  and  caressing,  or  she  be  regular  or  irregular  in 

[86] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

her  ministrations  to  the  infant  in  her  arms,  all  these  charac- 
teristics and  habits  are  registered  in  the  primeval  language  of 
touch  upon  the  nervous  system  of  the  child. 

All  the  good  habits  that  we  have  been  talking  about  come 
chiefly  through  the  imitation  of  example,  and  a  bad  child  who 
has  always  had  good  examples  is  pretty  nearly  inconceivable. 
Lyman  Abbott  tells  of  a  young  girl  who  once  came  to  him, 
as  her  pastor,  seeking  admission  to  the  church.  He  asked  her 
the  common  question:  "Do  you  wish  to  be  like  Christ?" 
She  answered  with  simple  sincerity:  "I  don't  know;  but  I 
wish  to  be  like  mother."  There  was  no  further  question 
about  her  admission. 

Another  great  help  in  the  training  of  character  is  that  all 
examples  put  before  the  children  shall  be,  as  far  as  possible, 
only  good  examples  of  life  and  conduct.  It  is  better  for  this 
reason  that  even  stories  of  naughty  children  shall  be  kept 
from  young  children. 

Play 

If  the  religion  of  the  little  child  consists  largely  of  the  train- 
ing of  his  instincts  toward  good  habits,  then  the  greatest  of 
the  childish  instincts,  play,  must  have  a  central  place  in  the 
child's  religious  development.  "Example,"  Arthur  Holmes  tells 
us,  "appeals  to  the  imitative  instinct;  environment  stimulates 
and  suppresses  a  host  of  instincts,  and  play  creates  the  boy's 
own  world  and  fits  him  to  it."  "What  a  child  is  in  play  he 
is  in  the  holy  of  holies  of  his  being!"  Play  is  free  self-ex- 
pression. It  is  complete  self-relaxation.  It  is  the  chief 
means  of  early  development.  A  child  in  play  pursues  an 
ideal,  and  we  who  are  older  seldom  pursue  our  ideals  with 
vigor,  except  in  the  spirit  of  play.  Play,  therefore,  is  a  re- 
ligious instrument  of  the  highest  value. 

Childish  play  is  generally  of  two  kinds — imitative  and  con- 
structive. Through  imitative  play  the  child  follows  the  ex- 
amples set  before  him  and  dwells  in  a  mimic  world  of  his 

[87] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

own.  Through  constructive  play  he  learns  to  understand 
this  world  and  to  master  it.  Froebel  said  that  because  man 
is  divine  he  must  also  be  creative,  and  the  chief  purpose  of 
the  kindergarten  is  to  draw  out  a  child's  creative  powers. 
Interest  and  effort,  attention  and  perseverance  in  difficulties 
all  begin  to  appear  in  creative  play  and  with  the  happiest 
effect  upon  character.  "If  children  are  to  understand  God 
as  Creator,"  says  Mrs.  Mumford,  "it  must  be  through  their 
own  occupations  in  Nature,  through  the  planting  of  seeds, 
the  tending  of  animals,  through  their  own  experiences,  their 
own  personal  activity.  Ruth  and  Mary,  about  five  years  old, 
shared  between  them  a  flower-bed,  and  in  this  bed  they,  Hke 
the  other  children  in  the  school,  had  sown  a  few  peas  and 
beans.  Every  day  they  would  grub  up  the  earth  with  their 
little  hands,  to  see  why  the  seeds  did  not  come  up,  much  as 
Budge  and  Toddy,  having  buried  the  dead  bird,  dug  up  the 
earth  to  find  out  when  the  bird  went  to  heaven.  In  the  other 
children's  beds,  little  green  seedlings  were  beginning  to  peep 
above  the  ground,  and  these  two  inquisitive  little  ones  looked 
sadly  at  them,  and  then  at  their  own  bed,  where  nothing 
was  yet  showing.  It  was  explained  to  them  that  if  they 
wanted  their  own  seeds  to  grow,  they  must  be  patient  and 
leave  them  alone  for  awhile.  So  every  day  they  visited  their 
garden,  and,  with  great  self-control,  refrained  from  touching 
the  soil — and  at  last,  one  morning,  they  were  found  kneeling 
by  the  bed,  in  a  perfect  transport  of  wonder  and  delight,  at 
the  green  blades  which  are  just  peeping  up  above  the 
ground. 

"They  had  seen  plants  growing  often  enough,  but  they  had 
not  paid  any  attention,  because  they  themselves  had  not 
taken  any  part  in  sowing  and  caring  for  the  seedlings.  But 
now,  for  the  first  time,  they  were  consciously  face  to  face 
with  this  wonder  of  Nature;  yesterday  there  was  nothing  to 
be  seen,  today  little  green  leaves  were  peeping  through  the 

[88] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

soil!  'Was  it  you,  children?'  the  teacher  asked,  'who  made 
them  grow?'  'No,'  said  Mary;  'God  did  it.'  And  then  the 
teacher  told  them  how  God  made  the  sun  shine,  so  as  to 
w-arm  the  earth;  then  sent  the  dew  and  rain  to  soften  the 
ground,  and  so  helped  the  seeds  to  grow.  Little  Ruth  and 
Mary  were  keenly  interested;  and  later  in  the  day,  when  the 
children  were  matting,  out  of  the  fullness  of  her  heart,  Ruth 
asked  if  she  could  give  hers  to  God!'' 

Often  duty  may  be  largely  done  by  the  child  in  the  spirit 
of  imaginative  play.  "Make  this  hard  piece  of  work,"  says 
Arthur  Holmes,  "part  of  some  game.  Putting  away  play- 
blocks  can  be  made  the  part  of  some  game.  Song  and  music 
can  accompany  a  very  arduous  piece  of  work.  When  nat- 
ural incentives  fail,  artificial  ones  can  be  found.  Again, 
instincts  can  be  matched  against  instincts.  Aversion  can  be 
met  with  desire.  In  this  game  of  matching,  always  the  high- 
est and  not  the  lowest  instincts  should  be  appealed  to  first. 
Rewards  should  come  before  punishments.  Deprivations 
should  precede  infliction  of  pain.  Only  as  a  last  resort  and 
in  peculiar  cases,  like  open  physical  rebellion  or  cruel  in- 
fliction of  pain,  should  a  trainer  of  normal  children  be  com- 
pelled to  step  down  to  the  physical  plane  of  matching  his 
brute  powers  against  those  of  his  pupils.  For,  remember 
once  more,  that  the  purpose  is  to  make  men  and  women, 
not  merely  to  get  things  done." 

"It  is  well,"  says  Mrs.  Fisher,  "to  make  a  plain  statement 
to  the  child  of  five — that  he  is  requested  to  wipe  the  silver- 
ware because  it  will  be  of  service  to  his  mother  (if  he  is 
lucky  enough  to  have  a  mother  who  ever  does  so  obviously 
necessary  and  useful  a  thing  as  to  wash  the  dishes  herself), 
but  it  is  not  necessary  to  insist  that  this  conception  of  service 
shall  uncompromisingly  occupy  his  mind  during  the  whole 
process.  It  does  no  harm  if,  after  this  statement,  it  is  sug- 
gested that  the  knives  and  forks  and  spoons  are  shipwrecked 

[89] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

people  in  dire  need  of  rescue,  and  that  it  would  be  fun  to 
snatch  them  from  their  watery  predicament  and  restore  them 
safely  to  their  expectant  families  in  the  silver  drawer.  By 
so  doing  we  are  not  really  confusing  the  issue  or  'fooling'  the 
child  into  a  good  action,  if  clear  thinking  on  the  part  of 
adults  accompany  this  process.  We  are  but  suiting  the  bur- 
den to  the  childish  shoulders,  but  inducing  the  child  to  take 
a  single  step,  which  is  all  that  any  of  us  can  take  at  one  time, 
in  the  path  leading  to  the  service  of  others." 

Stories 
The  story  is  par  excellence  the  language  of  childhood. 
Stories  are  pictures  of  life.  With  children  they  are  the  most 
characteristic  form  of  expression  and  are  the  most  success- 
ful and  expressive  means  of  conveying  to  them  our  ideas. 
They  are  the  most  concrete  method  of  teaching  and  the  most 
interesting.  By  means  of  stories  the  story  teller  appeals  not 
only  to  the  intellect,  but  to  the  feelings,  and  adds  the  value 
of  his  own  personality.  They  are  a  source  of  joy  both  now 
and  through  life.  A  source  of  joy  is  a  source  of  strength. 
Children,  as  we  have  seen,  like  to  create;  and  whether  it  be 
with  sand,  wood  or  words,  the  underlying  processes  are  the 
same.  For  a  child  to  retell  a  story  means  that  he  enters 
into  the  spirit  of  it;  that  he  sees  clearly  the  mental  picture; 
that  he  feels  its  underlying  life.  The  story  is  of  social  value. 
It  interprets  life  to  the  child;  and  as  it  arouses  his  sympa- 
thies, it  enables  him  to  live  more  broadly.  As  a  disciplinary 
agency  it  is  unexcelled.  It  is  far  better  than  scolding;  it  is 
often  clearer  than  a  command,  and  it  has  the  great  advantage 
of  drawing  the  child  in  bonds  of  affection  to  his  elder.  Still 
further  is  the  added  charm  of  the  personal  element  in  story 
telling.  When  you  make  a  story  your  own  and  tell  it,  the 
listener  gets  the  story  plus  your  appreciation  of  it.  In  other 
words,  he  gets  you.    The  story  has  moral  value.    Truth  in 

l9o] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

epigram  is  dead;  in  the  story  it  lives  because  the  story  shows 
how  it  has  been  Hved  by  actual  men  and  women.  The  con- 
fidence which  the  story  suggests  gives  vital  power  to  the 
child.  Through  story  telling  the  child  may  be  taught  the 
difference  between  right  and  wrong  and  his  mind  may  be 
stocked  with  beautiful  mental  images.  By  sympathy  with 
the  story  the  child  unconsciously  takes  sides  with  the  truth. 
Since  the  child  cannot  admire  qualities  except  in  persons,  he 
cannot  adore  God  or  love  virtue  until  he  hears  them  or  sees 
them  in  actual  instances.  The  qualities  of  human  character 
illustrated  by  stories  win  the  child's  admiration  and  alle- 
giance. Dr.  Partridge  goes  so  far  as  to  say:  "The  story 
holds  a  central  place  in  the  teaching  of  religion.  More  than 
anything  else,  it  can  give  breadth  of  experience,  the  imagin- 
ative grasp  of  the  unseen  world  and  the  moods  which  are  the 
bias  of  religion  in  the  child." 

Many  a  moral  victory  is  won  or  lost  before  the  actual  strug- 
gle in  the  objective  world  is  begun.  The  battle  is  decided 
in  the  preliminary  skirmish  of  contending  mental  images.  If 
the  child  is  stocked  up  with  virtuous  and  inspiring  mental 
images  through  stories,  his  imagination  is  already  captured 
by  goodness.  If  it  is  a  fact,  as  psychologists  tell  us,  that  the 
mind  works  through  the  grooves  of  ideas  furnished,  and  that, 
while  the  will  has  certain  freedom  in  choosing  a  lot  of  new 
grooves  and  in  leaving  out  of  the  mind  a  lot  of  old  things, 
it  chiefly  moves  along  the  rails  of  the  ideas  which  have  been 
laid  down,  then  the  parent  who  furnishes  the  child  a  treasury 
of  good  stories  is  building  the  roadway  along  which  the  will, 
as  it  develops,  may  most  easily  run.  If  the  child  exercises 
his  instincts  through  play  he  exercises  his  memory  and 
imagination  largely  through  stories. 

It  is  not  necessary  to  tag  a  moral  to  a  tale  in  order  to 
make  it  morally  effective.  If  the  mother  can  in  her  story 
relate  a  similar  moral  situation  to  that  which  she  is  trying  to 

[91] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

remedy,  the  child  will  catch  the  point.    One  mother  of  our 

acquaintance  used  to  make  a  point  on  Sunday  to  tell,  under 
the  name  of  another  child  character,  of  dispositions  and  inci- 
dents which  she  had  noticed  in  her  own  children's  lives  during 
the  week.  She  did  this  so  skilfully  that  they  would,  in  sur- 
prise, tell  her  that  they  had  been  in  the  same  case.  There  was 
no  difficulty  as  to  the  application.  It  is  possible  to  carry 
along  from  time  to  time  incidents  concerning  an  imaginary 
"Grumpy,"  or  "Lazy  Lawrence,"  or  "Mary  Quite  Contrary," 
and  promise  to  call  some  child  by  such  a  title  of  reproach  if  he 
deserves  it,  or,  still  better,  to  tell  of  the  exploits  of  a  hero 
and  encourage  the  child  to  incarnate  him.  The  imagina- 
tiveness of  children,  particularly  from  four  onward,  is  so 
strong  that  such  an  identification  easily  becomes  one  of  the 
strongest  moral  incentives. 

The  Little  Child  and  the  Bible 
The  reason  why  the  Bible  is  the  child's  first  and  best  story- 
book is  because  the  early  Israelites  were  the  child-nation — 
a  nation  with  its  face  toward  God.  If  it  be  true  that  the  little 
child  does  not  have  an  innate  God-consciousness,  it  is  never- 
theless a  fact  that,  as  Mrs.  Louise  Seymour  Houghton  tells 
us:  "There  is  in  all  the  world  nothing  so  reasonable  to  the 
unsophisticated  human  mind  as  God.  The  little  child,  'made 
of  dust  and  the  Father's  breath,'  has  a  bias  toward  the 
faculty  of  God-consciousness.  The  Old  Testament  is  the  best 
of  all  religious  story-books  for  the  little  child,  because  it  is 
the  one  book  in  the  world  in  which  it  is  assumed  that  man  is 
in  a  divine  order.  The  relations  with  God,  as  we  find  them  in 
the  Old  Testament,  are  the  relations  of  a  child-people  with 
their  heavenly  Father," 

Even  the  order  of  the  books  of  the  Bible  seems  appro- 
priate to  the  stages  of  the  child's  development.  It  begins 
with    stories    of   the    creation — a   wonder-tale    that   appeals 

[92] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

strongly  to  the  mind  of  the  child  who  is  beginning  to  ask 
"Why?"  and  "How?"  Next  comes  a  period  of  pastoral  Hfe, 
affecting  the  child's  out-of-doors  interests;  then  the  heroic 
stage,  telling  of  the  God  of  battles,  the  stern  and  just  Law- 
giver and  Inflictor  of  punishments  like  the  parent — a  narra- 
tive full  of  wonderful  tales,  of  which  the  child  never  tires. 
Later  comes  the  story  of  Jesus,  with  its  spirit  of  love  and 
self-sacrifice,  especially  appealing  to  adolescents,  but  con- 
taining in  its  child  episodes  much  that  touches  the  affections 
and  sympathies  of  the  little  child. 

The  parent,  of  course  tells  Bible  stories  by  a  wise  selec- 
tion. The  story  of  the  creation,  in  the  second  chapter  of 
Genesis,  with  its  picturesque  details  and  human  interest,  is 
far  more  effective  than  that  in  the  first  chapter  or  that  in  the 
book  of  Job.  There  are,  for  instance,  in  the  Old  Testament 
narratives  which  wind  like  a  river  under  terrible  crags, 
through  malarial  reaches  and  into  untraversable  bogs.  The 
mother  will  forsake  these  for  the  sunlit  streams  and  the 
musical  waterfalls.  The  exact  narrative  of  the  Scripture 
must,  of  course,  be  freely  handled.  Some  even  accommodate 
the  Bible  to  modern  thought  by  up-to-date  slang.  This  is 
scarcely  necessary,  but  is  perhaps  a  fault  in  the  right  direction. 
It  would  certainly  not  do  violence  to  the  spirit  of  the  Scrip- 
tures if  the  mother  should  tell  a  Bible  story  about  kittens 
instead  of  sheep,  if  the  child  were  familiar  with  kittens  and 
did  not  know  anything  about  sheep.  We  always  have  the 
privilege  of  expanding  where  the  original  is  terse,  or  em- 
phasizing what  the  original  takes  for  granted  and  of  using 
the  imagination,  especially  in  response  to  the  little  child's 
questions. 

As  to  the  method  of  Bible  stories,  perhaps  the  best  single 
word  to  speak  is  that  one  should  tell  such  stories  as  folk  lore. 
Such  they  really  were,  and  as  such  they  should  be  given  to 
the  child.     Let  the  mother,  in  telling  Old  Testament  stories, 

[93] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

imagine  herself  an  aged  Hebrew  nurse,  handing  down  the 
traditions  of  her  race  to  a  circle  of  eager-eyed  children.  Let 
her  tell  such  stories  as  if  she  were  sitting  in  a  window  over- 
looking the  events  that  were  at  that  very  moment  taking 
place,  of  which  the  children  could  not  possibly  have  any 
knowledge  except  what  she  makes  clear  to  them. 

As  to  the  purpose  of  Bible  story-telling  to  a  child,  Mrs. 
Houghton  gives  us  a  wise  word  when  she  says  that  it  is  "in 
order  to  give  a  religious  meaning  to  all  the  experiences  of 
his  early  life."  Beginning  at  about  three,  the  story  is  to  be 
told  in  its  simplest  possible  outline  and  as  much  as  may  be 
in  the  Bible  words.  At  about  five  an  elementary  unfolding 
of  its  spiritual  meaning  may  come  in  answer  to  the  child's 
questions.  In  the  story  of  Cain  and  Abel,  for  instance,  it  is 
possible  to  give  the  narrative  a  religious  meaning  which  shall 
touch  the  experiences  of  the  child  in  two  ways:  by  showing 
the  interest  which  God  has  in  the  spirit  of  love  in  the  gifts 
of  his  children,  and  by  reminding  the  little  one  of  the  joy 
which  comes  from  taming  the  young  lion  of  hatred  before 
it  grows  big  and  strong,  and  of  the  sorrow  and  pain  which 
follows  if  this  lion  grows  strong  and  cruel. 

Church-going  and  Sunday  School 
It  would  seem  to  be  a  wise  practice  for  children  to  begin 
the  habit  of  church-going  at  about  the  time  when  they  begin 
to  go  to  public  school.  Even  before  this  age  most  children 
are  eager  to  attend.  It  seems  better  to  keep  church-going 
as  a  special  privilege  and  reward  for  good  behavior  until  the 
age  of  reasonably  steady  habits.  In  many  churches  the  rigor 
of  the  long  service  is  mitigated  by  a  special  nursery  for  little 
children,  conducted  during  a  part  or  the  whole  of  the  service. 
There  is  no  doubt  an  impressiveness  even  in  a  beautiful 
service  which  the  child  does  not  understand  that  becomes  a 
wholesome  and  precious  influence  through  life.     There  are 

[94] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

some  children  who  are  so  nervous  that  early  church-going 
does  not  seem  advisable.  Church  should  never  seem  to  a 
child  like  imprisonment.  The  habit  should  certainly  begin 
as  a  privilege  and  delight  and  then  should  become  a  duty, 
but  not  an  unpleasant  one. 

From  the  very  early  days  the  child  should  be  taught  to 
love  the  church,  as  his  larger  household.  A  little  girl  of 
three  and  a  half  was  taken  one  day  by  her  father  into  the 
church  in  which  she  had  been  baptized.  Pointing  to  the 
font,  he  said,  "Do  you  know  what  happened  to  you  there?" 

For  a  moment  the  child  looked  perplexed,  and  nestling  up 
to  her  father  said,  "You  tell  me,  daddy." 

"No,"  he  replied,  "I  want  you  to  tell  me." 

There  was  another  moment's  hesitation  and  then  she 
looked  up  to  him,  and  very  solemnly  said,  *'I  was  heavened 
there!" 

Would  that  the  church  might  mean  this  to  every  little 
child. 

In  many  homes  the  custom  has  grown  of  regarding  Sun- 
day school  as  a  substitute  for  the  church  service.  The 
expectation  may  be  that  this  will  gradually  lead  later  to  the 
habit  of  church  attendance.  It  turns  out,  however,  that  it  is 
often  a  distinct  obstacle  to  such  a  habit;  and  nothing  could 
be  more  sad  to  those  who  desire  that  the  church  should 
have  a  large  place  in  the  future  than  to  see  a  throng  of 
children  going  home  from  Sunday  school  while  a  smaller 
throng  of  adults  is  going  to  church.  Some  very  recent 
studies  of  children's  intellectual  capacity  lead  us  to  suppose 
that  there  is  a  very  distinct  break  at  about  the  beginning  of 
the  fifth  year.  This  seems  to  be  a  period  of  distinct  awaken- 
ing, both  of  mind  and  will.  It  is  a  new  phase  of  the  curiosity 
period,  and  is  a  season  when  many  children  begin  to  become 
rebellious.  Whether  this  somewhat  sudden  development  is 
due  to  the  stimulus  of  going  to  school  and  coming  into  con- 

[95] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

tact  with  other  children  is  not  yet  settled.  Many  of  our 
religious  leaders,  however,  feel  that  this  is  a  strong  indication 
that  the  beginning  of  the  fifth  year,  rather  than  before,  is 
the  earliest  time  that  a  child  may  wisely  attend  Sunday  school. 
Before  that  year  he  is  incapable  of  class  instruction,  and  the 
habit  of  inattention,  formed  then,  is  a  barrier  to  religious 
education  later.  Just  as  public  schools,  even  the  kinder- 
garten, prefer  not  to  take  children  until  they  are  five,  so, 
perhaps,  the  Sunday  school  will  some  day  follow  their  ex- 
ample. Before  that  time  the  child  needs  individual  instruc- 
tion and  should  receive  his  religious  training  from  his 
mother. 


[96] 


CHAPTER   VIII 
FACTS    FOR    ENCOURAGEMENT 

The  Child  Is  on  Our  Side 

One  fact  of  infinite  encouragement,  so  soon  as  the  days 
of  infancy  are  over,  is  that  we  really  have  the  child  on  our 
side. 

The  moral  law  is  resident  within  him — it  is  not  an  impor- 
tation. If  we  be  wise  and  careful,  he  may  come  to  recognize, 
whether  as  the  unfoldment  of  his  conscience  or  not,  the 
propriety  of  our  correction.    Mrs.  Mills  gives  us  this: 

"I  was  out,"  she  said,  "and  when  I  came  home,  Doctor," 
her  husband,  "said  to  me,  'Robert  has  been  naughty.  I  have 
put  him  to  bed.  You  must  not  sympathize  with  him.'  Then 
he  told  me  the  story.  Robert  cried  out  when  he  saw  me, 
*I  don't  see  why  I  have  to  be  put  to  bed ;  I  only  blew  some 
soap  bubbles  through  a  pipe,  and  Ben  and  Sam,  they  just 
poured  out  water  by  the  pailful!'  'But,  Robbie,'  I  said,  'you 
told  a  lie !'  He  stopped  crying  and  looked  at  me  with  wide- 
open  eyes.  'Did  I?  Did  I  tell  a  lie?  Oh,  well,  it's  all  right 
then ;  I'll  stay  here  all  day.'  So  he  settled  himself  down, 
entirely  willing  to  take  his  punishment." 

Mrs.  Hewitt  has  another,  like  unto  it: 

"My  son"  said  a  mother  sadly,  "it  grieves  me  beyond 
anything  to  put  you  to  bed  this  hot  summer  afternoon,  but 
you  know  you  have  gone  away  a  second  time  without  letting 
me  know  and  have  caused  me  a  great  deal  of  anxiety." 

The  boy's  eyes  opened  wide.  "Why,  you  do  have  to!"  he 
exclaimed.  "You  promised,  and  if  you  didn't  do  it,  it  would 
be  telling  a  story  just  as  much  as  if  you  promised  me  some- 
thing good  and  didn't  give  it  to  me." 

[97] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

From  this  the  child  advances  to  the  situation  of  not  merely 
accepting,  but  of  being  ready  to  assist  in  his  own  correction. 
Says  Sully:  "The  most  curious  instance  of  this  moral  rigor 
towards  self  which  I  have  met  with  is  the  following.  A  girl 
of  nine  had  been  naughty,  and  was  very  sorry  for  her  mis- 
behaviour. Shortly  after  she  came  to  her  lesson  limping, 
and  remarked  that  she  felt  very  uncomfortable.  Being  asked 
by  her  governess  what  was  the  matter  with  her,  she  said:  'It 
was  very  naughty  of  me  to  disobey  you,  so  I  put  my  right 
shoe  on  to  my  left  foot  and  my  left  shoe  on  to  my  right 
foot.' 

"The  facts  here  briefly  illustrated  seem  to  me  to  show 
that  there  is  in  the  child  from  the  first  a  rudiment  of  true 
law-abidingness.  And  this  is  a  force  of  the  greatest  conse- 
quence to  the  disciplinarian.  It  is  something  which  takes 
side  in  the  child's  breast  with  the  reasonable  governor  and 
the  laws  which  he  or  she  administers.  It  secures  ready  com- 
pliance with  a  large  part  of  the  discipline  enforced.  When 
the  impulse  urging  towards  license  has  been  too  strong,  and 
disobedience  ensues,  this  same  instinct  comes  to  the  aid  of 
order  and  good  conduct  by  inflicting  pains  which  are  the 
beginning  of  what  we  call  remorse." 

Self-control 
After  conscience  comes  self-control.  It  is  the  conviction 
of  many  experienced  parents  that  children  can  be  deliberately 
trained  to  control  their  desires  at  a  very  early  period.  Even 
infancy  is  not  too  early  to  begin  this  which  is  the  most 
important  and  permanent  of  all  kinds  of  education.  The 
roots  of  will  development  are  in  obedience.  There  is  an 
obedience  which  is  conformity  and  there  is  an  obedience 
which  is  self-control.  The  former  is  entirely  forced;  the  latter 
is  voluntary.  Sometimes  the  former  is  necessary,  but  the 
latter  is  the  more  desirable.     Even  when  we  give  commands 

[98] 


FACTS    FOR   ENCOURAGEMENT 

to  a  young  child  we  do  not  always  have  to  use  force  to  get 
them  obeyed.  The  child  soon  learns  to  inhibit,  to  stop  him- 
self. At  first  he  does  this  reluctantly  and  only  when  we  are 
present.  By  and  by  he  does  so  more  easily  and  even  when 
we  are  absent.  When  a  child  is  able  to  restrain  his  own  acts 
he  is  beginning  to  show  will  power,  and  the  more  regularly 
he  does  so  the  more  adept  he  becomes  in  self-mastery.  A 
writer  in  the  Foundation  Library  illustrates  the  process  by 
the  story  of  two  small  boys  who  saw  some  flowers  in  a  yard. 
One  ran  in  and  stole  some,  and  the  other  refrained.  The 
one  who  yielded  thought  how  easily  he  could  get  them,  and 
while  he  remembered  how  wrong  he  had  been  told  such  con- 
duct was,  he  also  recalled  that  no  special  harm  had  come  to 
him  before,  and  his  imagination  of  what  he  might  do  with 
them  seized  him  and  he  rushed  ofT  with  them.  The  other 
boy  saw  the  same  flowers;  he  too  thought  how  easily  he  could 
get  them;  but  when  he  thought  of  the  wrong  he  would  do 
there  came  into  his  mind  the  many  stories  his  parents  had 
told  him  about  the  meanness  and  shame  and  ruin  of  thievery, 
and  he  also  thought  how  bravely  he  had  resisted  once  before 
and  how  glad  he  was,  and  so  he  went  straight  away  and 
thought  no  more  about  them.  You  see,  his  parents  had  filled 
his  mind  and  heart  with  a  stock  of  good  ideas  that  would 
come  up  in  time  to  help  his  will. 

"The  one  boy  and  his  parents  had  taken  advantage  of  the 
laws  of  mental  life  and  had  built  up  in  him  strong  and  help- 
ful groups  of  ideas  that  would  help  his  will  to  do  right.  The 
other  boy  had  by  his  habits  of  acting  and  thinking  built  up 
groups  of  ideas  and  so  associated  them  that  they  hindered 
his  will  when  he  tried  to  do  right,  and  helped  even  to  weaken 
the  eflFort  of  the  will  itself."  Since  all  ideas  that  enter  into 
the  mind  tend  to  go  at  once  into  action,  to  express  them- 
selves, the  more  right  ideas,  habits  of  right  action  and  right 
desires  we  can  establish  the  more  we  strengthen  the  will  to 

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THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

select  from  among  all  possible  ideas  those  which  represent 
the  will  to  righteousness. 

Dickinson  wisely  says: 

"Control  must  come  from  within.  Force,  suppression  and 
chastisement  have  in  themselves  little  controlling  and  no 
reformative  effect,  but  we  know  that  if  we  furnish  a  legiti- 
mate way  for  the  boy  to  use  his  activities,  if  we  change  the 
boy's  activities,  the  habits  will  in  time  change;  the  bad  habits 
will  waste  and  die  from  disuse,  and  the  good  habits  will  take 
their  place.  So  it  is  that  every  criminal,  every  so-called  bad 
boy,  must  reform  himself;  that  is  the  only  way  that  any  one 
can  be  reformed." 

And  what  he  says  of  the  bad  child  is  equally  true  of  the 
good  child  and  the  undeveloped  child.  If  we  can  so  wisely 
govern  our  children  that  they  shall  recognize  the  propriety 
of  our  endeavors  and  learn  to  believe  that  we  are  usually 
just,  always  kind  and  often  right,  they  will  then  have  the 
courage  to  try  to  control  themselves.  And  when  they  have 
done  that,  the  problem  of  external  government  begins  to 
fade  away. 

For,  eventually,  as  Mrs.  Macy,  the  teacher  of  Helen  Keller, 
says:  "There  is  no  education  except  self  education,  no  gov- 
ernment but  self  government." 

Like  the  growing  of  all  other  beautiful  things,  it  is  a  proc- 
ess. The  good  cheer,  the  reasonableness,  the  patience  of 
the  parent  slowly  and  certainly  build  up  the  moral  fiber  of 
childhood.  The  child's  standards  of  right  and  wrong  are  not 
formed  in  a  day,  but  yesterday  and  today  and  tomorrow 
and  every  day,  out  of  the  examples,  experiences  and  com- 
panionships of  daily  living. 


[  lOo] 


SUMMARY 


SUMMARY 

The  Purpose  of  Government. — To  protect  our  little  children  until 
they  are  old  enough  to  live  a  life  of  positive  goodness. 

How  Children  Regard  Law. — It  is  perfectly  normal  for  them  to 
come  into  innocent  collision  with  law,  particularly  toward  precautions 
which  they  do  not  comprehend.  They  are  naturally  selfish  and  have 
limited  conscience.  Eagerly  they  seek  their  own  pleasure,  they  feel 
no  self-condemnation,  they  regard  opposition  as  hostility,  and  they  do 
not  care  what  people  think  of  them.  They  obey  because  they  must. 
Yet  they  like  regularity.  After  being  forced  to  obey,  they  like  to  force 
their  juniors  to  obey. 

How  Children  Break  the  Law. — Chiefly  by  general  disorder,  nega- 
tive oflfenses  and  misdirected  energy. 

How  Children  Regard  Punishment. — They  feel  frightened,  un- 
happy and  estranged.  They  differ,  according  to  their  temperament,  in 
their  reaction  to  authority,  but  most  normal  children  are  glad  that  their 
parents  are  strong  enough  to  make  them  mind. 

The  Parent  as  Educator. — Must  understand  child  nature. 

The  Right  to  ask  Obedience. — In  order  to  do  this  the  parent  must 
be  healthy-minded,  have  a  sense  of  humor,  self-control  and  fairness. 

The  Right  to  Disobey. — A  child  who  uses  sense  will  frequently  come 
into  circumstances  when  it  is  right  for  him  to  disobey.  We  should 
take  the  trouble  to  find  out  the  circumstances. 

A  Discussion  of  Fairness. — In  order  to  be  fair  we  must  recognize 
the  strength  of  the  child's  desires,  and  especially  his  reluctance  to  be  in- 
terrupted. 

The  Grace  to  Overlook. — We  need  to  gain  perspective  and  the  sense 
of  proportion. 

The  Need  of  Firmness. — Firmness  is  not  unkind.  It  always  wins  in 
the  end.  It  must  be  invariable  in  keeping  its  promises.  We  have  no 
right  to  punish  in  anger,  but  we  must  feel  a  "moral  warmth"  against  the 
offence  though  not  toward  the  offender.  This  firmness  must  start  at 
the  very  beginning  of  the  child's  life. 

Can  a  "Good  Fellow"  be  Firm  ? — The  strong  parent  can  be  a  play- 
fellow and  at  the  same  time  a  leader.  Father  and  mother  must  be  in 
absolute  unity  in  home  discipline. 

Government  by  Suggestion. — Quiet,  positive  parental  advice  is  usu- 
ally efficacious. 

Government  by  Words. — Be  sure  the  child  hears  and  understands 
each  command.  Commands  or  advice  should  be  given  calmly,  im- 
pressively, decisively  and  cheerfully. 

Government  through  Choice. — There  is  a  difference  between  ask- 
ing a  favor  and  giving  a  command.  Utilizing  the  choice  of  a  child 
develops  his  will-power. 

Government  by  Punishment.— Punishment  is  not  a  "right"  but  a 


[lOl] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

duty.  Its  purpose  is  to  correct  a  harm.  It  should  be  in  harmony  with 
child  nature,  appeal  to  the  higher  motives,  develop  virtue  and  be  just. 

"Natural"  Punishment. — "Natural"  punishment  educates  the  expe- 
rience. It  is  just  and  certain  and  does  not  seem  unfair  to  the  child. 
Its  chief  use  is  to  convince  him  of  the  wisdom  and  authority  of  his 
parents.  Its  limitations  are  that  it  is  not  always  real  punishment  and 
that  it  is  not  always  safe  to  use  it. 

Punishment  by  Deprivation. — It  is  the  most  easily  understood  of 
the  "natural"  punishments.     It  is  effective  in  disobedience. 

Corporal  Punishment.— It  requires  the  most  impartial  justice  and 
perfect  self-control:  it  is  usually  dangerous;  it  is  the  last  resort;  it 
is  not  always  regarded  by  children  as  unjust  or  unreasonable.  It  should 
be  administered  only  with  calmness.  It  has  certain  positive  advantages. 
All  corrections  should  be  prompt.  Bedtime  is  good  for  cheerful  coun- 
sel, but  it  is  not  the  best  time  for  punishment. 

Government  by  Reward. — It  is  dangerous  stimulation.  Praise  must 
not  be  extravagant.  Physical  rewards  for  virtue  tend  to  substitute 
wrong  inducement. 

Government  by  Emulation. — Also  perilous.  It  tends  to  create  envy 
and  hatred. 

Government  by  Activity. — The  best  of  all.  It  is  the  easiest  and 
most  productive  form  of  government. 

Sex  Discipline. — We  are  to  answer  the  child's  questions  simply  and 
frankly  and  tell  the  facts  without  self-consciousness.  Training  in  self- 
control   now   means    the   strongest    safeguard    to    purity    later. 

Religious  Nurture. — We  encourage  religious  habits  through  prayer ; 
we  stimulate  religious  feeling  by  stories ;  we  exercise  the  instinct  of  the 
social  nature  through  play.  All  this  is  in  the  direction  of  self-develop- 
ment. The  child  must  develop  himself  before  he  can  serve  others, 
but  since  the  little  egoist  has  sympathy  and  affection  as  well  as  egoism, 
he  possesses  the  potentiality  of  generosity.  Already  he  begins  to 
show  certain  beautiful  uncovenanted  graces  which  prophesy  that  he 
is  to  become  a  good  friend  and  neighbor.  He  is  now  chiefly  in  the 
process  of  becoming  conscious  of  spiritual  things.  His  business  is 
to  grow  a  conscience.    All  these  processes  are  gradual. 

References 
Books  upon  the  Philosophy  of  Child  AIanagement 

Moral  Education,  332  pp.,  by  Edward  Howard  Griggs,  published  by 
B.  W.  Huebsch.  N.  Y. 
A  most  thoughtful  book  upon  the  whole  subject  of  moral  training, 
with  special  chapters  upon  the  principles  of  government  in  the  home, 
the  nature,  function  and  administration  of  corrective  discipline,  per- 
sonal influence  and  example. 

Studies  of  Childhood,  527  pp.,  by  James  Sully,  published  by  D,  Ap- 
pleton  &  Co.,  N.  Y. 
There  is  a  most  useful  chapter  entitled  "Under  Law,"  in  which  the 

[102] 


SUMMARY 

author  discusses  the  attitude  of  the  child  toward  law  and  the  conse- 
quent position  to  be  taken  by  the  wise  lawgiver. 

Gentle  Measures  in  the  Management  and  Tr-Mning  of  the  Young, 
298  pp.,  by  Jacob  Abbott,  published  by  Harper  &  Brothers,  New 
York. 
This  fine  old  book  has  been  a  wise  guide  to  parental  training  for 
nearly  half  a  century.    It  was  epoch-making  when  it  appeared,  and  its 
chief  thesis  and  its  common  sense  are  both  still  valid. 
Home,  School  and  Vacation.  220  pp.,  by  Annie  Winsor  Allen,  pub- 
lished by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,   Boston. 
A    well-arranged    sketch    of    the    development   to   be    expected    and 
worked  for  with  a  normal  child,  with  one  chapter  on  Discipline  that 
deserves  to  be  writen  in  letters  of  gold. 

The  Normal  Child  and  Primary  Education,  343  pp.,  by  Arnold  L. 
and  Beatrice  Chandler  Gesell,   published  by  Ginn  &  Co..  Boston. 
In  addition  to  a  most  valuable  and  animated  discussion  of  childhood, 
there  is  a  short  but  useful  chapter  upon  discipline. 
Children's  RrcHTS.  235  pp.,  by  Kate  Douglas  Wiggin,  published  by 
Houghton  Alifflin  Co.,  Boston. 
The  first  chapter  deals  with  the  subject  of  the  book.  The  seventh 
chapter,  by  Nora  A.  Smith,  the  sister  of  Mrs.  Wiggin,  is  a  valuable 
one  upon  child  government. 

The  Care  and  Training  of  Children,  233  pp.,  by  Le   Grand  Kerr, 
M.  D.,  published  by  Funk  &  Wagnalls  Co.,  New   York. 
This  is  not  only  a  good  guide  to  the  physical  care  of  the  child,  but 
there  are  two  excellent  chapters,  one  upon  government  and  the  other 
upon  punishment. 

On  THE  Ethical  Training  of  Children,  76  pp.,  (a  section  of  a  book 
entitled  "Nursery  and  Sickroom"),  by  Isabel  Margesson,  published 
by  E.  P.  Dutton  &  Co.,  New  York. 
Based  upon  sound  child  study,  the  book  is  most  practical  in  its  sug- 
gestions as  to  the  place  of  punishment  in  the  young  child's  life. 

Books  Containing  Real  Instances 
Bringing  Up  the  Boy,  227  pp.,  by  Kate  Upson  Clark,  published  by 
Thomas  Y.  Crowell  &  Co.,  New  York. 
A  book  long  established  in  popular  favor,  characterized  by  its  good 
sense. 

Making  the  Best  of  Our  Children,  First  Series,  254  pp.,  by  Mary 
Wood-Allen,  published  by  A.  C.  McClurg  Co.,  Chicago. 
The  strong  point  about  Mrs.  Wood-Allen's  book  is  that  it  deals 
entirely  with  concrete  instances.  In  the  early  portion  of  this  volume 
several  examples  of  practical  difficulties  with  young  children  are  cited 
and  two  parallel  anecdotes  are  given,  one  sliowing  the  wrong  and  the 
other  the  right  way  of  dealing  with  the  case. 

The  Mother-Artisi,   148  pp.,  by  Jane  Dearborn   Mills,  published  by 
Palmer  Co.,  Boston. 
Contains  more  sentiment  than  information,  but  has  two  good  chap- 
ters upon  home  training. 

[  103] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

Misunderstood  Children,  i6S  pp.,  by  Elizabeth  Harrison,  published  by 
tlie  Central  Publishing  Co.,  Chicago. 
The  sub-title  of  this  book  is  "Sketches  Taken  from  Life."  There  are 
seventeen  such  sketches,  humorous  and  pathetic,  all  from  the  lives 
of  young  children,  pointedly  suggesting  the  right  way  to  deal  with  dif- 
ficult cases  by  means  of  thoughtful  observation  of  child  nature. 

Beckonincs  from  Little  Hands,  i66  pp.,  by  Patterson  DuBois,  pub- 
lished by  Dodd,  Meade  &  Co.,  New  York. 
Eight  studies  in  child  life.     The  book  is  sentimental  throughout,  but 
it  is,  on  the  whole,  sensible  and  it  contains  one  famous  chapter  entitled 
"The  Fire-Builders." 

Books  upon  Details  of  Child  Training 

As  the  Twig  Is  Bent,  164  pp.,  by  Susan  Chenery,  published  by  Hough- 
ton Mifilin  Co.,  Boston. 
A  very  helpful  little  book,  in  story  form,  telling  how  a  mother 
trained  her  young  children,  one  a  daughter  of  five  and  the  other  a  son 
of  four.  The-^e  is  a  chapter  upon  "The  Child's  Thought  of  Death"  and 
another  on  "The  Child's  Religion." 

The  Training  of  the  Child,  93  pp.,  by  G.  Spiller,  published  by  T.  C. 
&  E.  C.  Jack,  London. 
Extraordinarily  sensible  treatment  of  the  home  training  of  children. 
The  author  discusses  especially  the  place  of  habit,   the  necessity  of 
obedience  and  the  part  of  commendation. 

Your  Child,  Today  and  Tomorrow,    234    pp.,    by    Sidonie    Matzner 

Gruenberg,  published  by  the  J.   B.  Lippincott  Co.,  Philadelphia. 
Mrs.  Gruenberg  takes  up  the  homely  problems  of  parents,  but  from 
the  standpoint  oi  one  who  has  read  the  best  recent  literature  as  well 
as  having  been  a  practising  mother.  Yet  there  is  no  scholasticism  about 
her  very  practical  manual. 
A   Manual  of  Play,  by   William   Byron   Forbush,   published  by  the 

American  Institute  of  Child  Life,  Philadelphia. 
The  first  handbook  that  has  been  written  for  the  home  on  the  value 
and  methods  of  free  play,  as  distinct  from  games.     The  home  play- 
room, the  backyard,  nursery  play,  constructive  play  and  dramatic  play 
are  some  of  the  topics  discussed. 
How  TO  Tell  Stories  to  Children,  by  Sara  Cone  Bryant,  published  by 

Houghton  Mifflin  Co..  Boston. 
This  volume,  which  deals  with  the  art,  purpose  and  method  of  story- 
telling, is  the  best  book  of  the  kind  pubhshed.    It  is  full  of  very  inter- 
esting and  valuable  suggestions. 
A  MoNTESSORi  Mother,  246  pp.,  by  Dorothy  Canfield  Fisher,  published 

by  Henry  Holt  &  Co.,  New  York. 
The  most  helpful  for  the  average  mother  of  all  the  books  on  the 
Montessori  system.     Mrs,  Fisher  shows  how  it  is  possible  to  use  the 
Montessori  devices  in  the  nursery. 
The  Home-Made  Kindergarten,  117  pp.,  by  Nora  Archibald  Smith, 

published  by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,  Boston. 

[  104  ] 


SUMMARY 

Miss  Smith  shows  how  it  is  possible  for  the  mother  who  does  not 
have  access  to  a  kindergarten  to  give  her  child  the  benefit  of  the  best 
the  kindergarten  has  to  offer. 

Books  Upon  Sex  Instruction  and  Discipline 
For  Parents 

The  Sexual  Life  of  the  Child,  339  pp.,  by  Albert  Moll,  M.  D.,  pub- 
lished by  Macmillan  Co.,  New  York. 
This  contains  about  all  that  is  known  and  much  more  than  parents 
need  to  know  about  the  subject.  Because  of  its  thoroughness  and  com- 
pleteness, it  offers  a  compendium  upon  every  anxiety,  including  per- 
sonal problems  and  care.  There  is  a  short  chapter  at  the  close  upon 
sexual  education. 

The  Biology  of  Sex,  105  pp.,  by  T,  W.  Galloway,  published  by  D.  C. 
Heath,  Boston. 
An  extremely  sensible  book,  both  of  facts  and  of  material  for  sex 
education.     It  is  especially  prepared  for  teachers  and  for  parents. 
The  Social  Emergency,  224  pp.,  edited  by  William  T.  Foster,  pub- 
lished by  Houghton  Alifflin  Co.,  Boston. 
A  group  of  eleven  papers  prepared  by  earnest  students  of  this  sub- 
ject in  the  far  Northwest.    It  covers  every  phase  of  sex  education,  and 
does  so  simply,  sanely  and  satisfactorily.     As  a  text-book  for  those 
who  are  studying  how  to  make  sex  education  practicable,  this  is  un- 
surpassed. 

Sex  Education,  150  pp.,  by  Ira  S.  Wile,  M.  D.,  published  by  Duffield  & 
Co.,  New  York. 
On  the  whole  the  best  handbook  for  parents.  It  suggests  the  proper 
instruction  for  each  of  the  three  periods  of  boyhood,  which  the  author 
calls  the  age  of  mythology,  the  age  of  chivalry  and  the  age  of  civic 
awakening.  There  is  a  useful  appendix  containing  terminology  and  a 
carefully  chosen  bibliography. 

To  Use  with  Boys  up  to  Eight 

The   Spark  of   Life,  62  pp.,  by  Margaret  W.   Morley,   published  by 

Fleming  H.  Revell  Co.,  New  York. 
How  Shall  I  Tell  My  Child?  62  pp.,  by  Rose  Woodallen  Chapman, 

published  by  Fleming  H.  Revell  Co.,  New  York. 
For  Children  Six  to  Ten,  and  For  Boys  Ten  to  Thirteen,  4  pp.  each, 

published  by  the  Spokane  Society  of  Social  and  Moral   Hygiene, 

Spokane,  Wash. 

Books  Upon  Religious  Nurture 

The  Training  of  Children  in  Religion,  22q  pp.,  by  George  Hodges, 
published  l)y  D.  Appleton  &  Co.,  New  York. 
This  book  is   full  of  the  reverent  spirit  of  religion  and  of  a  sym- 
pathetic knowledge  of  childhood.     It  contains  a  little  study  of  child 
nature,  some  suggestions  upon  the  theological  training  of  children,  a 

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THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

treasury  of  prayers,  suggestions  for  reading  to  children  out  of  the 
Bible,  and  a  discussion  of  what  is  meant  by  "a  good  child." 
The  Dawn  of  Ciiaractkr,  225  pp.,  by  Edith  E.  Read  Mumford,  pub- 
lished by  Longmans,  Green  &  Co.,  London,  England. 
Mrs.  Mumford  makes  a  careful  study  of  the  mind  of  the  young 
child,  and  has  a  particularly  valuable  chapter  upon  "The  Dawn  of 
Religion." 

Introduction  to  Child  Study,  348  pp.,  by  W.  B.  Drummond,  pub- 
lished by  Longmans,  Green  &  Co.,  London,  England. 

Our  best  simple  text-book  on  child  study.  There  is  a  chapter  on 
"Some  Moral  Characteristics,"  and  one  chapter  on  "Religion  and  the 
Child,"  in  which  he  outlines  carefully  the  early  religious  conceptions 
commonly  cherished  by  young  children. 

The  Child  and  His  Religion,  124  pp.,  by  George  E.  Dawson,  published 
by  the  University  of  Chicago  Press,  Chicago. 

Four  unrelated  chapters,  one  upon  "The  Natural  Religion  of  the 
Child,"  which  goes  even  more  thoroughly  than  does  Drummond  into 
early  religious  ideas.  The  chapter  upon  "Children's  Interest  in  the 
Bible"  is  the  most  thorough  study  of  the  subject  which  we  possess 
and  emphasizes  the  fact  that  the  predominating  interest  of  young  chil- 
dren is  in  the  Old  Testament. 

Telling  Bible  Stories,  204  pp.,  by  Louise  Seymour  Houghton,  pub- 
lished by  Charles  Scribner's  Sons,  New  York. 

A  most  careful  and  helpful  description  of  methods  of  telling  Old 
Testament  stories  to  children,  illustrated  by  many  paraphrases,  and 
suggesting  the  best  attitude  toward  some  of  the  difficult  Biblical 
problems. 

The  Origin  and  Nature  of  Children's  Faith  in  God:  An  article  by 
George  A.  Coe  in  the  American  Journal  of  Theology  for  April, 

A  brilliant  article,  arguing  that  the  child  responds  more  distinctly 
and  broadly  both  to  the  God-idea  and  to  the  problems  of  duty  than 
the  genetic  psychologists  have  asserted. 

The  Training  of  Childrf.n  From  the  Cradle  to  School,  91  pp.,  by 
Mrs.  H.  C.  Cradock,  published  by  George  Bell  &  Son,  London. 

An  elementary  book  upon  the  home  training  of  children.  Three  chap- 
ters upon  moral  and  religious  training  discuss  the  relation  of  example, 
habit  and  religious  ceremonials  to  the  religious  development  of  the 
child. 


[106] 


BOOK  II 
THE    HOME    TRAINING    OF    SCHOOL    BOYS 


CHAPTER  IX 

THE  PARENT'S  ATTITUDE 

"The  essential  of  government,"  says  John  W.  Dinsmore, 

"is  a  good  governor."     The  attitude  of  the  parent  is  the  chief 

factor  in  child-government.    The  first  element  in  the  parental 

attitude  should  be  fairness,  honesty. 

Honesty 

Something  was  said  of  this  in  the  early  part  of  Book  I, 
but  we  need  all  the  more  to  be  reminded,  at  the  very  begin- 
ning of  this  discussion,  of  the  necessity  of  honesty,  not  only 
because  our  children  between  six  and  twelve  are  very  unlikely 
to  tell  us  that  they  have  discovered  that  we  are  not  perfect, 
but  because  they  are  often  pathetically  unresentful.  They 
do  cry  out  at  abuse  and  injustice,  but  until  they  are  a  dozen 
years  of  age  they  forgive  us  so  readily  that  we  do  not  realize 
the  scars  which  our  unfair  or  thoughtless  behavior  may  be 
leaving. 

We  are  not  predominantly  unfair.  It  is  only  when  we  start 
suddenly  that  we  usually  are  blind  to  justice.  If,  when  about 
to  quell  a  household  riot  or  to  punish  an  egregious  fault, 
we  would  take  time  to  say  rapidly  to  ourselves  the  words 
"What?  Why?  How?"  until  we  were  sure  we  could  answer 
each  one  of  them,  we  should  be  more  likely  to  act  fairly  and 
effectively.  Ernest  Hamlin  Abbott  brightly  says:  "On  the 
way  from  the  living-room  to  the  nursery,  the  hastening  par- 
ent can,  for  example,  perform  this  rapid  mental  scale  pas- 
sage: To  what  purpose  am  I  interfering?  Is  it  to  suppress 
a  noise?  or  to  avert  a  danger?  or  to  teach  courtesy?  or  to 
instruct  in  morals?  or  to  do  justice?  or  to  establish  an 
amicable  basis?     Later,  and  perhaps  more  deliberately,  he 

[  109] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

will  run  over  this  scale  of  question:  What  means  shall  I 
use?  Shall  it  be  force?  or  argument?  or  ridicule?  or  explana- 
tion? or  advice?  or  instruction?  or  command?  or  punishment? 
It  requires  practice  to  pounce  upon  the  note  principally  out 
of  tune  in  a  wealth  of  discord,  and  then  to  choose  the  one 
tool  that  will  set  it  right ;  but  then,  there  is  no  vocation 
more  exciting  than  parenthood."  If  at  the  time  we  are  about 
to  act  we  find  that  we  do  not  know  what  we  ought  to  do, 
we  should  usually  accomplish  little  harm  if  for  a  while  we  did 
nothing.  Few  childish  transgressions  demand  the  lightning 
stroke  of  penalty.  Delayed  recompense  is  as  impressive  as  it 
is  just.  And  if  after  engaging  in  a  deed  of  discipline  we  would 
always  ask,  "Would  I  consent  to  be  treated  as  I  have  just 
treated  my  child?"  our  next  efTort  in  this  direction  would  be 
more  successful. 

"Don't  be  jerky,"  says  Dinsmore.  While  none  of  us  can 
keep  continually  the  highest  levels  of  honesty,  we  would  be 
prouder  of  ourselves  if  we  were  less  spasmodic  in  our  justice, 
if  we  could  be  fair  by  habit  rather  than  by  special 
appointment. 

Whatever  may  be  the  success  with  a  baby  of  a  parent  who 
is  wise  rather  than  good  we  may  be  sure  that  in  the  case  of 
school  children  who  are  coming  to  years  of  moral  sense 
"mother's  love"  will  not  be  sufficient  unless  it  is  found  in  the 
heart  of  a  woman  who  is  fair  and  unselfish  before  she  is  a 
mother. 

Listening 

The  best  recourse  of  a  parent  is  to  understand  the  attitude 
of  the  child.  It  is  when  you  cannot  attain  this  that  you  do  not 
know  what  to  do.  And  in  such  a  situation  what  safety  have 
you  to  do  anything?  Anybody  can  thwart  a  child,  anyone 
can  beat  him,  but  nobody  who  misunderstands  him  can  direct 
him  or  really  govern  him.  So  the  perpetual  position  of 
parenthood  must  be  that  of  listening. 

[no] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

Mrs.  Allen  describes  the  difference  between  the  adult  out- 
look and  the  child  outlook  when  she  says:  "We  see  his  acts 
in  their  results.  He  sees  them  in  their  causes.  His  acts  have 
not  the  same  meaning  for  him  that  they  have  for  us.  We 
cannot  impress  upon  ourselves  too  carefully  that  disobedience, 
naughtiness,  untruthfulness  are  simply  our  names  for  actions  of 
the  child.  They  show  how  the  acts  strike  us.  They  indicate 
mir  desire  and  our  outlook;  that  is,  the  objective  aspect.  If 
the  child  were  giving  names,  he  would  choose  some  word 
that  would  indicate  his  desire  and  his  outlook,  the  spring  of 
action  in  his  own  mind;  that  is,  the  subjective  aspect,  a  very 
different  thing.  We  say,  quite  truly,  that  some  act  of  his 
was  disobedient  to  us.  He  says  that  it  was  agreeable  to  him. 
We  say  it  was  naughty;  he  says  it  was  funny.  We  say  it  was 
untruthful ;  he  says  it  was  necessary  or  perhaps  mistaken. 
Or  his  cause  of  difference  may  be  even  simpler.  He  may 
have  wholly  misinterpreted  a  word  that  he  used  or  we  used." 

Perhaps  the  greatest  reason  why  we  should  respect  our 
children  enough  to  endeavor  to  understand  them  is  the  fact 
that  often  the  characteristic  in  the  child's  nature  that  gives  us 
the  most  trouble  is  going  to  turn  to  be  one  of  his  most  pre- 
cious traits.  If  we  do  not  know  this,  we  may,  through  annoy- 
ance, destroy  what  is  invaluable.  It  is  never  safe  to  pull  up 
bulbs  because  they  are  ugly. 

And  our  listening  must  be  constant  and  continuous.  Mrs. 
Allen  counsels  that  the  child  must  always  be  "freshly  noticed" 
as  if  we  did  not  know  him  before,  and  never  "treated  as  if 
he  were  in  last  month's  state  of  mind." 

These  statements  suggest  the  importance  of  always  hear- 
ing the  children's  side  of  every  matter.  Not  only  is  there 
danger  that  we  shall  not  know  all  if  we  do  not  hear  it,  but 
if  we  snub  and  discourage  the  child  then  he  becomes  dumb 
before  us  and  we  lose  forever  our  most  direct  means  of 
interpreting  him.     The  early  breaking  of  the  habit  of  con- 

[III] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

fiding  in  the  parent  leads  to  later  tragedies  and  misunder- 
standing. 

Let  us  illustrate  a  few  of  these  experiments  in  interpreting 
children.  Take  the  matter  of  crying.  In  a  particular  in- 
stance, is  the  child  crying  for  you  or  for  himself?  That  is, 
is  he  in  real  distress,  or  is  he  endeavoring,  by  crying,  to  have 
his  own  way?  If  he  is  in  distress,  is  he  frightened  or  tired 
or  angry  or  in  bodily  discomfort?  Does  he  need  reassurance, 
or  rest,  or  distraction,  or  a  cool  bath?  The  mother  soon 
learns  by  the  varying  tones  the  meaning  of  infant  cries. 
Later,  they  need  even  more  careful  discrimination. 

We  need  constantly  to  dissociate  our  annoyance  or  be- 
wilderment from  the  child's  viewpoint.  The  little  boy  who 
seized  and  rumpled  his  father's  silk  hat  turned  out  to  be 
"trying  to  look  like  papa."  The  youngster  who  overturned 
the  milk  pitcher  was  trying  to  help  mother.  The  little  boy 
who,  after  having  been  nourished  by  a  good  breakfast,  was 
punished  for  being  active  and  noisy  was  really  penalized 
because  he  was  healthy  and  happy. 

So  it  is  with  the  children  as  they  grow  older.  A  school- 
master was  told  by  a  neighbor  in  indignation  that  his  son 
had  been  fighting  with  the  neighbor's  boy  and  had  broken 
his  arm,  and  he  insisted  upon  the  father's  giving  his  son 
"a  good  Christian  licking."  Though  tempted  sorely  to 
accommodate  and  thus  soothe  his  neighbor,  the  father  wisely 
pursued  his  usual  habit,  and  investigated.  He  discovered 
that  the  neighbor's  boy,  who  was  older,  had  been  continually 
tormenting  his  own  child  and  inciting  him  to  combat,  but 
that  he  had  refrained  until  this  occasion,  when  the  neighbor's 
boy  had  called  his  father  a  vile  name.  Then  he  fought  him, 
and  as  an  incident  of  the  struggle  the  soft  bone  of  the  arm 
was  broken.  "Could  I  ever  have  forgiven  myself,"  said  the 
father,  "if  I  had  whipped  my  son  because  he  stood  up  for  my 
honor?" 

[112] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

Foresight 
All  parents  cannot  be  prophets,  but  all  can  learn  to  foresee 
the  usual  or  common  emergencies,  and  prepare  for  them. 
Why  should  a  mother  punish  a  child  for  breaking  things 
which  she  herself  left  about  where  they  could  be  broken? 
Why  do  parents  never  think  to  carry  a  basket  of  playthings 
with  the  children  on  a  long  railroad  journey?  Recognizing 
that  idleness  is  always  mischief,  why  does  not  the  mother 
forecast  the  return  from  school  or  the  rainy  Saturday  by  the 
five  minutes  of  vigorous  planning  which  would  save  her 
hours  of  inconvenience?  One  mother  who  found  that  her 
little  boy  was  getting  into  the  habit  of  waking  early  and 
crying  for  entertainment  placed  a  surprise  on  the  chair  by 
his  cot  every  night  for  him  to  discover  and  play  with  quietly 
as  soon  as  he  awoke.  Edward  Everett  Hale's  reminiscence  of 
the  clever  way  his  mother  planned  in  advance  that  the  after- 
school  should  be  spent  profitably  at  home  is  familiar:  'T 
have  stated  already  the  absolute  rule  that  we  must  report 
at  home  before  we  went  anywhere  to  play  after  school.  I 
think  this  rule  affected  our  lives  a  great  deal  more  than  my 
mother  meant  it  should  in  laying  it  down.  She  simply 
wanted  to  know  at  certain  stages  of  the  day  where  her  chil- 
dren were.  But  practically  the  rule  worked  thus:  We 
rushed  home  from  school,  very  likely  with  a  plan  on  foot 
for  the  common,  or  for  some  combined  movement  for  the 
other  boys.  We  went  into  the  house  to  report.  There  was 
invariably  ginger  bread  ready  for  us,  which  was  made  in 
immense  quantities  for  the  purpose.  This  luncheon  was 
ready  not  only  for  us,  but  for  any  boys  we  might  bring  with 
us.  When  once  we  arrived  at  home  the  home  attractions 
asserted  themselves.  There  was  some  chemical  experiment 
to  be  continued,  or  there  was  some  locomotive  to  be  dis- 
played to  another  boy,  or  there  had  come  in  a  new 
number  of  the  Juvenile  Miscellany.     In  a  word,  we  were  se- 

[113] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

duced  up  into  the  attic,  and  up  in  the  attic  we  were  apt 
to  stay." 

The  parent  must  have  been  denied  a  prescience  which  he 
commonly  exerts  in  other  reahns  if  he  cannot,  by  ingeniously 
planned  activities,  "head  off"  the  major  part  of  the  injuri-. 
ous  mischief  before  it  gets  under  way. 

Particularly  is  it  true  in  every  parent's  observation  that 
there  are  certain  days  of  which  he  must  beware.  As  the 
heroine  puts  it  in  those  charmingly  invented  "Letters  of  a 
Child  to  Her  Husband,"  'T  get  so  tired  trying  to  be  good 
all  day  every  day,  that  some  mornings,  not  often  you  know, 
but  just  once  in  a  while  when  I  wake  up  in  the  morning, 
I  say  to  God,  whatever  happens  today,  God,  please  don't 
count  it,  and  then  somehow  I  can't  tell  you  how,  but  some- 
how I  know  he  doesn't.  And  all  that  day  I  don't  have  to 
think  about  what  I  do,  whether  it  is  good  or  bad,  and  whether 
God  puts  it  down  in  his  book  or  not,  because  I  know  he 
doesn't.     It  is  just  a  different  day." 

Mothers  may  differ  as  to  the  actual  liberty  of  responsibility 
which  may  legitimately  be  felt  upon  such  days.  There  is 
probably  no  difference  of  opinion  as  to  the  desirability  of  a 
certain  amount  of  dodging  then  on  the  part  of  the  mother 
as  well  as  of  the  child.  While  the  child  is  avoiding  his  con- 
science, the  mother  may  well  keep  clear  of  occasions  of 
offence.  "Some  husbands,"  says  E.  P.  St.  John,  "plan  to 
avoid  certain  topics  on  days  when  their  wives  are  especially 
nervous.  Why  should  not  both  use  equal  tact  in  dealing 
with  a  child?  Care  as  to  the  temperature  of  the  bath,  the 
avoidance  of  haste  in  combing  the  hair,  discouragement  of 
association  with  certain  children — these  and  many  other 
similar  steps  which  will  occur  to  the  thoughtful  parent  will 
help  to  smooth  the  path  of  domestic  discipline,  and  at  the 
same  time  aid  the  child  to  free  himself  from  the  slavery  of 
passion.     Careful  consideration  of  the  child's  condition  of 

[114] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

health  will  point  to  times  when  especial  care  should  be  used." 
The  weather,  especially  in  our  country  of  changeable 
weather,  has  an  unrecognized  importance  in  child  conduct. 
Dr.  Groszmann  remarks:  "An  overheated  or  overcrowded 
room,  lack  of  oxygen  and  of  exercise,  fatigue,  nervous  ten- 
sion due  to  unhygienic  conditions  of  work  and  program,  of 
seats  and  desks,  and  lights  and  air,  etc.,  etc. ;  the  effect  of 
the  weather  upon  pupils  and  teachers,  and  many  other  things 
may  be  responsible  for  many  disagreeable  happenings  in  the 
schoolroom.  It  has  been  statistically  proven  that  more 
crimes  and  suicides  have  been  committed,  and  more  school 
punishments  recorded,  on  cloudy  days,  and  when  the  air 
was  oppressive,  the  weather  threatening,  and  the  electric 
tension  excessive,  than  on  bright  and  pleasant  days." 

A  great  many  unpleasant  incidents  might  be  avoided  in 
the  house  if  mothers  were  more  quick  to  recognize  the  early 
signs  of  fatigue.  Sensible  was  the  parent  who  decided  that 
she  would  always  be  very  patient  with  her  children  after  four 
o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  because  she  knew  they  were  getting 
tired. 

This  foresight  of  ours  should  be  exerted  not  only  as  to  the 
impending  events  of  the  day,  but  also  in  reference  to  the 
entire  career  of  the  child.  It  can  appear  in  our  very  attitude 
toward  him.  Ennis  Richmond  has  a  charming  phrase  about 
"appealing  to  the  advance  natures"  of  the  young.  The  full 
quotation  is  as  follows:  "There  are  certain  people  who  'get 
on'  with  children  in  a  way  quite  their  own ;  in  our  usual 
thoughtless  way  we  say:  'So-and-so  understands  children 
thoroughly.'  He  does  not;  he  understands  what  the  chil- 
dren may  become,  and  respects  that  possibility.  If  we  listen 
to  this  kind  of  man  when  he  is  with  children,  we  shall  find  that 
what  charms  children  in  him,  as  different  from  other  people, 
is  that  he  does  not  treat  them  as  his  inferiors  in  any  way,  and 
that  what  he  says  to  them,  where  it  is  different  to  what  the 

[115] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    TPIE    HOME 

ordinary  person  would  say  to  them,  has  a  quality  which  is 
quite  as  charming  to  ourselves  as  to  the  children.  It  is  the 
appeal  to  their  advance  natures  that  delights  them,  a  glimpse 
into  the  wider  world  of  which  they  are  to  take  possession 
bye-and-bye.  It  is  not  what  he  says,  that  may  be  the  purest 
childish  nonsense,  but  the  light  in  which  he  puts  it,  the  way 
in  which  he  invites  the  child  to  regard  it;  this  is  what  charms 
the  child,  because  it  is  the  touch  on  the  advance  chord,  whose 
vibrations  give  a  mystic  joy  which  the  child  itself  cannot 
nor  wishes  to  analyze.  And  the  child  who  gets  a  joy  in 
this  way  is  the  child  for  whom  most  may  be  hoped  in  the 
future." 

Foresight  thus  easily  runs  into  trust,  and  the  time  comes 
when  the  mother  should  be  able  to  say  to  her  child,  when 
she  knows  he  clearly  sees  his  duty,  "It  is  unnecessary  for 
me  to  tell  you  what  to  do;  you  know  what  is  right,  and  of 
course  you  will  do  that."  This  trust  and  expectancy  throw 
the  whole  responsibility  where  it  belongs,  and  at  the  same 
time  appeal  to  the  child's  better  nature,  and  so  a  double 
purpose  is  served.  It  is  an  appeal  that  will  seldom  be 
disregarded. 

Insight 

Closely  akin  to  foresight  is  insight.  Insight  is  the  ability 
to  get  the  inner  meaning  of  every  situation,  as  foresight  is 
the  ability  to  provide  for  every  situation. 

If  we  could  occasionally  get  off  and  take  a  bird's-eye  view 
of  our  young  people — see  them  as  strangers  see  them,  for 
example — we  should  take  up  our  work  once  more  with  new 
composure.  What  have  we  here  in  the  nursery?  To  the 
mother's  tired  eyes  it  seems  a  scene  of  confusion,  filled  with 
noisy  and  warring  children,  but  to  the  larger  insight  it  is  the 
home  of  princes,  of  whom  we  have  the  privilege  of  being' 
guardians.  Each  of  these  kings-to-be  is  already  manifest  in 
possibilities.    Richard,  who  has  been  so  exasperating,  is  ever 

[ii6] 


THE   PARENTIS   ATTITUDE 

quick  in  affectionateness  and  in  gusty  repentances.  Albert's 
smouldering  temper  is  matched  by  his  unwearying  persist- 
ency. David,  who  never  finishes  anything,  nevertheless  sur- 
prised you  last  summer  by  carrying  out  his  hundred-mile 
hike.  Martha  is  a  slattern  in  dress  but  a  wonder  in  school, 
and  she  has  recently  shown  evidences  of  a  growing  personal 
pride.  That  fault  in  Emily,  which  you  tried  in  vain  last  year 
to  cure,  seems  to  have  cured  itself. 

And  so  it  goes.  Shifting  traits,  advancing  wisdom  and 
self-control,  savage  strength  that  promises  a  great  endow- 
ment of  w'ill-power,  a  winsomeness  that  captures  love,  in- 
stincts coming  in  turn  to  their  fruition — these  are  some  of 
the  prophetic  changes  that  are  continually  showing  in  the 
home  where  there  are  children.  There  are  alarming  traits 
a-plenty,  old  racial  and  new  personal  inheritances  and  imi- 
tative follies,  but  who  can  deny  also  that,  as  in  Stevenson's 
Lantern  Bearers,  the  lighted  lamp  is  still  carried  under  the 
rough  jacket.  Because  the  instincts  do  unfold  in  order,  be- 
cause the  trying  traits  do  not  all  appear  at  once,  we  get  a 
little  grace  of  leisure  between,  which  means  time  to  study  and 
plan  for  the  next  uprising  when  it  comes. 

The  thought  that  we  are  engaged  in  training  kings  was 
advisedly  worded.  Those  who  dwell  in  kings'  houses  treat 
them  with  respect.  One  of  the  customary  marks  of  respect 
is  courtesy.  Courtesy  is  something  more.  Griggs  has 
said  beautifully:  "The  behavior  of  love  is  courtesy."  He 
continues: 

"It  is  possible  to  teach  the  virtue  of  love  by  wearing 
habitually  its  garment,  courtesy,  and  so  to  lead  children  from 
an  imitation  of  the  behavior  of  love  to  an  imitation  into  its 
spirit.  We  sometimes  feel  that  children  are  too  small  to 
deserve  the  little  courtesies  of  life:  quite  apart  from  the 
fact  that  courtesy  should  come  from  within  and  not  be  dictated 
by  the  condition  of  the  recipient,  we  cannot  be  too  scrupu- 

[117] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

lonsly  courteous  to  children,  since  this  is  the  most  effective 
means  of  inculcating  the  highest  virtue  of  character. 

"It  is  most  important  that  this  garment  of  courtesy  should 
be  worn  habitually  in  the  life  of  the  home.  Nothing  is  more 
paradoxical  than  that  perversity  of  human  nature  which  leads 
us  to  be  scrupulously  courteous  to  the  stranger  within  our 
gates,  while  we  feel  that  we  are  excusable  for  expressing 
all  our  meanness  and  irritation  to  those  we  know  and  love 
best.  It  is  true  we  ought  to  be  able  to  rest  in  those  who 
love  us,  and  not  need  to  keep  up  a  manner  foreign  to  our 
spirits;  but  we  should  see  to  it  that  the  manner  natural  to 
our  spirits  is  the  unvarying  courtesy  that  clothes  a  loving 
heart.  We  should  be  able  to  wear  our  every-day  clothes  at 
home,  but  they  should  be  just  as  appropriate  and  beautiful 
in  their  way  as  any  other  garments.  We  ought  never  to 
appear  in  moral  undress  before  those  we  love.  In  fact,  the 
need  is  to  make  of  courtesy,  not  a  garment  we  remove  and 
put  on  for  different  occasions,  but  rather  a  living  and  har- 
monious body  to  clothe  inseparably  the  loving  spirit  within. 
Yet  if  we  cannot  be  courteous  all  the  time,  would  it  not  be 
better  to  spend  our  weariness  and  irritation  on  the  stranger 
within  our  gates,  who  comes  and  goes  and  cares  very  little, 
and  save  every  element  of  exquisite  courtesy  for  those 
whose  lives  are  lifted  or  broken  by  our  slight  words  and 
deeds?" 

A  special  grace  of  courtesy  is  not  only  that  we  should  not 
speak  to  our  young  discourteously  but  that  we  should  not 
speak  of  them  in  the  presence  of  others  in  such  a  way  as  to 
cause  them  embarrassment. 

A  further  expression  of  courtesy  is  the  avoidance  of 
sarcasm.  Sarcasm  is  a  tempting  devil,  and  its  mischief  is 
that  it  always  implies  a  superiority  on  the  part  of  the  user 
with  a  corresponding  weakness  of  the  victim.  Its  use 
generally  exasperates  the  child,  who  seldom  gives  us  the 

[ii8] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

satisfaction  of  even  appreciating  the  wit  we  have  wasted  on 
him. 

Companionship 

We  can  have  neither  insight  nor  understanding  without 
giving  companionship  in  exchange.  "Do  you  know  your 
child's  dreams?"  asks  a  good  teacher.  Some  parents  do  not 
even  know  that  their  child  has  dreams. 

In  these  days  of  the  expansion  of  motherhood  (out  of  the 
home)  and  the  shrinkage  of  fatherhood  (in  the  home)  it 
seems  necessary  to  urge  upon  the  male  parents  a  practising 
rather  than  a  consulting  relationship  to  their  children. 

Many  fathers  are  artful  dodgers.  "When  it  comes  to 
family  discipline,"  as  a  neighbor  recently  confessed  to  me, 
"I  either  skid  or  skiddoo."  Father  makes  it  his  conscien- 
tious business  to  give  his  family  everything  that  they  need — 
except  himself.  "I  never  had  a  father,"  said  one  friend  to 
another.  "Did  he  die  when  you  were  very  young?"  asked 
the  other  sympathetically.  "Oh,  my  father  isn't  dead,  he's 
a  Shriner." 

I  know  our  excuse:  "We  haven't  got  time."  Industry 
most  invades  American  homes,  not  by  child  labor,  but  by 
stealing  the  fathers.  Even  philanthropy  takes  us  away  from 
home,  and  thus  we  have  the  spectacle  of  reputable  men 
earnestly  fulfilling  every  social  obligation — except  their 
principal  one.  Even  "religious  duties"  have  been  known  to 
cause  a  man  to  leave  his  children  practically  half-orphans. 

Our  children  do  rather  get  us  at  a  disadvantage.  A 
healthy  boy  returned  from  school  is  just  ready  for  excite- 
ment at  that  end  of  the  day  when  father  has  had  all  the  ex- 
citement he  wants.  When  father  wants  to  be  coddled  son 
wants  to  be  amused.  It  is  natural  for  father  to  encourage 
son  to  take  this  amusement  in  the  most  comfortable  way, 
outside  the  house  if  possible.  It  is  natural  to  feel  that  his 
own  ease  and  the  child's  morals  require  absent  treatment. 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

American  fathers  often  feel  an  envy  for  the  EngHsh  gentry 
Avho,  by  sending  their  lads  away  from  home  at  about  ten, 
raise  a  race  of  fatherless  sons.  But  then  no  American  wants 
his  sons  to  be  like  Englishmen,  and  there  is  no  use  for  a 
nation  that  lives  for  its  women  to  ape  one  that  lives  for  its 
men. 

It  takes  two  parents  to  bring  up  a  child.  Shy  though 
he  may  be  to  confess  it,  a  father  is  really  an  admirable 
person  to  be  a  parent.  He  has  the  freshness  of  approach 
of  one  who  is  not  around  all  the  time  and  he  is  supposed 
to  have  that  larger  outlook  which  is  so  essential  to  the  lives 
of  oncoming  children.  It  is  not  only  right  for  a  father  to 
have  a  son,  but  his  son  has  a  right  to  have  him. 

There  are  a  few  things  he  can  do  better  than  a  mother. 

He  can  play  better  with  a  growing  boy.  For  a  short  time 
it  may  be  possible  for  a  father  to  live  on  a  pedestal,  from 
which  he  descends,  like  Jehovah  in  the  Old  Testament,  with  a 
dictum  or  a  discipline.  But  a  perch  is  at  least  uncomfortable, 
and  you  cannot  bring  up  a  child  entirely  by  what  you  tell 
him  about  how  good  you  were  when  you  were  a  boy.  An 
old  Irishman,  chief  of  police  in  Philadelphia,  left  a  widower 
with  a  large  family,  once  told  a  company  of  fathers  that  he 
had  never  known  a  child  to  go  wrong  in  a  home  where  the 
father  played  with  his  children  for  an  hour  after  supper,  and 
added,  with  justifiable  satisfaction:  "And  I've  tried  it  mysilf." 

He  can  teach  him  to  work.  How  can  a  mother  teach  a 
sizable  boy  to  work?  He  doesn't  love  sewing  or  dish- 
washing and  she  doesn't  know  the  difTerence  between  a 
spokeshaver  and  a  safety  razor.  "Wait  till  father  comes 
home  and  we'll  fix  it  for  you,"  said  a  boy  of  only  six  to  his 
mother,  in  a  home  where  father  had  discovered  that  his  son 
had  other  uses  for  his  hands  than  to  keep  them  clean. 

A  father  ought  to  teach  his  boy  how  to  spend  money. 
It  is  a  difificult  art,  as  he  himself  knows.     There  is  an  in- 

[120] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

creasing  number  of  men  in  this  country  who  are  working 
themselves  to  death  in  order  to  give  their  sons  a  Hcense  to 
become  spendthrifts.  The  son  is  Uterally  from  birth  his 
father's  junior  partner,  and  the  father  has  a  unique  oppor- 
tunity to  make  the  financial  side  of  this  relationship  business- 
like from  the  beginning. 

The  father  is  the  one  who  ought  to  give  his  son  his  edu- 
cation about  sex  matters.  The  Institute  of  which  I  am 
president  received  one  thousand  letters  last  year  from 
mothers — mothers,  mind  you — asking  how  they  should  teach 
the  facts  and  laws  of  sex  to  their  children,  chiefly  to  their 
sons.  This  struck  me  as  a  commentary  on  the  pusillanimity 
of  American  fatherhood.  In  those  years  especially  when  a 
lad  hears  his  mother's  advice  and  follows  his  father's  exam- 
ple a  father  can  hardly  afford  to  sidestep  this  important 
duty. 

The  extent  of  ignorance  concerning  the  usual  facts  of 
child  life  by  fathers  that  has  been  revealed  to  me  in  corre- 
spondence during  the  past  years  is  such  that  I  would  say 
that  if  those  men  were  as  limited  in  what  they  call  their 
business  as  they  are  here,  they  could  not  hold  a  position  as 
errand  boys.  Now  for  years  books  on  child-raising  have 
been  just  as  plentiful,  just  as  explicit  and  just  as  cheap  as 
those  on  stock-raising  or  on  scientific  management.  Why 
don't  fathers  get  intelligent  on  this  great  human  problem? 

It  is  too  bad  to  put  it  upon  her,  but  really  a  wife  has  to 
train  her  husband  to  be  a  father.  Motherhood  is  an  in- 
stinct, but  a  man  has  not  much  more  instinct  to  be  a  father 
than  he  has  to  be  an  uncle.  Mother  has  to  break  him  in 
early.  She  has  to  explain  why  the  baby  is  beautiful.  She 
must  break  it  to  him  easily  that  he  is  God  to  his  firstborn. 
She  must  get  the  children  to  help  father  get  loose — from  his 
sedentary  sins,  his  tired  solemnities,  his  awful  omniscience. 
She  must  demand  his  best. 

[121] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

Some  parents  who  find  it  well-nigh  impossible  to  join 
very  much  with  their  children  in  play  in  the  winter  time  antic- 
ipate the  summer  vacation  as  at  least  one  chance  to  show 
their  humanity  to  their  children.  But  the  mother  who  has 
retained  her  childhood  and  the  father  who  can  see  some  fun 
in  sleeping  occasionally  in  a  tent  in  the  yard  with  his  son  or 
in  a  social  game  after  dinner  by  the  fireside  has  taken  the 
longest  step  toward  confidence  and  companionship  in  the 
deeper  things  and  experiences.  During  these  years  at  least 
it  is  as  important  each  day  that  the  parent  should  take  time 
to  be  happy  as  to  "take  time  to  be  holy." 

Our  children  should  have  much  of  the  companionship  of 
the  wise.  The  old  adage,  "Children  should  be  seen  and  not 
heard,"  ought  really  to  be  reserved.  Children  should  be  both 
seen  and  heard.  Unless  they  are  seen  by  and  see  wise 
people,  how  can  they  become  wise,  and  unless  they  can  be 
heard  how  can  they  have  their  fallacies  exposed?  Socrates 
cleared  up  the  minds  of  young  people  by  asking  them  appar- 
ently simple  but  ingenious  questions,  and,  it  has  been 
suggested,  got  his  reward  by  clearing  up  his  own  mind  by 
listening  to  their  answers.  We  should  follow  Edward  Everett 
Hale's  advice,  and  arrange  that  our  children  shall  talk  every 
day  with  someone  wiser  than  themselves. 

The  value  of  good  table  talk  in  both  the  education  and 
management  of  children  is  too  little  recognized.  People 
who  would  scorn  to  appear  in  a  negligee  toilet  at  table  will 
utter  conversation  that  is  slipshod,  vulgarly  gossipy,  emptily 
personal  or  tiresomely  complaining.  Says  Dr.  Colin  A. 
Scott:  "Children  who  have  grown  up  in  homes  in  which  the 
talk  ran  on  large  lines  and  touched  on  all  great  interests  of 
life  will  agree  that  nothing  gave  them  greater  pleasure  or 
more  genuine  education.  There  are  homes  in  which  the 
very  atmosphere  makes  for  wide  knowledge  of  life,  for 
generous  aims,  for  citizenship  in  the  world,  as  well  as  in  the 

[122] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

locality  in  which  the  home  stands.  Teachers  in  schools  and 
colleges  find  the  widest  differences  in  range  of  information 
and  quality  of  intelligence  in  the  boys  and  girls  who  come  to 
them.  Some  children  bring  a  store  of  knowledge  and  sound 
tastes  with  them;  others  seem  to  have  had  no  cultivation  of 
any  sort,  are  ignorant  of  everything  save  the  few  subjects 
which  they  have  been  compelled  to  study,  and  have  no  per- 
sonal acquaintance  with  books  or  art  or  nature  or  the  large 
affairs  of  the  world.  They  have  absorbed  nothing,  for  there 
has  been  nothing  to  absorb;  all  that  they  know  has  been 
poured  into  them.  The  fortunate  children  have  grown  up  in 
association  with  men  and  women  of  general  intelligence, 
have  heard  them  talk  and  lived  among  their  books. 

"There  is  no  educational  opportunity  in  the  homes  more 
important  than  the  talk  at  the  table.  But  this  educational 
influence  must  issue  from  the  spirit  and  interests  of  the 
parents;  it  must  never  wear  a  pedagogic  air  and  impose  a 
schoolroom  order  on  a  life  which  ought  to  be  free,  spon- 
taneous and  joyful.  The  home  in  which  the  talk  is  pre- 
arranged to  instruct  the  children  would  be,  not  a  garden 
where  birds  and  dogs  and  children  play  together,  but  an 
institution  in  which  the  inmates  live  by  rule  and  not  instinct. 

"It  is  not  the  child  of  six  who  sits  at  the  table  and  listens; 
it  is  a  human  spirit,  eager,  curious,  wondering,  surrounded 
by  mysteries,  silently  taking  in  what  it  does  not  understand 
today,  but  which  will  take  possession  of  it  next  year  and  be- 
come a  torch  to  light  it  on  its  way.  It  is  through  association 
with  older  people  that  these  fructifying  ideas  come  to  the 
child;  it  is  through  such  talk  that  he  finds  the  world  he  is  to 
possess. 

"The  talk  of  the  family  ought  not,  therefore,  to  be  directed 
at  him  or  shaped  for  him;  but  it  ought  to  make  a  place  for 
him.  If  the  Balkan  situation  comes  up,  let  the  boy  get  out 
the  atlas  and  find  Bosnia  and  Bulgaria ;  it  is  quite  likely  that 

[  123] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

his  elders  may  have  forgotten  the  exact  location  of  these 
countries ;  it  is  even  possible  that  they  may  never  have 
known,  .    .    . 

"Talks  on  books,  plays,  pictures,  music,  may  have  the  same 
quality  of  a  common  interest  for  those  who  listen  as  well  as 
for  those  who  talk.  There  are  homes  in  which  the  informal 
discussion  of  these  matters  is  a  liberal  education ;  and  long 
years  after,  children,  who  were  not  taken  account  of  at  the 
time,  remember  phrases  and  sentences  that  have  been  key- 
words in  their  vocabulary  of  life." 

The  advantages  of  table  talk  in  child  management  are 
especially  obvious.  Ideals  or  codes  of  conduct  may  there  be 
discussed  so  naturally  that  no  child  shall  feel  that  he  is  being 
lectured,  while  the  statement  of  the  family  consensus  of 
opinion  upon  such  topics  has  a  profound  influence  upon  the 
opinion  and  action  of  each  individual.  The  younger  child 
follows  the  lead  of  those  older.  The  older  is  w^arned  not  to 
offend  the  moral  sense  of  those  younger. 

Companionship  in  school  tasks  is  a  little  more  difficult 
than  it  used  to  be,  now  that  methods  of  teaching  have 
changed,  but  many  parents  still  manage  it;  and  since  schools 
fail  in  teaching  to  study  more  than  anything  else,  the  parent 
who  can  do  this  not  only  keeps  alongside  of  the  child,  but 
performs  a  very  great  educational  service. 

Companionship  in  work  is  essential.  True,  chores  are 
not  so  numerous  in  a  city  house,  but  if  the  child  is  from  an 
early  period  accepted  as  a  junior  partner,  he  may  be 
habituated  to  take  some  small  and  regular  share  in  the 
household  tasks.  Even  boys  can  help  in  the  kitchen,  the 
tasks  which  they  perform  there  being  made  acceptable  to 
themselves  and  their  criticizing  playmates  as  preparatory  to 
the  cooking  and  housekeeping  of  the  summer  camp.  The 
weekly  allowance  may  be  regarded  as  salary  for  such  tasks, 
though  acts  of  special  helpfulness  should  be  paid  with  thanks 

[124] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

and  not  with  money  and  rewarded  by  unexpected  rather  than 
bargained  blessings. 

These  are  the  companionships  that  lead  to  comradeship  of 
ideals.  The  parent  who  never  plays  or  works  with  his  child 
is  unlikely  ever  to  get  very  close  to  the  child's  real  confidence, 
while  it  is  during  the  play  or  work  that  father  or  mother  finds 
the  closest  intimacies  most  natural.  A  very  wise  head  of 
an  orphanage  used  to  maintain  a  photographic  dark  room, 
simply  because  the  good  fellowship  of  the  mutual  puttering 
he  did  there  with  his  boys  led  to  confidential  discussion.  So 
the  joyous  companionships  of  the  home  lead  to  the  heights 
where  the  children  dream  and  wish  to  tell  their  dreams  to 
sympathetic  ears. 

An  illustration  at  this  point  is  so  much  better  than  a  homily 
that  it  seems  worth  while  to  give  space  to  two  pictures  taken 
from  American  Motherhood  to  show  the  contrast  of  homes 
where  confidence  is  prohibited  and  sought,  wdth  implied 
results. 

"Where's  James?"  Mr.  Thome's  voice  was  curt  and  short. 
"Oh,    don't   ask   me,"   replied    Mrs.   Thorne    querulously, 
setting  the  supper  things  hastily  on  the  table,  her  face  hot 
and  scowling  with  irritation.     "I've  called  and  called.  Really, 
Henry,  you'll  have  to  take  that  boy  in  hand.     He's  on  the 
street  from  morning  till  bedtime." 
"Doesn't  he  know  it's  supper  time?" 
"He  ought  to.     I've  told  him  a  hundred  times  if  I  have 
once  that  he's  to  come  in  at  five  o'clock." 

"It  seems  to  me — "  i\Ir.  Thome's  tone  grew  in  irritation 
as  he  sat  down  to  the  table — "that  if  I'd  told  a  boy  twelve 
years'  old  a  hundred  times  to  come  in  at  five  o'clock,  he'd 
come." 

"What  would  you  have  me  do?"  demanded  Mrs.  Thorne 
sharply,  as  she  poured  the  tea.  "Should  I  go  out  and  hunt 
him  up?     I've  called  until  I'm  hoarse." 

[125] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

"The  trouble  is — "  Mr.  Thorne  served  his  wife  to  hot  rolls 
and  creamed  potatoes,  and  cast  glances  of  expectant  inquiry 
out  of  the  window — "that  a  boy  in  the  city  hasn't  anything: 
to  do  to  keep  him  out  of  mischief.  When  I  was  a  boy  I  had 
chores  to  do  that  kept  me  busy." 

"There  are  a  few  things  around  a  place  like  this,"  replied 
]\Irs.  Thorne  ironically,  "that  a  boy  as  big  as  James  might 
do." 

"Why  don't  you  make  him  do  them  then?"  asked  her 
husband  sharply. 

"Why  don't  you?"  retorted  Mrs.  Thorne  angrily,  pushing 
back  her  chair,  her  face  flushing  still  more  deeply. 

"I'm  too  busy  earning  money  to  keep  him  in  shoes  and 
trousers  to  see  to  his  bringing  up.     It  seems  to  me — " 

A  slamming  of  the  outer  door  interrupted  him,  and  a 
boy  of  twelve,  untidy  and  unwashed,  burst  into  the  room. 

"Gee,  I'm  hungry — "  he  began,  but  the  stern  voice  of  his 
father  interrupted  him. 

"Go  and  wash  yourself,  young  man,  before  you  show  your- 
self in  here,"  he  commanded. 

The  boy  slammed  out  of  the  room  and  returned  in  less 
than  five  minutes,  a  visible  water  mark  about  his  chin  and 
with  hands  still  grimy  and  hair  unbrushed. 

"Now  see  here,  my  boy — "  his  father  dealt  out  loud-voiced 
admonition  as  he  served  the  boy's  meal — "you  let  this  be 
the  last  time  you  come  in  to  supper  after  I  do.  I  want  you 
to  get  into  this  house  before  dark  and  see  if  you  can't  find 
a  few  chores  to  do.     Do  you  hear?" 

The  boy  nodded  sullenly  and  bolted  his  food  in  angry 
silence. 

"Why  don't  you  try  to  be  more  like  Tom  Martin?" 
fretted  his  mother.  "He  comes  in  and  helps  his  mother  and 
even  sets  the  table.     He — " 

"Tom  Martin's  mother  plays  games  with  him,"  interrupted 

[126] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

James  defensively,  "and  she  reads  out  loud  to  him,  and  she 
lets  him  have  the  fellers  come  in  evenings,  and  makes  base- 
ball suits  for  him  and — " 

"She  doesn't  play  games  with  him  nor  read  to  him  every 
night,"  replied  Mrs.  Thorne;  "for  she  belongs  to  a  reading 
club  and  she  goes  to  the  theater  sometimes — " 

"She  lets  liijn  have  a  good  time  when  she  does  go  out,"  inter- 
rupted James  bitterly;  "'cause  I've  been  in  there.  She  lets 
him  make  candy  in  the  kitclien  with  Molly,  and  his  Aunt 
Maggie  comes  in  to  play  games  with  the  boys  when  Tom's 
mother's  out.     She  ain't  his  truly  aunt,  but — " 

"She's  an  old  maid  that  Mrs.  Martin  gets  to  come  in  and 
stay  sometimes.     But  Tom's  such  a  good  boy  that — " 

"I'd  be  good,  too,  if — " 

"Don't  answer  back,  sir,"  commanded  his  father.  "If 
you're  through  your  supper,  go  and  get  a  book  and  don't 
let  me  hear  any  more  from  you  till  bedtime." 

The  boy  stalked  sulkily  from  the  room,  harboring  a  sense 
of  injustice  and  anger  in  his  heart.  He  went  into  the  sitting- 
room,  took  a  book  from  a  httered-up  table,  drew  a  chair  up 
beneath  the  high  gas  lights  and  began  to  read. 

His  father  followed  and  took  up  the  evening  paper.  Sev- 
eral times  the  boy  glanced  up  from  his  book  toward  the 
silent  figure,  as  if  he  longed  for  company,  a  desire  for  com- 
panionship and  confidence  in  his  heart.  Too  well  he  knew, 
however,  that  any  attempt  on  his  part  would  be  met  with 
a  gruff  command  to  silence. 

Mrs.  Thorne  appeared  at  the  door.  "Henry,"  she  said 
querulously,  "have  you  forgotten  we  have  an  engagement 
tonight  at  the  Holmes's  card  party?" 

Mr.  Thorne  retorted  with  a  remark  not  complimentary  to 
card  parties  in  general  and  the  Holmes's  card  party  in  par- 
ticular. James  looked  up  at  his  mother,  a  hungry  appeal  in 
his  gray  eyes. 

[  127] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

"You  going  out  again  tonight,  mamma?"  he  asked,  a 
quivering  wistfuhiess  in  his  boyish  voice. 

*'Yes,''  she  said,  the  same  irritable  inflection  in  her  voice; 
"we've  promised  to  go.  I  hope  you're  big  enough,  James,  to 
stay  at  home  without  your  mother.  Besides,  Nora'll  be 
here." 

"Nora!"  Former  acquaintance  with  Nora's  companionship 
spoke  scornfully  in  James'  voice.  His  face  grew  hard  and  he 
took  up  his  book. 

"Come,  Henry,"  called  ]\Irs.  Thorne,  turning  away,  and 
]\Ir.  Thorne  followed,  muttering  unpleasant  comments  upon 
his  wife's  acceptance  of  invitations. 

A  half  hour  later  they  reappeared  cloaked  and  hatted  for 
the  card  party,  and  Mrs.  Thorne  kissed  her  little  boy  good 
night. 

"Be  a  good  boy,"  she  said,  "and  go  to  bed  when  you've 
finished  your  story." 

"I  wish  you  wouldn't  go,  mamma."  James  leaned  his 
twelve-year-old  head  against  his  mother's  arm. 

"Don't  be  silly,  James.  I've  promised.  You  can  go  and 
sit  with  Nora  if  you  like." 

"Come  on,  come  on,"  urged  Mr.  Thorne  impatiently  from 
the  door.  "If  you're  going  anywhere,  go  along.  I  hate 
dawdling." 

Mrs.  Thorne  turned  back  at  the  door,  her  conscience 
troubling  her  a  little  at  sight  of  the  lonely  little  figure  beside 
the  door. 

They  had  hardly  turned  a  corner  when  James  went  to  the 
kitchen  door  where  Nora  was  washing  dishes. 

"Going  to  have  company,  Nora?"  he  asked. 

"Me  cousin'll  be  droppin'  in,  mebbe,"  said  Nora,  flapping 
the  dishcloth. 

"Well,  you  leave  the  side  door  unlocked.  I'm  going  out 
for  awhile  to  play  with  the  kids,  and  if  you  squeal  on  me,  I'll 

[128] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

squeal  on  you."  And  he  went  out  into  the  street  and  the 
night  to  seek  for  the  companionship  which  was  his  natural 
right. 

It  was  near  the  supper  hour  in  the  house  across  the  way. 
Tom  Martin  came  hastily  in  at  the  back  door,  slipped  off  his 
heavy  skating  shoes  and  on  the  way  to  the  closet  where  his 
slippers  were  kept,  encountered  his  mother. 

*'Oh,  mother,"  he  exclaimed,  throwing  his  arms  about  her, 
"I'm  awfully  sorry  to  be  so  late,  but  we  got  to  skating 
a  race,  Jim  Thorne  and  I,  and  I  forgot.  But  I  remem- 
bered pretty  soon  and  I  ran,  mother,  truly  I  did,  all  the 
way." 

"Good  boy,"  said  his  mother,  kissing  his  forehead  and 
hugging  him  to  her.  "Mother  knows  you'll  never  forget  her 
for  long.     Run  and  get  washed  now." 

"I'll  see  to  the  furnace  first,  mother.  And — want  anything 
at  the  store?" 

"No,  thank  you,  dear,  I'd  like  a  little  help  about  the 
table  though,  if  you've  time,  Molly's  making  waffles  for 
supper  and  I'm  helping." 

"You  bet!"  responded  Tom,  boyishly  inelegant,  but  with  a 
splendid  look  in  his  clear  eyes  that  sent  a  thrill  of  rejoicing 
to  the  mother's  heart. 

He  came  down  presently,  clean  and  brushed,  a  fresh  blouse 
and  tie  replacing  the  soiled  ones.  Then  he  went  about  set- 
ting the  table  deftly  and  happily,  chatting  to  his  mother  about 
the  skating,  about  his  day  at  school,  what  this  one  had  said 
and  another  had  done,  until  she  knew  her  boy's  mind  and 
heart  as  she  had  always  done. 

Presently  Mr.  Martin  came  in  and  greeted  his  son: 

"Hello,  boy,"  he  said. 

"Hello,  man,"  retorted  Tom,  cheerfully  and  companion' 
ably  affectionate, 

[  129] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

"Had  a  good  day?"  asked  the  father  as  they  drew  about 
the  table. 

"Bully,"  replied  Tom.     "Have  you?" 

"Are  we  going  to  read  'Boy  Lincoln'  tonight?"  asked  Tom 
after  a  little,  "or  are  we  going  to  have  a  game  of  Flinch?" 

"This  is  our  night  at  the  reading  club.  Tommy."  Mrs. 
jMartin  could  never  refrain  from  saying  "Tommy"  when  she 
felt  especially  tender.     "Don't  you  remember?" 

Tommy's  face  fell. 

"I'd  forgotten,"  he  said;  "but  I'll  read  or  have  Jim  Thorne 
come  over." 

"I  don't  know  what  to  think  about  Jim  Thorne,"  said 
j\Irs.  IMartin  with  a  puzzled  inflection  in  her  voice.  "I  used 
to  think  him  a  fine  little  fellow,  but  lately  I've  heard  of  sev- 
eral things  in  which  he  has  deceived  his  mother  and  he's 
always  on  the  streets." 

"His  home  isn't  jolly  and  bright  and  nice  like  ours," 
said  Tom.  "His  mother  scolds  and  his  father  jaws  and  they 
never  play  games  with  him  or  anything." 

"Perhaps  you'd  better  run  over  and  ask  him  to  come  and 
stay  an  hour,"  said  Mrs.  Martin.  "Aunt  Maggie  will  be 
over,  and  you  can  make  fudge  if  Molly'll  let  you." 

Tom  ran  blithely  away  across  the  street,  and  both  father 
and  mother  looked  after  him  with  happy  and  thankfut 
hearts. 

"He's  a  good  boy,"  said  Mrs.  Martin. 

"He's  got  a  good  mother,"  replied  her  husband,  smiling. 

"He's  like  his  father."  And  Mrs.  Martin  stretched  a  hand 
across  the  table  to  be  grasped  lovingly  by  another  bigger 
and  browner. 

The  story  concludes  with  a  description  of  Tom  eagerly 
helping  his  mother  to  make  ready  and  bidding  her  an  afTec- 
tionate  good-by,  conscious  that  his  parents,  even  when  absent 
in  body,  were  still  close  to  him  in  spirit.     That  boy,  v^e  can 

[130] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

see,  would  grow  up  in  the  finest  sort  of  relation  to  both 
his  parents.  The  "gang"  might  claim  him,  the  evil  or 
neglected  chum  might  for  a  time  lead  him  somewhat  astray, 
but  he  would  ever  keep  his  parents  informed  of  his  changing 
ideals,  he  would  never  go  away  from  them  even  in  "the  far 
country,"  and  in  the  end  his  permanent  ideals  would  be  sound 
and  strong.     Home  companionship  would  be  his  salvation. 

"I  know  a  mother,"  says  Mrs.  Birney,  "who  with  the  ad- 
vent of  the  first  baby  entered  heartily  into  the  idea  that  she 
had  undertaken  a  long  journey  with  the  most  mysteriously 
fascinating  and  wonderful  of  companions,  who  each  day 
exacted  rare  tribute  from  her  patience  and  self-denial,  but 
who  in  himself  was  such  an  ever-increasing  source  of  delight, 
through  his  affection,  growth  and  development,  that  she 
prayed  in  her  soul  the  journey  might  last  through  all  eternity. 
It  must  have  been  such  a  mother  as  this  of  whom  a  little 
boy  who  was  playing  a  'wishing  game'  said,  'I  wish  my 
mamma  was  my  little  twin  brother,  and  next  I  wish  we  had 
a  mamma  exactly  as  she  is  now.' " 

One  thing  the  child  needs  especially  to  learn  through  his 
companionship  with  his  parents,  and  that  is  that  they  are 
engaging  in  the  same  moral  experiences  as  is  he.  He  is  not 
alone  in  having  to  obey;  so  must  they.  He  is  not  alone  in 
having  disappointments.  He  is  not  alone  in  finding  it  hard 
to  be  good.  He  is  not  alone  in  doing  and  being  wrong. 
No  child  can  excuse  an  excuse  from  his  parents,  but  he  will 
always  accept  an  apology.  The  parent  who  is  big  enough 
sometimes  to  say  "we"  instead  of  "you"  when  talking  to  his 
child  about  his  peculiarities  or  faults  has  well  won  his  way 
with  him.  And  the  student  spirit  in  the  parents  even  in  the 
realm  of  morals  awakens  the  student  spirit  in  the  child. 

Fitness 
As  guardians  of  future  kings  we  ought  to  be  men  and 

[131] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

women  worthy  of  our  great  trust.  We  are  engaged  not 
merely  in  a  profession,  but  in  a  mission.  The  idea  that  in- 
tellectual acuteness  and  a  plenitude  of  devices  will  suffice  to 
enable  us  to  train  our  children  well  is  a  false  one.  Children 
may  not  have  great  reasoning  powers,  but  they  have  the 
instinct  to  recognize  goodness.  There  is  no  way  to  repre- 
sent goodness  to  a  child  but  by  being  good  ourselves.  The 
child  may  do  as  we  say;  he  will  certainly  do  as  we  do.  We 
again  must  cite  Mrs.  Allen's  word,  that  "the  chief  part  of  a 
child's  moral  training  comes  from  seeing  us  try  to  be  good." 
Suggestion  is  the  most  potent  form  of  education,  and  we  can 
suggest  only  by  what  we  are.  Of  the  family  of  Karl  Witte 
we  read:  "The  whole  family  life  was  regulated  with  a  view 
to  suggesting  to  the  child  ideas  which,  taking  root  in  the 
subconscious  region  of  his  mind,  would  tend  soon  or  late  to 
aflfect  his  moral  outlook  and  exercise  a  lasting  influence  on 
his  conduct.  Hasty  words,  disputes,  discussion  of  unpleasant 
subjects,  all  these  thing  were  scrupulously  avoided.  In  their 
relations  with  one  another,  as  with  the  little  serving-maid 
and  all  who  visited  the  Witte  home,  the  parents  displayed 
only  those  characteristics  with  which  they  wished  to  imbue 
their  son.  They  were  unfailingly  genial,  courteous,  consid- 
erate and  sympathetic.  Over  and  above  all  this,  they  set  him 
a  constant  example  of  diligence,  of  that  earnest  activity  which 
is  of  itself  a  most  forceful  form  of  moral  discipline."  How 
Japanese  children  grow  to  be  courteous  and  docile  after  be- 
ing, as  we  would  say,  "spoiled"  by  total  absence  of  home 
discipline  seems  incredible,  until  we  are  told  that  they  never 
see  discourtesy  or  inconsiderateness  at  home.  They  absorb 
by  imitation  what  we  think  must  be  plastered  on  by  means 
of  discipline. 

And  Dr.  Griggs  adds:  "The  child  is  helped  not  only  by 
what  we  do,  but  by  what  we  try  to  do  even  when  we  fail.  It 
is  possible,  fortunately,  to  teach  lessons  above  the  level  of 

[  132] 


THE   PARENT'S   ATTITUDE 

what  we  are  in  conduct,  though  not  higher  than  what  we 
want  to  be  and  strive  to  be.  The  ideal  we  are  struggUng 
toward  teaches  above  our  halting  and  imperfect  action.  Thus 
children  tend  to  imitate  not  only  our  conduct  but,  deeper 
than  it,  the  spirit  that  inspires  our  conduct.  That  is  why 
pretense  is  so  futile,  and  why  every  attempt  to  wear  a  gar- 
ment of  virtue  merely  for  effect  is  apt  to  lead  to  an  imitation, 
not  of  the  assumed  virtue,  but  of  the  hypocrisy  that  inspired 
its  assumption,  as,  for  instance,  when  our  behavior  is  con- 
ventionally proper  but  with  no  love  behind.  Children  pierce 
through  what  we  do  to  what  we  mean  to  be  and  do ;  and  the 
influence  of  the  ideal  toward  which  we  are  struggling  is  in 
the  end  more  powerful  than  the  changing  accident  of  the 
day's  life. 

"Thus  the  true  teaching  by  example  is  through  a  kind  of 
contagion  of  the  ideal  that  passes  from  soul  to  soul  even 
when  the  ideal  is  far  beyond  us.  This  has  always  been  the 
supreme  force  in  education." 

The  task  of  raising  future  kings  demands  a  large  nature. 
Because  we  deal  with  small  people,  w^e  cannot  afford  to  be 
small  ourselves.  "The  genuine  disciplinarian,"  says  Ennis 
Richmond,  "is  one  whom  grown-up  people  would  be  inclined 
to  obey  as  well  as  children."  All  authorities  seem  to  agree 
that  a  parent  can  be  angry,  mistaken,  even  wrong  sometimes, 
but  that  he  can  seldom  afford  to  be  "grieved"  or  pettish  or 
evidently  annoyed.  And  even  when  endurance  ceases  to 
be  a  virtue  and  patience  is  almost  gone,  if  the  parent  can,  as 
it  were  automatically,  remember  that  every  trying  situation 
has  something  funny  about  it  (for  he  is  funny  himself  when 
the  child  is  not),  he  will  retain  his  sense  of  humor,  which  is 
itself  the  finest  kind  of  self-control. 

"We,"  says  Mrs.  Allen,  "are  very  like  the  children.  We, 
too,  love  our  own  way.  We,  too,  are  stiff-minded.  We 
have  our  own  unseasonable  moods  and  senseless  tricks,  and, 

[133] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

moreover,  on  top  of  it  all,  an  acquired  sense  of  dignity  which 
acts  as  a  bar  between  us  and  the  children.  If  we  deserve 
their  respect,  they  will  give  it.  We  need  not  concern  our- 
selves so  much  about  their  behavior  toward  us  as  about  our 
own  toward  them.  We  must  treat  them  with  courtesy. 
They  are  our  equals  in  everything  but  experience,  and  we 
must  regard  ourselves  as  appointed  to  give  them  the  results 
of  experience  quickly,  thoroughly  and  beneficially,  often 
rigorously,  never  roughly  nor  stupidly." 

Many  parents  who  try  to  grow  morally  do  not  think  it 
necessary  to  grow  mentally  after  their  children  come.  They 
live,  as  Ellen  Key  says,  "on  the  capital  and  interest  of  an 
education,  which  perhaps  once  made  them  model  children, 
but  has  deprived  them  of  the  idea  of  educating  themselves." 
Yet  there  is  no  sadder  pathos  than  that  of  outgrown  parents. 
Only  by  keeping  oneself  in  constant  process  of  growth, 
under  the  constant  influence  of  the  best  things  in  one's  own 
age,  does  one  become  a  parent  half-way  good  enough  for 
one's  children.  The  mother  who  has  "neglected  everything 
for  the  children"  has  often  almost  neglected  her  children. 

We  ought  always  to  be  good,  but  when  we  have  to  disci- 
pline our  children,  then  we  ought  to  be  at  our  best.  "Try 
not  to  discipline  your  child,"  urges  Mrs.  Allen,  "unless  you 
are  satisfied  with  your  mood.  First  summon  your  own  best 
state  of  mind,  and  then  face  the  child.  Your  mood  will  be 
your  best  ally."  The  hour  when  you  feel  most  like  giving 
a  whipping  is  the  worst  one  in  which  to  do  it,  and  there  is  no 
use  trying  to  improve  the  disposition  of  a  child  while  you 
are  spoiling  your  own. 


[134  1 


CHAPTER   X 
THE   CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

Relation  to  Law 

Turning  now  to  the  attitude  of  the  children  themselves, 
we  find  that  their  responsiveness  to  government  rests  upon 
two  different  bases  during  this  period.  Until  they  are  about 
ten  years  old  the  respect  that  they  feel  is  to  personal  com- 
mands; after  that  it  is  respect  for  law  itself.  Earl  Barnes 
found  as  the  result  of  careful  studies  that  children  under  ten 
have  very  little  appreciation  of  general  laws  or  regula- 
tions, or  regard  for  them.  They  are  most  docile  however 
to  the  binding  force  of  personal  commands,  even  where 
the  special  circumstance  would  seem  to  excuse  them  from 
obedience. 

This  is  because  they  have  little  moral  equipment  yet,  little 
capacity  for  sorrow  and  none  for  remorse.  The  fact  that  a 
child  seems  to  be  sorry  because  we  are  grieved  or  because  it 
is  toward  night  or  because  he  feels  homesick  is  not  an  excep- 
tion. We  mistake  in  insisting  upon  forcing  children  to  ex- 
press regret  in  begging  pardon.  An  artificial  emotion  is 
always  worthless.  This  is  an  excellent  training  for  hypocrisy. 
The  moral  sense  is  still  largely  to  be  evoked.  It  is  for  us 
to  be  reasonable,  to  be  fair,  until  the  child  is  old  enough  to 
know  reason  and  fairness  in  the  only  way  he  can  come  to 
know  it,  from  having  seen  it  lived. 

"This  attitude,"  says  Barnes,  "begins  to  change  by  the  time 
the  child  is  ten  years  old,  and  changes  more  rapidly  at  twelve 
and  thirteen.  Ideas  become  clarified;  the  child  not  only  feels, 
but  knows  why  he  feels;  he  begins  to  recognize  established 
laws  as  abstract  existences;  the  punishments  he  prescribes 

[135  1 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

are  less  severe,  and  they  take  into  account  in  some  measure 
the  intentions  of  the  culprit.  These  tendencies  increase  up  to 
sixteen  years." 

So  until  a  child  is  ten  years  old  he  turns  to  us,  not  for  legal 
enactments,  but  for  personal  commands.  After  he  is  ten,  we 
can  gradually  give  him  a  code.  According  to  this  he  will 
endeavor  to  live,  and  when,  during  adolescence  when  he 
questions  everything,  he  questions  the  articles  of  this  code, 
yet  his  habituation  to  it  will  continue  as  a  safeguard  and  much 
of  it  will  bind  him  as  a  life  habit. 

It  is  a  significant  period  at  which  the  child  arrives  when 
he  begins  to  realize  the  majesty  of  right.  Someone  has  said 
that  "the  proper  exercise  of  will  might  be  defined  by  the  word 
'ought.'  "  And  so  even  before  the  parent  or  teacher  is  fully 
able  to  reason  with  a  child,  the  child  is  satisfied  if  he  is  as- 
sured that  a  certain  course  is  right. 

The  conservatism  of  a  child  as  to  that  which  he  has  be- 
come convinced  is  right  is  both  extraordinary  and  reassuring. 
It  may  be  due  partly  to  dullness,  to  the  time  it  takes  for  him 
to  interpret  or  modify  a  command.  It  may  be  partly  inertia 
or  mental  laziness.  It  may  be  the  fixed  efifect  of  ancestral 
inheritance  and  a  steady  environment.  But  it  seems  to  be 
more — it  seems  to  be  the  tendency  of  young  children  to  di- 
gest and  make  their  own  that  which  they  have  continuously 
tasted.  This  conservative  instinct  is  so  enduring  that  often, 
when  a  child  has  been  steadily  guided  to  follow  out  a  course 
of  conduct  to  which  he  is  disinclined,  his  inclination  reverses 
and  he  can  hardly  be  persuaded  later  that  he  ever  desired  the 
opposite. 

These  facts  as  to  the  child's  attitude  toward  law  suggest 
the  wisdom  of  Kirkpatrick's  broad  statement  as  to  the  chang- 
ing factors  of  education  during  this  period:  "Play  is  the  chief 
factor  in  education  during  the  early  years;  but  gradually 
more  and  more  place  is  given  to  Necessity,  until  she  is  the 

[  136  ] 


THE   CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

honored  director  of  activity  in  manhood,  or  perchance  both 
give  place  to  the  twin  sisters,  Doing  and  Achievement,  who 
smile  alike  on  work  that  is  as  joyous  as  play  and  play  that  is 
as  valuable  as  work." 

The  Artful  Dodger 

No  matter  how  genial  the  attitude  of  children  is  toward 
law,  their  practice  often  lags  far  behind.  There  is  a  tendency 
to  "ease  off,"  to  delay,  to  fall  behind  the  requirements.  This 
process  offers  a  fine  opportunity  for  the  imaginative  child. 
Sully  cites  this:  "A  small  boy  on  receiving  from  his  nurse  the 
familiar  order,  'Come  here !'  at  once  replied,  'I  can't,  nurse, 
I's  looking  for  a  flea,'  and  pretended  to  be  much  engrossed 
in  the  momentous  business  of  hunting  for  this  quarry  in  the 
blanket  of  his  cot.  The  little  trickster  is  such  a  lover  of  fun 
that  he  is  pretty  certain  to  betray  his  ruse  in  a  case  like  this, 
and  our  small  flea-catcher,  we  are  told,  laughed  mischiev- 
ously as  he  proffered  his  excuse.  Such  sly  fabrications  may 
be  just  as  naughty  as  the  uninspired  excuses  of  a  stupidly 
sulky  child,  but  it  is  hard  to  be  quite  as  much  put  out  by 
them."  They  soon  cease  to  be  amusing,  however,  and  the 
parent  finds  that  he  needs  to  be  firm  either  in  letting  the 
neglected  task  bring  its  own  penalty  of  deprivation  or  in 
holding  the  young  shirker  to  strict  account. 

In  mentioning  the  conservativeness  of  children  which  leads 
them  to  tend  t6  pursue  a  habit  as  if  it  were  a  tradition,  equal 
mention  must  be  made  of  the  changeableness  that  comes 
especially  with  the  years  of  rapid  growth.  "The  child's 
soul,"  says  Dr.  Paul  Carus,  "is  a  commonwealth  of  various 
and  frequently  contradictory  tendencies."  The  mirror-like 
response  of  the  child  to  impressions  marks  his  susceptibility 
to  a  variety  of  reflections  and  his  almost  tricky  alterations  of 
moral  sentiment  are  a  valuable  form  of  reflex  action.  "Wax 
to  receive,  marble  to  retain"  the  child  is  thus  at  once  capable 

I  137] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

of  the  whole  range  of  moral  susceptibility  and  dynamic  to 
make  it  an  integral  part  of  his  own  moral  furnishing. 

Though  the  child  respects  law,  he  does  not  love  it.  He 
thinks  it  a  restraint  devised  for  the  restriction  of  children. 
Sully  continues:  "So  strong  and  deep-reaching  is  this 
antagonism  to  law  and  its  restraints  apt  to  be  that  the  child- 
ish longing  to  be  'big'  is,  I  believe,  grounded  on  the  expec- 
tation of  liberty.  To  be  big  seems  to  the  child  more  than 
anything  else  to  be  rid  of  all  this  imposition  of  commands, 
to  be  able  to  do  what  one  likes  without  interference  from 
others." 

So  it  is  not  surprising  that  one  of  the  commonest  traits 
with  advancing  years  is 

Obstinacy 

It  may  take  its  rise  in  indolence  or  as  the  result  of  too 
frequent  or  too  severe  exactions.  It  may  be  a  kind  of 
strength.  The  child  likes  to  overcome  difficulties;  we  are  a 
difficulty  which  he  tries  to  overcome.  Yet,  as  Berle  suggests, 
when  children  are  obstinate  they  are  not  necessarily,  as  peo- 
ple assume,  of  strong  will.  They  may  have  very  weak  wills. 
Their  obstinacy  may  arise  from  w-ant  of  interest  and  ina- 
bility to  catch  the  threads  of  thought  around  which  interest 
is  trained.  In  such  cases  an  alluring  exposition  of  a  better 
way  will  cause  the  supposed  obstinacy  to  melt  away.  Some- 
times real  and  permanent  obstinacy  is  occasioned  by  sudden 
or  careless  interruptions  of  childish  play  by  adults.  These 
are  usually  unnecessary  and  harmful.  They  weaken  both 
will-power  and  perseverance. 

No  wonder  that  a  child  treated  thus  grows  up  not  only 
with  no  ability  to  persevere,  but  also  stubborn  against 
thoughtless  interference. 

Obstinacy  is  sometimes  only  fear  or  incapacity.  "The 
child,"  says  Ellen  Key,  "repeats  a  false  answer,  is  threatened 

[138I 


THE    CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

with  blows,  and  again  repeats  it  because  he  is  afraid  not  to 
say  the  right  thing.  He  is  struck  and  then  answers  rightly. 
The  paralysis  due  to  fear  was  treated  as  an  exhibition  of  a 
refractory  will." 

\\'hen  a  child  becomes  excited  either  in  resistance  or  in 
fear,  he  often  becomes  for  a  while  literally  incapacitated 
through  mental  blindness  to  accomplish  the  thing  we  de- 
sire. Professor  William  James  once  gave  some  very  sensi- 
ble advice  for  such  a  case.  "When  a  situation  of  the  kind 
is  once  fairly  developed,  and  the  child  is  all  tense  and  excited 
inwardly,  nineteen  times  out  of  twenty  it  is  best  to  apperceive 
the  case  as  one  of  neural  pathology  rather  than  as  one  of 
moral  culpability.  So  long  as  the  inhibiting  sense  of  im- 
possibility remains  in  the  child's  mind,  he  will  continue 
unable  to  get  beyond  the  obstacle.  The  aim  of  the  teacher 
should  then  be  to  make  him  simply  forget.  Drop  the  sub- 
ject for  the  time,  divert  the  mind  to  something  else:  then, 
leading  the  pupil  back  by  some  circuitous  line  of  associa- 
tion, spring  it  on  him  again  before  he  has  time  to  recognize 
it,  and  as  likely  as  not  he  will  go  over  it  without  any  dif- 
ficulty. It  is  in  no  other  way  that  we  overcome  balkiness 
in  a  horse:  we  divert  his  attention,  do  something  to  his  nose 
or  ear,  lead  him  around  in  a  circle,  and  thus  get  him  over  a 
place  where  flogging  would  only  have  made  him  more 
invincible." 

"But,  after  all,"  someone  asks,  "are  there  not  instances 
when  the  enlightened  will  of  the  adult  must  prevail  and  the 
child,  willingly  or  unwillingly,  must  yield?"  There  are  vari- 
ous ways  of  conquering  his  obstinacy.  In  general,  it  is  better 
to  do  it  by  a  process  than  through  a  catastrophe.  We  may 
or  may  not  be  able  by  terrorizing  to  secure  a  particular  act 
of  submission,  but  we  can  hardly  expect  by  such  means  to 
force  the  formation  of  a  volition.  To  accomplish  the  first 
seems  hardly  worth  the  struggle,  since  it  has  to  be  done  by 

[  139] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

fresh  struggles  on  each  new  occasion,  unless  we  have  been 
so  tragically  successful  as  to  break  the  child's  will.  What 
we  are  really  after,  or  should  be  after,  is  to  help,  not 
force,  the  forming  of  the  child's  volition.  How  shall  we  do 
this? 

As  has  been  suggested,  the  work  is  a  process.  If  a  child 
has  always  been  treated  calmly  and  reasonably,  he  is  not  so 
likely  to  have  insane  outbursts.  IVe  must  be  careful  not  to 
spring  tilings  on  him.  If  it  is  necessary  to  interrupt  him, 
explain  some  pleasant  alternative  that  is  before  him.  Mrs. 
Allen  gives  the  following  example  of  the  way  to  do  this: 

"Jack,  who  is  ready  to  go  on  a  delightful  walk,  must  be 
kept  at  home  because  an  unknown  cousin  has  come  to  see 
the  family.  'Wait,'  says  mother,  'do  you  know  who  has 
come?  It  is  a  very  nice  cousin  that  you  have  never  seen. 
He  lives  out  where  the  cowboys  are.  So  if  you  put  ofT  your 
walk,  you  will  hear  all  about  it.'  This,  instead  of  the  curt 
information,  'You  can't  go  out.  A  strange  cousin  has  come. 
Take  off  your  things.'  Some  people  object  that  this  makes 
obedience  too  easy  and  pleasant.  A  child,  they  think,  should 
obey  cheerfully,  without  asking  for  reasons.  But  that  is  a 
virtue  which  he  will  never  need  when  he  is  grown.  Grown 
people  are  almost  never  called  upon  to  change  their  course 
suddenly  without  any  understanding  of  the  reasons.  We 
first  understand  and  then  act — much  against  our  will  and 
desire,  it  may  be,  but  always  for  comprehensible  cause. 
Children  must  give  prompt  obedience  if  necessary,  but  there 
is  no  need  of  multiplying  these  uncomfortable  occasions." 
So  in  the  matter  of  asking  performance  of  a  duty,  there 
is  a  conciliatory  as  well  as  an  unconciliatory  method.  Instead 
of  saying,  "You  must  fill  the  wood-box  before  you  can  go 
out,"  it  is  quite  as  easy  to  say,  "Won't  you  please  get  me  a 
whole  boxful  of  wood  before  you  go?  I  need  it  to  cook  with 
for  our  supper,  and  I  am  going  to  make  something  you  like!" 

[140] 


THE   CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

And  the  difference  in  the  way  the  box  is  filled  is  worth  the 
extra  trouble,  if  there  is  any  trouble,  in  putting  it  so. 

When  the  parent  finds  that  the  child  is  actually  entering 
into  a  state  of  unreasoning  excitement,  let  his  own  coolness 
continue.  Meet  temper  with  firmness,  but  never  with  tem- 
per. "Only  one  gets  mad  at  a  time  in  this  house"  is  the 
motto  in  one  home.  The  one  object  now  is  to  restore  a  sane 
condition.  The  child  may  be  left  by  himself  for  a  time  to 
cool  off;  he  may  be  told  of  some  good  time  that  is  to  follow 
compliance,  not  as  a  reward,  but  as  a  consoling  prospect ; 
sometimes  the  parent  may  wisely  offer  her  help  in  the  task; 
in  extreme  instances  the  child  may  be  put  to  bed.  He  will 
find  it  hard  perpetually  to  resist  good  humor  and  courtesy. 
In  the  end  the  child  should  not  be  the  gainer  by  his  obsti- 
nacy. The  task  must  still  be  done,  and  perhaps  by  delay 
he  has  forfeited  some  additional  pleasure.  It  has  been  ad- 
vised by  some  that  other  children  may  be  allowed  to  be 
present  to  help  bring  the  offender  to  his  senses  through 
shame.     Mrs.  Wiggin  has   touched   on   this: 

"Oftentimes  he  is  obdurate  when  reproved  in  private  for  a 
fault,  but  when  brought  to  the  tribunal  of  the  disapproval 
of  other  children,  he  is  chagrined,  repents,  and  makes  atonC' 
ment.  He  is  uneasy  under  the  adverse  verdict  of  a  large 
company,  but  the  condemnation  of  one  person  did  not  weigh 
with  him.  It  is  usually  not  wise,  however,  to  appeal  to  pub- 
lic opinion  in  this  way,  save  on  an  abstract  question,  as  the 
child  loses  his  self-respect,  and  becomes  degraded  in  his  own 
eyes,  if  his  fault  is  trumpeted  abroad." 

When  the  rebellion  is  over  and  the  proper  treatment  has 
been  given,  let  that  definitely  close  the  transaction.  Don't 
harp  on  it  afterward. 

There  arc  a  few  simple  devices  for  forestalling  obstinacy. 
Jacob  Abbott  advocated  a  kind  of  schooling  in  cheerful 
obedience.     "Mary,  knowing  that  the  principle  of  obedience 

[141] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

in  the  children  was  extremely  weak,  and  that  it  could  not 
stand  any  serious  test,  contrived  to  bring  it  into  exercise  a 
great  many  times  under  the  lightest  possible  pressure.  She 
called  upon  them  to  do  a  great  many  things,  each  of  which 
was  very  easy  to  do,  and  gave  them  many  little  prohibitions 
which  it  required  a  very  slight  effort  of  self-denial  on  their 
part  to  regard;  and  she  connected  agreeable  associations  in 
their  minds  with  the  idea  of  submission  to  authority,  through 
the  interest  which  she  knew  they  would  feel  in  seeing  the 
work  of  gathering  the  flowers  and  making  the  bouquets  go 
systematically  and  prosperously  on,  and  through  the  com- 
mendation of  their  conduct  which  she  expressed  at  the  end." 

Sully  suggests  that  the  mother  prepare  the  child  some 
time  beforehand  for  a  difificult  duty,  telling  him  that  she 
expects  he  will  be  able  and  willing  to  perform  it.  This  is  a 
legitimate  use  of  suggestion.  He  also  urges  that  the  child 
be  asked  some  time  in  advance  when  in  cool  blood  to  promise 
to  do  the  duty  cheerfully.  When  the  time  arrives  the  struggle 
is  only  with  himself;  his  will  has  already  been  enlisted  on 
the  right  side.  This  simple  expedient  of  shifting  the  time 
in  the  imagination  of  the  children  helps  immensely  toward 
good  will,  by  giving  the  will  leisure  to  form  itself  favorably. 
So  a  story,  particularly  one  with  a  spice  of  humor  or  a  telling 
point,  may  be  related  in  an  impressive  way  of  a  supposititious 
situation,  which  is  likely  to  occur,  and  then  referred  to 
pleasantly  when  such  a  situation  does  arrive.  The  parent 
thus  divests  his  request  of  all  appearance  of  fault-finding  and 
secures  for  it  not  merely  its  ready  admission,  but  a  cordial 
welcome  for  it  in  their  minds. 

One  reason  for  apparent  obstinacy  is  that  the  young  child 
is  in  the  period  of 

Individualism 

This  period  has  its  value.  The  child  is  selfish,  and  self- 
ishness is  not  lovable,  but  how  can  he  regard  others  until 

[142] 


THE   CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

he  has  learned  properly  to  regard  himself?  He  must  be  first 
in  order  to  do.  The  independence  and  self-assertiveness  that 
go  with  this  are  not  agreeable  to  others,  but  they  are  needful 
to  the  child  for  his  self-protection.  All  the  development  of 
personal  temperament,  initiative  and  self-reliance  wait  upon 
the  maturing  of  his  individualism. 

The  individualism  of  the  child  consists  chiefly  in  expres- 
sions of  his  various  instincts.  Now  the  child's  instincts  are 
his  race  inheritance,  the  long  echo  of  all  the  past  to  enrich 
his  present.  They  are  his  tendrils,  the  prophetic  reachings- 
forth  of  his  nature  to  lodgments  for  his  growing  powers. 
They  are  his  "vital  breath,  his  native  air."  Through  the 
grasping  instinct,  active  in  his  little  fingers  from  the  first  day 
of  his  life,  the  fighting  instinct,  the  imitative  instinct,  the  gang 
instinct,  and  all  the  rest,  he  learns  his  world  and  himself.  The 
instincts  have  been  sadly  misunderstood.  "They  constitute," 
says  Dr.  T.  ]\I.  Balliet,  "what  is  known  as  original  sin."  "The 
boy,"  says  Gerald  Stanley  Lee,  "could  be  made  into  a  man 
out  of  the  parts  of  him  that  his  parents  and  teachers  are  try- 
ing to  throw  away."  Instinct  is  what  gives  him  his  avidity 
for  life.  It  is  what  sends  him  to  bed  dressed,  so  that  he  can 
be  up  early  for  to-morrow.  It  is  what  makes  him  loth 
to  go  to  bed  at  all,  lest  he  should  lose  some  of  the  fun  that 
is  going  on  in  the  world  while  he  is  asleep.  It  explains  why 
when  he  is  awake  he  is  much  of  the  time  in  the  third  heaven, 
and  whether  in  the  body  or  out  of  the  body  one  cannot  tell 
—  God  knowcth.  The  boy  who  stated  as  the  two  requisites 
of  a  good  church  boys'  club  "feed  and  fun"  had  evidently 
unconsciously  summed  up  the  needs  of  his  own  period  in 
life.  Nutriment  and  joy,  especially  the  joyous  use  of  his 
instincts  in  wholesome  directions — are  not  these  indicated  to 
us  parents  as  the  two  principal  rights  of  a  growing  child? 

Slowly,  however,  during  this  era  the  child  begins  to  social- 
ize.    The  ages  from  ten  to  seventeen  are   said  to  be  the 

[143] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

golden  years  of  the  "gang  period."  The  child  is  so  sud- 
denly and  thoroughly  seized  by  the  glamor  of  his  self-chosen 
group  that  its  opinion  soon  becomes  all-prevailing  with  him. 
This  becomes  an  important  factor  in  government. 

Sociability 

It  is  a  little  alarming  to  discover  that  the  discipline  of 
one's  own  child  involves  a  share  in  the  disciplining  of  most 
of  the  children  on  the  street.  This  is  the  more  difficult 
because  we  have  neither  full  opportunity  nor  authority.  It 
is  hard  to  be  guardian  of  other  people's  children  without  full 
warrant.  The  parents  of  the  others  do  not  always  share 
our  ideals  or  our  realization  of  duty.  Then  comes  a  clash- 
ing of  the  different  ideas  as  to  allowances,  evenings-out, 
privileges  of  playing  away  from  home,  etc.,  held  by  other 
parents  and  ourselves. 

The  whole  problem  of  the  gang  is  discussed  in  "The  Boy 
Problem,"  but  a  few  practical  suggestions  may  be  given 
here. 

The  gang  instinct  is  really  the  friendship-making  instinct. 
Between  ten  and  seventeen  comes  no  doubt  the  most  power- 
ful single  influence  in  the  lives  of  most  children.  What  the 
gang  says,  thinks  and  does  is  to  the  individual  member  pub- 
lic opinion.  The  peril  of  the  gang  is  usually  not  that  it  is 
bad,  but  that  it  is  undecided;  it  never  is  sure  what  it  is  going 
to  do  next.  To  ignore  the  gang  is  to  let  it  go  its  own 
aimless,  dangerous  way.  The  gang  needs  only  to  be 
chaperoned,  to  be  guided  into  safety.  Parents  must  enter 
into  the  gangs  to  which  their  children  belong.  Their  supe- 
rior resourcefulness  and  their  kindness  will  win  the  confi- 
dence and  worship  of  each  member.  The  following  illustration 
from  Mrs.  Lutes  is  as  good  as  a  treatise: 

"Mother,"  says  twelve-year-old  Jack,  "may  I  bring  ten  of 
the  boys  over  here  tonight?    It's  a  club  and — " 

[  144] 


THE    CHILD'S   ATTITUDE 

"No,"  comes  the  prompt  response.  "I've  just  got  my 
carpets  cleaned  and  all  the  floors  done  over  and  I'm  not 
going  to  have  a  raft  of  boys  with  muddy  feet  tracking  all 
over  everywhere.  Your  father  and  I  are  going  out  and  you 
just  can't." 

"But,  mother—" 

"Don't  'but  mother'  me.  I  say  'no.'  And  don't  you  go 
gadding  off  somewhere,  either.  Last  week  you  were  off  one 
night  and  stayed  until  all  hours,  and  you  got  a  good 
thrashing  for  it.  If  you  don't  want  another  you  stay  right 
here." 

"But,  mother,  I  don't  want  to  stay  here  all  alone  while  the 
boys  are  having  a  good  time.  They'll  just  go  to  Jim  Blair's 
house  if  they  can't  come  here,  and  I  want  to  go  too.  I 
can't  ever  have  them  here.  You  and  father  go  out  and  you 
have  company  and  you  make  more  racket — " 

"John  Jones,  you  hush!  Do  you  know  who  you  are  talk- 
ing to?" 

"Yes,"  John  agrees  bitterly  in  his  heart.  He  does.  He 
is  talking  to  a  woman  who  can  refuse  him  the  right  to  enter- 
tain his  friends  in  his  own  home,  and  who  is  surely  and 
steadily  driving  him  to  the  street  and  saloon,  where  con- 
veniences for  entertaining  are  provided. 

That  she  will  some  day  weep  and  wail  and  reproach  him 
for  lack  of  filial  duty  and  grieve  heartbrokenly  for  a  son 
who  has  gone  to  the  bad  makes  no  difference.  It  isn't  his 
fault  that  he  is  going  to  the  bad. 

"Mother,"  says  Jack  Somebody-Else,  "I'd  like  to  have  the 
'Gang'  in  tonight  if  you  have  no  objection.  It's  quite  a 
while  since  I've  had  them." 

"Why,  certainly,  Jack.  I  was  wondering  yesterday  why 
you  didn't  have  them.  Father  and  I  are  always  glad  to  see 
the  boys.     What's  the  stunt?" 

Jack    glances    warmly  and    smilingly    into    his    mother's 

[145] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

sympathetic  face.  It  always  pleases  him  to  hear  her  use  a 
"boy-word." 

"We're  rehearsing,  you   know,  for  Robin  Hood — " 

"How  stupid  of  me.  Of  course.  You're  Alan-a-Dale, 
aren't  you?" 

"Yes.  Say,  Mumsie,  s'pose  you've  got  a  song,  some  old 
song  such  as  they  used  to  sing  those  days?" 

"Somewhere  in  the  attic  down  under  the  'leventy-'lebenth 
bundle  of  magazines  in  the  northwest  corner,  is  some  old 
sheet  music,  and  amongst  it  is  'Under  the  Greenwood  Tree.' 
S'pose  you  can  find  it  or  shall  I?" 

"I  can.  I  Nvouldn't  want  you  to  hunt  for  it.  Will  you 
play  it  for  me.  Mum?" 

"Dee-lighted!    What  would  you  'fellers'  like  for  lunch?" 

"Mother!"  Jack  comes  impulsively  back  from  a  bound 
toward  the  attic  door.  "You're  a-a-lalapaloosie.  You're 
a  brick,  Muddie.  I  wish  more  of  the  fellers  had  a  mother 
like  you.  Some  of  'em  won't  even  let  the  kids  invite  the 
Gang." 

"I  know,"  mother  nods,  comprehendingly,  "but  they  don't 
understand.  It's  your  home,  Jackie,  you  know,  just  as  much 
as  it  is  ours.  And  you  do  your  share  toward  making  it  a 
home  just  as  must  as  we  do;  so, — why  not?" 


[146] 


CHAPTER  XI 
OBEDIENCE 

Turning  now  from  the  traits  of  parent  and  child,  let  us 
consider  one  of  the  chief  purposes  of  government,  which  is 
obedience. 

Let  us  fix  in  our  mind  for  all  time  that  obedience  is 
something  that  is  for  the  sake  of  children  and  not  of  parents. 
It  is  not  our  right;  it  is  the  child's  protection.  We  happen 
to  have  more  wisdom;  it  is  to  be  put  at  the  child's  disposal. 

'The  traditional  and  almost  invariable  attitude  of  the  adult 
toward  the  child,"  says  Patterson  DuBois,  "is  one  of  absolute 
possession,  unlimited  right  and  infallible  judgment  in  all 
that  pertains  to  the  child's  welfare.  It  shows  itself  in  the 
lust  of  authority,  the  indulgence  in  the  habit  of  command,  a 
craze  for  'obedience,'  and  a  desire  to  be  thorough  in  the 
practice — rather  than  the  science — of  punishing.  As  over 
against  all  this,  the  parent  ought  to  recognize  himself  as  sent 
to  the  child,  rather  than  as  having  the  child  sent  to  him." 

"Does  it  matter  in  the  very  least,"  says  Ennis  Richmond, 
"whether  a  child  obeys  us,  except  in  so  far  as  zve  stand  for 
the  time  (that  is,  while  the  child  is  quite  young,  not  yet 
arrived — as  we  say — at  years  of  discretion)  between  the 
child  and  a  rule  which  is  everlasting,  dealing  out  to  its  un- 
developed mind  this  universal  rule  in  fragments  for  its  im- 
mature digestion?" 

Having  assumed  the  right  to  guide  and  be  trusted,  we 
must,  in  order  to  maintain  it,  wield  it  without  indecision. 
Mrs.  Allen  urges:  Never  say  "I'll  see"  or  "maybe."  Say 
either  "yes"  or  "no,"  or  "I  cannot  decide  so  quickly.  Come  to 
me  at  such  and  sucii  a  time  and  I  will  tell  you."     Never  be 

[147] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

indecisive.  Let  your  yea  be  yea  and  your  nay,  nay.  Of 
course  a  perfect  obedience  forbids  teasing  the  mother  to 
change  her  mind.  If  once,  only  once,  she  yields  a  forbidden 
point,  and  the  child,  with  its  abnormal  keenness,  sees  it,  she 
is  lost.  From  that  time  on  her  yea  is  no  longer  yea  and  her 
nay,  nay,  but  both  are  doubtful  quantities,  to  be  disputed. 
It  is  infinitely  better  not  to  give  a  command  than  to  let  the 
child  evade  it.  When  she  says  even  a  small  thing  must  not 
be,  she  must  stick  to  it.  If  it  happens  that  the  question 
turns  on  a  second  piece  of  cake,  and  she  says  "No  more 
today,"  and  then  says  later  on,  "Well,  just  this  once,  but 
next  time  do  not  ask,"  she  is  weakly  giving  up  the  whole 
situation,  and  barring  the  Angel  of  Peace  forever  from  her 
home. 

This  does  not  mean  that  the  mother  will  never  change  her 
mind,  but  there  is  a  difference  which  any  child  of  parts  can 
see  between  changing  one's  mind  for  a  whine  and  for  a 
reason.  The  mother  who  freely  gives  a  hearing  to  new 
facts  and  modifies  her  commands  accordingly  holds  the  trust 
of  a  child  better  than  the  one  who  simply  squats  in  her  ob- 
stinacy.    Ernest  H.  Abbott  gives  the  following  illustration: 

"The  punishment  which  regularly  follows  is  announced. 
It  then  transpires  that  what  seemed  disobedience  was  really 
misunderstanding.  What  can  be  done?  Since  the  maternal 
court  does  not  crave  infallibility,  the  error  in  sentence  is 
acknowledged.  So  far  from  impairing  confidence  in  the 
court,  this  proceeding  actually  tends  to  buttress  it.  The 
next  time  an  adverse  judgment  is  declared  and  sentence  is 
inflicted,  the  culprit,  even  if  he  believes  himself  guiltless, 
will,  if  he  thinks  about  it  at  all,  suspect  that  the  judge  is 
attempting,  not  to  preserve  her  dignity,  but  honestly  to  ad- 
minister justice." 

The  question  is  asked  as  to  whether  reasons  should  be 
given  a  child  when  requiring  obedience  of  him.     With  very 

[148] 


OBEDIENCE 

little  children,  evidently  not.  We  cannot  reason  with  a  baby ; 
we  must  use  our  reason  for  him.  Evidently,  too,  reasons 
should  never  be  given  as  an  inducement  to  obey  a  command. 
In  customary  matters  demand  immediate  implicit  obedience. 
Never  reason  with  a  child  when  he  is  in  an  unreasoning  mood 
or  is  biased  by  the  pressure  of  desire.  In  novel  circum- 
stances it  is  often  possible  to  explain  before  giving  a  com- 
mand, but  never  wise  to  argue  after  giving  it.  Be  sure  that 
the  child  understands  the  order,  if  not  the  reason  for  it. 
One  experienced  mother  insists  that  her  children  always 
shall  look  her  in  the  eye  when  she  gives  a  command.  Then 
take  the  ground  and  ask  the  child  to  take  it  that  since  you 
have  been  right  in  a  hundred  cases  in  asking  him  to  obey, 
it  stands  to  reason  that  you  are  right  now,  even  if  he  cannot 
yet  see  why.  Sometimes  the  crisis  is  so  important  that  you 
are  grateful  indeed  that  you  have  been  able  successfully  to 
maintain  discipline.  Edward  Everett  Hale  remarked  half- 
humorously  in  one  of  his  extravagant  moments:  "It  has 
been  well  said  that  the  ferocity  of  infancy  is  such  that,  were 
its  strength  equal  to  its  will,  it  would  long  ago  have  exter- 
minated the  human  race.  This  is  true.  And  it  is  to  be  re- 
marked, also,  that  the  strength  of  infancy,  and  of  boyhood 
and  girlhood,  is  very  great.  Thus  is  it  that,  unless  some 
strict  rules  are  laid  down  for  limiting  its  use  and  the  places 
of  its  exhibition,  and  kept  after  they  are  laid  down,  the  death 
of  parents,  and  of  all  persons  who  have  passed  the  age  of 
childhood,  may  be  expected  at  any  moment."  Perhaps  a 
question  of  health  is  involved,  or  of  morals,  or  some  other 
really  serious  thing,  and  the  growing  boy  or  girl  is  quite 
sure  the  parents  are  wrong,  and  will  not  be  convinced  by 
the  most  careful,  patient  reasoning  and  explanation;  such 
things  do  happen.  Then,  after  all  is  said,  if  the  father  and 
mother  are  certain  of  the  wisdom  of  their  course,  the  child, 
not  the  parents,  must  yield.     Once  in  a  long  time  it  is  best 

[149] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

to  let  the  child  have  his  own  way  and  teach  him  by  suffering 
that  he  is  wrong;  but  usually  this  is  too  costly,  and  it  is 
better  to  say  firmly,  "You  must  abide  by  my  decision;  I 
am  sure  in  this  case  I  am  right,  and  when  you  are  older 
you  will  see  that  it  was  so."  Then  the  child  will  show 
whether,  after  all,  his  training  in  obedience  has  been  worth 
while.  If  he  submits  with  an  underlying  belief  in  his  parents 
in  spite  of  his  disappointment,  the  day  is  won ;  it  has  saved 
both  the  child  and  the  day  from  disaster. 

A  good  example  of  a  reassurable  way  of  requiring  obedi- 
ence is  by  means  of  the  story  method.  Jacob  Abbott  em- 
ployed this  method  frequently: 

"And  so  you  thought  you  had  good  reasons  for  disobey- 
ing me,"  rejoined  George.  "Yes,"  said  Egbert,  triumph- 
antly. "That  is  just  it,"  said  George.  "You  are  willing  to 
obey,  except  when  you  think  you  have  good  reasons  for 
disobeying,  and  then  you  disobey.  That's  the  way  a  great 
many  boys  do,  and  that  reminds  me  of  the  story  I  was  going 
to  tell  you.     It  is  about  some  soldiers." 

George  then  told  Egbert  a  long  story  about  a  colonel  who 
sent  a  captain  with  a  company  of  men  on  a  secret  expedi- 
tion with  specific  orders.  The  captain  disobeyed  the  orders 
and  crossed  a  stream  with  his  force  when  he  had  been  di- 
rected to  remain  on  the  hither  side  of  it,  thinking  himself 
that  it  would  be  better  to  cross;  and  in  consequence  he  and 
all  his  force  were  captured  by  the  enemy,  who  were  lying 
in  ambush  near  by,  as  the  colonel  knew,  though  the  captain 
did  not.  George  concluded  his  story  with  some  very  forci- 
ble remarks,  showing,  in  a  manner  adapted  to  Egbert's  state 
of  mental  development,  how  essential  it  was  to  the  character 
of  a  good  soldier  that  he  should  obey  implicitly  all  the  com- 
mands of  his  superior,  without  even  presuming  to  disregard 
them  on  the  ground  of  seeing  good  reason  for  doing  so. 

The  grandson  of  Jacob  Abbott,   Ernest  Hamlin  Abbott, 

[150] 


OBEDIENCE 

has  written  as  sensibly  as  his  ancestor  on  home  training  of 
children.  He  recommends  a  similar  use  of  the  story  and 
of  co-operation. 

"A  small  boy  is  well  acquainted  with  the  story  of  the 
Israelites  in  Egypt.  He  is  not  overburdened  with  a  sense 
of  moral  responsibility.  One  day,  when  he  was  dawdling 
over  his  task  of  changing  his  shoes  and  stockings,  it  was 
suggested  that  his  father  be  an  Egyptian  and  he  be  an 
IsraeHtish  slave.  He  joyfully  acquiesced.  His  father  took 
the  tip  of  a  bamboo  fishing  rod  as  a  badge  of  authority  and 
stood  by.  In  a  few  moments  the  boy  was  dawdling.  A 
light  rap  over  the  shins  recalled  him  to  his  duty.  There  was 
no  complaint;  for  he  knew  it  was  the  business  of  the  over- 
seer to  keep  the  slave  at  his  task.  His  shoes  and  stockings 
were  changed  in  a  very  much  shorter  time  than  was  cus- 
tomary; and  he  contemplated  his  finished  work  with  satis- 
faction. A  few  days  later,  when  he  had  a  similar  task  to 
perform,  he  proposed  of  his  own  accord  a  repetition  of  the 
performance." 

The  art  of  securing  obedience  promptly  often  invites  a 
process  of  treatment.  A  child  dislikes  to  put  away  his  play- 
things, and  rebels  about  minding.  The  mother,  in  an  ex- 
ample furnished  by  Ernest  Abbott,  gives  all  the  children 
warning  that  in  fifteen  minutes  all  the  playthings  must  be 
put  away.  The  others  begin  at  once  to  get  ready.  Eric 
goes  on  playing.  A  second  time  she  gives  him  a  quiet 
reminder.  A  third  time  sounds  the  authoritative  voice.  "In 
three  minutes  it  will  be  a  quarter  past  four.  I  shall  want 
you  then  to  begin  to  wash  and  dress  for  a  drive.  Eric,  I 
am  afraid  you  won't  be  able  to  go  with  us;  your  blocks  are 
not  put  away."  She  might,  of  course,  justly  tell  him  then 
and  there  that  he  will  not  be  allowed  to  go;  she  chooses, 
however,  the  better  way,  and  lets  him  wrestle  with  the  situ- 
tion.     "You  had  better  not  stop  to  cry,"  she  warns  him: 

[151] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

"there  is  no  time  to  waste."  In  fractious  misery  he  hur- 
riedly begins  his  belated  task.  His  will,  so  far  from  being 
broken  or  weakened,  is  actually  stiffened;  but  it  is  now  en- 
listed on  the  side  of  authority.  The  others — not  a  whit  more 
virtuous,  by  the  way,  but  only  more  sagacious — are  half 
dressed  before  he  has  put  his  blocks  in  order.  If  he  fails  to 
overtake  them,  he  will  stand  disconsolate,  abject,  perhaps 
tempestuous,  and  watch  them  depart.  He  has  had  his  way, 
but  he  has  won  no  victory;  he  has  simply  learned  the  cost 
of  wilfulness.  If  he  succeeds  in  overtaking  them,  he  will 
not  have  lost  his  lesson.  His  mother,  it  is  true,  will  not 
exactly  have  had  her  way;  but  she  reckons  that  no  loss,  as 
her  way  was  not  her  end,  she  will  have  enlisted  his  will. 
The  victory  which  the  boy  will  have  won  is  not  over  her. 
The  only  antagonist  he  has  had  is  himself.  Because  of  her 
respect  for  him,  he  will  now  have  a  new  respect  for  himself 
and  for  her.  He  is  on  the  road  to  acquiring  the  will  to 
obey. 


[152] 


CHAPTER  XII 

METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 
Let  us  now  consider  some  of  the  methods  of  governing 
children  of  pubHc  school  age. 

Suggestion 
Suggestion  is  effective  with  children  because  they  do  not 
themselves  have  a  very  great  stock  of  ideas.  They  wel- 
come adult  contributions.  It  is  especially  successful  in  ex- 
treme youth  because  children  then  deeply  feel  a  sense  of 
dependence  upon  adults.  The  skilful  mother  often  so  ingen- 
iously predates  her  suggestions  that  the  child  proceeds,  as 
does  the  hypnotized  individual,  to  perform  them  at  the  in- 
dicated time.  "Father  will  be  tired  when  he  comes  home 
tonight.  Shall  we  not  surprise  him  by  having  the  ashes  all 
carried  out  and  the  cellar  cleaned?"  "How  thoughtful  you 
would  be  if  you  would  be  careful  not  to  disturb  Mary  this 
evening;  she  is  having  such  a  hard  time  with  her  geometry." 
"I  wonder  if  I  could  trust  you  to  get  lunch  alone  tomorrow 
when  I  have  to  be  down  town?"  Thus  the  sly  parent 
prepares  the  way  for  willing,  effective  compliance,  some- 
times with  a  great  show  of  secrecy,  sometimes  with  a  gentle 
plea,  always  with  a  loving  expectancy. 

Explanation 
This  is  the  appeal  to  reason.  Though  not  to  be  used  as 
an  inducement  to  obedience,  it  makes  obedience  heartier  and 
in  the  end  it  makes  it  more  effective.  A  child  of  parts 
ought  to  execute  commands  more  successfully  than  a  stupid 
or  instructed  one.     If  we  accustom  a  child  to  obey  without 

f  153] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

knowing  why  we  train  him  to  act  all  his  life  without  fore- 
thought.    Mental  training  should  aid  moral  training. 

"One  sometimes  grows  tired,"  says  Mrs,  Lutes,  "of  the 
everlasting  'why?'  and  'what  for?'  of  childhood,  but  how  else 
is  the  child  to  grow?  He  is  new  to  this  world  of  multitu- 
dinous things;  he  is  a  creature  gifted  with  reasoning  power 
and  a  mind  that  demands  consistence  between  words  and 
deeds.  He  wants  to  know  li'hy  he  is  told  to  do  thus  and  so 
or  not  to  do  thus  and  so.  He  feels  the  injustice  of  being 
told  to  perform  acts  as  an  automaton  would.  He  becomes 
discouraged.  His  mental  activities  are  not  called  into  ac- 
count and  he  grows  sluggish.  His  movements  become 
mechanical  and  he  has  no  initiative,  no  power  to  think  for 
himself  or  to  lay  out  for  himself  a  course  of  action.  He  has 
continually  to  be  told  'what  to  do  next.'  He  has  to  be 
entertained,  amused,  told  when  to  move  and  when  not  to. 
Then  the  parents  and  teachers  call  him  'stupid,'  'dull'  and 
even  those  who  are  responsible  for  his  stupidity  chide  him 
for  it." 

A  better  way  to  make  clear  to  a  boy  or  girl  the  ungra- 
ciousness or  uncouthness  of  his  conduct  than  reproach  is  a 
dispassionate  explanation  of  it.  Mrs.  Allen  suggests  this: 
"She  said  sometimes  to  her  little  boy,  after  visitors  had  left 
the  parlor,  'now,  dear,  I  am  going  to  be  your  little  girl  and 
you  are  going  to  be  my  papa ;  and  we  will  play  that  a 
gentleman  has  come  in  to  see  you,  and  I  will  show  you 
exactly  how  you  have  been  behaving  during  the  call  of  my 
friends,  and  you  can  see  if  you  would  not  feel  very  sorry 
to  have  a  little  child  behave  so.'  " 

Persu.asion 
This  is  the  appeal  to  affection  or  kindness.    Though  usually 
valid,    it   must    be    used    with    caution.      A   mother  may  in 
emergencies  use  her  headache  as  a  plea  for  special  consid- 

[154] 


METHODS   OF    GOVERNMENT 

eration,  but  the  use  of  feebleness  as  a  regular  appeal  js 
subversive  of  authority  and  tends  to  evoke  a  contemptuous 
pity  from  the  child. 

A  method  of  indirect  persuasion  is  that  of  praise.  Some 
parents,  in  their  fear  lest  they  spoil  their  children  by  re- 
wards of  flattery,  withhold  from  them  even  earnest  expres- 
sions of  satisfaction.  "When  Mary,"  says  Jacob  Abbott, 
"greatly  interested  in  what  for  the  moment  she  is  doing, 
delays  her  coming,  she  says,  'You  ought  to  come  at  once, 
Mary,  when  I  call  you,  and  not  make  me  wait  in  this  way.' 
In  the  cases  when  Mary  did  come  at  once,  she  had  said 
nothing."  Now  there  is  evidently  a  difference  between  a 
compensation  agreed  upon  beforehand,  of  the  nature  of 
payment  for  a  service  rendered,  and  a  natural  expression  of 
the  happiness  felt  by  her  mother  in  the  good  conduct  of 
her  child.  And  so  Mr.  Abbott,  who  did  not  believe  in  ex- 
traneous bargained-for  rewards,  urges  a  surprise  like  this: 
"You  remember  when  I  went  to  the  village  to-day  I  left  you 
in  the  yard  and  said  that  you  must  not  go  out  of  the  gate, 
and  you  obeyed.  Perhaps  you  would  have  liked  to  go  out 
into  the  road  and  play  there,  but  you  would  not  go  because 
I  had  forbidden  it.  I  am  very  glad  that  you  obeyed.  I 
thought  of  you  when  I  was  in  the  village,  and  I  thought  you 
would  obey  me.  I  felt  quite  safe  about  you.  If  you  had  been 
disobedient  children,  I  should  have  felt  uneasy  and  anxious. 
But  I  felt  safe.  When  I  had  finished  my  shopping,  I 
thought  I  would  buy  you  some  bonbons,  and  here  they  are. 
You  can  go  and  sit  down  together  on  the  carpet  and  divide 
them.  Mary  can  choose  one,  and  then  Jane;  then  Mary,  and 
then  Jane  again;  and  so  on  until  they  are  all  chosen." 

DlVERSIOX 

"I  don't  tliink  we  seem  very  happy;  let's  sing  something," 
suggests  the  alert  kindergartncr  on  some  muggy  morning 

[155] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

when  everybody  seems  quarrelsome.  There  is  a  good  hint 
for  the  mother.  It  is  usually  possible  to  divert  the  gathering 
storms  of  obstinacy,  the  impossible  request,  the  hurtful  cause 
of  action.  Such  diversions  can  usually  be  pleasant  and 
sportive,  but  occasionally  they  need  to  be  startling.  St.  John 
makes  a  suggestion  for  handling  temper,  "with  reasons 
annexed." 

"With  some  hesitation,  lest  it  be  misunderstood  or  mis- 
applied, another  prescription  is  offered.  Sometimes,  when  a 
child  is  in  the  midst  of  one  of  those  distressing  outbursts 
of  rage,  he  may  be  brought  out  of  it  by  an  unexpected  dash 
of  water  in  his  face.  This  is  not  a  punishment  in  any  sense. 
Its  effect  is  to  substitute  intense  surprise,  with  perhaps  a 
small  element  of  fear,  for  the  anger.  The  physical  shock 
is  enough  to  do  this,  and  in  ordinary  cases  is  far  less  harm- 
ful than  prolonged  anger.  It  is  the  method  of  diversion 
applied  in  a  heroic  way.  Usually  by  the  time  the  water  is 
wiped  away  from  the  eyes  and  face  the  child  rushes  to  his 
mother's  arms  and,  after  a  few  tears,  falls  asleep." 

It  is  generally  agreed  that  the  golden  age  of  habit-form- 
ing falls  in  this  period.  So  one  of  the  most  permanently 
lasting  methods  to  use  now  is  that  of 

Drill 
or  habituation.  Psychologists  speak  of  the  brain  as  contain- 
ing the  lower  levels  of  habit  and  the  higher  ones  of  volition, 
and  urge  the  training  of  all  the  lower  levels  to  right  courses 
before  the  twelfth  year.  It  is  well  known  that  correct  table 
habits  and  minor  social  usages  are  learned  and  made  auto- 
matic with  great  difHculty  any  later.  We  must  start  so  early 
about  these  things  that  the  young  people  when  they  have 
grown  up  will  never  remember  when  they  acquired  them. 

Having  learned  all  of  good  behavior  that  the  race  can 
teach,  "they  can  spend  their  own  full  manhood  strength  in 

I  156  J 


METHODS   OF    GOVERNMENT 

discovering  new  nobilities  of  conduct.  So  the  prophecy  of 
the  young  Hfe  may  be  fulfilled  and  its  potentiality  become  a 
reality  of  service."  Refinement,  considerateness,  and  even 
religious  ceremonies  may  be  so  thoroughly  absorbed  now 
that  such  habits  can  never  be  easily  broken,  and  when  later 
any  of  them  are  temporarily  deserted  or  disowned  the 
tendency  will  yet  be  to  come  back  to  them  and  rebuild  the 
old  nests  with  a  new  good  will  and  reinvest  old  formularies 
with  fresh  and  intelligent  meaning.  Thus  we  use  the  seven 
full  years  of  plenty  for  any  period  of  spiritual  famine  that 
may  follow. 

This  is  the  period  when  a  mild  imitation  of  military  dis- 
cipline is  delightfully  efifective.  Children  enjoy  playing  they 
are  soldiers,  they  take  a  keen  delight  in  being  put  through 
simple  and  regular  evolutions  such  as  falling  into  line  and 
taking  turn  in  privileges,  and  they  may  be  taught  most  of 
the  physical  habits  and  some  of  the  more  solid  virtues 
through  the  stories  of  good  soldiers  and  by  the  imitation  of 
them.  An  illustration  of  the  method  was  given  in  Jacob 
Abbott's  story  under  the  caption  "Obedience." 

The  natural  disorderliness  of  children  is  supposed  to  be 
antagonistic  to  habituation,  but  it  can  be  much  lessened 
where  the  home  has  conveniences  which  make  orderliness 
and  neatness  easy.  Where  the  clothes  closet  has  low  hooks, 
where  the  playroom  has  bins  on  the  floor  instead  of  high 
shelves,  where  there  is  an  initialed  towel  in  the  bath  room 
for  each  child,  where  there  is  a  box  of  rubbers  in  the  cellar, 
the  necessity  of  "picking  up  after  the  children"  obviously 
becomes  minimized. 

Regularity  makes  the  home  life  as  comfortable  to  the  par- 
ent as  to  the  child,  chiefly  because  it  spreads  the  discipline 
over  a  vast  space  of  time  instead  of  centering  it  chiefly  in 
collisions. 

The  question  is  voiced  by  Griggs  which  has  been  asked 

[157] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

by  others:  "In  many  things  the  right  standard  for  the  adult 
differs  somewhat  from  that  apphcable  to  the  child.  Shall 
the  adult  follow  the  standard  that  is  suitable  for  children, 
or  shall  he  follow  his  own  and  seek  to  make  the  child  under- 
stand the  difference?  In  general,  I  think  the  latter.  Cer- 
tain things  to  eat  are  healthful  for  the  parent,  but  injurious 
to  the  child.  It  is  not  best  to  give  them  up,  nor  to  exclude 
the  child  from  the  table  when  they  are  upon  it,  but  to  accus- 
tom him  from  the  beginning  to  recognize  that  as  a  child  he 
must  forego  certain  pleasures  which  he  may  enjoy  in  ma- 
turity. In  the  extreme  case  all  must  admit  this  principle: 
surely  there  is  no  reason  why  the  parent  should  go  to  bed 
at  seven  or  the  child  sit  up  until  eleven  to  bring  the  two 
standards  of  behavior  together." 

Griggs  answers  a  more  difficult  aspect  of  the  question,  we 
think  wisely. 

"The  question  becomes  difficult,  however,  just  in  that 
margin  of  our  behavior  where  habits  which  are  relatively 
non-moral  so  easily  slip  over  into  what  is  positively  harm- 
ful. Smoking  is  perhaps  the  best  example.  All  physicians 
are  agreed  that  the  habit  of  smoking  is  injurious  to  a  grow- 
ing child  or  youth.  Many  physicians  hold,  however,  that 
smoking,  kept  rigidly  within  limits,  and  used  as  a  means  of 
relaxation  and  not  as  a  stimulant  to  work,  is  not  appreciably 
injurious  to  an  adult,  and  may  add  greatly  to  the  pleasure 
of  social  intercourse.  What,  then,  should  be  the  attitude 
of  a  father  or  schoolmaster  in  this  connection?  Should  he 
renounce  the  habit  as  setting  an  example  he  does  not  wish 
his  boys  to  imitate,  even  though  he  believes  it  entirely  right 
for  himself;  or  should  he  continue  to  live  in  his  own  con- 
viction, and  trust  to  making  the  children  understand  the  dif- 
ference in  standard  for  youth  and  maturity?  I  believe  the 
main  key  to  the  solution  is  this:  Is  the  father  or  teacher 
convinced  that  the  habit  is  one  he  would  be  glad  to  have  his 

[158] 


METHODS   OF   GOVERNMENT 

boys  acquire  in  maturity  just  as  he  practices  it?  If  this 
question  can  truthfully  be  answered  affirmatively  there  is  no 
direct  reason  for  foregoing  the  habit;  but  if  the  father  or 
teacher  has  a  half-confessed  sense  that  he  would  answer  the 
question  negatively,  it  means  he  is  not  really  living  to  his  own 
highest  standard  and  would  better  turn  around. 

"Temperance  is  always  harder  than  abstinence,  and  is  usually 
better.  Life  means  a  sane  balance  of  activities;  and  an  example 
of  harmonious  self-control,  putting  everything  in  its  place, 
may  be  far  more  efifective  than  one  of  asceticism  assumed  for 
didactic  purposes.  There  is  a  further  corrective  principle, 
however.  Where  one  man  errs  in  exaggerated  self-denial,  a 
dozen  sink  into  the  slough  of  self-indulgence.  Sensualism 
and  asceticism  may  be  equally  failure,  but  the  former  is  the 
common  danger.  Especially  is  this  true  where  the  mastery 
of  material  conditions  is  such  that  desires  can  be  easily  grati- 
fied and  there  is  little  need  of  struggle.  Then  asceticism 
becomes  a  sound  instrument  of  education,  and  some  measure 
of  even  unnecessary  renunciation  is  an  effective  element  of 
moral  discipline.  There  is  great  need  to  teach  this  truth  to 
children  in  well-to-do  families  in  these  days;  and  the  teach- 
ing by  example  is  more  effective  than  any  other." 

Much  better  than  negative  deprivation  or  other  punish- 
ment is  the  positive  treatment,  of  occupation. 

Activity 

When,  as  some  one  has  said,  children  arc  no  longer  boxed 
on  their  ears,  but  are  given  magnifying  glasses  and  photo- 
graphic cameras  to  increase  their  capacity  for  life  and  for 
loving  it,  we  not  only  have  better-trained  children,  but  more 
capable  ones. 

"Just  the  reverse  of  this  system  rules  today,"  says  Ellen 
Key.  "Mothers  learn  their  children's  lessons,  invent  plays 
for  them,  arrange  their  rooms   for  them,   read  their  story 

[159] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

books  for  them,  arrange  their  rooms  after  them,  pick  up 
what  they  have  let  fall,  put  in  order  the  things  they  have  left 
in  confusion,  and  in  this  and  in  other  ways,  by  protective 
pampering  and  attention,  their  desire  for  work,  their  endur- 
ance, the  gifts  of  invention  and  imagination,  qualities  proper 
to  the  child  become  weak  and  passive."  And  Mrs.  Allen 
adds:  "The  child  who  constantly  asks  'What  shall  I  do?'  or 
who  is  constantly  without  occupation,  is  he  whose  available 
occupations  have  become  too  easy  for  him,  and  who  is  not 
bred  by  experience  into  the  knowledge  that  there  is  sur- 
passing interest  in  doing  what  is  creative  and  a  little 
diflftcult." 

It  is  an  encouraging  fact  that  it  is  the  brightest  and  most 
difficult  children  who  respond  most  vigorously  to  methods 
of  activity.  It  is  these  original  natures  who  often  are  badly 
treated  at  home  as  well  as  at  school.  Some  parents  seem 
to  be  prejudiced  against  the  appearance  of  initiative  in  their 
offspring.  It  is  now  believed  that  the  discouragement  of  the 
curiosity  instinct,  which  shows  itself  early  in  the  desire  to 
grasp  everything  in  the  fingers  and  later  in  the  desire  to 
experiment  and  take  things  apart,  does  more  to  cripple 
talent  than  any  other  of  our  mistaken  courses  of  conduct. 
The  method  of  activity  implies  simple  and  strong  clothes 
in  which  the  young  people  can  play  freely,  play  materials 
with  good  tools,  rather  than  ready-made  toys,  a  regimen  of 
work  and  helpfulness,  and  a  coeval  development  of  the  sense 
of  proprietorship  with  respect  for  the  property  of  others. 


[i6o] 


CHAPTER  XIII 
GOVERNMENT  BY  PUNISHMENT 

It  would  seem  that  if  the  problems  of  child  government 
were  treated  preventively,  as  we  have  been  indicating,  there 
would  be  little  need  of  treating  them  by  punishment.  If  we 
begin  right,  we  shall  not  need  to  proceed  by  penalties.  But, 
as  Jacob  Abbott  says:  "This  is  the  way  to  begin;  but  you 
cannot  begin  unless  you  are  at  the  beginning.  If  your  chil- 
dren are  partly  grown,  and  you  find  that  they  are  not  under 
your  command,  the  difficulty  is  much  greater.  The  princi- 
ples which  should  govern  the  management  are  the  same, 
but  they  cannot  be  applied  by  means  so  gentle." 

Often  the  need  of  punishment  arises  because  of  our  own 
fault.  "The  child,"  says  Mrs,  Allen,  "is  allowed  his  own 
sweet  will  for  two  or  three  years  of  his  life,  possibly  longer, 
and  then  all  of  a  sudden,  when  disobedience  and  lawlessness 
is  no  longer  cunning,  he  is  suddenly  told  not  to  do  thus  and 
so  and  is  bruised  upon  the  body,  beaten  and  hurt  for  doing 
the  very  thing  he  has  been  allowed  to  do  with  applause." 

Punishment,  though  sometimes  necessary  and  apparently 
effective,  is  always,  to  a  degree,  artificial.  "It  can  never 
avoid  being  an  obtrusion  between  the  deed  and  the  real 
reason  for  not  doing  it."  It  has  to  be  partially  based  upon 
the  false  doctrine  that  a  fault  may  be  atoned  for  by  sufferings 
that  are  not  directly  connected  with  the  fault.  Punishments 
irritate;  they  stir  up  rebellion  or  a  sense  of  injustice.  If  they 
subdue,  they  tend  to  maim  the  will.  Our  aim  should  be  to 
cause  the  punishments  to  be  as  natural — that  is,  as  imitative 
of  the  proper  result  of  the  fault — as  possible.  For  example, 
we  deprive  a  child  of  his  dessert  if  he  dawdles  over  his  meat, 

[i6i] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

or  put  liim  by  himself  if  he  disturbs  others  by  noise.  The 
parallel  danger  that  a  fixed  punishment  may  lose  its  effec- 
tiveness after  its  rigor  is  known  (just  as  the  boy  who  knows 
he  will  get  a  whipping  for  an  offense  decides  that  the  fun  is 
worth  the  pam)  should  suggest  to  us  that  it  is  often  well  to 
state  the  fact  but  leave  the  nature  of  the  threatened  punish- 
ment very  much  of  a  mystery.  To  do  this  also  gives  the 
parent  leisure  to  "make  the  punishment  fit  the  crime."  Yet 
threats  should  be  used  sparingly.  The  child  knows  full  well 
that  the  "next  time"  is  likely  never  to  come.  At  most  its 
coming  is  a  negligible  chance.  The  only  proper  threat  is  a 
promise  made  just  once,  after  other  methods  have  failed,  as 
a  fair  warning  that  one  more  offense  of  the  kind  stated  will 
meet  with  an  untold  but  suitable  retribution.  It  is  the  infre- 
quent, final  appeal,  which  can  be  so  stated  that  it  shall  not  be 
so  much  an  arousement  of  fear  as  a  challenge  of  the  bravest 
effort  on  the  part  of  the  child. 

The  rationale  of  punishment  was  discussed  very  fully  in  the 
earlier  part  of  this  book.     The  matter  may  be  reviewed  here. 

The  purpose  of  punishment  is  not  retaliation,  the  wreak- 
ing of  parental  anger,  satisfaction  to  the  neighbors  or  even 
"giving  the  child  what  he  deserves."  Punishment  is  a  rig- 
orous kind  of  teaching,  devised  to  be  as  helpful  as  possible 
"to  enable  the  child,"  to  use  Ellen  Key's  phrase,  "to  over- 
come by  self-formed  purpose  or  mastery  his  desire  to  repeat 
the  offense."  It  is  not  only  for  stopping  a  course  of  conduct, 
but  for  altering  a  course  of  desire.  It  is  not  to  weaken,  but 
to  strengthen  the  child.  Miss  Frances  E.  Willard  used  to 
say  that  her  mother  always  tried  to  make  out  that  she.  Miss 
Willard,  wanted  to  be  good  and  true.  "We  never,"  says  G. 
Stanley  Hall,  "punish  but  a  part  of  a  child's  nature.  He  has 
lied,  but  he  is  not  a  liar,  and  we  deal  only  with  the  special 
act  and  must  love  all  the  rest  of  him." 

Such  a  purpose  leaves  small  room  at  this  period  for  cor- 

[  162  ] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

poral  punishment.  Corporal  punishment  never  created  a 
love  of  virtue.  It  appeals  to  a  base  motive  and  therefore 
does  not  change  desire  unless  in  weak-willed  children 
whose  desires  and  wills  are  not  only  altered  thereby, 
but  weakened.  As  a  form  of  teaching,  it  substitutes  a  result 
for  the  conduct  that  has  no  relation  to  the  act  itself.  To 
whip  a  child  for  going  near  the  fire  teaches  him  that  fire 
whips,  when  really  it  burns.  To  whip  him  for  crying  not  only 
teaches  him  that  crying  whips,  but  prevents  us  from  discov- 
ering the  real  cause  of  his  crying.  It  is  indiscriminate  and 
therefore  clumsy.  Corporal  punishment  was  long  ago 
admirably  described  by  Comenius,  who  compared  an  edu- 
cator using  this  method  with  a  musician  striking  a  badly- 
tuned  instrument  with  his  fist,  instead  of  using  his  ears  and 
his  hands  to  put  it  in  tune.  Corporal  punishment  is  so  easy 
that  it  tempts  the  parent  to  continue  the  method,  and  this 
prevents  his  using  a  rational  one,  and  so  stupefies  the  child 
that  at  length  he  does  not  know  enough  to  respond  to  any 
other.  Where  the  child  is  not  embruted  thereby,  we  do  not 
know  what  less  noticeable  but  permanent  wrong  we  are  doing 
his  soul.  "The  adult,"  says  Ellen  Key,  "laughs  or  smiles 
in  remembering  the  punishments  and  other  things  which 
caused  him  in  his  childhood  anxious  days  or  nights,  which 
produced  the  silent  torture  of  the  child's  heart,  infinite 
despondency,  burning  mdignation,  lonely  fears,  outraged 
sense  of  justice,  the  terrible  creations  of  his  imagination,  his 
absurd  shame,  his  unsatisfied  thirst  for  joy,  freedom  and  ten- 
derness. Lacking  these  beneficent  memories,  adults  con- 
stantly repeat  the  crime  of  destroying  the  childhood  of  the 
new  generation."  Surely  as  soon  as  a  child  can  remember 
a  blow,  he  is  too  old  to  receive  it. 

It  is  not  safe  to  generalize  about  corporal  punishment. 
Ernest  H.  Abbott  uses  the  following  illustration  to  prove  this: 
"In  a  household  there  arc  three  children.     One,   sensitive 

[  T63  ] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

to  physical  pain,  shrivels  and  warps  at  the  very  prospect  of  it; 
a  second  is  deterred  from  no  act  by  the  fear  of  it,  and  is 
altered  not  a  whit  by  the  memory  of  it;  the  third  seems  to 
find  in  it  a  comforting  sense  of  being  mastered  at  those  times 
when  he  is  out  of  sorts  with  himself,  and  responds  to  it  with 
renewed  affection  and  restored  sweetness  of  temper.  For 
the  mother  of  that  trio  academic  discussions  on  corporal  pun- 
ishment are  not  only  uninteresting — they  are  positively 
irritating.  She  has  paid  her  children  the  decent  respect  of 
considering  their  temperaments." 

Yet  even  the  child  who  seems  to  be  comforted  by  a  whip- 
ping ought  not  to  have  one  if  he  conceives  it  as  a  sort  of 
accepted  atonement  for  an  ofifense  which  he  had  not  repaired 
or  regards  as  blameless  any  misdeed  in  which  he  w^as  not 
caught. 

Edward  Howard  Griggs  has  summed  up  well  the  general 
program  for  corrective  discipline.  "It  should  aim  solely  at 
the  eradication  of  the  fault  and  the  establishment  of  moral 
health  in  the  child.  (2)  It  should  utilize  punishments  that  are 
as  natural  as  possible,  logically  flowing  from  the  fault  and 
therefore  teaching  respect  for  the  laws  of  life  and  prudence 
in  the  presence  of  the  rigorous  limitations  Nature  sets  to 
human  action.  (3)  It  should  enforce  the  discipline  that  gives 
self-control  and  the  power  to  resist  wrong  desire.  (4)  It 
should  awaken  love  and  pursuit  of  the  virtue  of  which  the 
fault  is  the  distortion  or  negation.  Yet,  when  all  is  said,  the 
prescription  in  every  case  must  be  individual;  and  we  must 
never  forget,  as  Arthur  Giles  says  in  the  best  sentence  of  his 
little  book  on  Moral  Pathology,  that  'In  moral,  as  in  medical 
pathology,  the  patient,  and  not  the  disease,  must  be  treated.'  " 

If  punishment  is  intended  to  help  the  child  forsake  the 
fault  and  love  virtue,  then  it  should,  so  far  as  possible,  be 
co-operative  in  character.  The  w^orst  effect  of  corporal 
punishment  is  that  usually,  because  of  the  anger  either  of 

[164] 


GOVERNMENT    BY   PUNISHMENT 

parent  or  child  or  both,  the  parent  appears  to  be  the  child's 
antagonist,  when  he  most  needs  him  as  a  friend.  It  seems 
to  be  a  prerequisite  to  such  punishment  that  the  child  should 
be  talked  with  seriously  until  he  so  clearly  discerns  the  na- 
ture of  the  offense  that  he  shall  be  able  to  }ia>]w  it  and  to  agree 
upon  an  appropriate  penalty  and  at  length  accept  it  cheerfully 
as  self-imposed. 

The  element  of  choice,  which  is  so  important  an  element 
of  will-training,  may  exist  even  in  punishments,  as  we  have 
already  noticed.  Let  us  grant,  for  example,  that  a  child  has 
a  right  to  cry  if  he  wants  to,  but  he  must  choose  whether 
he  will  cease  or  stop  annoying  his  family  by  doing  it  in  retire- 
ment. He  may  not  be  forcibly  prevented  from  breaking  his 
brother's  toys,  but  he  may  be  told  in  advance  that  he  will 
have  the  option  of  paying  for  them.  Dr.  Reeder  advises, 
from  his  experience  in  an  orphanage,  a  system  of  cash  re- 
sponsibility in  the  shape  of  fines.  Such  an  arrangement  gives 
the  child  something  to  do  rather  than  simply  having  some- 
thing done  to  him.  It  lays  upon  the  child  a  responsibility 
for  his  own  deed.  In  earning  money  to  pay  his  fine,  he  pun- 
ishes himself.  In  his  orphanage  he  keeps  a  book  account  of 
fines,  and  they  stand  on  record  until  paid.  A  fine  may  not  be 
paid  for  many  weeks  or  months  after  it  has  been  imposed, 
but  the  very  fact  that  there  is  a  responsibility  on  record, 
which  must  be  met,  exerts  a  wholesome  and  restraining  in- 
fluence over  the  child. 

It  seems  to  be  acknowledged  that  punishments  should 
almost  invariably  be  private.  Not  only  is  public  admonition 
tiresome  to  adults  present  and  unwholesome  to  self-righteous 
brothers  and  sisters  who  may  be  looking  on,  but  it  is  not 
good  for  the  culprit  himself.  As  for  punishing  that  is  wit- 
nessed by  any  outside  the  family  circle,  pride  of  clan  at  least 
should  prevent  such  exercise,  even  though  we  be  sorely 
tempted.     The  only  exception  that  occurs  to  the  writer  is  the 

[165] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

one  where  it  may  be  possible  to  mass  the  gang-spirit,  which 
to  tlie  child  is  public  opinion  (usually  in  some  abstract  man- 
ner), against  the  child  whose  tendency  is  wrong. 


[i66] 


CHAPTER   XIV 

MORE    METHODS   OF    GOVERNMENT 
Choice  the  Successor  of  Obedience 

Obedience  is  a  virtue  whose  value  is  easily  exaggerated, 
"A  timid  child,"  Ennis  Richmond  reminds  us,  "is  naturally  an 
'obedient'  child;  just  as  a  courageous  child  may  be  naturally 
a  'disobedient'  one.  Obedience  to  ourselves  is  not  a  virtue 
in  a  child  if  the  obedience  ends  with  ourselves ;  it  is  a  con- 
venience to  us,  and  if  properly  used,  a  most  useful  weapon 
in  our  hand  when  we  set  out  to  fight  evil  in  company  with 
the  child  we  are  guiding;  but  that  is  all  it  is,  and  a  child  who 
is  what  is  so  often  called  an  'obedient'  child  is  just  as  likely 
to  be  obedient  to  the  person  who  counsels  wrongly  as  to  the 
person  who  counsels  rightly,  if  he  has  learnt  to  render 
obedience  to  the  person  instead  of  to  the  principle  behind 
the  person." 

Mrs.  Oilman  has  a  clever  essay  in  which  she  says  that  to 
train  a  child  to  unthinking,  unquestioning  obedience  is  to 
make  him  absolutely  valueless  as  a  citizen.  He  will  never 
initiate,  but  will  follow  where  others  lead.  He  will  be  but  a 
half-developed  being,  devoid  of  individuality  and  independ- 
ence. Obedience  should  be  considered  as  only  a  temporary 
thing,  for  the  attitude  of  infallibility  that  parents  assume  must 
sooner  or  later  be  abandoned;  it  is  merely  the  training  of 
the  children,  not  blind  obedience  in  itself,  that  is  the  aim. 
The  power  of  securing  obedience  invariably  lessens  as  chil- 
dren grow  older,  and  when  they  are  stronger  than  we  it 
ceases.  Yet  how  many  of  us  are  content  to  depend  upon  it 
exclusively  in  our  treatment  of  children!  Outside  the  home 
the  child  is  learning  at  school  and  play  to  use  his  own  mind 

[167] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

to  think  and  to  decide  for  himself,  and  we  cannot  and  would 
not  prevent  him  doing  so  in  the  home  circle.  As  soon  as 
possible  then  we  ought  to  have  our  children  do  what  we  tell 
them,  not  because  we  can  compel  them,  but  because  they 
know  why  we  give  the  order,  Ennis  Richmond  explains 
this: 

"We  give  a  child  an  order — any  order  will  do — we  say,  for 
instance,  'You  must  be  punctual  for  meals,'  and  we  can  (more 
or  less)  compel  the  child  to  be  at  the  table  at  a  certain  time. 
But  having  done  that,  what  next,  if  we  are  imbued  with  the 
spirit,  so  common  to  us,  that  a  child  ought  to  obey  us  because 
we  are  older,  because  we  'know  better,'  because  we  resent 
in  him  any  opposition  to  this  order,  any  opinion  of  his  on  the 
matter?  The  child  comes  to  table,  but  zvhy  does  he  do  so? 
Because  we  choose,  or  because  he  chooses?  If  the  former, 
what  have  we  done  for  the  character  of  his  'future  man?'  We 
are  insisting  upon  a  practice  which  may  or  may  not  become 
a  habit,  but  are  we  supplying  him  with  any  good  ground  for 
the  obeying  of  any  future  rule?  Above  all,  are  we  getting 
him  into  touch  with  the  universal  and  immortal  law  of  which 
our  little  rule  ought  to  be  the  type?  Surely  not.  But  if,  on 
the  contrary,  the  child  obeys  us  because  he  chooses,  have  we 
not  touched  his  mind,  his  reason;  have  we  not  taught  him 
to  look  through  the  rule  to  the  reason  of  the  rule  and  given 
him  some  beginning  of  an  enduring  trust  in  Law?" 

It  is  indeed  surprising  how  early  a  child  exhibits  choice 
and  defends  his  right  to  choice.  Just  as  gradually  and  just  as 
fast  as  he  can  make  choices  with  some  reasonableness  and 
with  little  personal  hazard,  we  ought  to  encourage  him  to  do 
so.     For  the  ultimate  goal  of  government  is 

Will-training 
Training  the  child's  will  is  simply  training  the  power  to 
make  right  choices.     Truly  it  is  said,  "The  deliberate  T  Will' 

[i68] 


MORE    :^IETHODS    OF   GOVERNMENT 

is  the  basis  of  a  man's  character,  and  the  'I  Will'  of  the  crises 
in  life  is  being  made  by  the  'I  Will'  of  each  day."  In  other 
words,  the  cumulative  effect  of  will  habits  is  tremendous. 
The  training-  of  this  ruling  power  should  begin,  however,  be- 
fore the  child  is  old  enough  to  deliberate,  while  he  is  still  the 
creature  of  sensation  and  impulse. 

A  half  century  ago  Jacob  Abbott  told  us  that  "the  chief 
end  and  aim  of  the  parental  relation,  as  designed  by  the 
author  of  nature,  may  be  considered  as  comprised,  it  would 
seem  in  these  two  objects,  namely:  first,  the  support  of  the 
child  by  the  strength  of  his  parents  during  the  period  neces- 
sary for  the  development  of  his  strength,  and  secondly,  his 
guidance  and  direction  by  their  reason  during  the  develop- 
ment of  his  reason." 

In  directing  the  reason  of  a  child  to  right  choices,  our 
whole  aim  must  be  to  help  him  toward  an  independently 
positive  attitude  toward  life.  Accurately  enough  does  Ellen 
Key  state  the  common  situation  when  she  says: 

"We  teach  the  new  souls  not  to  steal,  not  to  lie,  to  save 
their  clothes,  to  learn  their  lessons,  to  economize  their  money, 
to  obey  commands,  not  to  contradict  older  people,  say  their 
prayers,  to  fight  occasionally  in  order  to  be  strong.  But  who 
teaches  the  new  souls  to  choose  for  themselves  the  path  they 
must  tread?  Who  thinks  that  the  desire  for  this  path  of 
their  own  can  be  so  profound  that  a  hard  or  even  mild  pres- 
sure toward  uniformity  can  make  the  whole  of  childhood  a 
torment?" 

And  Professor  James  contrasts  vividly  the  servant  of  right 
with  its  eager  champion  when  he  says: 

"He  whose  life  is  based  upon  the  word  *no,'  who  tells  the 
truth  because  a  lie  is  wicked,  and  who  has  constantly  to 
grapple  with  his  envious  and  cowardly  and  mean  propensities, 
is  in  an  inferior  situation  in  every  respect  to  what  he  would  be 
if  the  love  of  truth  and  magnanimity  positively  possessed  him 

[  169  ] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

from  the  outset  and  he  felt  no  inferior  temptations.  Your 
born  gentleman  is  certainly,  for  this  world's  purposes,  a  more 
valuable  being  than  your  'chump,  with  his  grunting  resistance 
to  his  native  devils/  even  though  in  God's  sight  the  latter 
may,  as  the  Catholic  theologians  say,  be  rolling  up  great 
stores  of  'merit.'  " 

Now,  "the  born  gentleman  who  feels  no  inferior  tempta- 
tions" is  the  youth  who  has  been  trained  from  the  beginning 
to  make  habitual  all  the  lower  levels  of  brain  activity.  The 
first  step  in  will-training,  then,  is  habit-formation.  That 
patient  drill  in  all  the  commonplaces  of  courtesy,  considera- 
tion and  custom  which  we  urge  above  not  only  writes  in  the 
very  molecules  of  the  child  automatic  responses,  but  manu- 
factures his  impulses  into  ruling  motives.  So  will-training 
really  begins  before  the  child  appears  to  have  a  will  of  his 
own.  Our  wills  are  so  exclusively  the  product  of  accumu- 
lated tendencies  that,  as  Professor  Frederick  E,  Bolton  tells 
us,  we  are  free  only  in  the  direction  in  which  our  past  life 
allows  us  to  act.  Dr.  G.  Stanley  Hall's  dictum  that  "We 
will  with  all  that  we  have  willed"  may  be  made  even  stronger. 
We  will  only  with  that  we  have  willed.  The  child  may  be 
thoroughly  impoverished  or  forever  endowed  according 
as  his  habit-formations  have  been  patient,  varied  and 
liberal. 

Next  there  must  be  steadily  that  moral  training  which  at 
least  helps  the  child  to  recognize  goodness  when  he  sees  it 
and  to  call  evil  by  its  right  name.  Professor  James 
again,  in  a  passage  that  has  become  classic,  insists  that  in 
hours  of  moral  indecision  the  assistance  needed  is  often 
not  so  much  a  stronger  will  as  a  clearer  intelligence. 
He  illustrates  the  relation  between  will  and  brains  as 
follows: 

"The  hackneyed  example  of  moral  deliberation  is  the  case 
of  an  habitual  drunkard  under  temptation.     He  has  made  a 

[170] 


MORE  METHODS  OF  GOVERNMENT 

resolve  to  reform,  but  he  is  now  solicited  again  by  the  bottle. 
His  moral  triumph  or  failure  literally  consists  in  his  finding 
the  right  name  for  the  case.  If  he  says  that  it  is  a  case  of  not 
wasting  good  liquor  already  poured  out,  or  a  case  of  not 
being  churlish  or  unsociable  when  in  the  midst  of  friends,  or 
the  case  of  learning  something  at  last  about  a  brand  of 
whisky  which  he  never  met  before,  or  a  case  of  celebrating 
a  public  holiday,  or  a  case  of  stimulating  himself  to  a  more 
energetic  resolve  in  favor  of  abstinence  than  any  he  has  ever 
yet  made,  then  he  is  lost.  His  choice  of  the  wrong  name 
seals  his  doom.  But  if,  in  spite  of  all  the  plausible  good  names 
with  which  his  thirsty  fancy  so  copiously  furnishes  him,  he 
unwaveringly  clings  to  the  truer  bad  name,  and  apperceives 
the  case  as  that  of  'being  a  drunkard,  being  a  drunkard,  be- 
ing a  drunkard,'  his  feet  are  planted  on  the  road  to  salvation. 
He  saves  himself  by  thinking  rightly." 

And  so  in  childhood.  Regular  and  reasonable  character- 
ization in  the  home  of  acts  of  dishonor  by  their  true  names, 
the  exposure  of  moral  fallacies  cherished  in  the  local  set 
of  young  people,  sex  education  that  is  not  only  protective 
hygienically,  but  that  rigorously  insists  upon  the  brutishness, 
mischievousness  and  social  treachery  of  either  male  or  fe- 
male prostitution — all  these  fix  in  the  memory  and  predis- 
position of  the  young  person  the  names  that  belong  to  the 
offenses  against  the  eternal  law  of  right. 

Volition  is  undeniably  based  largely  upon  good  ideas  plus 
a  stock  of  good  memories.  Yet,  beyond  these,  our  chief 
task,  especially  toward  the  dawn  of  adolescence,  is  not  drill 
or  instruction,  but  direct  reinforcement  of  the  will.  In  the 
home  the  best  method  of  will-training  is  to  give  a  child  fre- 
quent opportimities  to  use  his  sense.  This  can  be  done  in 
early  childhood  by  taking  a  uniformly  kindly  but  thought- 
ful attitude  toward  permissions.  Some  parents  permit  their 
children  to  do  everything.     Others  seem  almost  to  have  an 

[171  J 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

obsession  against  pcrmitlinor  anything.  With  still  others  the 
parental  mood  governs  all  decisions  and  the  children  learn 
to  ask  practically  nothing  except  when  the  parent  seems 
manifestly  indulgent.  Now  the  proper  attitude  should  have 
nothing  to  do  with  the  mood  and  little  with  the  viewpoint 
of  the  parent. 

"When,  therefore,"  said  Jacob  Abbott,  "a  child  asks  'May 
I  do  this?'  or  'May  I  do  that?'  the  question  for  the  mother  to 
consider  is  not  whether  the  thing  proposed  is  a  wise  or  a 
foolish  thing  to  do — that  is,  whether  it  would  be  wise  or 
foolish  for  her,  if  she,  with  her  ideas  and  feelings,  were  in  the 
place  of  the  child — but  only  whether  there  is  any  harm  or 
danger  in  it;  and  if  not,  she  should  give  her  ready  and  cordial 
consent." 

With  the  modern  emphasis  upon  the  will  as  being  not  a 
separate  organ  of  the  man,  but  simply  the  man  zvilling,  choos- 
ing, making,  comes  a  strong  belief  in  the  need  of  training 
the  hand  as  the  chief  agent  of  the  will.  All  that  we  can  do 
in  the  way  of  encouraging  the  young  to  make  their  own  play- 
things out  of  ready-at-hand  materials,  to  invent  and  execute 
their  own  recreations,  to  amplify  at  home  the  school  training 
in  manual  crafts,  to  do  chores,  to  engage  in  small  commercial 
transactions,  helps  in  developing  the  child  who  can  think 
ahead,  decide  vigorously,  work  patiently  and,  at  length,  will 
wisely. 

A  very  valuable  help  in  strengthening  the  will  is  to  insist 
habitually  upon  the  child's  taking  time  to  make  every  deci- 
sion, and  then  to  regard  the  decision  as  a  closed  incident. 
This,  of  course,  does  not  mean  that  he  will  never  reverse,  but 
it  does  mean  that  he  will  not  perpetually  be  turning  around 
and  regretting  that  he  did  not  do  something  different.  When 
the  boy  has  leisurely  chosen  his  necktie,  let  him  accustom 
himself  to  turn  resolutely  away  from  the  counter  and  not 
come  back  wistfully  to  change  his  mind.     Such  decisions  are 

[172] 


MORE   METHO.DS    OF   GOVERNMENT 

not  really  decisions  at  all,  and  they  create  a  frame  of  mind 
which  later  leads  to  unnecessary  misery. 

While  suggesting  as  we  have  that  negative  discipline  is 
crippling  and  that  continually  to  say  "Don't"  to  a  child  pro- 
duces a  child  who  cannot  do,  we  need  also  to  point  out  the 
radical  difference  between  being  told  "Don't"  and  being  able 
to  say  "Don't"  to  one.  While  it  often  happens  that  he  who 
can  refrain,  postpone,  deny  himself,  is  accused  of  being  weak- 
willed,  the  fact  is  that  it  takes  a  high  grade  of  will-power  to 
inhibit.  The  child  who  stormily  insists  upon  having  his  own 
way  shows  strong  passions  rather  than  a  strong  will,  but  until 
we  find  a  youth  who  can  withhold  from  what  he  wants  at  the 
command  of  duty  or  a  higher  want,  we  have  not  found  one 
whose  will  can  be  trusted  alone.  The  children  who  showed  a 
guest  some  candy  on  a  shelf  and  remarked  naturally  "After 
lunch  we  may  have  it"  were  really  stronger  than  the  hero  of 
jam-closet  depredations.  Just  as  fast  as  we  can  transfer  the 
emphasis  from  "You  must"  to  "I  must,"  we  are  attaining 
maturity  for  our  offspring,  and  until  that  change  comes,  ma- 
turity has  not  arrived. 

Reasonable  choice  may  often  be  combined  with  obedience 
or  acquiescence  during  the  later  grammar-school  years  by 
pleasant  mutual  compacts  that  involve  some  optional  element. 
The  habit  of  church-going,  though  important,  grows  harder 
to  maintain  as  maturity  approaches.  The  parent,  therefore, 
agrees  that  each  child  shall  choose  one  Sunday  a  month  to 
stay  at  home.  The  result,  in  the  writer's  experience,  was  that 
the  privilege  was  gratefully  accepted  and  not  taken  advantage 
of,  while  the  quiet  use  made  of  the  monthly  home  Sabbath 
seemed  to  show  a  real  physical  necessity  for  it.  So  "swap- 
ping off"  chores,  giving  unexpected  privileges  after  cheerful 
performance  of  duty,  centering  social  pleasures  entirely  on 
Friday  evenings,  all  tend  to  soften  discipline  with  kindness  and 
yet  put  the  willful  child  upon  honor  not  to  maltreat  mercy. 

[173] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

By  the  close  of  this  period  the  writer  is  convinced  that  the 
allowance,  which  we  will  suppose  has  been  a  regular  and  in- 
creasing weekly  amount  covering  all  "extras,"  should  now  be- 
come inclusive — that  is,  the  weekly  payment  to  the  youth  of 
one  fifty-second  of  his  annual  needs  (not  including  food  and 
accidentals)  so  that  he  by  this  time  becomes  a  junior  partner 
of  the  household,  doing  his  regular  and  agreed  chores  and  re- 
ceiving his  stipend  as  a  due  and  not  as  an  act  of  grace.  The 
value  of  this  idea,  which  is  really  the  expression  of  a  principle, 
not  only  financially,  but  morally,  is  expounded  in  full  in  the 
next  part  of  this  volume. 

Parent  and  Teacher 
Although  we  have  been  speaking  of  children  of  school  years 
we  have  talked  entirely  about  home  discipline.  This 
has  been  intentional,  because  the  home  is  the  place 
where  discipline  ought  to  begin,  continue  and  end.  From 
homes  where  there  is  good  discipline  the  school  expects  little 
trouble.  A  word  ought  to  be  said,  however,  about  the  co- 
operation of  parent  and  teacher  in  methods  of  government. 
Often  the  attitude  of  the  mother  toward  the  teacher  is  that 
of  suspicion,  and  her  idea  of  the  purpose  of  a  visit  to  school 
is  to  "come  and  complain  about  Johnnie."  But  more  often 
the  position  is  that  of  ignorance.  "It  is,"  says  someone,  "as 
though  two  men  would  grow  a  hedge,  one  on  either  side, 
trimming  and  shaping,  never  recognizing  one  another,  nor 
taking  cognizance  of  the  plan  each  might  have  in  mind." 
No  mother  ever  had  a  good  visit  with  a  good  teacher  with- 
out being  amazed  to  find  how  many  things  she  had  discovered 
about  her  child  that  she  did  not  know  before.  She  will  also 
find  that  her  own  task  becomes  much  easier  if  she  can  both 
learn  something  from  the  teacher  about  her  methods  of  dis- 
cipline and  also  co-operate  in  them.  The  wise  parent  ob- 
serves that  her  child's  teacher  is  a  friendly  expert,  always 

[174] 


MORE   METHODS    OF   GOVERNMENT 

at  her  service  in  the  home  problems  as  well  as  the  school 
problems.  Teachers  thus  honored  and  prized  learn  not  only 
to  know  the  child  better  as  they  know  his  home  and  mother, 
but  they  are  strengthened  by  such  appreciation  and  co-opera- 
tion to  do  wiser  and  better  work  with  the  child. 


[175] 


CHAPTER  XV 

SEX    DISCIPLINE 
The  Problem  and  the  Period 

During  the  grammar-school  years  the  problem  of  sex  dis- 
cipline gradually  changes.  The  child  ceases  to  be  monopo- 
lized by  the  home  and  is  moulded  more  by  his  school  and 
his  chums. 

Careful  investigation  shows  that  not  more  than  one  out  of 
ten  boys  reaches  the  age  of  twelve  or  thirteen  without  a  com- 
plete, although  often  unwholesome,  knowledge  of  the  facts 
connected  with  human  reproduction.  It  would  be  strange 
if  this  were  not  true.  When  fairy  tales  and  mythology,  the 
Bible  and  Shakespeare,  the  dictionary  and  the  encyclopedia, 
posters  and  advertisements,  poetry  and  art,  and  the  conver- 
sation of  children  are  full  of  these  themes,  it  would  be  indeed 
a  blockhead  who  would  not  investigate  them  and  a  fool  who 
would  not  acquire  some  measure  of  information.  As  soon 
as  his  sexual  nature  awakens,  pictures,  customs,  dress  and  a 
world  of  coarse  masculine  ideas  are  at  hand  to  stimulate  it. 
He  has  come  out  of  seclusion  forever. 

Unwholesome  self-consciousness  regarding  these  topics  will 
be  slow  to  increase  in  the  life  of  a  wisely-instructed  boy.  It 
is  those  who  have  been  baffled  in  their  search  for  knowledge 
to  whom  the  period  of  extraordinary  sex-hunger  is  most 
difificult. 

The  father  who  thinks  it  safe  to  wait  until  his  boy  is  about 
fourteen  and  immediately  facing  his  personal  problem  will 
generally  be  dismayed  to  discover  that  his  son  regards  it 
as  a  joke  that  anybody  should  be  ignorant  upon  this  vital 
theme. 

[176] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

To  the  boy  who  arrives  at  this  age  and  who  has  been 
refused  exact  information  by  his  father,  two  feehngs  are  pos- 
sible: that  of  good-natured  contempt  which  results  if  the 
boy  has  suffered  no  harm  from  being  denied  his  right  of 
knowledge;  that  of  cynical  bitterness  and  suspicion  if  he  has 
suffered  by  this  neglect.  In  the  former  case  he  will  think 
of  his  father  as  a  coward  and  in  the  latter  as  a  knave. 

Whenever  a  suggestion  is  made  to  talk  to  boys  and  young 
men  as  to  the  truth  of  life,  we  may  generally  expect  to  hear 
the  argument  that  there  might  be  "some  boy"  in  ignorance 
of  these  facts  "whose  curiosity  might  be  aroused  and  who 
might  be  led  into  bad  things"  by  such  scientific  instruction. 
This  saintly  youth  exists  largely  as  a  figment  of  the  imag- 
ination. "It  is  a  crass  delusion,"  states  the  author  of  a 
pamphlet  published  by  the  Indiana  State  Board  of  Health, 
"to  believe  that  any  boy  can  reach  the  age  of  fourteen  or 
fifteen,  unless  imbecilic,  who  has  not  acquired  a  pretty  good 
idea  of  the  reproductive  processes,  and  this  supposititious 
'saintly  youth'  should  be  sent  to  the  scrap  heap  of  pitiful 
bogies."  The  similar  idea  that  such  a  "saintly  youth"  can 
get  to  manhood  uncontaminated,  simply  because  he  has 
spiritual  ideals,  unaccompanied  by  a  knowledge  of  the  facts 
of  life,  is  equally  unthinkable. 

Postponed  explanation  is  difficult.  It  meets  shame  in  the 
child  as  well  as  in  the  parent.  It  is  unnecessarily  abrupt  and 
is  apt  to  be  isolated  from  the  other  facts  of  life.  Confidence 
in  the  parent  not  only  makes  the  child  believe  what  the 
parent  says  and  turn  to  him  for  more  light,  but  gives  him 
courage  to  bring  to  him  his  failures  as  well  as  his  questions. 

The  parents  must  accompany  the  child  through  his  boy- 
hood, endeavoring  always  to  retain  his  confidence,  to  answer 
his  questions,  to  emphasize  unmistakably  by  their  conver- 
sation and  conduct  the  noblest  personal  ideals  and,  above 
all,  to  try   to  live  sympathetically  near  their  child's   level, 

[177] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

Toward  the  end  of  this  period  the  father  will  notice  that  his 
son  tends  insensibly  to  turn  toward  himself  rather  than  his 
mother,  and  he  realizes  that  it  is  "getting  to  be  up  to  him," 
because  they  two  have  the  same  sex  class-consciousness. 
There  are  several  special  problems  in  this  period. 

Self-abuse 

The  first  concerns  the  development  and  possible  misuse  of 
the  sex  organs. 

Concerning  this  development  the  first  fact  to  be  com- 
municated is  tnat,  according  to  many  of  our  best  physicians, 
they  have  another  use  than  the  reproductive  one:  if  not 
abused  it  is  their  work  to  pour  a  continuous  stream  of 
energy  into  the  young  life.  "The  testis,"  according  to  Dr. 
Winfield  S.  Hall,  "produces  two  forms  of  secretion,  the  in- 
ternal secretion  and  the  external  secretion;  the  internal  se- 
cretion being  absorbed,  produces  those  male  characteristics 
which  we  group  together  under  virility,  while  the  external 
secretion  is  used  for  procreation."  Since  there  is  nothing 
which  every  normal  boy  desires  more  earnestly  than  to  be  a 
virile,  abounding  type  of  man,  the  thought  that  he  has  the 
power  to  become  such  by  conserving  his  own  resources  is  one 
of  the  strongest  stimuli  toward  self-control. 

This  positive  attitude  is  the  best  antidote  to  the  most 
common  dereliction  of  boyhood,  the  habit  of  handling  the 
personal  sex  organs.  Concerning  this  difficulty  a  few  sane 
and  reassuring  words  need  to  be  spoken.  Parents  ought  to 
know  that  the  habit  is  practically  universal,  at  least  as  an 
experiment,  that  it  is  practised  with  some  frequency  by  the 
great  majority  of  lads,  but  that  its  occasion  and  results  are 
somewhat  misunderstood.  It  usually  has  its  origin  among 
uninstructed  boys  as  an  expression  of  curiosity  concerning 
the  function  of  this  organ,  and  the  first  occasion  is  quite 
often  the  result  of  the  accidental  discovery  that  it  is  pleasura- 

[178] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

ble.  Sometimes  it  is  learned  by  imitation,  and  therefore 
sleeping  with  other  children  and  unwatched  familiarities 
should  be  avoided.  In  all  these  cases  it  begins  innocently. 
To  endeavor  to  check  it  by  corporal  punishment  is  only  to 
incite  recourse  to  it  later  for  comfort,  and  merely  to  scold  a 
child  about  it  is  only  to  puzzle  him.  Fear  may  drive  the 
lad  to  despair  or,  later,  to  other  forms  of  impurity.  Physi- 
cians today  are  not  emphasizing  the  physical  harm  of  this 
practise.  They  rather  think  of  it  as  a  nasty  habit,  a  shame- 
ful kind  of  selfish  indulgence,  a  kind  of  arrest,  limiting  to 
some  extent  the  "nerve,"  the  ambition  and  the  stamina  of  a 
growing  boy.  It  appears  to  be  common  not,  as  we  may 
have  supposed,  among  the  most  vigorous,  but  among  the 
weaker  sort,  which  perhaps  explains  its  prevalence  among  the 
feeble-minded.  And  refinement  is  not  a  barrier  to  it,  since 
perhaps  it  is  a  disease  of  those  who  are  softly  nurtured, 
overfed  and  indulged.  Its  availability  encourages  its  devel- 
opment and  its  secrecy  prevents  detection  or  rigorous 
prevention. 

A  number  of  methods  of  cure  may  be  applied,  all  positive 
and  inspiring.  An  athletic  ideal  is  almost  a  panacea,  when 
accepted  as  voraciously  as  it  usually  is  by  a  normal  boy.  To 
get  a  boy  "good  and  tired"  is  a  help  to  make  him  literally 
good.  In  general,  we  are  trying  to  postpone  the  aggravation 
of  the  sex  impulse.  Preoccupation,  busyness,  the  sense  of 
responsibility,  are  all  cognate  self-preservative  motives.  The 
broadest  thoughts  possible  of  manliness,  pride,  ambition, 
must  be  encouraged.  Instead  of  threatening  the  boy  with 
fatal  results  for  his  misconduct — which  will  not  happen — we 
should  try  to  cause  him  to  sense  the  jov  of  being  clean. 
The  best  motive  of  all — and  we  want  to  build  his  continence 
on  lasting  foundations — is  self-control.  The  boy  who  is 
greedy  today  will  almost  surely  be  sensual  tomorrow.  The 
idea  that  man's  sexual  function  was  given  chiefly  for  personal 

[  179] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

enjoyment  leads  to  a  selfish  view  of  all  life.  To  this  type 
of  boy  the  habit,  instead  of  being,  as  some  suppose,  a  sub- 
stitute for  fornication,  leads  directly  to  it  later.  The  im- 
portance of  regarding  the  matter  seriously  at  all  now  is 
right  here,  that  self-control  of  this  function  now,  as  of  his 
whole  being,  is  the  only  adequate  guarantee  of  a  lifetime  of 
pure  living. 

The  father,  of  course,  must  help.  Let  him  hustle  the  boy 
merrily  out  of  bed  as  soon  as  he  wakes  in  the  morning,  show 
him  how  to  enjoy  a  cold  splash  and  rub,  and  keep  him  busy 
all  day.  In  this  way  he  will  safely  get  over  the  two  danger- 
points,  the  early  morning,  when  there  is  a  tendency  to 
languor  and  sensual  dreaming,  and  the  evening,  when  the 
boy  who  is  not  healthily  sleepy  is  again  subject  to  temp- 
tation. Let  him  not  accuse  his  son  of  evil,  but  infer  that  he 
expects  nothing  but  good  of  him,  and  whenever  he  instructs 
him,  do  so  not  in  a  superior  way,  but  with  the  acknowledg- 
ment that  the  fight  is  one  that  he  himself  knows  all  about. 
The  boy  may  not  fully  or  always  conquer,  but  under  this 
regiment  he  is  quite  certain  to  re-establish  himself  and  have 
the  will  to  win. 

Seminal  Emissions 
The  second  thing,  which  does  not  need  to  be  communi- 
cated until  the  very  end  of  this  period,  is  the  fact  of  the 
naturalness  of  seminal  emissions.  This  phenomenon  of  late 
boyhood  is  as  startling  to  the  uninstructed  boy  as  is  the  first 
menstruation  to  the  uninstructed  girl,  and  is  calculated  to 
be  as  great  a  shock  and  terror.  If  he  can  learn  that  these 
discharges  are,  if  moderate  in  frequency,  the  sign  of  vigor 
rather  than  of  weakness,  he  will  be  delivered  from  the  hands 
of  the  quack  and  the  scare-monger.  They  may  be  tempered 
in  frequency  by  an  active  physical  life,  especially  by  walk- 
ing and  gymnastics,  by  the  frequent  use  of  cold  water,  by 
circumcision  when  necessary,  and  especially  by  the  habit  of 

[i8o] 


SEX   DISCIPLINE 

pure  thinking  and  pure  reading.  Where  their  effect  is  evi- 
dently one  of  physical  relief,  they  need  cause  the  parent  no 
anxiety.  Their  occurrence  is  no  doubt  stimulated  in  an  un- 
wholesome way  by  all  habits  of  self-indulgence,  and  it  is 
against  these  rather  than  the  results  that  we  should  bend  our 
endeavors. 

Sex  Worries 
The  third  problem  which  parents  must  face  during  these 
years  is  that  of  morbid  anxieties  and  worries  in  connection 
with  some  phase  of  the  sex-life.  The  fact  that  some  worries 
and  anxieties  do  not  apparently  have  this  connection  should 
not  cause  the  parent  to  forget  that  their  rise  is  usually, 
though  obscurely,  from  this  source.  The  most  common  mor- 
bidness of  thought  is  because  of  some  fancied  abnormality 
of  the  physical  life.  Because  of  his  ignorance  or  because 
of  his  access  to  the  literature  of  quacks  or  from  some  hint 
dropped  in  the  conversation  of  a  chum,  most  boys  at  some 
time  or  another  get  the  impression  that  they  are  not  right 
physically.  The  slightest  difference  of  size  or  shape  of  the 
outer  reproductive  organs,  a  fancied  pain,  irritation  or  slug- 
gishness, the  magnified  results  to  body  or  soul  of  self-abuse, 
ignorance  concerning  the  universality  of  seminal  losses,  and 
most  of  all  the  genuine  excitement,  unrest  and  discomfort 
of  the  sexual  awakening,  with  its  alternate  moods  of  joy  and 
sorrow  and  its  close  relations  to  conscience  and  the  moral 
awakening — these  constitute  the  well-known  "storm  and 
stress  period"  of  life.  Because  of  a  new  touchiness  and  re- 
serve the  exact  difficulty  is  hard  to  piobe.  A  background 
of  confidence  and  of  the  frank  communication  of  knowledge 
and  a  foreground  of  considerateness,  silent  sympathy  and 
optimism  will  add  peace  to  the  landscape. 

Further  Instruction 
The  fourth  problem  is  that  of  further  sex-instruction.     It 

[i8i] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

is  usually  hardly  necessary  during  the  years  of  boyhood  to 
give  more  than  an  intimation  as  to  the  filth-diseases  which 
are  the  wages  of  sin,  and  then  chiefly,  not  to  scare  the  boy, 
since  continence  built  on  fear  is  often  cowardly,  but  to  sug- 
gest that  he  avoid,  for  the  sake  of  the  family  health,  any 
contamination  by  contact  with  places  and  persons  who  are 
thus  affected.  Actual  immorality  among  boys  of  this  age 
is  unusual.  When  it  occurs  it  is  usually  because  of  the  ad- 
vances of  older,  immoral  girls.  There  are  some  communities 
where  the  frequency  of  such  perversions  is  such  that  parents 
feel  themselves  obliged  to  take  precautions  and  give  in- 
structions which  would  ordinarily  not  be  required  until  several 
years  later. 

Throughout  this  period  it  is  impossible  to  say  too  much 
about  the  effect  of  the  thoughts  upon  the  life.  Truly,  out 
of  the  heart  are  the  issues  of  life,  and  the  Master  was  right 
when  he  placed  sin  in  the  lustful  thought  rather  than  in  the 
act.  The  boy  who  thinks  himself  clean  because  his  acts  do 
not  offend,  but  who  indulges  impure  day-dreams,  is  not  only 
weakening  his  stamina,  but  he  is  feeding  a  wild  beast  whom 
some  day  he  will  not  be  able  to  tame. 

As  to  further  information  concerning  the  facts  of  life,  needs 
vary.  In  general,  it  is  necessary  to  make  some  sort  of  re- 
view of  the  subject  at  times,  to  be  sure  that  the  child  has 
retained  clearly  in  mind  the  import  of  the  main  facts.  We 
want  to  leave  him  no  sex  worries.  He  should  know  chastely 
the  main  physical  differences  of  the  sexes,  consonant  with 
their  different  functions  in  reproduction,  he  should  be  aware 
that  there  are  unfortunate  women  who  make  a  hire  of  their 
bodies  and  men  who  are  so  debased  as  to  prostitute  their 
own  powers  by  unclean  approaches  to  women  and  even  to 
boys  and  he  should  appreciate  that  his  mother  and  sister  are 
periodically  in  a  condition  which  requires  especially  tender 
care  and  that  the  reason  his  girl  playmates  sometimes  break 

[182] 


SEX   DISCIPLINE 

engagements  with  him  or  seem  otherwise  perverse  is  often 
due  to  the  same  cause.  He  should  learn  to  ignore  the  ad- 
vertisements of  the  quack  and  to  refuse  books  upon  the  sub- 
ject, since  his  parents  have  access  to  better  ones.  It  will 
probably  be  impossible  to  prevent  his  talking  over  some  of 
these  matters  with  his  chum,  but  this  will  not  be  especially 
harmful  if  he  can  be  kept  in  the  habit  of  talking  them  over 
at  home  also. 


[183] 


CHAPTER  XVI 

RELIGIOUS  NURTURE 

There  are  at  least  four  interesting  tasks  which  most  con- 
cern parents  in  the  reHgious  training  of  boys  and  girls 
between  the  ages  of  seven  and  fourteen,  the  years  usually 
embraced  in  the  common  schools.  These  four  will  be  treated 
in  this  chapter. 

The  first  is  the  task  of  will-training  by  habit-forming;  the 
second,  that  of  helping  the  child  to  master  a  code,  or,  in 
other  words,  teaching  him  what  is  right;  the  third,  that  of 
helping  him  in  his  relations  with  others;  the  fourth,  that  of 
assisting  in  the  training  of  his  feelings. 

Will  Training  by  Habit  Forming 
We  have  already  discussed  this  at  some  length,  but  we 
wish  now  to  do  so  particularly  from  two  standpoints:  the 
relation  to  religion  of  all  habits,  and  the  desirability  of  the 
continued  practice  of  what  are  known  as  the  distinctly 
religious  habits.  ... 

The  importance  of  right  personal  habits  is  often  disre- 
garded. The  fact  that  they  are  great  in  their  meaning  and 
that  they  are  distinctly  religious  in  their  character  is  not 
always  appreciated.  Take,  for  example,  some  of  the  homely 
personal  habits  and  think  what  they  mean.  Neatness,  in 
its  deepest  sense,  is  respect  for  work ;  cleanness  is  respect 
for  the  body;  punctuality  is  respect  for  time;  accuracy  is 
respect  for  truth;  personal  hygiene  is  respect  for  the  future. 
These  are  not  only  great  virtues  and  religious  virtues,  but 
they  are  to  be  life  virtues. 

Our  appreciation  of  their  importance,  even  at  its  lowest, 

[184] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

is  naturally  greater  than  that  of  our  children.  Pretty  nearly 
every  act  of  the  child  in  early  boyhood  or  girlhood  is  im- 
pelled by  pleasure  or  personal  advantage,  and  personal  ad- 
vantage and  pleasure  are  not  easily  apparent  in  exercising 
these  virtues.  The  child  has  not  the  knowledge  to  realize 
what  they  may  mean  to  him  in  after  life  and  he  has  not  at 
this  time  that  sense  of  shame  which  in  after  years  becomes 
such  a  potent  influence  in  causing  him  to  conform  to  the 
customs  of  adults. 

We  can  do  something  by  suggestion.  We  may  do  some- 
thing by  calling  on  the  child  for  imitation,  since  the  chief 
factor  in  the  formation  of  the  child's  character  during  these 
early  years  is  the  influence  of  real,  actually-observed  human 
beings  in  action.  We  must  finally  depend  a  good  deal  upon 
firmness,  which  is  by  no  means  the  same  as  nagging,  but  a 
calm,  impersonal  and  steady  pressure  of  authority. 

Next  to  the  personal  habits,  the  religious  observances 
claim  our  attention.  We  must  not  expect  too  much  religious 
feeling  from  a  young  child,  for  as  G.  Walter  Fiske  has 
acutely  put  it,  those  who  try  to  make  children  religious 
precociously  are  not  fishers  of  men  but  scoopers  of  minnows. 
"How,"  asks  J^Iilton  S.  Littlefield,  "can  we  expect  a  child  to 
be  reformed  when  he  is  yet  unformed?"  But  he  may  easily 
learn  to  assume,  among  his  personal  habits,  that  of  defer- 
ential demeanor  in  sacred  places  and  at  sacred  times. 

Something  has  been  said  earlier  about  our  duty  in  teach- 
ing prayers  to  children.  Such  prayers  must  be  closely  re- 
lated to  the  child's  own  experience  and  feeling.  We  must 
be  careful  what  we  teach  children  about  prayer.  It  is  un- 
fortunate to  emphasize  the  personal  benefits  which  may  be 
received  in  direct  response  to  petition.  The  young  child  is 
in  the  wonder  stage  of  his  existence  and  is  inclined  to  be 
credulous  of  even  more  than  he  is  told.  If  he  comes  to  think 
of  prayer  as  chiefly  beggary,  he  will  soon  find  that  all  his 

[185] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

selfish  petitions  are  not  answered,  and  that  he  has  been 
brought  to  the  intellectual  dilemma  of  thinking  either  that 
God  is  not  the  answerer  of  prayer  or  else  that  his  parents 
were  deceived  as  to  the  real  nature  of  God.  It  is  especially 
important,  during  the  self-regarding  days  of  childhood,  to 
emphasize  in  prayer  two  elements — that  of  thankfulness  and 
that  of  communion.  If  the  child  will  form  the  habit  of  bring- 
ing to  God  his  happinesses  as  well  as  his  wants,  and  if  he 
can  learn  that  prayer  is  not  a  thing  of  set  places  and  times 
but  is  the  privilege  of  regular  and  steady  communion,  it  will 
gradually  become  not  a  mere  observance  but  a  vital  factor 
in  his  forming  religious  experience.  The  child  who  is  told 
that  God  will  be  his  helper  chiefly  in  doing  hard  things 
bravely  and  in  overcoming  himself  will,  if  he  persists  in  shap- 
ing his  petitions  to  such  an  end,  soon  come  to  ratify  these 
facts  in  his  own  experience.  "A  boy  comes  to  believe  in  God 
personally,"  says  a  wise  friend  of  young  people,  "because 
in  the  hour  of  his  soul's  stress  he  has  to  have  God's  help 
in  overcoming  his  temptations  and  because  he  finds  that 
help  coming  into  his  life  in  answer  to  his  own  sincere 
prayer." 

The  child's  prayer  should  grow  as  the  child  grows.  Dr. 
Hodges  says:  "When  the  children  begin  to  go  to  school, 
the  time  may  be  taken  as  an  opportunity  to  revise  their 
prayers.  And  the  same  may  be  done  when  they  are  ready  to 
pass  out  of  the  lower  grades  into  the  high  school.  In  this 
way,  the  deepening  and  enriching  of  religion  is  a  natural 
accompaniment  to  the  progress  of  their  education." 

An  English  schoolmaster  gives  this  experience:  "I  have 
often  known  boys  to  come  to  school  who,  at  the  age  of 
thirteen,  have  never  said,  and  have  never  been  advised  to 
say,  more  than  the  Lord's  Prayer  and  'Gentle  Jesus,  meek 
and  mild.'  Very  excellent  were  such  prayers  for  them  at  the 
age  of  four  or  five,  but  now  they  need  to  be  supplemented 

[i86] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

if  they  are  to  be  in  touch  with  the  boy's  life;  for  unless 
prayer  develops  in  harmony  with  the  developing  of  life,  its 
spiritual  influence  is  in  danger  of  being  unfelt." 

Among  suitable  and  helpful  religious  observances  one  feels 
like  emphasizing  afresh  what  is  said  to  be  the  obsolescent 
institution  of  family  worship.  Some  of  us  feel  that  we  haven't 
the  time  and  others  are  shy  of  their  ability  to  lead  such 
exercises.  But  surely  the  parent  who  feels  himself  incapa- 
ble of  conducting  devotional  exercises  in  his  home  could  at 
least  estabUsh  the  custom  of  having  Quaker  grace  at  table, 
and  could  have  a  regular,  if  not  daily  or  weekly,  service 
of  sacred  song,  if  not  of  prayer,  which  should  become  a 
family  tradition  and  be  the  expression  of  the  household's 
thanksgiving. 

Another  religious  observance  is  that  of  reading  the  Bible 
and  other  religious  literature.  Some  children  seem  to  re- 
spond with  pleasure  as  well  as  with  profit  to  daily  and  regular 
habits  of  this  sort.  Others  appreciate  being  read  to  by  the 
mother  personally  or  at  family  worship. 

At  least  three  difficulties  suggest  themselves  in  connec- 
tion with  the  habit  of  Bible  reading  by  young  children.  The 
first  is  that  all  of  the  parts  of  the  Bible  are  not  equally 
suitable  for  young  children.  Dr.  Theodore  G.  Soares  has 
called  attention  to  the  fact  that  if  we  understand  children  it 
is  not  hard  for  us  to  discover  what  portions  of  the  Bible  are 
real  for  them.  He  suggests  such  a  selection.  A  large  part 
of  the  first  seventeen  books  of  the  Bible  has  satisfactory 
material.  These,  especially  the  writings  from  the  prophetic 
historians,  contain  great  tales  for  children.  On  the  other 
hand,  the  sermons  and  prophecies  of  the  Old  Testament  are 
difficult  reading.  The  Law,  too,  with  the  exception  of  the 
Decalogue  and  some  few  moral  and  charitable  command- 
ments, is  away  from  the  interests  of  children.  The  same  is 
true  of  the  rituals.     Some  of  the  Psalms,  especially  those  of 

[187] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

personal  experience,  strike  a  responsive  chord  in  the  child's 
soul,  but  those  which  deal  with  the  social  wrongs  of  Israel 
will  not  appeal  to  him  until  he  comes  to  the  social  period 
of  his  life.  A  boy's  book  of  Proverbs  would  contain  half 
the  present  collection  and  would  be  a  desirable  text-book. 
The  mystery  of  the  Apocalypses  of  both  Old  and  New  Tes- 
tament must  be  left  until  maturity.  In  the  Gospels  again  we 
have  splendid  story-material,  bringing  the  sensitive  heart  of 
the  child  close  to  the  great  Master.  New  Testament  history, 
so  far  as  it  includes  hero-material,  will  be  somewhat  efifective. 
The  letters  of  Paul  are  beyond  the  child.  Dr.  Newton  M. 
Hall  has  done  a  service  by  compiling  a  graded  Bible  en- 
titled "The  Golden  Book,"  in  which  he  has  made  a  distinct 
endeavor  to  place  in  order  suited  to  the  development  of  the 
child  those  portions  of  the  Bible  which  have  the  deepest 
meaning  to  his  soul. 

A  second  difficulty  in  Bible  reading,  especially  as  a  child 
approaches  high-school  age,  is  that  by  this  time  the  Bible 
has  become  trite.  Deep  as  our  reverence  may  be  for  the 
Scriptures  themselves,  we  are  certainly  making  a  dangerous 
intellectual  experiment  in  reiterating  their  phrases  to  the 
child  everywhere  at  home,  in  Sunday  school  and  in  church. 
The  mind  after  a  time  refuses  to  absorb  that  which  it  has 
heard  so  often  and  few  young  people  arrive  at  adolescence 
without  thinking  they  know  as  much  about  the  Bible  as  they 
want  to.  Of  course  there  are  a  good  many  new  things  which 
can  be  taught  about  the  Bible,  even  to  a  cocksure  American 
youngster.  We  can  relieve  this  difficulty  if  we  present  the 
Bible  to  children  of  grammar-school  years  in  a  new  form, 
as  in  finely-illustrated  editions,  in  separate  books  furnished 
with  interpretative  notes,  and  especially  in  fresh  versions, 
such  as  "The  Modern  Speech  New  Testament"  and  that 
charming  edition  prepared  by  William  Wye  Smith  called 
"The  New  Testament  in  Braid  Scots." 

[i88] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

The  greatest  trouble  is  that  we  adults  cannot  seem  to 
teach  the  Bible  without  being  determined  to  moralize  about  it. 
One  of  the  distinguishing  features  of  the  Biblical  stories  is 
that  they  never  close  with  the  phrase  "This  fable  teaches." 
They  never  "tag  a  moral  to  a  tale."'  The  child  who  learns 
to  enjoy  the  Bible  for  its  stories,  as  dramatic  episodes,  as 
poetry — in  short,  as  literature — cannot  escape,  as  none  have 
ever  been  able  to  escape,  its  deep  moral  implications. 

The  problem  of  Sunday  observance  is  an  important,  yet  a 
difificult  one,  in  the  lives  of  many  growing  children.  It  is 
important  because  we  recognize  Sunday  as  our  great  day  of 
privilege,  the  day  for  joy,  recreation  and  compensation.  The 
difficulty  is  to  make  it  such  to  lively  youngsters  without 
causing  it  to  cease  to  be  such  to  their  parents  and  to  the 
neighborhood.  In  general,  we  shall  be  more  successful  if 
we  emphasize  the  privileges  and  joy  of  the  Sabbath  rather 
than  deal  with  it  negatively.  It  is  a  day  of  freedom  rather 
than  a  day  for  repression.  There  are  perhaps  three  ele- 
ments in  a  good  Sabbath  for  children — change,  rest  and 
uplift. 

One  of  the  most  sensible  ways  to  make  a  Sunday  change 
is  in  the  way  of  food.  Even  the  saints  are  described  in  the 
New  Testament  as  sitting  at  a  table  in  Paradise.  A  change 
of  play  is  a  happy  resource  on  Sunday.  The  recognition  of 
the  presence  of  children  in  the  Hebrew  family  is  not  more 
beautifully  seen  than  in  the  Old  Testament  laws,  the  tenor 
of  which  is  that  man  must  not  work  but  may  play  on  the 
Sabbath.  In  order  to  give  particular  relish  to  the  things 
provided  for  Sunday,  we  should  reserve  them  for  this  one 
day  of  the  week.  If  there  is  anything  new  in  the  home  let 
it  make  its  first  appearance  on  Sunday;  the  new  phonograph 
record,  the  new  dress,  the  new  piece  of  music  the  daughter 
has  memorized,  the  new  joke  the  son  has  heard,  a  fresh  blos- 
som on  some  household  plant,  the  just-complctcd  handiwork. 

[189] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

Another  agreeable  Sunday  change  is  for  the  family  to  do 
things  together.  In  our  modern  busy  households,  mealtime 
is  the  longest  consecutive  period  when  the  whole  family  is 
together,  except  on  Sunday.  One  therefore  feels  like  recom- 
mending for  the  Sabbath  certain  tasks  which  can  be  wrought 
out  by  father  and  the  children  around  the  fireplace. 

Parents  are  probably  in  more  need  of  rest  on  Sunday 
than  are  their  children,  yet  children,  too,  grow  weary, 
especially  after  Saturday  play.  The  only  point  is  that 
they  take  their  rest  in  a  different  fashion  from  their  elders. 
Rest  for  the  youngster  does  not  consist  exclusively  in  lying 
down.  What  rests  a  child  is  not  the  attempt  to  stop  the 
machinery  of  life  but  the  turning  of  the  vital  force  into  new 
channels.  Nobody  seems  to  have  much  to  say  about  what 
boys  can  do  on  Sunday.  Their  interest  in  Bible  puzzles  is 
apt  to  wane  after  a  time,  and  any  use  of  the  day  which  keeps 
mother  busy  in  furnishing  entertainment  is  as  bad  for  the 
boy  as  it  is  for  the  mother.  One  good  plan,  especially  for 
winter  time,  is  to  let  the  boys  "fix  up"  their  rooms  on  Sun- 
day. I  say  "fix  up"  rather  than  "clean  up"  for  obvious  rea- 
sons. This  is  a  good  time  also  for  collections  and  for  quiet 
hospitality  in  the  children's  rooms.  It  will  not  tire  the  boys 
and  it  will  rest  their  mothers  if  they  form  the  regular  habit 
of  preparing  and  serving  the  Sunday  evening  meal. 

As  to  the  problem  of  uplift  on  Sunday  for  boys,  we  get 
perhaps  the  best  definition  of  the  religious  purpose  of  the 
day  from  that  line  of  Burns:  "They  tune  their  hearts,  by 
far  the  noblest  aim."  But  how  can  we  tune  the  hearts  of 
boys  to  better  things  on  Sundays?  The  first  question  that 
arises  is  that  of  Sunday  church-going.  Sunday  school,  as  we 
have  indicated  above,  is  a  poor  substitute  for  church  service. 
In  the  church  of  the  modern  spirit  the  church  service  is  not 
in  such  contrast  with  nature  that  church-going  seems  to  the 
children  like  imprisonment.    The  service  is  dramatic  and  is 

[190] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

enlivened  by  the  singing  of  children's  choirs  and  by  a  ser- 
mon or  story  to  the  young  people.  Children  of  the  age 
which  we  are  discussing  in  this  chapter  seldom  rebel  against 
this  habit  if  it  is  established  early. 

It  can  hardly  be  claimed  that  the  Sunday  newspaper  is  an 
opportunity  for  Sunday  uplift.  Some  parents  take  special 
pains  to  bring  cheerful,  as  well  as  instructive,  literature  into 
the  home  by  borrowing  on  Saturday  from  the  public  library 
enough  good  books  to  last  the  family  throughout  the  day. 
Others  buy  the  Sunday  morning  paper  but  destroy  the 
colored  supplement.  Still  others  make  the  sensible  rule  that 
the  Sunday  paper  shall  not  be  read  in  the  home  after  ten 
o'clock  on  Sunday  morning.  Others  lay  it  away  until  Mon- 
day. The  greatest  objection  to  the  Sunday  paper  is  that 
stated  by  G.  Stanley  Hall,  namely,  that  it  causes  those  who 
read  it  to  "strike  the  key-note  of  the  day  on  a  low  level." 

The  best  method  of  keeping  Sunday  on  a  high  level  is 
that  of  companionship  with  parents.  In  the  household 
where  Sunday  is  regarded  primarily  as  a  clan  day,  a  house- 
hold day,  and  is  so  observed  from  early  childhood,  with  the 
familiar  and  resourceful  co-operation  of  all,  the  young  peo- 
ple later  are  less  likely  to  show  disloyalty  to  their  clan 
either  by  deserting  them  or  putting  them  to  shame  on  Sun- 
day. Sunday  is  certainly  Father's  Day.  It  is  the  day  when 
a  generous-spirited  father  recognizes  his  privilege  in  giving 
his  wife  a  chance  for  some  rest  and  solitude  and  in  which 
he  steps  forward  and  learns  to  know  his  children.  The  Sun- 
day afternoon  walk  with  father  might  almost  be  regarded 
as  an  American  institution.  In  many  families  there  is  a  club, 
of  which  father  or  mother  is  the  president,  which  meets 
every  Sunday  afternoon,  perhaps  in  the  attic,  where  "Sun- 
day best"  toys  and  books  are  laid  away  for  the  purpose,  or 
around  the  piano,  where  an  entertainment  is  furnished  to 
which  each  contributes  at  least  one  item. 

[191] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

The  best  opportunity  for  creating  a  religious  atmosphere 
in  the  home  on  Sunday  is  that  which  comes  through  service 
to  others.  If  Sunday  afternoon  is  given  to  a  walk  in  which  a 
visit  is  made  on  the  sick  or  suffering,  it  certainly  furnishes 
more  wholesome  inspiration  than  does  even  the  formal  re- 
ligious exercises,  and  any  day  so  spent  is  more  pleasing  to 
the  God  who  loves  mercy  and  not  sacrifice,  "Then,"  says 
Dr.  Hodges,  "if  the  day  close  with  singing  of  hymns  and  the 
benediction  of  quiet  music,  it  ends  well." 

We  turn  now  from  the  discussion  of  mere  religious  habits 
to  that  of  definite  duties  and  acts  of  service.  The  writer 
believes  that  such  duties  and  service  are  possible  even  to 
quite  young  children,  if  only  they  be  graded  to  their  capacity. 
As  we  have  said,  early  childhood  is  a  self-regarding  period, 
and  at  first  the  boy  may  have  no  higher  aim  than  that  of 
learning  by  experience  that  he  can  get  more  for  himself  by 
doing  something  for  others.  Whatever  work  is  given  a 
young  boy  to  do  should  be  simple,  so  that  he  may  secure 
immediate  results  and  the  encouragement  of  success.  He 
needs  praise,  too,  not  extravagant  but  kindly.  Parents  are 
more  successful  in  training  their  children  in  habits  of  work 
if  they  are  ingenious  in  arranging  that  much  of  it  shall  be 
done  in  the  spirit  of  play.  What  drudgery  has  to  do  with 
religion  is  just  this:  the  principal  part  of  a  child's  religion  con- 
sists in  the  daily  doing  of  duty. 

Every  boy  ought  to  be  trained  to  help  his  mother,  even 
in  household  tasks,  which  are  too  often  associated  solely 
with  the  life  of  girls.  In  these  days  when  grown  men  are 
proud  of  their  skill  in  housekeeping,  cooking  and  camping, 
it  is  not  humiliating  to  a  boy  to  learn  to  practice  these 
arts  when  he  is  a  child.  Then  there  is  the  care  of  pets  and 
of  the  flowers,  and  soon  that  of  the  younger  children. 
Charles  Lamb  spoke  with  some  bitterness  of  "the  coxcombry 
of  taught  charity,"  but  he  must  have  had  in  mind  those  pre- 

[192] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

tences  at  doing  good  to  which  children  in  the  earlier  days 
were  too  often  indentured.  Children  soon  learn  the  pleasure 
of  giving  to  the  sick  their  flowers  or  goodies  and  their  sympa- 
thetic attention.  They  are  never  happier  than  in  exploiting 
their  early  skill  in  handicraft  through  gifts  at  Christmas  for 
those  they  love,  even  spending  months  in  eager  preparation,  or 
in  ministering  to  children  in  foreign  lands  by  pictures,  scrap- 
books,  etc.,  so  long  as  the  needs  of  these  distant  comrades 
have  been  made  childlike.  They  respond  also,  if  the  appeal 
be  suitable,  to  times  of  self-denial,  and  the  lenten  season  is 
an  occasion  which  may  from  very  early  days  have  a  depth  of 
meaning  to  young  children,  provided  the  objects  of  their 
sacrifice  and  benevolence  be  those  which  have  aroused  their 
sympathy  and  devotion. 

Throughout  all  this  study  of  patient  control  in  the  making 
of  good  habits,  we  see  an  underlying  principle — that  of  con- 
formity to  law.  The  child,  as  has  so  often  been  said,  is  in 
the  Old  Testament  period  of  his  life.  The  impression  which 
comes  to  us  from  that  magnificent  volume  is  that  of  the 
majesty  of  obedience.  Our  strong  effort  must  be  always  to 
make  obedience  majestic.  As  we  have  said,  even  the  small, 
minor  habits  of  convenience  and  order  are  a  form  of  rev- 
erence to  some  of  the  great  facts  of  Hfe.  It  will  not  be 
long  before  opportunity  will  come  to  show  the  restive  boy 
that  not  he  only,  but  all,  have  to  obey.  The  command  to 
which  he  is  obedient  is  not  the  mere  fiat  of  his  father;  it 
is  part  of  the  eternal  law  of  God.  Opportunities  will  come 
to  persuade  the  wondering  child  that  even  father  and  mother 
also  have  to  obey.  And  little  children  are  glad  to  be 
obedient.  They  like  authority  if  they  get  it  early  and  if  it 
is  loving  and  fair. 

Thus  it  is  that  experiences  in  duty-doing  and  conformity  to 
law  are  made  into  the  substance  of  life.  They  grow  gradually, 
like  living  stones,  into  ideals  and  prejudices — and  our  preju- 

[  193] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

dices  are  part  of  the  life  stuff,  too — which  make  foundations 
for  stones  that  are  added  later. 

I 
LIastering  a  Code 

"Children  act  morally,"  says  Swift,  "long  before  they  know 
why  they  do  so.  The  discussion  of  principles  of  conduct 
comes  later.  Indeed,  it  is  a  mistake  to  make  boys  and 
girls  over-conscious  of  ethical  motives.  For  this  reason  a 
period  set  apart  for  moral  instruction  is  likely  to  be  dis- 
astrous," This  is  true  enough,  but  a  child  does  not  inherit 
the  Decalogue.  If  he  is  going  to  do  right  he  must  learn  to 
know  what  right  is,  and  not  only  what  it  is  but  how  it  is 
done;  in  other  words,  he  must  acquire  the  technique  of 
righteousness. 

This  may  come,  as  has  been  shown  in  a  previous  chapter, 
by  means  of  stories,  and  now,  not  only  by  stories  but  also 
by  the  child's  own  reading.  The  great  hero  tales  and  adven- 
ture stories  of  the  Bible  and  of  other  literature  mould  im- 
pressions of  the  greatness  of  special  virtues.  If  we  can  be 
somewhat  ingenious,  too,  with  realistic  narratives  appropriate 
to  the  moment,  we  lay  hold  upon  an  adroit  instrument  of 
moral  handicraft. 

A  great  deal  of  good  is  done  in  the  child  world  by  means 
of  talking.  A  patient  conversation  between  mother  and  child 
calls  up  real  moral  qualities.  It  is  sometimes  wise  to  argue 
through  a  matter  whose  justice  the  child  has  not  clearly 
seen.  It  is  often  reasonable  to  reiterate  until  he  is  convinced. 
On  the  whole,  before  the  age  of  thoughtful  reasoning  we 
may  generally  be  short  and  dogmatic.  Dr.  G.  Stanley  Hall 
allows  some  room  here  for  the  old-fashioned  scolding.  Only 
optimistic  children  thrive  under  these  violent  rain  storms. 

The  next  method  of  giving  a  child  a  moral  code  is  that 
of  direct  ethical  teaching.  There  are  some  authorities  who 
allow  little  place  for  it  in  a  child's  life,  but  there  are  few 

[194] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

who  would  minimize  it  if  it  could  be  successfully  done.  The 
difficulties  are  obvious.  It  is  hard  to  teach  life  out  of  a  book. 
There  is  often  a  keen  opposition  between  doses  and  duties, 
and  sometimes  between  diet  and  duties.  "The  high  pulpit 
method,"  as  it  has  been  called,  itself  puts  a  barrier  between 
the  parent  and  the  child.  It  must,  however,  have  some  valid- 
ity or  else  the  "foolishness  of  preaching"  would  never  have 
been  effective.  Perhaps  adult  sermons  suggest  how  direct 
ethical  teaching  is  helpful.  They  probably  seldom  convict 
of  truth  which  has  not  already  been  partially  known  or  ac- 
cepted. They  are  chiefly  helpful  in  three  ways:  to  clarify 
the  mind;  to  confirm  in  opinions  already  half-formed;  and 
to  inspire  with  hope.  Suppose  we  take  these  as  elements 
of  whatever  ethical  teaching  is  attempted  in  the  home  or 
Sunday  school  or  public  school.  The  next  time  you  have 
occasion  to  try  to  teach  a  child,  please  endeavor  to  remember 
the  three  things  you  are  trying  to  do:  to  help  him  to  see 
more  clearly,  to  believe  more  strongly  and  to  work  more 
hopefully  for  the  right. 

The  value  of  direct  ethical  teaching  well  done  is  unmis- 
takable. Every  child  needs  for  future  service  a  store  of 
facts,  ideas  and  principles.  "When  the  true  revival  does 
come,  the  laying  up  from  within  his  being,  in  adolescence," 
says  McKeever,  "he  will  be  already  furnished  with  the  re- 
ligious acts  necessary  to  give  expression  to  the  new  feelings." 
The  splendid  memory  powers  during  these  fruitful  years 
cause  the  child  to  retain  moral  facts  and  ideas  as  at  no  other 
period  in  life. 

But  a  boy  is  not  entirely  passive  as  to  morals.  His  con- 
science is  not  a  duck's  back,  impervious  to  water,  upon  which 
we  pour  in  vain  an  irrigating  stream.  The  task,  as  someone 
has  said,  is  not  to  discover  God  but  to  name  him.  Or,  as 
Henderson  puts  it:  "We  are  not,  Hke  God  in  Eden,  to  fashion 
a  man  out  of  the  clay  of  the  ground,  and  breathe  into  him  our 

[195] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

own  spirit  and  make  him  after  our  own  likeness.  The  man  is 
already  there  in  embryo,  and  it  is  our  high  office  to  clear  away 
both  spiritual  and  physical  obstructions  and  limitations,  and 
to  help  our  man-child  develop  into  something  more  admirable 
than  any  of  us  have  been  able  to  foresee." 

The  essential  thing  in  direct  moral  teaching  at  this  period 
is  that  it  should  be  concrete.  "The  trick  is,"  as  Thomas  J. 
MacCormack,  a  school  man,  has  lately  said,  "so  to  shape  a 
given  situation  that  the  interest  in  the  problem  springs  from 
the  student  and  not  from  the  teacher."  And  in  another  place 
he  adds,  "The  crises  that  occur  in  moral  life  supply  far  more 
realistic  environment  and  offer  far  more  piquant  material  for 
ethical  exploitation  than  tales  of  the  vanished  kingdom  of 
Syria."  The  only  value  of  the  Bible  or  any  other  text- 
book in  direct  moral  teaching  is  that  it  enables  the  boy  to 
face  the  great  moral  experiences  in  turn  in  the  lives  of 
others. 

We  have  said  that  such  teaching  must  be  explicit,  but  it 
must  not  be  too  dogmatic.  What  the  boy  wants  is  not  a 
ready-made  faith,  not  entirely  a  code,  but  most  of  all — room 
to  grow.  We  must  see  that  our  teaching,  no  matter  how 
explicit,  has  lots  of  room  in  it.  E.  A.  Kirkpatrick  has  given 
us  what  seems  to  be  a  pretty  fair  discrimination  as  to  the 
various  contributions  which  a  boy's  friends  make  to  his  char- 
acter. His  teachers,  so  Kirkpatrick  thinks,  contribute  to  his 
social  relations.  From  his  parents  he  gets  the  fundamentals 
— justice,  patience,  sympathy,  kindness,  reverence,  love.  From 
his  chums  come  social  qualities  and  the  direct  application  of 
his  ethical  mind  in  the  laboratory  of  life.  They  both 
strengthen  his  individuality  and  encourage  altruism.  Adult 
friends  supplement  all  this. 

There  is  no  doubt  that  the  home  must  take  a  more  earnest 
and  intelligent  attitude  toward  the  Sunday  school.  Instead  of 
being  willing  to  relegate  the  religious  education  of  its  young 

[196] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

people  to  that  institution,  it  ought  to  regard  the  Sunday 
school  as  simply  supplementary  to  the  home.  In  spite  of  all 
the  serious  and  wise  endeavors  that  are  being  made  to  im- 
prove the  course  of  study  and  the  quality  of  the  teachers,  we 
may  as  well  face  the  fact  that  it  will  always  be  impossible  for 
a  child  to  get  a  satisfactory  religious  education  in  an  institu- 
tion which  holds  his  attention  for  not  more  than  a  half-hour 
each  week.  The  best  thing  that  the  Sunday  school  has  to 
give,  no  matter  how  well  equipped  it  is  or  how  good  are  its 
text-books,  is  the  personality  of  its  teachers,  and  the  parents 
are  indeed  fortunate  who  may  be  sure  that  they  have  found  a 
teacher  for  their  child  who  is  thoroughly  good,  faithful  and 
sympathetic.  Such  an  one,  meeting  the  child  freshly  and 
upon  the  ground  of  a  joyous  common  interest  in  the  Sunday 
school  or  the  social  club  of  the  church,  may  be  the  means, 
during  certain  critical  years,  of  doing  more  for  the  child's 
development  than  his  parents,  who  provide  sustenance  but 
who  are  sometimes  removed  from  his  appreciation  by  the 
necessity  of  discipline. 

Relations  with  Others 
The  social  bonds  of  childhood  are  always  bonds  of  play. 
Something  has  been  said  already  about  the  value  of  play  in 
character  development.  We  may  go  even  further  and  say 
that  in  childhood  play  is  an  integral  part  of  the  child's  reli- 
gion. "The  very  things  that  Christ  forbids,"  says  Coe, 
"which  center  in  undue  self-love  are  the  very  things  which 
destroy  play,  while  the  things  that  He  commends  which  centre 
in  social  group  activities  are  the  very  things  that  keep  play 
going  at  its  highest."  I  have  been  told  that  there  is  an  aris- 
tocratic type  of  dog  that  will  not  eat  the  humble  dog-biscuit 
usually  provided  for  its  race,  unless  it  is  moulded  into  the 
shape  of  a  bone.  Then  he  plays  with  it,  and  afterwards  con- 
sumes it  gladly.     The  child,  too,  likes  to  play  with  his  food, 

[197] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

and — if  the  figure  be  not  irreverent — he  would  fain  play  even 
with  the  bread  of  life  before  he  accepts  it  as  nourishment. 

But  the  limitations  of  play  are  distinct.  Even  at  its  best 
it  involves  only  one  type  of  renunciation — namely,  that  which 
IS  made  for  the  sake  of  one's  friends.  Fair  play  may  involve 
respect,  but  its  most  ardent  advocate  could  hardly  claim  that 
it  involves  love,  for  one's  enemies. 

We  have  been  contending  that  this  is  a  self-regarding 
period.  The  characteristic  of  games  at  this  period  is  their 
strong  tendency  toward  competition.  Competition  in  play 
stimulates  the  desire  to  be  a  leader,  to  excel,  and  if  we  can 
only  make  the  aims  of  effort  high  enough  we  can  turn  this 
competing  instinct  to  moral  uses. 

Beginning  at  about  the  age  of  ten  and  continuing  very 
strongly  until  at  least  seventeen,  the  gang  spirit  practically 
takes  possession  of  the  boy's  leisure  time.  It  not  only  absorbs 
his  interests,  but  it  adopts  a  code  and  becomes  an  expression 
of  his  ideals.  Never  is  the  child  so  sensitive  to  what  others 
think  of  him  as  at  this  period.  But  the  others  whose  opin- 
ion he  values  are  in  inverse  ratio  to  their  age  and  wisdom. 

"No  matter  how  angelic  a  boy  may  be  before  his  elders," 
says  Arthur  Holmes,  "if  boys  pronounce  him  bad  his  doom  is 
sealed  before  the  final  tribunal.  No  matter  how  bad  a  boy 
may  be  before  his  elders,  if  boys  say  he  is  good,  let  the  world 
withhold  its  harshness.  A  volume  could  easily  be  filled  from 
the  experiences  of  social  workers  showing  that  boys  who  have 
lost  all  citizenship  rights  in  the  artificial  world  but  who  are 
loyally  upheld  by  their  fellow  citizens  in  the  real  world,  are 
good  at  bottom  and  some  day,  when  their  chance  comes,  will 
show  the  superior  nobility  of  their  souls  in  some  magnani- 
mous act."  There  are  certain  years,  therefore,  when,  if  we 
wish  to  affect  a  boy  toward  righteousness,  it  is  not  half  so 
important  who  are  the  adults  whom  he  knows  as  who  are  the 
companions  of  his  own  years  with  whom  he  plays.     There  is 

[198] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

no  greater  religious  duty  than  for  us  to  know  and  be  fre- 
quently in  the  fellowship  of  these  chums.  "The  greatest 
problem  in  the  moral  education  of  children  today,"  says  J. 
Edgar  Park,  "is  the  selfishness  of  parents.  They  do  not  like 
their  children  well  enough  to  be  friends  with  them."  He 
might  have  added  that  they  do  not  like  their  children  well 
enough  to  be  friends  with  their  chums.  It  is  inconceivable 
that  a  boy  should  pass  through  an  entirely  wholesome 
moral  experience  with  the  companions  of  his  own  age 
without  the  knowledge  and  chaperonage  of  his  father  or 
mother. 

Earnest  parents  are  giving  much  thought  to  the  problems 
connected  with  the  social  amusements  of  their  young  people. 
They  recognize  that  instead  of  easily  accepting  the  conven- 
tional list  of  taboos  from  the  past  they  must  try  to  discover 
what  are  the  actually  dangerous  amusements  toward  which, 
at  the  present  time,  young  people  are  being  tempted ;  and 
they  recognize,  too,  that  they  must  meet  these  dangers  not  by 
denunciation  so  much  as  by  replacing  them  with  more  whole- 
some pleasures.  This  matter  is  so  important  that  a  few  fur- 
ther and  definite  words  may  well  be  spoken. 

Three  forms  of  amusement  have  traditionally  been  placed 
under  suspicion:  cards,  dancing  and  the  theater.  When  one 
realizes  how  large  a  part  pleasure  plays  in  the  life  of  young 
people,  we  may  be  somewhat  dismayed  to  realize  that  these 
embrace  almost  all  the  available  and  regular  types  of  amuse- 
ment in  the  ordinary  community,  and  we  are  at  some  loss  to 
know  what  to  substitute  for  them.  Stripped  of  some  unfor- 
tunate associations,  they  also  seem  to  represent  the  funda- 
mental as  well  as  the  most  varied  forms  of  amusement:  cards, 
the  rigor  of  spirited  intellectual  contest,  the  joy  of  facing 
contingencies  and  the  opportunity  for  relaxation  from  pres- 
sure; dancing,  the  joy  of  grace,  motion  and  carc-frce  social 
intercourse  between  the  sexes;  and  the  theater,  the  study, 

[  199] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

through  the  mimic  world,  of  human  problems,  and  restfulness, 
by  means  of  visions  in  the  house  of  dreams  and  of  scenes  that 
relieve  this  life's  monotony  or  gild  its  commonplaces.  The 
home  that  has  no  word  for  these  ancient  and  racial  sources 
of  joy  but  a  frowning  "No"  is  hardly  meeting  and  solving  the 
real  situation.  The  child  who  is  not  permitted  any  of  these 
pleasures  is  practically  ostracized  from  the  inner  social  life 
of  his  chums.  The  merely  negative  attitude  is  never  satis- 
fying. A  sufficient  amount  of  chloroform,  properly  admin- 
istered, will  make  any  boy  good,  but  chloroform  is  not  a 
nourishing  diet  for  young  people  of  all  ages.  The  home  that 
would  substitute  other  amusements  for  these  has  a  task  of 
infinite  patience.  The  home  that  uses  one  or  all  of  these  for 
purposes  of  righteousness  has  indeed  a  delicate,  skilful,  but 
inspiring  and  hopeful  opportunity. 

Let  one  who  has  faced  these  problems  as  a  pastor  and 
social  worker,  as  well  as  a  father,  state  what  seems  to  him 
the  probable  attitude  of  many  Christian  homes,  at  least  in 
the  near  future,  an  attitude  at  which  many  of  them  have  al- 
ready arrived.  It  may  be  put  in  this  wise:  "We  will  not 
manufacture  sins.  To  play  games  of  skill  or  chance,  to  dance 
under  proper  restriction,  to  go  to  clean  dramatic  entertain- 
ments, are  not  essentially  wrong.  These  pleasures  are  often 
misused,  but  they  are  too  influential,  too  important,  too  val- 
uable and  indeed,  too  capable  of  fine  uses  to  be  either  blindly 
opposed,  or  foohshly  ignored,  or  blandly  tolerated.  It  is  the 
business  of  the  home  not  to  allow  the  commercializing  of 
pleasure  to  degrade  or  deprive-  our  young  people.  We  must 
study  these  pleasures;  we  must  use  them  as  they  ought  to  be 
used,  and  we  must  make  them  help,  not  hurt,  our  boys  and 
girls." 

In  the  statements  that  follow  some  wise  and  earnest  people 
will  be  unable  to  accord  the  writer  their  agreement,  for  the 
matter  is  truly  a  most  complex  and  delicate  one. 

[  200  J 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

Cards 
It  is  possible  to  keep  cards  in  their  proportionate  place  in 
life.  For  young  children,  they  are,  like  "Authors"  and 
"Parcheesi"  a  merry  play  with  chance;  for  young  people, 
occasionally,  though  not  regularly,  they  are  a  bond  for  home 
parties.  They  are  not  a  fitting  profession  for  men  nor  an 
appropriate  steady  afternoon  vocation  for  women.  They  are 
serviceable  to  pass  the  time  on  long  rail  journeys  and  on  a 
restless  evening  after  a  crowded  day.  The  abuse  of  them  is 
a  mark  of  intellectual  rather  than  moral  deficiency.  The 
author  learned  to  play  cards  after  he  was  married  in  order 
to  teach  them  to  his  sons.  They  have  become  a  matter  of 
course  with  them  and  he  has  watched  with  pleasure  their 
growing  indifiference  to  them  as  they  have  outgrown  them. 
His  sons  cannot  conceive  how  they  can  be  wrong.  They  have 
become  eliminated  as  a  form  of  temptation  from  their  lives. 

Dancing 
Dr.  Hugo  Miinsterberg  recently  summed  up  the  debits 
and  credits  of  dancing.  He  reminded  us  that  because  Amer- 
ica now  seems  dance-crazy  we  are  not  to  forget  that  this  an- 
cient art,  which  originally  sprang  out  of  religion,  probably 
has  its  values.  He  recognizes  its  dangers  frankly,  which  are 
these:  the  excitement,  the  hypnotic  lulling  of  the  intellect  and 
the  will-weakening,  all  of  which  are  produced  by  movement 
to  rhythm;  the  moral  peril  of  erotic  expression  in  the  more 
recent  forms  of  dancing,  and  the  contagiousness  of  its  appeal, 
which  extends  its  influence  beyond  all  reasonable  bounds. 
On  the  other  hand,  he  enumerates,  as  the  credits  of  dancing: 
the  fact  that  it  is  a  discharge  of  stored-up  energy;  that  it 
furnishes  to  those  who  are  weary  and  overstrained  a  relaxa- 
tion of  joy,  reasonably  limited  by  elaborate  rules  and  by 
beautiful  and  artistic  expression,  which  is  needed  in  a  mate- 
rialistic age.     "Our  social  conscience  must  be  wide  awake;  it 

[201] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

will  not  be  blind  fate  which  will  decide  whether  we  shall  meet 
the  lady  or  the  tiger." 

This  seems  to  be  a  pretty  fair  sumniin,f^-up.  Dr.  Miinster- 
berg,  however,  did  not  have  young  people  of  high-school  age 
particularly  in  mind,  and  concerning  dancing  as  it  applies  to 
them  a  further  word  ought  to  be  said.  The  principal  and  per- 
petual objection  to  the  dance  is  because  of  its  erotic  influence. 
To  many,  the  physical  contact  of  the  sexes  that  is  involved  is 
somewhat  shocking.  If  one  felt  sure  that  such  influence  and 
contact  w^ould  be  discouraged  by  abolishing  the  dance,  all 
good  people  might  unite  in  a  movement  to  do  so.  While  we 
may  agree  with  Joseph  Lee  "that  love-making  is  not  properly 
a  routine  occupation,"  it  will  be  foolish  to  deny  that  the 
primal  forces  exist  in  every  normal  boy  and  girl.  This  mutual 
attraction,  which  has  in  it  not  only  physical  attraction  but 
the  continuation  of  the  race  and  the  perpetuation  of  the  fam- 
ily, is  as  he  insists,  not  a  power  to  be  decried  or  fought 
against.  Courtship  plays  were  among  the  first  forms  of 
pleasure.  Informal  social  relationships  between  the  sexes 
are  always  bound  to  exist.  Their  expressions  may  take  the 
form  of  kissing  games  or  of  undesirable  license  in  private  ac- 
quaintance, but  they  cannot  be  and  ought  not  to  be  entirely 
suppressed.  It  seems  to  be  the  important  and  delicate  duty 
of  the  world  of  parenthood  to  chaperone  the  acquaintanceship 
and  familiarities  of  the  young  in  a  way  to  give  them  the  full- 
est opportunity  for  sane  pleasure,  while  protecting  them  from 
the  activities  of  uncontrolled  passion. 

Dancing  is  probably  the  most  skilful  way  of  turning  the 
instinct  for  physical  contact  toward  wholesomeness  that 
could  be  invented.  Its  conventionalities  and  gallantries  and 
the  very  difficulties  of  mastering  its  technique  are  themselves 
a  barrier  against  impure  thoughts  and  its  publicity  in  itself 
is  protective.  The  sex  element  is  by  no  means  the  only  one 
involved  in  dancing.     It  includes  striving  for  emotional  ex- 

[  202  ] 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

pression  and  the  most  perfect  development  of  rhythm  imag- 
inable through  physical  activity.  Children  should  be  taught 
dancing  before  the  sex-instinct  becomes  conscious,  as  an 
exercise  of  grace  and  joy  in  motion. 

The  home  ought  to  guard  the  character  of  the  places  and 
occasions  where  dancing  takes  place,  the  company  that  gath- 
ers and  the  costumes  that  are  worn.  It  ought  to  be  vigilant 
chiefly  as  to  two  matters:  the  character  of  the  dancing  schools 
and  of  the  dance  parties  attended  by  its  young  people.  It 
is  perfectly  feasible,  as  the  author  knows  from  experience,  to 
arrange  that  nearly  all  dances  attended  by  the  young  people 
of  the  home  shall  be  in  homes  and  shall  include  only  per- 
sons with  whom  the  parents  are  well  acquainted.  There  is 
some  relief  to  the  situation  in  the  revival  of  folk  dancing 
and  figure  dancing  and  of  the  festival,  and  yet  there  is  a  sense 
of  humor  surrounding  the  childishness  of  ''sowing  barley" 
and  performing  other  primitive  occupations  to  music  which 
contrasts  somewhat  unfavorably  with  the  elaborate  appoint- 
ments and  accessories  of  a  home  dancing  party.  There  are 
many  finer  ways  of  spending  the  time  than  in  dancing;  a  vig- 
orous and  varied  social  life  in  the  home  may  make  it  less 
necessary.  On  the  whole,  however,  the  author  believes  that 
there  are  perfectly  psychological  reasons  for  holding  that 
dancing  may  be  made  a  relief  to  sex  stress  rather  than  a 
means  for  its  excitement. 

The  Theater 
The  theater  today  is  manifesting  great  power  both  to  bless 
and  to  curse  humanity.  The  American  stage,  completely 
commercialized,  disgusts  its  friends  as  often  as  it  does  its 
enemies.  The  values  of  the  drama,  however,  mentally,  intel- 
lectually and  morally,  are  so  great  that  one  should  hesitate 
before  prohibiting  them  to  the  young  people  in  whom  one 
feels  an  interest.     It  is  quite  possible  by  such  advance  re- 

[203] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

views  as  are  published  in  the  periodical  Life  and  in  the  better 
metropolitan  newspapers,  for  parents  to  know  the  character 
of  the  entertainments  which  are  offered  in  local  playhouses. 
Parents  should,  as  far  as  possible,  accompany  their  children 
to  the  theater,  and  if  not,  they  should  see  the  plays  which 
their  boys  see  or  else  know  about  them  pretty  thoroughly. 
A  play  which  involves  a  disagreeable  or  objectionable  scene 
may  lose  its  unwholesomeness  if  it  is  talked  over  afterwards 
at  home.  Here  comes  the  opportunity  to  discriminate  to 
the  child  between  fine  acting  and  mere  rant,  between  the 
underlying  sophistry  of  a  false  situation  and  the  feeling  of  the 
thrill  of  a  splendid  moral  climax. 

The  theatrical  situation  in  the  average  small  American 
city  is  usually  deplorable.  The  acting  is  second  or  third- 
class  and  the  plays  are  either  lurid  melodrama  or  the  refuse 
of  the  sex  drama  of  Broadway.  Of  the  two,  melodrama  is 
more  desirable  because,  while  it  is  untrue  to  real  life,  it  satis- 
fies the  emotional  element  in  the  boy  and  is  generally  moral 
to  the  very  acme  of  propriety.  Some  parents  make  their 
annual  visit  to  the  great  city  a  special  opportunity  of 
giving  their  children  a  treat  of  noble  plays  performed  by 
noble  players,  thus  creating  a  certain  distaste  in  the  child's 
mind  for  the  local  product,  and  preparing  him  for  the 
best. 

Many  boys  prefer  vaudeville  to  plays.  They  like  the  more  fre- 
quent thrills  and  are  interested  in  the  trained  animals  and  the 
jugglery.  It  is  difificult  for  the  adult  to  view  this  preference 
with  complacence.  The  writer  has  occasionally  dropped  into 
one  of  the  high-class  vaudeville  houses  in  the  Central  "West  at 
the  Saturday  matinee  when  it  was  crowded  almost  entirely 
with  school  children.  Besides  being  bored  by  the  sameness 
of  the  dialogues  and  monologues,  he  has  frequently  been 
pained  at  the  exuberant  applause  at  the  most  inane  and  vul- 
gar jocularity.     He  has  felt  that  the  vaudeville  house  must 

[204] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

share  the  responsibility  with  the  comic  supplement  of  the 
Sunday  newspaper  for  the  degradation  of  the  sense  of  humor 
in  our  American  youth.  We  must,  however,  in  all  frankness, 
recognize  that  the  vulgarity  was  largely  misunderstood  and 
that  the  entertainment  as  a  whole  was  a  varied,  ingenious  and 
attractive  emotional  excitation,  extremely  grateful  at  the  end 
of  a  monotonous  week  in  school,  and,  on  the  whole,  not  ob- 
jectionable, if  not  too  frequently  repeated. 

The  real  problem  just  now,  however,  is  the  motion-picture 
show.  The  principal  objection  is  that  it  plays  upon  the  pas- 
sivity of  the  spectator.  To  its  credit  it  should  be  said  that  it 
makes  a  powerful  appeal  to  an  eye-minded  nation  and  that 
its  possibilities  as  to  broadening  information  regarding  travel, 
biography,  history  and  heroism  are  unlimited.  It  is  plainly 
the  duty  of  every  parent  to  know  the  kind  of  motion  pictures 
which  his  children  are  in  the  habit  of  seeing.  The  writer  made 
many  wearied  journeys  with  his  sons  along  one  avenue  where 
these  brilliantly  lighted  places  of  amusement  stand.  He  dis- 
cussed with  them  the  virtues  and  vices  of  each  and 
finally  came  to  an  understanding  by  which  they  learned 
to  agree  with  him  substantially  as  to  the  really  worth 
while  and  to  confine  their  patronage  largely  to  such 
houses. 

In  summary,  then,  the  author  feels  that  it  is  for  the  home 
to  take  a  positive,  though  laborious,  attitude  toward  the 
theater;  for  parents  to  study  the  places  of  amusement  which 
are  being  frequented  by  their  children  as  they  do  the  books 
which  they  place  in  their  hands,  to  select  the  plays  and  play- 
houses, to  accompany  their  children  invariably  if  possible,  and 
to  talk  over  conscientiously  and  inspiringly  that  which  is  seen. 
The  writer  believes  that  parents  who  do  this  will  be  rewarded 
in  watching  the  development  of  their  children's  taste  and  in 
noting  the  acquisition  in  their  lives  of  valuable  intellectual 
and  moral  influences. 

[  205  ] 


THE   BOY   TROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

The  Training  of  the  Feelings 

In  emphasizing  the  fact  that  the  years  between  seven  and 
fourteen  are  years  for  habit-forming  and  of  self-control, 
many  have  neglected  to  note  that  they  are  also  a  time  of  imag- 
inative interests  and  of  strong  attachments.  That  these 
attachments  are  entirely  to  things  of  the  present  does  not 
lessen,  but  perhaps  increases,  their  vigor.  The  elements  of 
personality  in  a  grammar-school  boy  may  be  few  but  they 
are  growing  daily  in  distinctness.  There  is  no  more  noticeable 
factor  in  such  a  personality  than  the  capacity  for  enthusiasm. 

If  the  old  Biblical  proverb  be  true — and  it  certainly  is, 
especially  during  these  years — that  "out  of  the  heart  are  the 
issues  of  life,"  perhaps  our  highest  and  most  neglected  duty 
as  parents  with  young  boys  and  girls  is  the  development  of 
the  heart  life.     Let  us  make  a  few  suggestions. 

We  may  do  much  more  than  we  think  to  develop  a  sense 
of  beauty.  Imaginativeness  is  naturally  strong  at  the  begin- 
ning of  this  period.  It  dwindles,  not  because  it  loses  strength 
but  because  of  lack  of  nourishment.  How  seldom  do  we 
think  it  worth  while  to  call  attention  to  those  beauties  of  na- 
ture and  art  which  enrapture  us!  The  mother  who  will  do 
this,  even  with  a  young  child  who  seems  unresponsive,  is  en- 
gaging in  a  process  of  education  which  is  bound  to  be  most 
fruitful.  The  child,  for  example,  who  visits  an  art  gallery 
with  his  mother  may  not  seem  to  be  much  impressed  by  the 
details  of  a  picture,  but  upon  his  return  he  will  recognize  it 
with  a  certain  fondness  and  remember  a  great  deal  of  what 
she  has  said.  Later  his  impressions  will  sink  even  deeper 
into  his  mind  and  form  the  basis  of  glad  appreciation. 

The  wild  delight  which  children  take  in  moving  pictures  is 
an  almost  pathetic  expression  of  their  love,  not  only  for  ad- 
venture, but  also  for  beauty.  Some  recent  figures  show  that 
a  much  larger  proportion  of  school  children  care  for  pictures 
of  natural  scenery,  flowers,  beautiful  objects,  than  for  exciting 

[206] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

dramas.  In  Providence,  R.  I.,  for  example,  an  investigation 
made  among  two  thousand  school  children  of  the  grammar 
grades  showed  that  while  three  hundred  and  sixty-four  in  the 
fifth  to  the  eighth  grades  preferred  comedy,  one  hundred  and 
thirty-nine  dramatic  films,  fifty-three  crime  and  seven  hun- 
dred and  thirty-five  Western  or  cowboy  pictures,  nine  hun- 
dred and  seven  preferred  educational  scenes.  Many  of  the 
Western  scenes  are  interesting  because  of  their  portrayal  of 
nature  or  of  animal  life  as  well  as  because  of  their  dramatic 
movement.  We  spoke  above  of  a  serious  limitation  of 
the  moving  picture  as  a  form  of  education  in  that  it  in- 
volves complete  passivity  on  the  part  of  the  child.  In  all 
other  forms  of  education,  as  Dr.  Samuel  W.  Dike  has  pointed 
out,  we  have  been  growing  from  passiveness  to  personal 
activity.  Students  no  longer  "attend"  medical  lectures  or 
"sit"  under  teachers.  They  work  in  laboratories  and  discuss 
in  seminars.  An  appreciation  of  beauty,  and  especially  of 
moral  beauty,  which  is  to  become  effective  must  be  active.  It 
is  not  enough  for  the  child  to  be  played  upon  even  by  whole- 
some ideas  or  pictures.  Walks,  games,  pastimes,  amuse- 
ments and  travel  are  far  better  ways  of  building  up  a  vital 
interest  in  the  real  things  of  life. 

Because  of  the  constant  peril  that  the  boy  may  remain 
passive,  we  are  tempted  to  agree  with  C.  Hanford  Hender- 
son's extreme  statement:  "If  I  could  be  sure  of  having  Jack 
with  me  during  the  high-school  period,  from  fourteen  to 
eighteen,  I  would  much  prefer  that  at  fourteen  he  should  not 
know  how  to  read.  As  soon  as  a  boy  begins  to  read,  he 
passes  from  the  glorious  world  of  first-hand  experience  and 
observation  into  the  shabbier  world  of  the  second-hand, 
the  world  of  the  reported,  and  his  life  becomes  less  real  and 
genuine.  The  more  passionately  fond  of  his  books  he  is,  the 
smaller  the  chance  that  he  will,  himself,  do  anything  novel  or 
useful.     It  is  so  much  easier  to  have  thrilling  adventures  by 

[207] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

proxy  in  the  world  of  romance,  history,  travel,  biography, 
science,  than  it  is  to  observe  and  act  for  one's  self,  that  I 
have  slowly  come  to  the  conclusion  that  reading,  instead  of 
being  the  immense  benefit  it  is  reported  to  be,  may  all  too 
easily  become,  like  excessive  church-going,  a  form  of  laziness 
and  self-indulgence.  I  would  prefer  that  Jack,  at  fourteen, 
certainly  at  twelve,  should  not  know  how  to  read,  because 
1  believe  in  the  end  he  would  make  a  wiser,  bigger,  more 
original  man." 

Since  this  extreme  opinion  of  reading  is  simply  doctrinaire, 
in  this  age  of  universal  books  and  periodicals  our  best  re- 
source seems  to  be  to  place  in  the  hands  of  boys  reading 
matter  that  is  thoroughly  virile  and  dynamic.  The  writer 
has  elsewhere  adopted  what  has  seemed  to  some  a  too- 
gracious  attitude  toward  the  nickel  novel,  explaining  this  by 
the  statement  that  such  literature,  though  highly  colored  and 
unreal,  is  of  late  usually  innocuous  morally  and  emphasizes 
the  heroic  virtues,  besides  possibly  satisfying  a  certain  pass- 
ing sensationalism  in  the  boy's  own  life.  The  craze  is  a 
literary  measles  from  which  recovery  is  sure.  ♦  So  far  as  the 
home  has  to  do  directly  with  the  boy's  choice  of  reading 
matter  it  may  best  be  of  service  by  the  establishment  of  the 
boy's  own  library  with  interesting,  well-illustrated  books  not 
too  far  beyond  his  present  vocabulary  and  tastes  and  by 
subscribing  for  a  few  magazines  of  achievement,  such  as  the 
Scientific  American,  Popular  Mechanics  and  the  Literary  Digest. 
The  home  has  an  inhibitory  duty  also  in  banishing  the  yellow 
newspaper  and  the  popular  erotic  novel.  After  all,  boys 
generally  read  literature  that  is  better  morally  than  that 
which  their  parents  read. 

We  do  not  find  passivity  in  the  matter  of  the  child's  feeling 
for  strength.  It  sometimes  seems  as  if  that  were  one  virtue 
which  is  appraised  at  its  fullest  by  the  growing  boy.  Some- 
what indiscriminating  as  his  loyalty  to  strength  may  be,  it  is 

[208] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

intensely  wholesome  and  he  cannot  have  too  much  of  it. 
It  is  notable  that  young  people  choose  as  their  gang-leaders 
and  heroes  those  who  are  dynamic — adventurers — who  are 
able  to  do  things. 

And  as  I  have  implied  before,  somewhat  the  same  is  true  of 
his  religious  convictions.  They  may  be  simple  but  they  are 
sound  and  they  are  gradually  being  based  more  and  more 
upon  irrefutable  personal  experience. 

This  is  not  the  age  of  penitence.  Only  as  the  moral  life 
of  adolescence  dawns  may  we  rightly  expect  any  type  of 
contrition.  We  may  secure,  if  we  try,  the  outward  sem- 
blance, since  the  affectionate  child  is  often  deeply  grieved 
when  he  finds  that  he  has  wounded  the  heart  of  one  he  loves, 
but  the  sentiment  which  he  feels  is  rather  that  of  personal 
attachment  to  the  parent  than  personal  abhorrence  of  sin. 
This  being  so,  the  most  effective  way  to  meet  the  sins  and  fail- 
ures of  childhood  is  not  by  a  storm  of  disapproval,  but,  as 
Henderson  says,  "by  enfolding  the  little  troubled  soul  with 
one's  own  calm,  unaccusing  spirit."  Then  only  is  one  master 
and  able  to  serve. 

A  more  appropriate  sentiment  of  these  years  is  that  of 
chivalry.  Its  expressions  are  often  crude  and  are  not  always 
consonant  with  formularies  of  etiquette,  but  one  rarely  ap- 
peals to  a  boy  in  behalf  of  a  weak  sufferer  without  instant  and 
eager  response. 

Prof.  G.  Walter  Fiske  has  summed  up  the  religion  of  the 
school  child,  so  far  as  it  is  a  part  of  the  life  of  feeling,  in 
the  following  excellent  statement:  "Certain  elements  of  nat- 
ural religion,  literal  to  children  perhaps  at  ten  years,  are 
significant  items  in  the  childlikeness  which  Jesus  praised  as 
essential  characteristics  of  the  Kingdom  of  Heaven.  Notable 
is  the  boy's  instinctive  faith  in  God  and  simple  trust  in  God; 
his  clear  acceptance  of  immortality  as  an  axiom;  his  faith  in 
the  guidance  of  God  and  instinctive  dependence  upon  it;  his 

[209] 


THE    BOY    PROBLE^^I    IN    THE    HOME 

intuitive  knowledge  of  God  as  a  living  personal  spirit,  the 
Causal  Agent  and  Source  of  Life  at  the  heart  of  things;  and 
also  his  honest  conscientiousness.  These  are  among  the 
fundamental  religious  instincts  of  the  human  race.  In  their 
purest,  simplest  form,  the  child  possesses  them." 

There  is,  however,  more  than  one  side  to  the  life  of  the 
child.  The  feeling  side  may  seem  that  which  is  most  akin 
to  religion  because  it  is  most  distinctly  touched  with  fine 
emotions,  but  if  we  have  a  broad  faith  in  the  beliefs  we  have 
been  stating  we  shall  see  that  a  boy  may  love  God  just  as 
truly  with  his  body  and  his  mind  as  with  his  heart.  When, 
therefore,  we  seek  to  discover  what  is  the  real  child,  we  must 
ask  not  only  what  the  child  is  like  when  he  is  worshiping, 
but  what  he  is  like  when  he  is  playing  or  reading  or  talking 
with  his  friends. 


[210] 


CHAPTER    XVII 
FACTS    FOR    ENCOURAGEMENT 

There  is  something  almost  sublime  about  the  quiet,  stolid 
way  in  which  a  boy,  during  these  years  of  the  common  school, 
grows — bodily,  mentally  and  morally.  Because  of  the  quiet' 
ness  of  his  development,  this  period  has  not  been  studied  as 
carefully  as  it  deserves.  We  are  coming  to  recognize,  how- 
ever, not  only  that  the  mighty  decisions  of  adolescence  and 
the  recoveries  from  prodigality  which  occur  during  that 
period  are  the  result  of  habits  formed  during  this,  but  also 
that  the  general  tenor  of  life  is  more  largely  decided  by  what 
goes  on  during  these  years  than  by  any  other  period  of  equal 
length  during  human  Hfe.  It  is  encouraging  to  parents  to 
realize  that  even  if  they  be  conscious  of  no  special  ability, 
their  steady,  daily  insistence  upon  a  wholesome  regimen  of 
body  and  mind  forms  a  veritable  matrix  in  which  the  young 
spirit  may  come  to  birth. 

It  is  extraordinarily  encouraging  that  one  hardly  ever 
needs  to  persuade  a  boy  that  he  ought  to  do  the  right  thing. 
"His  conscience,"  as  a  practical  student  of  boy  life  has  re- 
cently said,  "may  not  always  act  accurately,  and  may  need 
training;  but  it  usually  acts  powerfully  and  hardly  needs 
reinforcement." 

"How  noisy  is  the  child!  How  still  is  childhood!"  These 
words  never  appear  more  true  than  when  we  apply  them  to 
the  years  between  seven  and  fourteen.  Irritating  and  exas- 
perating even  as  are  many  of  the  personal  habits  of  boys, 
they  have  very  little  to  do  with  the  undertow  of  the  child's 
nature.  Incapable  sometimes  of  expressing  himself  in  words 
if  he  should  desire  and  not  always  characterized  during  these 

[211] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

years  by  adherence  to  custom  or  fashion,  the  normal  lad  yet 
shows  a  certam  unspoiled  candor  and  truthfulness  which 
makes  young  children  not  only  good  to  live  with  but  good 
to  live  for.  These  are  indeed  springtime  days  for  sowing, 
for  cultivating,  for  watching  green  things  appear  above  the 
surface.  They  are  days  when  happy  fathers  and  mothers 
may  go  forth  with  joy  to  the  great  work  of  planning  for  an 
abundant  harvest. 


[212] 


SUMMARY 


SUMMARY 

The  Parent's  Attitude — The  parent's  best  attitude  is  in  an  honest 
disposition  of  listening,  involving  as  much  as  possible  of  foresight,  in- 
sight, companionship  and  personal  fitness. 

The  Child's  Attitude. — Until  the  child  is  about  ten  years  old  his 
attitude  is  one  of  respect  for  personal  commands ;  after  that  of  re- 
spect for  law  itself.  There  are,  however,  artful  dodgers,  obstinate 
not  because  of  strength  of  will  but  because  of  mistaken  will  and  of 
strong  individualism,  who  are  yet  especially  susceptible  to  the  influence 
of  sociability. 

Obedience. — The  art  of  securing  obedience  during  this  period  in- 
volves a  process  of  treatment. 

Methods  of  Government. — Among  the  best  methods  of  government 
are  suggestion,  explanation,  persuasion,  diversion,  drill  and  activity. 

Government  by  Punishment. — Corporal  punishment  should  recede 
into  the  background  during  this  period.  Punishments  should  involve 
the  employment  of  choice.  They  should  be  as  far  as  possible  co- 
operative. 

More  Methods  of  Government. — In  general,  choice  is  successor  to 
obedience,  because  we  are  engaged  in  a  process  of  will-training  which 
begins  now  to  get  possession  of  the  reason.  Parent  and  teacher  may 
well  co-operate  in  methods  of  government. 

Sex  Discipline. — The  special  problems  of  this  period  are  to  prevent 
the  misuse  of  the  sex  organs  by  inspiring  toward  personal  hygiene,  to 
correct  keen  sex  worries  by  frank  instruction  and  to  give  such  further 
information  as  may  enlighten  the  boy  without  alarming  him. 

Religious  Nurture. — Habit-forming  is  one  of  the  first  religious  prac- 
tices because  it  is  a  means  of  developing  the  will.  The  special  habits 
to  be  persisted  in  are  those  of  religious  observance,  Bible-reading, 
prayer,  free  and  wholesome  use  of  Sunday  and  service  to  others.  The 
principal  part  of  a  child's  religion  consists  of  the  daily  doing  of  duty- 
He  must  now  learn  the  majesty  of  obedience.  Tn  order  to  be  good 
he  must  know  what  is  good  and  also  the  technique  of  doing  good; 
therefore  he  mu-t  have  practical  ethical  teaching.  In  his  relations  to 
others,  whose  influence  may  be  very  strong,  he  needs  the  companion- 
ship and  protection  of  his  parents.  This  is  the  most  important  time 
for  training  the  feelings  because  "out  of  the  heart  are  the  issues  of 
life."  We  must  instill  positive  and  active  relations  to  goodness  and 
help  the  child  to  do  good  because  he  likes  to. 

References 

Books  upon  the  Philosophy  of  Child  Management 

The  Education  of  the  Child.  85  pp.,  by  Ellen  Key,  published  by  G.  P. 

Putnam's  Sons,   New   York. 

This   book   consists  of   a   single  chapter  taken   out   of   Ellen    Key's 

great  book,  "The  Century  of  the  Child,"  which  has  gone  through  some 


[213] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

twenty  editions  in  Germany  and  has  been  successful  in  several  other 
European  countries. 

Our  Boy,  126  pp.,  by  Harry  Edwards  Bartow,  published  by  the  Union 
Press,  Philadelphia. 
A  small  but  adequate  handbook  on  child-training,  written  from  a 
father's  standpoint.  It  is  the  only  parents'  book  of  which  we  know  in 
which  the  various  periods  of  child  life  are  taken  up  in  direct  and 
definite  order. 

On  the  Training  of  Parents,  141  pp.,  by  Ernest  H.  Abbott,  published 

by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,  Boston. 
This  little  volume  contains  a  scries  of   essays   which  mark   out  im- 
portant laws  of  child  life  and  principles  of  child-training,  illustrated  by 
interesting  personal  narrative. 
That  Boy  of  Yours,  250  pp.,  by  James  S-  Kirtley,  published  by  George 

H.  Doran  Co.,  New  York. 
_  Discusses  the  morals,  bod}',  mind,  religion,  failings  and  home  asso- 
ciations and  brings  all  these  things  before  grown-up  eyes  from  the 
standpoint  of  the  boy  himself.  In  these  days  of  the  new  view  taken 
by  social  workers  and  educators  in  regard  to  boys  and  their  tendencies 
and  development,  a  book  like  this  is  sure  to  prove  of  value. 
Child  N.ature  and  Child  Nurture,   102  pp.,  by  Edward   Porter   St. 

John,  published  by  The  Pilgrim  Press,  Boston. 
No  less  stimulating  and  suggestive  than  the  author's  widely  appre- 
ciated "Stories  and  Story  Telling"  is  this  new  series  of  brief  outline 
lessons  designed  to  deal  with  some  of  the  most  important  and  practical 
problems  that  every  parent  must  face.  There  is  not  a  paragraph  but 
is  vigorous,  with  abroad,  spiritual  understanding  and  a  strong  common 
sense.  Absolutely  practical  are  the  suggestions  about  dealing  with  the 
Punishment  of  the  Child  and  the  Training  of  the  Child  in  a  regard  for 
the  property  rights  of  others.  The  pages  are  full  of  questions  and 
suggestions  which  set  in  motion  new  and  efifective  trains  of  thought. 

Books  Containing  Real  Instances 
Bringing  Up  the  Boy,  227  pp.,  by  Kate  Upson   Clark,  published  by 
Thomas   Y.  Crowell  &  Co.,   New  York. 
A  book  long  established  in  popular  favor,  characterized  by  its  good 
sense. 

Making  the  Best  of  Our  Children,  the  second  series.  285  pp.,  by 
Mary  Wood-Allen,    M.   D.,   published   by   A.   C.    McClurg  &   Co., 
Chicago. 
The  second  volume  of  the  series  of  two  contains  a  great  many  simple 
and  clear  suggestions  as  to  child  government,  each  of  them  upon  con- 
trasted incidents  out  of  real  life. 

Child,  Home  and  School,  307  pp.,  by  Delia  Thomnson  Lutes,  pub- 
lished by  the  Arthur  H.  Crist  Co.,  Coopcrstown,  New  York. 
The  author  remarks  in  her  foreword :  "The  book  presented  to  you 
under  these  covers  does  not  seek  to  lay  down  rules.  It  offers  sug- 
gestions, relates  experiences  and  seeks  to  arouse  responsibility,  sense 
of  obligation  and  thought.     We  have  not  advanced  untried  theories. 

[214] 


SUMMARY 

Experience  speaks  from  each  page,  ofttimes   bought  at  the  price  of 
tears  and  anguish,  as  experiences  that  are  most  valuable  often  are." 

Books  upon  Details  of  Child  Training 
The  Another's  Book,  323  pp.,  by  Caroline  Benedict  Burrell,  published 
by  the  University  Society,  New  York. 
A    compilation    of    varied    value,    but    containing    in    its    last    one 
hundred  and  fifty  pages   an  unusual  number  of  common  sense   sug- 
gestions about  many  matters  of  home  management. 
Social  Development  and  Education,  433  pp.,  by  M.  V.  O'Shea,  pub- 
lished by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,  Boston. 
Describes  the  process  of  social  evolution  by  which  the  child  learns 
to  live  with  other  people,  and  shows  how  the  child's  social  relations 
affect  the  problems  of  home  management. 

The  Child's  Day,  180  pp.,  by  Woods  Hutchinson,  M.  D.,  published  by 
Houghton  Alifflin  Co.,  Boston. 
A  book  for  children,  but  most  desirable  for  the  mother  to  read  with 
the  younger  children  in  the  home-  It  begins  with  the  children's  morn- 
ing and  gives  the  most  practical  suggestions  about  exercise  before 
breakfast,  bathing  and  brushing,  food  habits,  hygienic  habits  in  school 
and  the  whole  practical  side  of  physiology  and  hygiene  which  a  child 
has  the  opportunity  to  practice  during  any  day  of  his  life. 

The  Children's  Reading,  344  pp.,  by  Frances  Jenkins  Olcott,  published 
by  Houghton  Mifi^in  Co.,  Boston. 
A  most  admirably  comprehensive  guide  for  mothers.  It  has  chap- 
ters covering  the  entire  realm  of  children's  literature,  each  one  with  a 
good  introductory  portion  discussing  the  place  of  a  particular  kind  of 
literature  in  a  child's  life  and  then  giving  a  carefully  annotated  list 
of  books.  Unique  features  of  the  volume  are  a  list  of  one  hundred 
stories  and  where  to  find  them  and  a  purchase  list  of  books  with  prices. 

How  TO  Enjoy  Pictures,  290  pp.,  by  M.  S.  Emery,  published  by  the 
Prang  Educational  Co.,  New  York. 

Although  this  volume  of  Miss  Emery's  was  published  fifteen  years 
ago,  there  is  still  no  better  book  for  those  who  wish  to  learn  how 
to  appreciate  all  the  fine  points  of  a  good  picture.  She  studies  pic- 
tures by  theme  rather  than  by  period  or  school,  which  is  the  right 
approach  for  children.  There  is  a  chapter  upon  magazine  illustrations, 
one  upon  the  processes  of  reproduction  and  one  upon  school  room 
decoration.  There  is  an  illustration  with  each  picture  studied. 
Naturk  Study  and  Life,  514  pp.,  by  Clifton  F,  Hodge,  published  by 
Ginn  and  Co.,  Boston. 

The  one  best  l)ook  to  arouse  an  intelligent  enthusiasm  for  nature- 
study.  It  has  to  do  with  all  the  common  forms  of  animal  and  plant 
life,  home-made  cages,  aquaria,  aviaries,  etc. 

Gamf.s  for  the  Playground,  Home,  School  and  Gymnasium.  456  pp., 
published  by  the  Macmillan  Co.,  New  York,  by  Jessie  H.  Bancroft. 

This  Ijook  is  a  practical  guide  for  the  player  of  games,  whether  child 
or  adult,  and  for  the  teacher  or  leader  of  games.     A  wide  variety  of 

[215] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

conditions    have    been    considered,    including    schools,    playgrounds, 
gymnasiums,  adult  house  parties,  etc. 

Books  upon  Sex   Instruction   and  Discipline 

From  Yovth  into  MANiinrH,.  6^  pp..  by  Winficld  Scott  Hall,  M.  D.,  pub- 
lished by  Association  Press,   New  York. 

Truths:  Talks  with  thk  Boy.  05  pp.,  by  Edith  B.  Lowry,  M.  D.,  pub- 
lished by  the  Forbes  Co.,  Chicago. 

CoxnnENTiAL  Chats  with  Boys,  162  pp.,  by  William  Lee  Howard, 
M.  D..  published  by  Edward  J.  Clode,  New  York. 

The  Boy  Prorlem.  16  pp..  by  Prince  A.  Morrow,  M.  D.,  published  by 
the  American  Federation  for  Social  Hygiene,  New  York. 

For  Boys  Approaching  Puberty.  4  pp.,  published  by  the  Spokane  So- 
ciety of  Social  and  Moral  Hygiene,  Spokane,  Wash. 

Books  upon  Religious  Nurture 

Religion  in  Boyhood,  91   pp.,  by  E.  B.  Layard,  published  by  E.  P. 
Button  &  Co.,  New  York. 
A  study  from  the  English  standpoint  of  the  formation  of  character 
in  boys  up  to  twelve.     Most  of  the  suggestions  apply  to  schoolboys  in 
private  schools. 

Principles  of  Character  Making,  336  pp.,  by  Arthur  Holmes,  pub- 
lished by  J.  B.  Lippincott  Co.,  Philadelphia. 

Our  best  recent  discussion  of  moral  education.  Dr.  Holmes  makes 
a  careful  study  of  what  constitutes  character.  He  summarizes  the  view- 
points of  modern  psychology,  goes  deeply  into  the  sources  of  char- 
acter, takes  up  habit-making  and  play,  and  gives  a  multitude  of  prac- 
tical suggestions  as  to  methods  by  which  sound  ideas  and  habits  may 
be  evolved  in  the  making  of  good  manhood. 

Education  in  Religion  and  Morals,  434  pp.,  by  George  Albert  Coe, 
published  by  Fleming  H.  Revell  Co.,  New  York. 

A  broad  and  stimulating  book.  In  the  first  part  the  author  gives 
one  of  the  clearest  and  most  valuable  summaries  that  has  been  made 
of  the  place  of  character-nurture  in  education.  The  second  part  is  an 
unexcelled  description  of  the  religious  impulse  and  development  of  a 
child.  The  third  part  describes  our  Christian  institutions:  The  Family, 
the  Sunday  School  and  Church,  Clubs,  the  Christian  Academies  and 
Colleges  and  the  State  Schools.  In  the  last  section  the  author  sum- 
marizes the  relation  of  the  Church  to  the  child  and  presents  practically 
the  present  religious  problems  of  education.  There  is  a  good  biblio- 
graphy. This  is,  on  the  whole,  for  minister  and  parent  the  one  most 
useful  book  upon  religious  education. 

The  Church  and  Her  Children,  229  pp.,  by  Henry  Woodward  Hul- 
bert,  published  by  Fleming  H.  Revell  Co.,  New  York. 

A  study  of  religious  training  from  the  standpoint  of  the  Church. 
There  are,  however,  chapters  upon  the  Bible,  stories,  music  and 
prayers  appropriate  to  children. 

[216] 


BOOK   III 
THE  HOME   TRAINING   OF   ADOLESCENT  BOYS 


CHAPTER    XVIII 

DEVELOPAIENTS    OF    ADOLESCENXE 

So  much  has  been  said  about  the  critical  elements  in  the 
changes  that  come  with  the  high-school  age  that  there  is 
danger  lest  we  become  morbud  on  the  subject.  Our  fears 
often  get  communicated  to  the  young  people  themselves.  A 
youth  is  said  to  have  explained  some  defect  in  his  life  the 
other  day  by  the  self-conscious  remark:  "You  know  I  am 
passing  through  adolescence."  Now  adolescence  is  not  a 
disease  nor  a  diseased  condition.  It  is  on  the  whole  the  most 
glorious  period  of  life,  and  if  it  does  bring  new  moral  liabil- 
ities, these  are  counterbalanced  by  the  new  moral  resources 
that  appear.  With  this  outlook,  let  us  try  to  find  out  how 
we  may  best  strengthen  and  call  into  service  these  moral  re- 
sources. 

In  order  to  understand  how  best  to  deal  with  young  people 
in  the  home,  let  us  briefly  summarize  the  condition  in  which 
we  find  our  children  at  about  the  age  of  thirteen. 

PiiYsic.\L  Development 
Physically  there  comes  now  a  period  of  rapid  growth,  with 
girls  from  thirteen  to  sixteen  and  with  boys  from  fourteen 
to  eighteen  or  nineteen.  This  growth  seems  to  come  on  in 
waves.  The  result  is  that  the  physical  life  consists  of  sea- 
sons of  a  sense  of  power  alternating  with  seasons  of  pause  and 
marked  lassitude,  often  misnamed  "laziness."  The  fact  that 
the  muscles  and  the  bones  sometimes  have  alternate  spells 
of  growth  explains  a  certain  self-consciousness,  awkward- 
ness and  looseness  of  carriage  which  is  very  common  to  this 

[219] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

period.     There  is  a  consciousness  of  new  passions  and  pow- 
ers which  is  sometimes  overwhehning. 

Emotional  Changes 

The  emotional  life  now  undergoes  great  and  sudden 
changes.  Instead  of  the  apparent  stoHdity  of  childhood,  the 
mental  energies,  especially  when  physical  growth  and  energy 
are  near  their  flood  tide,  are  most  lively.  The  young  person 
craves  the  intensifying  of  personal  life  even  to  the  point  of 
intoxication.  He  has  discovered  that  wings  are  better  than 
nests.  He  wants  to  be  out  nights  and  to  be  entertained 
constantly.  He  desires  to  live  in  a  larger  world  than  that 
which  he  sees  around  him.  His  parents  seem  to  him,  as 
Tyler  says,  to  know  "very  little  of  the  glories  of  Hfe  and  of 
this  exceedingly  good  world."  The  result  is  that  the  ideals 
and  activities  of  the  home  often  appear  little  and  humdrum, 
and  he  desires  to  break  away  from  parental  authority.  He 
is  self-assertive  because  he  is  for  the  first  time  becominsf  an 
individual.  While  on  this  quest  for  himself  he  often  feels  a 
joyous  defiance  and  engages  in  wild  larks,  injurious  habits 
and  reckless  defiance  to  law  which  often  get  him  into  trouble. 
Because  of  his  insistence  upon  individuality  he  seems  to  us 
to  be  absolutely  selfish.  To  the  adult  his  restlessness  ap- 
pears to  be  simply  contrariness.  But  the  youth  likes  at  this 
time  to  have  all  his  doings  taken  for  granted.  He  hates  to 
be  questioned,  and  sometimes  he  seems  to  enjoy  giving  the 
impression  of  having  done  something  contrary  to  law  or 
propriety  by  the  romantic  care  he  takes  to  cover  up  some 
trifling  adventure.  And  if  the  youth  be  not  bumptious,  then 
morbidness  (among  girls)  or  shyness  or  shame  and  the  in- 
ability to  express  himself  (among  both  boys  and  girls)  in 
turn  cause  him  to  be  misunderstood. 

The  characteristic  emotion  of  this  period  is  ambition.  The 
child  is  making  building  plans  for  his  whole  life.     He  has 

[  220] 


DEVELOPMENTS  OF  ADOLESCENCE 

an  unlimited  sense  of  power;  nothing  seems  impossible.  It 
is  at  times  surprising  to  the  youth  that  everyone  else  does 
not  recognize  his  ability  or  agree  with  his  judgments.  The 
lack  of  relationship  between  a  boy's  ideals  and  any  serious 
purpose  to  attain  them  is  illustrated  by  the  incident  given 
by  Dr.  A.  H.  McKinney  regarding  the  boy  who  had  a  dream 
that  his  first  original  work  of  fiction  at  once  attained  a  cir- 
culation of  one  million  copies.  During  the  same  week  in 
which  he  told  his  dream,  the  father  received  a  report  from 
his  teacher  stating  that  the  boy  was  deficient  both  in  spelling 
and  punctuation !  What  need  was  there  for  such  trifles  as 
these  as  long  as  one  could  sell  his  writings  so  easily? 

The  situation  in  which  the  growing  boy  finds  himself  is 
complicated.  For  the  first  time  in  his  life,  due  to  his  devel- 
oping individuality,  he  begins  to  be  thrown  upon  himself.  He 
discovers,  somewhat  to  his  dismay,  that  enlarged  privileges 
are  bringing  him  enlarged  responsibilities.  If  he  wishes, 
as  he  always  does,  to  spend  more  money,  his  father  insists  that 
he  earn  more  and  be  more  strictly  accountable  for  that  which 
he  has.  He  finds  a  great  contrast  between  what  he  dreams 
and  what  he  can  really  do  when  he  wakes  up  and  tries  to 
make  his  dream  actual.  His  lack  of  judgment  and  self-con- 
trol lead  him  into  many  costly  experiments.  Never  were  his 
self-expressions  so  enthusiastic — or  so  clumsy.  He  betrays 
his  conceit  and  cannot  help  it.  His  humility  over  his  blunders, 
failures  and  sins  he  keeps  to  himself.     He  becomes  reticent. 

So  even  his  ambition  has  its  setbacks.  He  is  subject  to 
alternate  waves  and  lulls  of  personal  satisfaction.  "If  the  sun 
shines  today,"  as  John  M.  Tyler  says,  "it  will  always  remain 
cloudless;  if  the  maid  of  his  adoration  frowns,  she  will  never 
smile  again."  He  lives  upon  the  Delectable  Mountains  or  in 
the  depths  of  the  Valley  of  Humiliation — more  frequently  in 
the  latter  region  than  we  suspect. 

Not  only  is  the  youth  distressed  by  his  mistakes  and  mis- 

[221  ] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

understandings,  but  lie  sometimes  becomes  discouraged 
when,  during  some  one  of  the  lulls  in  his  growth  referred 
to  above,  he  suddenly  feels  a  lack  of  physical  or  mental 
energy.  At  times,  too,  his  old  childish  self  seems  to  return. 
He  is  also  sometimes  haunted  by  fears  due  to  ignorance  of 
his  physical  nature  or  to  misinformation  which  has  come  to 
him   from  surreptitious   sources. 

Because  of  these  sudden  alternations  of  feeling  the  idea  of 
himself  which  he  holds  now  is  strongly  self-conscious.  Never 
before  has  he  recognized  his  own  personality;  never  before 
has  he  been  so  conscious  of  his  perils,  never  so  frequently 
subject  to  the  unusual  feeling  that  there  is  something  about 
himself  that  demands  settlement.  These  alternations  of  joy 
and  despair  are  accompanied  by  a  certain  suddenness  of  per- 
sonal development  so  that,  as  Kirtley  says,  his  "expansion  is 
by  a  series  of  explosions."  Underneath  all  this  apparent 
fickleness,  there  is  what  Dr.  G.  Stanley  Hall  calls  "the  pro- 
founder  drift  of  his  will,"  referring  to  the  fact  that  below  the 
surface  billows  or  changing  interests  there  is  being  felt  the 
deep  swell  of  a  tidal  life-purpose.  The  importance  of  this 
seething  self-development  is  manifest.  The  boy's  chief  busi- 
ness now  is,  as  J.  W.  Slaughter  says,  "his  formation  and  pro- 
jection of  ideals."  We  arrest  that  development  when  we 
endeavor  to  construct  a  building  according  to  our  own  plan. 

This  is  a  time  of  limitless  interests.  There  is  almost  no 
subject  in  which  it  is  impossible  to  interest  an  adolescent 
eagerly.  His  sense  of  potency  is  accompanied  by  the  keenest 
and  broadest  intellectual  interest,  yet  such  is  the  fear  of 
ridicule  that  both  in  and  out  of  school  the  reserve  of  the 
youth  often  causes  him  to  seem  absolutely  indifferent  to 
topics  upon  which  he  feels  the  most  intense  curiosity.  This 
strange  reserve  often  creates  an  estrangement  between  him- 
self and  his  parents  and  teachers.  This  estrangement  is 
often  intensified  by  the  fact  that  one  interest  succeeds  another 

[  222  ] 


DEVELOPMENTS    OF   ADOLESCENCE 

rapidly,  and  entirely  displaces  it.     Naturally,  the  parent  feels 
that  the  child  is  fickle  and  has  no  continuity  of  purpose. 

Because  of  his  inability  to  see  the  practical  relations  of 
new  intellectual  subjects  to  his  future  and  partly  because  of 
the  poor  adjustment  of  the  school  curriculum  to  his  interests 
and  needs,  many  a  high-school  pupil  now  loses  enthusiasm 
for  his  text-books,  becomes  inattentive,  fails  in  application 
to  his  studies,  hates  school.  Let  us  parents  not  think  of  our- 
selves more  highly  than  we  ought  to  think  and  be  blaming 
the  school  teachers  too  much.  "It  will  probably  never  be 
an  easy  task  for  the  school,"  says  a  sensible  educator,  "with  its 
hours  of  impersonal  mental  application,  to  compete  with  the 
sex  interests,  the  sporting  interests,  and  the  great  complex 
of  other  social  interests  which  make  such  an  appeal  to  the 
adolescent.  What  a  natural  pull  there  is  away  from  the 
humdrum!  How  can  a  boy  who  is  feeling  all  the  raptures  and 
pangs  of  a  first  love  hold  himself  down  to  the  bromidic  charms 
of  Sir  Roger  de  Coverley  or  to  figure  out  on  paper  the 
velocity  of  falling  bodies  when  he  is  all  in  a  quiver  to  catch 
a  three-bagger  in  the  south  field?"  Many  now  want  to  go  to 
work,  partly  to  escape  school  and  partly  to  earn  money  for 
their  pleasures.  Stealing,  when  it  occurs  now,  is  always  for 
this  latter  reason.  With  boys  especially  there  is  often  a 
ivandciiiist. 

Soci.'XL  Instincts 

The  boy's  feelings  about  others  are  by  this  time  under- 
going a  rapid  series  of  changes.  In  the  presence  of  those 
whom  he  knows  and  loves  he  manifests  a  new  imimlse  to 
express  himself,  and  a  great  deal  of  the  boistcrousncss  and 
self-assertion  of  these  years  is  simply  the  endeavor  of  the 
child  to  let  his  adult  companions  know  that  he  has  arrived. 
The  misunderstanding  which  his  parents  have  of  the  mean- 
ing of  this  phenomenon,  coupled  with  his  new  reticence  con- 
cerning   his    discouragement,    i)roduces    what    parents    have 

[223] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

frequently  remarked  upon  when  they  say,  "Frank  seems  to 
have  entirely  changed  in  disposition  nowadays."  The  change 
is  not  so  much  in  the  disposition  as  in  the  desire  to  express  it. 

Both  self-assertiveness  and  rebellion  would  be  impossible  to 
the  ordinary  youth  if  he  had  to  do  things  alone.  "The  one 
way,"  says  Munroe,  "in  which  he  can  bolster  up  his  courage 
is  to  lean  upon  other  boys  like  himself."  Hence  the  arising 
of  the  "gang"  and  the  strengthening  through  this  mutual 
support  of  whatever  good  and  also  whatever  evil  instincts 
each  of  the  individuals  may  have.  His  blind  following  of  the 
"gang"  is  emphasized  because  of  his  eager  hero-worship,  and 
the  leader  of  the  "gang"  is  no  doubt  his  hero.  It  is  also  a 
peculiarity  of  this  period  that  the  youth  when  planning  an 
action  thinks  not  only  of  something  as  to  be  done  but  also 
of  another  person  as  witnessing  the  achievement.  His  pleas- 
ure is  not  only  in  the  thing  itself  but  also  in  the  thought  of 
how  it  will  be  viewed  by  others  or  by  one  particular  person. 
This  immensely  limits  the  field  of  "things  that  the  fellers  do" 
and  at  the  same  time  gives  an  unnatural  glamor  to  efforts  in 
particular  directions. 

In  the  later  adolescent  years  the  social  instinct — let  us  call 
it  "the  friendship  instinct" — takes  the  special  form  of  interest 
in  the  other  sex.  As  girls  mature  physically  a  little  earlier  than 
boys,  they  manifest  this  instinct  sooner  and  with  a  frankness 
that  is  sometimes  alarming  to  their  parents.  Prepared  a? 
they  may  be  by  reminiscence  for  the  fact  that  this  instinct  is 
sure  to  come,  they  have  forgotten  that  there  is  a  time  when 
the  subject  of  boys  is  to  a  girl  as  young  as  thirteen  the  all- 
absorbing  topic  of  conversation  and  even  of  thought.  The 
interest  is  innocent  and  ignorant  and  is  often  as  much  a  form 
of  early  feminine  jealousy  of  the  other  girls  as  it  is  of  genuine 
interest  in  any  individual  lad.  The  maladies  of  silliness  and 
of  "giggles"  are  chiefly  due  to  the  sex-interest.  With  boys 
first  love  is  chivalrous  and  unselfish  but  equally  blinding  to 

[224] 


DEVELOPMENTS    OF   ADOLESCENCE 

any  other  object.  Such  preoccupation  constitutes  one  of  the 
most  difficult  problems  of  the  period. 

At  about  the  time  when  the  boy  begins  to  show  his  interest 
in  girls,  he  is  quite  likely  to  desert  his  gang  for  a  single  chum, 
an  action  which  has  been  interpreted  as  an  escape  for  pro- 
tection. He  cannot  endure  the  ridicule  of  his  companions 
and  he  seeks  sympathy  from  a  comrade  who  is  perhaps  in  the 
same  case  as  himself. 

It  is  no  doubt  the  fascinations  of  the  gang  and  the  delight 
of  first  love  that  partly  explain  the  disregard  of  the  home 
folks  that  has  been  mentioned  above. 

Moral  Awakening 

The  keenness  which  the  youth  shows  physically  and  men- 
tally is  also  most  deeply  manifest  in  the  moral  realm.  The 
religious  life  of  an  adolescent  is  at  first  largely  one  of  feeling 
and  later  one  in  which  thoughtfulness  becomes  predominant. 
During  the  era  of  feeling  the  growing  boy  or  girl  rises  to 
heights  of  moral  ecstasy.  These,  too,  come  on  in  rhythms, 
with  lulls  between.  When  the  period  of  thoughtfulness 
arrives,  there  is  often  a  break  between  the  beliefs  of  child- 
hood and  those  of  maturity,  and  the  religious  experiences  of 
youth,  though  in  the  main  inspiring,  are  often  poignant  and 
disillusioning.  Interest  in  religion  does  not  always  mean 
interest  in  church,  and,  partly  because  of  physical  restlessness, 
partly  because  church  and  Sunday  school  have  not  adapted 
themselves  to  his  nature  and  partly  because  Sunday  has  been 
invaded  by  so  many  other  occupations,  many  young  people 
manifest  a  distinct  dislike  to  going  to  church  and  Sunday 
school. 

Summary    of    Conditions 

The  physical  development,  the  emotional  changes,  the 
social  stress  and  the  religious  crisis  all  together  cause  this 
to  be  a  most  unstable,  misunderstood,  and  yet  hopeful  period. 

[225] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

The  child  now  needs  the  sympathy,  understanding  and  re- 
spect of  adults  as  never  before.  The  Psalmist  said  even  of 
God:  "Thy  gentleness  hath  made  me  great."  The  facts  that 
have  been  mentioned  themselves  suggest  some  of  the  main 
lines  of  action  along  which  parents  must  move  in  the  govern- 
ment of  children.  The  quiet,  stolid  years  of  childhood  are 
over  and  the  time  for  corporal  punishment,  scolding,  and 
nagging  is  past.  The  child  is  not  only  ripening  but  harden- 
ing into  the  character  which  is  to  be  his  for  life.  The  time 
has  come  to  make  the  transition  from  the  management  of 
the  child  by  an  adult  to  his  own  self-management.  We 
exert  our  best  influence  now  when  we  push  from  behind. 

In  this  period  when  the  child  is  never  calm  the  parent 
must  be  always  calm.  We  can  never  afford  to  be  disquieted 
when  he  is.  Especially  must  we  keep  hopeful  when  he  is  in 
despair.  At  this  age  when  we  are  perpetually  being  an- 
noyed by  the  superlatives,  the  shallowness,  the  moods,  the 
unrestraint  and  the  secretiveness  of  youth  we  must  try,  as 
Puffer  reminds  us,  not  only  to  remember  how  we  ourselves 
once  acted,  but  how  we  once  felt.  It  seems  incredible,  but  it 
is  true,  that  we  once  had  the  same  impulses  as  our  child 
has.    If  we  have  forgotten,  otir  parents  haven't. 

Now,  when,  as  Le Baron  Briggs  wittily  says,  the  youth 
wants  to  behave  like  a  child  and  be  treated  like  a  gentleman, 
we  have  to  be  prompt  with  our  forgiveness  of  his  sudden, 
fickle  tendencies,  for  if  we  do  not  forgive  him  when  he  is 
sorry,  then  he  will  soon  not  be  sorry  and  will  not  care  to 
be  forgiven.  Next  to  trust  in  God  perhaps  the  chief  virtue 
called  for  in  parents  now  is  a  sense  of  humor.  Next  in 
commonness  to  the  mistake  of  supposing  that  our  children 
are  exceptionally  brilliant  is  that  of  supposing  that  they  are 
exceptionally  difficult.  The  chances  are  that  they  are  neither. 
If  you  knew  all  that  your  neighbors  conceal  you  would  find 
out  that  they  are  sure  that  nobody  ever  had  such  hard  chil- 

[226] 


DEVELOPMENTS    OF   ADOLESCENCE 

dren  to  bring  up  as  they  have.  The  fact  is  that  all  children 
of  parts  during  this  period  are  at  times  anti-domestic,  "agin" 
the  government,  forgetful  of  their  duty  to  their  parents  and 
even  apparently  dull  in  afifection.  All  this  is  funny;  if  humor 
be  the  discovery  of  unexpected  congruities  in  the  incongru- 
ous, surely  most  of  our  experiences  with  our  changeable 
young  people  are  that. 

This  is  also  a  time  for  renewed  hopefulness.  They  were 
never  so  near  the  watershed  that  leads  over  into  manliness 
and  womanliness  as  now.  They  are  also  just  about  to  be- 
come most  enjoyable,  for  the  first  time  in  their  lives  showing 
themselves  capable  of  being  comrades  on  a  level  with  their 
fathers  and  mothers.  The  parent  must  not  expect  much 
gratitude  now  from  his  child.  He  is  too  busy  discovering 
himself  to  find  out  the  sacrifices  which  his  parents  at  just 
this  time  are  making  in  his  behalf.  Yet,  as  Kirtley  tells  us, 
he  hungers  most  for  love  and  appreciation  when  he  does 
not  know  how  to  receive  it.  Upon  the  completed  building 
of  childhood  the  youth  is  now  adding  an  entirely  new  story, 
and  our  consciousness  of  the  significance  and  beauty  of  the 
work  must  for  a  while  be  our  only  solace. 


[227] 


CHAPTER  XIX 

METHODS  OF  GOVERNMENT 
Physical  Management 

Tins  is  not  the  place  for  a  full  discussion  of  the  physical 
problems  of  adolescence.  Only  so  much  ought  to  be  said 
here  as  to  suggest  the  relation  of  physical  care  to  the  whole- 
some home  life  of  the  young. 

During  these  years  the  young  person  not  only  has  floods 
and  ebbs  of  physical  vigor,  but  he  is  often  capricious  in 
appetite,  fond  of  new  and  strange  foods,  subject  to  new  fads 
as  to  exercise,  and  especially  likely  to  overdraw  his  bank 
account  of  bodily  energy.  We  must  try  to  continue  a  some- 
what steady  regimen  of  food,  exercise  and  sleep  for  this  as 
yet  unsteady  spirit,  in  order  to  establish  a  good  constitu- 
tion and  save  the  child  from  becoming  physically  bankrupt. 
Now  is  just  the  time  when  fond  parents  discover  an  unsus- 
pected talent  for  music  or  art  in  their  daughters  and  insist 
upon  adding  "practice"  to  the  already  overloaded  hours. 
This,  together  with  parties  and  the  theater,  is  pretty  nearly  the 
end  of  some  young  folks,  the  drain  of  energy  showing  itself 
upon  entrance  to  college  if  not  now.  The  old  adage,  "Nine 
hours  of  sleep  and  a  clear  conscience,"  is  not  a  bad  one. 
While  too  much  and  too  intense  social  life  is  fatiguing,  we 
cannot  deny  that  excitement  in  a  moderate  degree  is  expan- 
sive to  the  soul  of  a  youth,  somewhat  as  crying  is  to  the 
lungs  of  a  baby.  Yet  we  ought  to  be  able  to  limit  the  social 
life  of  high-school  young  folks  chiefly  to  Friday  evenings. 

In  another  chapter  some  suggestions  are  given  concern- 
ing instruction  and  regimen  regarding  the  sex-organs.  Let 
us  only  remark  here  that  it  is  equally  important  to  remem- 

[228] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

ber  and  sometimes  to  remind  the  youth  that  his  otherwise 
unexplained  fluctuations  and  restlessness  are  closely  associ- 
ated with  his  sex-development,  so  that  he  shall  learn  that 
they  are  not  uncommon,  and  may  not  despair  concerning 
himself.  At  this  time,  when  the  senses  are  more  keen  than 
ever  before  to  color,  sound  and  taste,  when  the  love  of 
beauty  in  nature  allies  itself  to  the  love  of  human  beauty, 
when  there  is  a  mental  awakening  almost  every  day  to  some- 
thing that  has  always  been  seen  or  known  but  never  appre- 
ciated, we  may  use  the  body  as  never  before  to  help  the  soul 
upon  its  lonely  way.  "Much  despondency  and  sense  of  sin" 
even,  as  Irving  King  reminds  us,  "is  no  doubt  due  to  physical 
causes."  And  just  here  his  advice  is  especially  good,  when 
he  urges  that  we  cure  the  introspection  that  is  due  to  the 
new  sensitiveness  and  consciousness  of  the  flesh  by  giving 
the  youth  surroundings  that  are  especially  cheerful  in  tone 
and  that  furmsh  the  stimulus  to  abundant  and  vigorous 
physical  exercise.  "He  should  have  his  attention  turned 
outwardly  as  much  as  possible,  cultivating  interests  in  active, 
overt  enterprises  with  other  people,  and  avoiding  the  giving 
.  of  attention  to  his^own  physical  and  mental  states."  Here 
is  where  athletics,  wisely  administered,  comes  to  our  rescue, 
the  enthusiasm  for  personal  prowess  and  for  maintaining  the 
glory  of  the  school  becoming  a  passion  which,  while  not 
worthy  of  remaining  as  a  life-purpose,  nevertheless  lifts  above 
gross  vices,  precludes  from  morbid  day-dreaming  and  tides 
the  youth  over  to  more  serious  interests.  Many  a  young 
person  is  being  kept  in  high  school  and  college  today  by 
the  desire  to  be  "on  the  team,"  while  unconsciously  to  him- 
self he  is  ripening  more  serious  purposes.  The  heroic  not 
only  in  relation  to  athletics  but  in  relation  to  nature  is  help- 
ful here.  This  is  the  time  for  parents  to  encourage  not 
merely  ladylike  nature  study  but  camping,  sailing,  tramping. 
Now  young  persons  respond  to  the  sturdy  zeal  of  old  Ulysses 

[229] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

"That  ever  willi  a  frolic  welcome  took 
The  thunder  and  the  sunshine,  and  opposed 

Free  hearts,  free  foreheads 

One  equal  temper  of  heroic  hearts, 

strong  in  will 

To  strive,  to  seek,  to  find,  and  not  to  yield." 

In  these  days  of  bodily  irritability,  while  he  takes  the  most 
careful  watch-care  concerning  his  child's  bodily  development, 
the  parent  endeavors  to  overlook  minor  outbreaks  and  to 
concede  gracefully  as  many  of  the  smaller  issues  as  possible. 
Everything  that  annoys  us  is  not  of  equal  significance,  and 
the  wise  parent,  like  a  strategist,  employs  his  heavy  artillery 
only  in  an  emergency.  In  order  to  keep  the  confidence  of 
young  people,  the  mother  must  be  flexible.  Mrs.  Frances 
M.  Ford  wisely  says:  "She  must  give  way  in  some  of  the 
little  things  in  order  to  strengthen  her  position  in  the 
greater  matters  to  be  decided,  and  to  turn  the  argument 
around,  I  beHeve  that  if  she  shows  her  sympathy  and  afTec- 
tion  and  understanding,  morning,  noon  and  night,  in  respect 
to  these  little  things,  she  will  find  herself  quite  able  to  cope 
with  the  larger  ones  and  she  will  come  out  ahead." 


Management  of  the  Emotions 
In  the  emotional  realm  the  parent  tries  to  help  the  child 
organize  and  interpret  his  changing  experiences,  meeting  his 
doubts  frankly  and  cheerfully,  being  patient  with  his  sudden 
aversions  and  equally  sudden  fancies,  and  using  praise  much 
more  generously  than  blame.  While  there  is  never  a  time 
when  the  child  prizes  good  advice  so  little  as  during  this 
period,  he  is  so  abjectly  subservient  to  public  opinion  that 
he  is  grateful  for  all  information  concerning  social  usages, 
and  usually  responds,  after  a  while,  to  the  reiteration  of  the 
opinions  of  those  whom  he  admires.  It  must  be  remembered 
that  a  very  important  preliminary  to  doing  right  is  knowing 

[230] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

what  is  right,  and  we,  perhaps,  expect  too  much  in  this  direc- 
tion. Skilful  indeed  is  that  parent  who  can  succeed  once  in  a 
while  in  slipping  some  counsel  over  his  unsuspecting  child. 

We  need  to  learn  to  bear  with  much  seeming  impertinence, 
which  is  ignorant  or  unintentional.  A  very  successful 
teacher  of  boys  states  that  the  recipe  by  means  of  which  she 
got  along  with  them  was  this  maxim  given  her  by  an  older 
friend:  "A  boy  can't  insult  a  woman  (and  he  doesn't  ivant  to). 
Never  let  yourself  doubt  it."    Think  that  over. 

We  have  said  that  the  youth  is  never  so  clumsy  in  his 
expression  or  appreciation  of  affection  as  now,  when  he  needs 
and  desires  it  most.  Remembering  this,  the  home  should 
redouble  its  affectionate  manifestations.  The  welcome  which 
awaited  the  child  when  he  came  into  the  world  should  await 
him  every  time  he  comes  home.  There  are,  as  Kirtley  tells 
us,  "certain  luminous  hours — the  home-coming  hour,  the 
meal  hour,  the  play  hour.  On  those  hours  life's  high  lights 
must  gleam."  Young  persons  seem  especially  sensitive  now 
to  certain  regularities  in  the  home  festivals  and  reunions, 
assuming  a  fresh  interest  in  the  ritual  of  stocking-hanging 
and  the  tree  at  Christmas,  insisting  upon  birthdays  and  other 
anniversaries  and  reminiscing  with  evident  enjoyment  about 
early  homes  and  their  joys.  This  interest  is  precious,  and 
holds  much  content  of  family  loyalty  and  pride.  Parents 
and  children  will  both  hold  these  as  most  tender  memories, 
and  will  always  wish  afterward  that  there  had  been  more  of 
them. 

Of  course  the  seeming  impertinence  and  the  clumsiness  in 
the  expression  of  affectionate  emotions  and  also  much  of  the 
"contrariness"  are  largely  due  to  the  fact  that  the  young 
people  are  often  nervously  "on  edge."  "I  feel  all  right  if 
you  don't  ask  me,"  the  hysterical  girl's  reply  to  an  inquiry 
as  to  her  health,  is  quite  typical  of  the  emotional  situation 
during  much  of  this  period. 

[231  ] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

Social   Management 

In  the  social  life  of  the  youth  we  meet  a  varied  and  com- 
plex problem.  At  one  moment  we  find  it  feasible  to  utiHze 
emulation  and  stimulate  him  to  imitate  his  hero.  Again  we 
crave  the  opportunity  for  him  to  be  by  himself  so  that  he 
may  learn  to  stand  upon  his  own  feet  and  think  out  his 
own  thoughts.  We  often  find  it  necessary  to  get  the  "gang" 
on  our  side  and  to  chaperon  its  activities  so  that  they  may 
be  harmless.  Having  won  its  confidence,  we  find  that  the 
"gang"  is  potentially  one  of  the  best  friends  of  parents  in 
the  home  training  of  the  children. 

The  wise  parent  works  with  the  "gang"  and  not  against 
it.  The  child  may  be  allowed  an  almost  uninterrupted  rela- 
tionship with  his  group  so  long  as  that  relationship  is 
conducted  under  wholesome  conditions.  This  especially 
emphasizes  the  necessity  of  the  young  person's  having  a  room 
of  his  own.  "He  needs  it,"  says  Kirtley,  "in  his  business 
of  being  a  boy.  If  he  does  not  get  it  at  home  he  always 
wants  to  establish  headquarters  somewhere  else — on  the 
street  corner,  or  a  vacant  lot,  or  in  another  boy's  home; 
which  always  lessens  his  attachment  for  his  own  home.  His 
self-respect  and  social  standing  require  that  he  have  a  place 
where  he  can  bring  his  friends;  if  he  brings  them  there,  they 
will  be  in  a  respectable  place  and  not  be  apt  to  get  their 
relatives  in  trouble.  He  will  be  proud  to  have  his  parents 
become  honorary  or  sustaining  members  of  the  club;  that 
will  give  those  parents  a  chance  to  take  the  sting  out  of  all 
mischief  and  renew  the  joys  of  long  ago.  His  room  is  a 
social  center,  training  him  for  life."  We  believe  there  is 
scarcely  a  home  where  this  is  not  possible.  Since  so  many 
of  the  gang's  activities  are  naturally  in  the  evening,  a 
basement  may  be  used  where  there  is  no  attic,  and 
there  are  fascinating  possibilities  in  sheds  and  "shacks"  in 
backyards. 

[232] 


METHODS    OF   GOVERNMENT 

Parents  are  sometimes  concerned  because  their  children 
at  this  period  become  completely  fascinated  with  some  other 
person,  frequently  of  the  same  sex,  so  that  the  acts,  thoughts 
and  feelings  of  the  admired  individual  are  of  more  interest 
than  anything  else  in  the  world.  But  this  is  at  least  better 
than  extreme  self-absorption.  If  the  person  be  strong  and 
w^ell-rounded,  nothing  but  good  can  result.  And  if  the 
parent  has  reason  to  believe  that  the  person  is  not  strong 
and  good,  the  case  is  by  no  means  hopeless.  A  good  general 
rule  is  that  the  parent  should  crave  to  know  personally  and 
in  the  home  everyone  whom  his  children  like.  In  the  home 
circle  the  unwholesome  acquaintance  loses  much  of  his 
glamor ;  brought  into  competition  there  with  unusually  fine 
young  persons,  invited  there  for  the  purpose,  he  may  lose 
it  all. 

A  word  may  perhaps  be  welcome  concerning  the  proper 
attitude  to  take  toward  first  loves.  Here  complete  candor  is 
desirable.  Nothing  could  be  more  foolish  than  to  joke  a 
child  about  his  fancy,  because  that  is  the  surest  way  to  make 
him  secretive  and  to  encourage  him  to  continue  his  passion 
away  from  home.  Invite  the  loved  one  to  your  own  home, 
not  of  course  in  any  guise  than  that  of  a  schoolroom  friend, 
and  observe  her  well  but  kindly.  Keep  the  acquaintance 
open  and  aboveboard.  Try  to  know  her  folks,  and  get  them 
to  work  with  you  in  a  mutual  program.  Friendships  thus 
guarded  may  prove  of  life-long  worth,  or  they  may  die  a 
natural  but  innocent  death.  They  cannot  be  hurtful.  "If 
we  try  our  best  to  make  the  best  of  it,  we  take  the  worst 
out  of  the  very  worst  of  it." 

Now,  more  than  ever  before,  we  share  the  guidance  of 
our  children  with  others.  They  are  at  this  time  influenced 
about  as  much  by  the  spirit  of  the  "gang"  as  by  ourselves. 
The  influence  of  a  particular  chum  may  be  even  more  power- 
ful than  that  of  a  parent.     We  have  also  to  consider  the 

[233] 


THE    BOY   TROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

influence  of  the  different  ideas  of  parental  control  and  per- 
sonal privilege  shared  by  the  other  homes  of  the  neighbor- 
hood, and  also  the  general  sentiment  of  the  community  as 
to  what  is  proper  for  young  people  to  do.  Says  Mrs.  Ford, 
"If  all  the  mothers  of  a  certain  set  of  society  were  agreed  on 
certain  standards,  it  would  be  easier  for  the  individual  mother 
to  hold  strongly  to  the  ideal  of  conduct  or  attitude,  whatever 
it  may  be.  Why  can't  you  strengthen  the  backbone  of  the 
mothers  of  the  community?  Thoughtless  mothers  make 
things  hard  for  the  rest,  and  I  believe  that  the  thoughtful 
motlier  who  gives  herself  to  the  work  of  a  good  sensible 
mothers'  club  is  thereby  saving  time  and  work  and  perplexity 
for  herself." 

It  is  a  curious  fact  that  young  people  are  independently 
thoughtful  religiously  before  they  are  socially.  This  means 
that  they  begin  to  form  their  ideals  before  they  do  their 
code  of  daily  conduct.  There  sometimes  follows  a  certain 
inconsistency  between  the  two.  The  child  may  be  splendidly 
encouraging  to  us  as  to  his  purpose,  and  yet  discouraging  in 
his  actions  when  with  his  crowd.  We  must  be  patient  until  his 
actions  begin  to  catch  up  with  his  ideals. 

Although  we  have  used  the  word  "government"  in  the 
title  of  this  chapter,  our  task  during  this  period  is  really  to 
guide  rather  than  to  govern.  We  have  now  the  perilous 
but  important  privilege  of  transferring  authority  from  our- 
selves to  our  children.  This  transfer  is  less  dangerous  in 
the  homes  where  provision  has  been  made  for  it.  In  a 
previous  chapter  we  spoke  of  the  necessity  of  filling  the 
treasure  house  during  the  years  of  fullness  for  the  years  of 
famine  that  are  to  follow.  The  child  should  by  this  time  be 
in  possession  of  a  treasure  house  of  good  habits,  of  family 
traditions,  of  good  ideals  that  have  been  crystallized  by  books, 
of  good  examples  lived  by  his  parents  and  friends,  and  by  the 
inspiration  of  living  and  dead  heroes.     Out  of  this  treasure 

[234] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

house  his  Hfe  should  be  fed  as  he  starts  on  his  pilgrimage  into 
maturity. 

It  would  seem  that,  in  a  well-regulated  family,  while  it  is 
not  desirable  that  one's  life  should  be  directed  in  all  things 
by  rule,  yet  some  things  should  by  this  time  have  come  to 
be  pretty  definitely  fixed,  as  regards  the  daily  program  and 
the  kind  of  behavior  that  shall  be  permitted  under  various 
circumstances.  It  is  true  that  even  in  following  out  the  old 
habits  a  new  spirit  begins  to  be  discernible.  The  girl  con- 
sults her  mother  less  about  the  details  of  her  toilet  and  the 
boy  shuns  the  old-established,  sympathetic  intercourse.  Even 
in  the  realms  of  habit  there  is  manifested  a  growing  individ- 
uality that  makes  the  youth  feel  that  he  must  now  take 
charge  of  his  own  life.  "If,"  says  a  wise  adviser,  "the  mother 
can  only  be  wise  enough  to  let  go  of  the  arbitrary  hand  of 
parental  authority  and  grasp  with  the  gentle  hand  of  kindly 
sympathy,  she  will  find  the  grasp  firmer,  surer,  and  stronger 
with  the  passing  years." 

The  limits  of  habitual  action  during  these  years  should 
be  not  so  much  the  judgment  of  the  parent  as  the  rights 
of  others.  So  long  as  the  young  person  is  not  making 
himself  a  nuisance  to  the  rest  of  the  family  a  good  many 
acts  may  be  permitted  which  cannot  possibly  do  any  harm 
except  to  himself,  and  which,  perhaps,  will  hardly  do  that  so 
long  as  they  teach  him  the  wiser  way.  Under  this  head 
perhaps  comes  the  matter  of  clothing.  Many  a  mother  is 
distracted  between  a  son  who  wants  to  go  out  in  all  weathers 
meagerly  clad  and  a  daughter  who  wants  to  dress  unsuitably 
for  a  young  maiden.  She  feels  that  she  may  take  some  risks 
with  the  boy,  whose  warmer  temperature  and  greater  re- 
sisting power  will  probably  defend  him  from  physical  harm, 
but  she  prays  for  the  day  when  the  daughter  may  have  sense 
and  perception  enough  to  see  that  the  best  charm  of  a 
maiden  is  not  that  she  be  gaudily  conspicuous,  but  that  she 

[235] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

look  like  a  child  as  long  as  possible.  For  this  latter  case 
no  wiser  word  can  be  said  than  that  of  President  Stanley 
Hall:    "Broaden  by  retarding." 

One  effective  method  of  establishing  happiness  in  a  home, 
by  mutual  limitation  of  annoyance  to  others,  is  to  call  all  the 
members  together  and  form  a  partnership,  with  father  and 
mother  as  the  senior  members  of  the  firm,  each  child  being 
apportioned  some  particular  work  which  contributes  directly 
or  indirectly  to  the  comfort  of  all  the  others.  One  contract, 
which  was  drawn  up  in  an  actual  home,  is  quoted  by  Mrs. 
Birney: 

"  'We,  the  undersigned,  love  each  other  with  all  our  hearts, 
and  we  want  to  do  all  we  can  to  make  our  home  the  happiest 
place  in  the  world.  We  will  try  always  to  be  patient,  kind 
and  thoughtful,  and  to  do  cheerfully,  and  to  the  best  of  our 
ability,  whatever  our  part  of  the  household  work  may  be. 
We  will  try  to  close  the  doors  after  us  in  winter,  and  not 
to  bang  the  screen  doors  in  summer,  to  remember  to  use 
the  doormat  in  muddy  weather,  to  keep  our  things  in  order, 
to  put  the  hammer  back  in  place,'  etc.,  etc. 

"On  occasion  children  are  delighted  with  a  certain  amount 
of  form  and  ceremony,  and  pleasure  will  invariably  be  de- 
rived from  the  drawing  up  of  the  contract,  its  impressive 
reading  by  father  or  mother,  the  discussion  of  it  with  further 
suggestions  from  the  children,  its  final  adoption  by  a  unani- 
mous vote,  and  lastly,  the  affixing  of  signatures,  even  the 
four-year-old  having  his  hand  guided,  his  name  appearing 
in  big,  scrawly  letters  which  differentiate  it  for  practical  rea- 
sons from  the  other  signatures. 

"Once  a  week  the  contract  should  be  read  aloud  to  the 
assembled  family;  no  one  should  ever  publicly  be  accused 
of  having  failed  to  live  up  to  its  spirit,  but  it  should  be 
tacitly  understood  on  such  occasions  that  acknowledgment 
and  apology  should  be  made  for  specifie  shortcomings  dur- 

[236] 


METHODS    OF    GOVERNMENT 

ing  the  week  past;  that  is,  such  shortcomings  as  aflfected  the 
entire  or  even  great  part  of  the  family." 

Another  mother,  of  whom  ^Irs.  Kate  Upson  Clark  tells, 
appointed  each  morning  one  of  her  children  "captain  of  the 
day."  "The  captain  of  the  day  was  helped  always  first  at 
table,  the  next  younger  was  helped  next,  and  so  on,  until  the 
circle  was  completed."  This  captain  took  charge  of  the  dis- 
cipline during  the  day.  "The  idea  of  his  responsibility  is  so 
fully  impressed  upon  him  that  it  is  rarely  necessary  to  inter- 
fere with  the  captain's  discipline." 

With  an  adolescent  boy  or  girl  this  partnership  of  sympathy 
may  wisely  extend  to  confidences  regarding  the  family  con- 
cerns and  anxieties.  "Watch  the  youth  of  fourteen,"  some- 
one says,  "when  his  judgment  is  asked  relative  to  some  home 
arrangement;  and  if  it  is  possible  for  you  to  agree  with  his 
suggestions,  isn't  it  worth  your  tact  and  patience  as  you 
notice  the  glow  of  ambition  and  pride  written  all  over  the 
boy,  as  he  realizes  that  he  has  actually  formed  one  of  the 
advisory  board?" 

r^Iere  habit  of  course  is  helpless  in  solving  the  Jiczv  situa- 
tions of  adolescence.  But  by  this  time  there  should  also  be 
some  gathered  strength  of  will.  Someone  has  defined  char- 
acter as  the  sum  of  our  choices.  The  young  person  who  by 
this  time  has  not  only  done  the  right  because  he  has  been 
obliged  to,  but  has  for  some  years  consecutively  chosen  to 
do  the  right,  is  in  a  position  not  to  be  overwhelmed  by  the 
new  consciousness  and  powers  that  are  now  his. 

Moral  Rf:l.\tioxs:  Will 
Our  greatest  opportunity  is  in  the  guidance  and  education 
of  the  will.  Fundamentally  what  all  this  turmoil  and  change 
indicates  is  this:  The  will  is  coming  to  birth.  We  dare  not 
slash  at  it  ruthlessly  lest  we  destroy  its  vigor;  we  cannot  let 
it  grow  wild  lest  it  becomes  dangerous.     Wc  believe  with 

[237] 


THE  BOY  PROBLEM  IN  THE  HOME 

rrosidcnt  Stanley  Hall  that  the  will  is  really  a  compound  of 
our  interests  and  we  crave  that  the  child  shall  carry  the 
fresh  enthusiasms  of  youth  into  the  sober  days  of  maturity. 
"The  whole  pedagogy  of  adolescence,"  says  Dr.  E.  G.  Lan- 
caster, "is  to  inspire  enthusiastic  activity."  We,  therefore, 
quietly  drop  the  word  "don't"  from  our  vocabulary.  We 
endeavor  to  keep  the  youth  active ;  give  him  something  to 
do,  with  us,  day  and  night.  We  give  him  his  religion  even 
in  afifairs  of  doing  rather  than  of  believing,  and  we  make 
the  transfer  of  responsibilities  from  ourselves  to  our  children 
just  as  fast  as  it  is  safe  to  do  so. 

Every  youth  should  do  what  he  wishes  part  of  the  time, 
but  should  be  definitely  directed  part  of  the  time  and  should 
always  have  something  besides  himself  to  occupy  his  atten- 
tion. "Something  in  which  he  is  interested,"  says  Kirk- 
patrick,  "that  stimulates  him  to  achieve,  even  though  not 
valuable  in  itself,  is  absolutely  necessary.  All  sorts  of  stunts 
and  fads  may  thus  temporarily  serve  a  useful  purpose."  Do 
we  realize  what  a  wholesome  part  physical  training  and 
athletics  may  have  as  time-fillers  and  outlets  for  otherwise 
aimless  and  unregulated  energy?  In  the  athletics  of  a  well- 
conducted  high  school,  which  are  not  only  accepted  but 
actually  regulated  by  the  school  faculty,  we  have  a  direct 
antidote  for  the  soft  sensuality  of  the  age,  a  direct  stimulus 
to  school  loyalty,  a  corrective  to  idle  day-dreaming,  a  stimu- 
lus for  scholarship,  and  a  broadening  influence  by  the  travel, 
the  business  experiences  and  the  sportsmanlikeness  which 
are  exercised  in  different  ways  through  interscholastic 
competition. 

Even  better  is  some  form  of  work  or  some  little  enterprise 
of  business,  because  it  is  productive.  A  boy  who  has  learned 
the  value  of  a  dollar  by  earning  it  is  not  so  likely  to  get 
into  moral  difficulties  as  one  who  regards  his  father  as  a 
depository. 

[238] 


CHAPTER  XX 

RULING  MOTIVES 
We  must  realize  that  we  are  now  dealing  with  a  creature 
who  is  beginning  to  get  up  speed  under  his  own  motive 
power.  In  these  years  when  this  motive  power  still  needs 
guidance  as  well  as  stimulation,  we  have  to  find  out  what 
this  power  is  like.  What  are  the  ruling  motives  during 
adolescence?    One  of  them  is 

Self-respect 
There  is  nothing  that  the  young  person  dreads  more  than 
to  be  ridiculous.  This  explains  his  absolute  determination 
to  have  his  neckties  and  clothing  of  the  extremest  mode  of 
which  he  has  seen  examples  in  his  young  circle.  This  also 
explains  why  his  "gang"  is  to  him  public  opinion,  for  it  is 
the  voice  of  what  seems  to  him  the  highest  tribunal.  We 
may  take  advantage  of  this  motive,  even  though  it  be  not 
the  highest  one.  It  is  a  potent  help  toward  cleanliness  and 
neatness  of  person.  It  assists  the  child  in  learning  social 
graces  and  in  practising  the  outer  signs  of  courtesy.  So  far 
as  it  conventionalizes  his  conduct  it  delivers  him  from  the 
more  brutal  vices,  and  if  the  motive  can  be  lifted  to  the 
level  of  the  respect  which  a  gentleman  owes  himself,  it 
makes  the  child  immune  to  the  lower  temptations,  for,  as 
President  Stanley  Hall  tells  us:  "Of  all  safeguards  honor 
is  the  most  effective  at  this  age."  This  is  a  good  time  in 
which  to  appeal  to  the  pride  of  clan,  to  tell  the  stories  of 
ancestors  who  were  brave  and  pure  and  courtly,  and  to  set 
up  a  standard  for  the  farr.ily  beneath  which  no  member  of 
it  will  care  to  fall.     The  school  teacher  finds  that  jiridc  in 

[  239  ] 


THE   BOY    PROBLEM    IN   THE   HOME 

the  school  is  one  of  the  most  potent  motives  of  student 
discipline. 

"My  children  always  sing  better,"  the  father  of  the  Peet 
family  of  concert  singers  used  to  say  in  public,  "when  they 
are  applauded."  All  Hves  give  better  music  when  they  are 
praised.  No  matter  what  may  be  the  perturbations  in  a  par- 
ent's heart,  he  must  steadily  retain  the  attitude  of  expectancy 
for  his  child.  No  matter  how  much  the  child  may  become 
discouraged  concerning  himself,  and  during  the  moody 
years  of  adolescence  there  are  many  days  of  utter  despair, 
the  parent  will  always  insist  to  him  that,  no  matter  how 
many  mistakes  or  failures  he  may  make,  he  is  going  to 
come  out  all  right.  More  youths  have  been  saved  by  feel- 
ing beneath  themselves  the  solid  rock  of  confidence  of  a 
parent  than  by  any  other  one  fact.  "It  is,"  says  Orison 
Swett  Marden,  "a  very  dangerous,  wicked  thing  to  destroy  a 
child's  self-faith."  Children  are  very  easily  discouraged. 
Some  of  the  most  hopeful  children  develop  very  slowly, 
while  some  brilliant  children  show,  during  the  process  of 
development,  very  trying  traits.  While  overpraise  is  as  bad 
for  a  child  as  utter  neglect,  appreciation  of  the  elTort  and 
enthusiasm  shown  by  the  youth  at  playing  the  violin,  at  mak- 
ing some  little  composition  or  some  mechanical  device,  may 
be  just  the  inspiration  needed  to  bring  forth  a  nascent  talent 
to  the  sunshine. 

In  his  "Mind  in  the  Alaking,"  Dr.  Edgar  J.  Swift  gives  us  a 
striking  catalog  of  instances,  many  of  which  are  familiar,  of 
men  who  became  great  who  showed  little  promise  during 
adolescence.  Charles  Darwin  was  "singularly  incapable  of 
mastering  any  language."  His  father  told  him  he  would 
be  a  disgrace  to  himself  and  his  family.  Napoleon  Bonaparte 
stood  forty-second  in  his  class  at  the  military  school,  but 
who  were  the  forty-one  above  him?  Patrick  Henry  "ran 
wild  in  forests  like  one  of  the  aborigines  and  divided  his  life 

[240] 


RULING   MOTIVES 

between  dissipation  and  the  languor  of  inaction."  So  little 
ability  did  Sir  Isaac  Newton  show  that  at  fifteen  he  was 
taken  out  of  school  and  set  to  work  upon  a  farm.  Lord 
Byron  succeeded  in  reaching  the  head  of  his  class  only  by 
inverting  the  proper  order  so  that  the  most  ignorant  were 
temporarily  placed  first.  Oliver  Goldsmith's  teacher  "thought 
him  one  of  the  dullest  boys  that  she  had  ever  tried  to  teach." 
Henry  Ward  Beecher  was  a  "poor  writer  and  a  miserable 
speller,  with  a  thick  utterance  and  a  bashful  reticence  that 
seemed  like  stupidity."  One  simply  cannot  afford  to  prophesy 
failure  for  a  boy  zvho  has  not  found  himself. 

Hero-worship 
Another  ruling  motive  is  that  of  hero-worship.  "Every 
man,"  someone  has  said,  "is  some  boy's  hero."  Many  a  boy 
who  would  almost  fight  at  the  implication  that  he  is  a  "good 
boy"  is  quite  willing  to  show  any  of  the  qualities  that  charac- 
terize the  man  he  admires,  who  may  chance  to  be  one  of  the 
best  of  men.  The  youth  is  now  a  loyal  St.  Christopher, 
searching  for  his  strongest  master.  A  great  privilege  for  the 
father  is  to  be  his  own  son's  or  daughter's  hero  during  these 
impressionable  years.  You  can  guide  a  youth,  Kirtley  tells 
us,  in  the  course  you  want  him  to  take  by  the  interest  he 
takes  in  those  who  are  going  that  way.  What  an  extraordinary 
personality  must  have  been  that  of  Mike  Murphy,  late  athletic 
coach  at  the  University  of  Pennsylvania,  who  could  say  to  the 
men  of  a  losing  football  team  between  halves,  "If  you  can't 
win  for  the  sake  of  Pcnn,  if  you  can't  win  for  the  sake  of  your 
mothers  and  sweethearts,  go  into  the  game  and  win  for  me!" 
They  won  the  game.  How  many  men  do  you  yourselves 
know  who  could  say  a  thing  like  that  and  not  be  laughed 
at?  That  such  a  man  should  live  and  not  only  talk  so  but  be 
followed  to  victory  is  not  at  all  incredible  to  your  adolescent 
son.     He  has  just  felt  that  way  toward  some  man  himself. 

[241  ] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

Was  Dr.  Slaughter  too  emphatic  when  he  said,  "The  chief 
vahie  of  great  men  is  to  fertiHze  the  imagination  of  adoles- 
cents"? He  was  saying  that  heroes  have  not  appeared  in  the 
world's  history  at  random.  They  are  the  final  expression  of 
various  vocational  types — the  sailor,  the  soldier,  the  engineer, 
the  adventurer,  the  man  of  affairs.  Thus  they  connect  them- 
selves with  the  interests  of  childhood,  and  inspire  children 
and  youth  to  follow  them.  It  is  of  distinct  advantage  if  we 
can  bring  our  offspring  into  either  personal  or  imaginative 
relations  during  adolescence  with  men  who  are  leaders,  par- 
ticularly in  the  vocational  fields  toward  which  our  children 
themselves  seem  inclined.  Even  better  is  it  that  they  should 
know  a  man  or  woman  who  is  grandly  following  one  of  the 
idealistic  callings.  Some  of  us  have  felt  that  it  was  asset 
enough  for  such  a  life  as  his  that  Dr.  Grenfell  should  come 
to  the  States  every  other  winter  from  his  heroic  work  in 
Labrador,  simply  that  our  young  people  might  meet  him  and 
grasp  his  hand. 

In  reply  to  the  question,  "How  can  I  gain  the  confidence  of 
my  daughter?"  a  wise  mother  has  answered,  "Never,  never 
lose  it;  retain  it,  give  sympathy,  enter  into  all  her  plans  and 
sympathize  in  all  her  trials ;  these  may  seem  small  to  you,  but 
they  are  her  trials;  and  when  you  do  not  approve,  do  not  be 
too  stern  and  drive  her  from  you;  a  word  of  advice  and  counsel 
will  do  more  good  than  scolding  and  prohibiting."  So  anxious 
are  parents  both  as  to  the  good  conduct  and  the  good  reputa- 
tion of  their  children  that  nearly  all  need  that  admonition 
which  is  more  required  during  this  period  than  any  other: 
Don't  nag.  It  is  hard  to  endure  in  silence  the  noisy  turbu- 
lence, the  ungoverned  expressions  of  passion,  the  thoughtless 
and  selfish  conduct  of  this  era,  but  the  parent  can  never  hold 
a  large  influence  over  his  growing  child  by  being  little  himself. 
It  is  the  parent  who  retains  a  certain  large,  tolerant  attitude 
toward  his  child  who  reaches  that  happiest  of  all  periods,  the 

[242] 


RULING  MOTIVES 

time  when  the  young  man  or  woman  actually  wants  the  coun- 
sel of  his  parents.  It  is  perhaps  fortunate  that  during  adoles- 
cence all  boys  and  many  girls  tend  to  turn  from  their  mothers 
to  their  fathers.  Men,  because  of  their  broader  daily  expe- 
rience, are  supposed  to  look  at  things  in  a  larger  way,  and 
the  father  who  appreciates  his  privilege  ought  at  this  time  to 
be  in  a  position  to  be  trusted  and  depended  upon  as  never 
before. 

There  are  some  possibilities  in  calling  the  attention  of  our 
children  to  the  finer  traits  in  the  leading  members  of  their 
"gangs"  or  sets.  The  appeal  of  the  Bible  now  more  than  any 
other  period  is  that  of  heroic  biography. 

Responsibility 
Another  ruling  motive  is  that  of  responsibility.  Many  a 
boy  will  do  work  well  if  he  is  in  charge  of  the  job.  Now, 
more  than  ever,  we  should  give  very  young  people  chances  to 
use  their  sense.  This  is  perhaps  the  place  in  which  to  em- 
phasize the  value  of  dealing  fairly  with  our  children  in  finan- 
cial matters.  In  many  homes  there  is  no  definite  understand- 
ing as  to  what  money  shall  be  given  to  the  children;  in  others 
the  small  allowance  of  earlier  years  has  been  continued,  the 
parent  carelessly  thinking  that  it  represents  as  much  as  the 
child  ought  to  spend  on  his  pleasures.  The  result  is  that  when 
the  boy  or  girl  wishes  any  special  indulgence  he  goes  to  his 
father,  who  responds  according  to  his  mood  or  immediate 
ability;  then  he  holds  up  his  mother  for  the  rest.  The  father 
feels  consciously  that  he  is  not  handling  this  as  he  does  other 
financial  matters,  the  mother  recognizes  her  weakness  in 
yielding  to  entreaty,  and  the  youth  feels  that  he  has  been 
treated  like  a  little  child.  The  writer  is  very  strongly 
convinced,  both  by  theory  and  experience,  that  the  only 
proper  way  to  treat  a  child  in  the  home  is  to  give  him  a 
weekly  allowance,  which  will  be  one  fifty-second  of  the  care- 

[243] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

fully  estimated  cost  of  the  child's  needs  during  the  year, 
exclusive  of  board  and  such  accidents  as  doctor's  bills,  to  be 
paid  over  to  the  child  without  question  every  week.  By 
this  method  the  child  gets  an  opportunity  to  learn  the  value 
of  money  by  having  enough  to  learn  the  value  with.  We  do  not 
leach  children  to  swim  in  the  bathtub,  and  we  do  not  send  them 
to  school  without  text-books;  yet  we  expect  them  to  learn  the 
uses  of  money  without  money.  The  author  recalls  his  first 
experience  with  this  plan  with  mingled  pleasure  and  amuse- 
ment; he  remembers  how,  as  a  result  of  his  first  experiment 
his  second  son  refused  advice  regarding  the  matter  of  the  pur- 
chase of  a  suit  of  clothes,  and  came  back  from  town  with 
raiment  so  loud  in  color  that  the  dogs  in  the  street  fairly 
barked  in  derision.  The  experiment  was  not  such  an  ex- 
pensive one,  since  the  suit  was  not  entirely  inappropriate  for 
everyday  wear.  The  next  time  the  boy  eagerly  sought  the 
advice  of  his  father,  and  now  he  can  choose  his  clothes  more 
v.-isely  and  more  carefully  than  his  parent. 

The  value  of  this  plan  is  more  than  that  of  a  device,  for 
it  is  really  a  principle.  The  child,  partly  because  of  his  own 
preciousness  and  partly  because  he  is  of  some  real  financial 
value  to  the  home,  deserves  to  be  recognized  as  a  sort  of  part- 
ner. What  he  receives  should  not  be  doled  out  as  a  sum  given 
an  infant,  but  a  fair  share  of  the  family  income  should  be  his. 
In  return  for  this  he  should,  of  course,  perform  his  share  of 
service.  W'hat  that  service  shall  be  should  be  put  in  the 
form  of  a  contract  at  the  time  he  begins  to  receive  his  income. 
The  receipt  of  this  allowance,  like  his  father's  receipt  of  salary, 
should  depend  upon  his  fulfillment  of  this  contract.  It  is 
astonishing  how  far-reaching  are  the  effects  of  this  plan.  It 
applies  not  merely  to  financial  affairs  but  to  the  determination 
of  other  questions.  The  matter  of  money  is  so  closely  inter- 
twined with  all  a  young  person's  pleasures  and  problems  that 
the  placing  of  the  youth  upon  his  own  responsibility  and 

[244] 


RULING   MOTIVES 

honor  works  out  many  difficulties  of  a  varied  character. 
The  writer  can  recall  hardly  any  instance  during  the  last  four 
years  when  it  has  been  necessary  for  him  to  interfere  arbi- 
trarily in  any  matter  in  which  his  children's  decisions  were 
involved.  He  has  often  overheard,  some  evening,  part  of  a 
telephone  conversation  in  the  room  adjoining  his  living-room, 
in  which  it  was  apparent  that  one  of  his  sons  was  receiving 
an  invitation  to  a  party.  The  reply  would  be,  "Hold  the  line 
a  moment  until  I  look  at  my  book  to  see  if  I  have  a  date." 
The  book  to  which  he  referred  was,  of  course,  his  account 
book.  Sometimes  he  would  reply  regretfully  that  he  found  that 
he  did  have  an  engagement;  again  the  answer  would  be  a  glad 
acceptance.  But  sometimes  an  even  wiser  answer  would  be 
given.  "Wait  until  I  see  you  tomorrow  morning,  and  I  will 
tell  you  whether  I  can  go  or  not."  This  meant  that  there  was 
money  in  the  treasury,  but  that  the  boy  wished  to  think  over 
night  whether  the  pleasure  was  worth  while.  The  father 
found  that  all  things  were  being  measured  by  this  criterion: 
"Is  it  worth  while?"  As  soon  as  the  child  begins  to  judge  by 
this  standard  he  is  an  adult  in  reason  and  may  be  safely 
trusted  in  the  major  part  of  his  own  decisions. 

As  to  the  question  whether  young  people  should  now 
be  paid  for  tasks  performed  about  the  house,  the  writer  finds 
himself  in  hearty  agreement  with  Kirllcy: 

"To  some  extent  his  work  ought  to  have  material  rcnnmcra- 
tion.  Often  he  wants  no  more  than  the  pleasure  of  helping 
and  the  appreciation  he  deserves.  Those  two  rewards  must 
never  fail  to  come.  If  there  is  no  form  of  interest  he  can  take 
in  his  work,  it  will  become  only  eye-service. 

"It  is  of  the  highest  importance  that  he  receive  some  of 
the  rewards  in  order  to  gratify  and  train  his  sense  of  owner- 
ship and  responsibility,  to  satisfy  his  sense  of  right  and  to 
secure  the  uncoerced  co-operation  of  his  will.  The  sharing 
may  be  in  inrlircct  ways.     Even  if  his  part  goes  back  into  the 

[245] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

common  fund  for  the  support  of  the  family,  he  is  usually 
willing,  provided  he  can  have  the  pleasure  of  being  in  the 
combine,  and  can  retain  his  sense  of  freedom. 

''His  ownership  of  his  earnings  is  to  be  recognized, 
even  though  he  is  not  to  be  left  without  instructions  as  to 
the  way  he  should  handle  them.  Plabits  of  thrift  must  be 
taught  both  in  the  work  done  and  in  the  care  taken  of  his 
possessions." 

Let  us  beware,  however,  lest  the  only  times  that  we  are 
serious  v.ith  the  boy  should  be  when  we  are  urging  him  to 
"make  a  success"  in  the  sense  of  making  money.  Really, 
getting  a  lot  of  money  is  by  no  means  a  part  of  religion,  and 
only  the  home  wdiich  believes  and  teaches  wdiat  the  main 
business  of  life  is  to  be,  is  the  home  that  can  give  a  youth  a  re- 
ligious basis  for  living. 

It  is  hard  for  us  to  realize,  as  President  King  says,  that 
"one  of  the  inalienable  rights  of  every  human  being  is  the 
right  to  make  at  least  some  blunders  of  his  own."  It  is  the 
rather  startling  theory  of  Gerald  Stanley  Lee  that  some 
people  are  prevented  by  reading  of  sins  in  books  from  com- 
mitting some  of  their  own.  It  may  be  that  some  of  the  faults 
of  youth  have  a  similar  immunizing  value  in  forestalling  more 
serious  deeds  that  otherwise  might  be  committed  later.  In 
learning  to  swim  we  expect  a  boy  to  begin  by  floundering; 
nevertheless  we  put  him  in  the  water;  in  learning  to  play 
baseball  or  golf,  we  expect  him  to  miss  the  ball;  nevertheless 
we  put  into  his  hands  the  bat  or  the  stick.  We  do  not,  how- 
ever, show  a  similarly  free  willingness  for  actual  experiment 
in  other  matters  of  choice.  The  boy  wants  to  go  to  places 
where  his  parents  feel  they  cannot  permit  him  to  go;  other 
boys  go,  w-hy  not  he?  Is  it  not  time  that  he  was  taught  self- 
government?  Soon  they  cannot  prevent  him,  as  in  the  past, 
by  simply  prohibiting.  "Would  it  not  be  wiser  to  say,"  as  an 
experienced  mother  suggested,  "  'Now,  my  son,  it  is  time  you 

[246] 


RULING   MOTIVES 

learned  to  decide  for  yourself.  Only  a  few  years,  and  you 
must  go  from  under  the  parental  roof.  Then  mother  and 
father  may  not  be  near  to  decide  for  you,  even  if  you  desire 
it,  as  no  doubt  you  often  will,  so  I  shall  not  say  you  cannot  go, 
but  leave  you  to  decide.  You  have  perhaps  had  better  teach- 
ing than  some  of  the  boys  you  mention;  if  so,  more  will  be 
required  of  you  by  the  hand  of  God.  I  have  confidence  in 
you,  and  believe  you  want  to  do  right.  I  shall  be  glad  to 
advise  you,  but  must  leave  you  to  decide.'  By  this  course 
you  may  teach  him  a  lesson  in  self-government,  which  is  so 
frequently  neglected.  When  your  boy  gets  from  under 
restraint,  never  having  exercised  the  power  of  self-govern- 
ment, of  self-control,  he  goes  into  vice,  and  we  wonder 
why  the  children  of  good  parents  should  turn  out  so 
badly." 

We  have  advocated  during  the  earlier  periods  of  childhood 
some  measure  of  natural  penalty.  We  must  still  trust  our- 
selves, and  our  children  to  some  extent,  to  this  method. 
Since  we  can  no  longer  punish  the  child,  we  must  allow  him  to 
punish  himself.  While  it  sometimes  seems  to  us  that  the 
results  of  his  conduct  in  pain  or  loss  of  reputation  are  serious, 
they  are  bound  to  be  less  serious  than  if  he  made  those 
mistakes  later — as  he  is  bound  to  do  if  he  does  not  learn  self- 
government  now — when  he  is  away  from  home. 

The  youth  who  objects  very  much  now  to  the  destruction 
of  his  own  property  by  a  younger  brother  or  sister  or  play- 
mate is  prepared  to  recognize  the  fairness  of  paying  for 
breakages  which  he  causes  Iiimself,  or  accepting  a  financial 
fine  for  certain  inconveniences  which  he  causes  to  others.  It 
is  well,  as  far  as  feasible,  to  have  some  preliminary  under- 
standing or  arrangement  to  whose  justice  the  child  will  con- 
sent. It  must  be  remembered  that  an  allowance  is  inviohblc 
and  that  once  it  is  promised  or  given  the  parent  has  no  right 
to  take  it  away  without  the  child's  consent. 

[247] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

Here  is  another  ar^i^unicnt  for  giving  a  boy  a  room  of  his 
own.  He  needs  a  sanctuary,  a  place  to  be  by  himself  where 
he  can  think  out  his  long,  long  thoughts,  a  chance  to  get  out 
of  the  inlluence  of  his  gang  and  even  of  his  parents,  so  that  he 
may  become  a  personality.  Through  the  decoration  of  his 
room  he  can  objectify  his  own  thoughts,  expressing  his  grow- 
ing ideals  through  the  articles,  both  useful  and  ornamental, 
with  which  he  fills  it.  Here  in  hours  of  overstress  he  can  let 
off  steam  and  make  more  noise  than  could  be  borne  in  any 
other  part  of  the  house.  He  will  be  fairly  quiet  everywhere 
else  if  he  knows  that  there  is  one  room  always  at  his  disposal 
for  free  self-expression.  A  boy  as  well  as  a  girl  sometimes 
wants  to  cry,  and  he  ought  to  have  the  privilege  of  a  wailing- 
post  in  solitude. 

The  youth  is  brought  to  full  individuality  chiefly  by  the 
exercise  of  responsibility.  "The  majority  of  people  who  have 
been  of  the  greatest  service  in  the  world,"  says  Mrs.  Birney, 
"are  those  who  are  capable  of  taking  responsibility." 

Chivalry 
The  youth  who  hardly  seems  mature  enough  to  accept 
responsibility  for  his  own  self  proudly  assumes  the  responsi- 
bility of  caring  for  one  younger  and  feebler.  It  is,  perhaps, 
hardly  ennobling  for  a  woman  to  make  an  appeal  of  her  own 
weakness,  but  a  boy  is  always  inspired  when  she  appeals  to  his 
strength  on  her  behalf.  The  teacher  in  school,  the  leader  in  a 
summer  camp,  and  the  parent  in  the  home  find  that  the  youth 
who  is  asked  to  be  responsible  for  the  welfare  of  little  folks 
seldom  deserts  or  betrays  his  trust.  "If  he  would  be 
masterful,  overbearing  and  pugnacious,"  says  Munroe, 
"put  him  in  charge  of  weaker  or  smaller  boys,  making 
him  responsible  for  their  safety,  and,  unknown  to  him, 
those  wards  of  his  will  protect  him  far  more  than  he  will 
them." 

[248] 


RULING   -AIOTIVES 

A  Life  Purpose 

Gradually  out  of  individuality  grows  a  life  purpose.  The 
reader  may  not  at  first  agree  with  that  strong  statement  of 
President  Eliot's:  "The  career-motive  holds  more  spiritual 
content  than  any  other."  Yet  interpreting  the  phrase 
broadly,  is  not  this  true?  As  soon  as  the  youth  has  seized 
the  helm  of  his  own  life,  does  he  not  find  that  he  has  repeated 
that  critical  experience  which  came  to  Robert  Louis  Steven- 
son when  he  said,  reverently,  that,  after  a  restless  youth,  try- 
ing to  master  himself,  he  came  at  length  "right  about''  and 
discovered  that  he  had  been  in  charge  of  "the  helmsman, 
God"? 

"It  is  not  of  so  much  consequence,"  says  President  Hyde, 
"what  a  boy  knows  when  he  leaves  school,  as  what  he  loves." 
May  not  a  part  of  the  meaning  be  that  his  interests,  his  choice 
of  a  vocation,  his  friendships,  his  religious  purposes,  all  that 
constitute  his  life-ideal,  are  worth  more  than  all  his  book- 
knowledge? 

CoMIil NATION  OF  MOTIVES 

Let  us  not  think  that  these  ruling  motives  are  like  a  set  of 
push-buttons  which  when  pressed  in  turn  release  certain  cur- 
rents of  activity.  They  are  rather  like  the  notes  of  a  piano, 
and  the  wise  parent-player  finds  that  he  can  make  music  by 
playing  them  in  chords.  Felix  Adler  instances  the  virtue  of 
cleanliness,  which  he  says  we  may  arrive  at  by  appealing  at 
one  time  to  the  aesthetic  instinct,  at  another  to  the  prudential, 
again  to  the  motive  of  self-respect,  to  sympathy,  and  some- 
times to  two  or  more  of  them  at  once.  They  all,  he  says, 
"say  Amen!  to  the  moral"  instinct. 


[249] 


CHAPTER    XXI 

THE    PRODIGAL 

The  Situation  and  Its  Causes 
Some  children  endowed  with  exceptional  vigor  and  pre- 
cocity do  not  yield  readily  to  the  governmental  methods  that 
have  been  suggested.  The  play  spirit  seems  to  have  gone 
wild.  They  may  be  living  in  a  world  of  baseless  romance. 
Keenly  desirous  to  know  the  world,  with  the  passions  of  a 
man  and  the  self-restraint  of  a  boy,  the  vigor  of  a  man  and 
the  judgment  of  a  boy,  such  an  one  is  ripe  for  any  course  of 
conduct  which  suggests  itself  to  him.  Pie  may  play  truant 
constantly  or  drop  back  of  his  grade  in  school;  he  may  run 
away  from  home ;  he  may  at  home  or  elsewhere  become  dissi- 
pated; in  any  case,  he  is  likely  to  enter  into  many  changes, 
perhaps  failing  in  one  school  after  another  or  in  one  position 
after  another  and  showing  a  discouraging  lack  of  aptitude  for 
anything  in  particular. 

While  this  is  the  period  when  the  boy  naturally  turns  to 
his  father  rather  than  to  his  mother  for  complete  under- 
standing, the  writer  is  persuaded  that  more  prodigality  is 
caused  by  alienations  of  sons  from  careless  and  unregarding 
fathers  than  by  any  other  one  thing.  "What  shall  I  do," 
pathetically  wrote  a  lad  of  thirteen  to  me  the  other  day,  "to 
get  my  father  interested  in  baseball?  There  doesn't  seem  to 
be  anything  we  can  talk  about  together,  and  as  you  can  imag- 
ine we  are  not  very  good  friends."  It  is  not  hard  to  prophesy 
the  tragedy  that  will  probably  soon  come  in  the  future  of 
that  youth,  just  entering  upon  the  most  trying  years  of  his 
life,  when  he  is,  so  far  as  sympathetic  fellowship  is  concerned, 

1  250  1 


THE   PRODIGAL 

a  hall-orphan.  How  pungently  Dr.  Arthur  Hohnes  pictures 
a  common  situation  of  the  adolescent  boy: 

"He  wants  to  do,  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  exactly  what  his 
fond  father  wishes  to  save  him  from  doing,  exactly  the  things 
his  father  counts  his  own  youthful  errors:  to  play  exactly  the 
games  and  to  have  the  toys  his  wise  parent  now  considers  a 
waste,  an  absolute  waste  of  juvenile  time  that  might  be  em- 
ployed in  learning  something  useful,  something  that  would 
eventually  enable  the  boy  to  gain  a  larger  place  amongst  his 
future  adult  fellows  or  possibly  secure  for  himself  a  little 
more  of  the  world's  goods.  The  untutored  father  cannot  for 
a  moment  imagine  that  success  in  life  can  be  measured  in 
terms  of  a  boy's  world;  is  utterly  oblivious  to  the  fact  that  a 
boy  is  an  individual ;  that  he  has  a  real  world  of  his  own ;  that 
in  that  world  he  has  as  much  moral  right  to  succeed  in  his 
way  as  his  father  has  to  succeed  in  his  world  in  his  way.  The 
father  does  what  he  instinctively  feels  is  right;  the  boy  wants 
to  do  what  he  feels  instinctively  is  right.  The  father  is  bursting 
with  ambition  to  make  himself  a  place  in  his  world  ;  the  boy 
is  bursting  with  ambition  to  make  himself  a  place  in  his 
world.  The  friction  comes  about  because  the  father  is  fool- 
ish enough  to  wish  to  impose  his  instincts  upon  tlic  instincts 
of  the  boy.  He  will  forever  insist  that  it  is  possible  to  put 
an  old  head  on  young  sliouldcrs." 

Most  parents  who  misunderstand  their  sons  have  only  a 
vague  impression  that  they  arc  disappointing;  they  arc  seldom 
able  to  take  the  lad's  viewpoint  and  realize  that  constant 
antagonisms  have  developed  in  his  mind  into  active  animosity. 
It  is  the  tragedy  of  youth  that  it  is  extreme,  and  many  very 
good  parents,  whose  only  fault  has  been  lack  of  insight,  would 
be  broken-hearted  to  learn  that  their  children  had  ceased  to 
feel  affection  for  them.  The  writer  has  in  mind  a  man  whose 
parent  harl  failed  only  once  in  appreciation  of  the  son's  motive, 
but  in  a  matter  of  the  greatest  moment,  who  testified  that 

I  251] 


THE    BOY    PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

from  that  time  onward  that  parent's  influence  became  a 
nonentity  in  his  Hfe  and  that  thirty  years  afterward  he  was 
unable  entirely  to  check  the  sense  of  repugnance  which  he 
had  always  carried.  Such  entire  breaks  are,  fortunately,  usually 
temporary,  but  they  often  last  through  the  years  when  young 
people  are  most  in  need  of  loving  and  wise  adult  influence. 

The  attitudes  of  parents  which  most  frequently  cause 
alienation  between  them  and  their  sons  are  two,  and  they  are 
so  simple  that  they  might  easily  be  avoided.  One  is  that  of  in- 
tolerance— of  regarding  the  boy,  who  is  very  likely  something 
of  a  hero  in  his  own  circle,  as  an  outlaw  whenever  he  enters 
the  house ;  and  the  other  is  that  of  stubbornness — of  being 
unready  to  do  that  most  fair  but  difificult  thing,  apologize  to 
the  boy  when  one  is  wrong. 

When  a  young  person  is  in  the  frame  of  mind  described  at 
the  beginning  of  this  chapter,  no  matter  what  the  cause  or 
occasion,  what  shall  be  done  with  him? 

Shall  He  Be  Put  to  Work? 
When  a  workingman  finds  his  son  restless  or  unsuccessful 
in  school,  he  usually  cuts  the  matter  short  by  putting  him  to 
work.  Sometimes  this  is  the  best  course  for  those  who  are 
not  the  sons  of  workingmen.  If  the  child  is  suffering  from 
too  much  luxury  and  ease  or  too  much  spending-money  or 
has  become  spoiled  by  too  much  play  and  athletics  for  serious 
work,  this  may  be  just  what  he  needs,  and  it  may  teach  him 
the  value  of  money  and  of  school.  The  work  chosen,  how- 
ever, should  be  selected  chiefly  for  its  educative  rather  than 
its  financial  interest.  It  is  to  be  thought  of  as  another  kind 
of  school.  The  youth  still  needs  an  education,  and  to  put 
him  into  a  blind-alley  occupation  will  not  only  stop  his  edu- 
cation but  also  take  away  his  courage.  The  only  possible 
advantage  of  this  sort  of  drudgery  is  that  he  may  get  so  tired 
of  it  as  to  choose  school  again  in  desperation.     There  is,  no 

[252] 


THE    PRODIGAL 

doubt,  a  type  of  boy  who  must  get  his  education  in  this  way, 
and  if  ours  be  one  of  these,  we  ought  not  to  be  discouraged 
if  this  turns  out  to  be  the  course  of  study  that  fits  him  best. 
Sometimes  superabundant  energy  put  to  work  upon  a  busi- 
ness or  a  shop  problem  finds  its  own  moral  corrective. 
With  a  precocious  boy,  work  has  the  advantage  of 
giving  the  body  time  to  catch  up  with  the  mind,  and  it  avoids 
the  danger  which  comes  from  sending  a  child  to  college  before 
he  is  old  enough  to  appreciate  the  best  things  a  college  has 
to  give. 

Shall  We  Send  Him  Away  to  School? 
Another  alternative,  adopted  by  many  parents,  is  to  send 
a  difficult  boy  or  girl  away  to  school.  This  is  to  be  done  only 
as  a  last  resort.  If  the  parents  are  actually  incompetent 
through  ill-health  or  engrossment  or  lack  of  ability,  this  ex- 
pedient may  be  tried.  The  probability  is  that  there  is  no  one 
on  earth  whom  such  a  boy  or  girl  needs  so  much  at  just  this 
time  when  he  seems  least  to  appreciate  them  as  his  own 
parents.  The  moral  effect  of  sending  a  child  into  exile  is 
itself  to  be  deprecated.  Parents,  too,  sometimes  forget  that 
the  kind  of  school  which  they  choose  as  a  retreat  for  their 
son — a  military  academy  for  example — has  also  been  selected 
by  the  parents  of  a  good  many  other  boys  like  their  own. 
Wise  and  skilful  though  the  teachers  of  such  an  institution 
may  be,  the  boy  is  shaped  so  much  more  by  his  fellow  pupils 
than  by  his  masters  that  the  moral  results  of  such  a  polite 
reform  school  are  often  quite  disappointing.  There  are  a 
few  schools  w^here  daily  hard  work,  carried  on  with  enthusi- 
astic school  spirit,  is  a  part  of  the  program  in  which  a  mis- 
understood boy  may  develop  leadershi]i,  discover  himself  and 
learn  to  appreciate  his  home. 

Shall  \\i:  Let  Him  Wa.xdlr? 
It  is  not  so  dangerous  for  a  bright-minded  boy  to  go  out 

[253  1 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOAIE 

into  the  world  and  earn  his  living  as  some  parents  suppose. 
In  some  instances  it  seems  necessary  to  let  the  youth  have 
free  course  for  a  while  and  provide  for  himself,  while  at  the 
same  time  unobtrusively  surrounding  him  with  as  many 
friends  and  helpful  influences  as  possible. 

Influences  That  Will  Bring  Him  Home 
The  prodigal  usually  returns.  One  of  many  influences  may 
bring  him  back.  We  are  told  of  the  Prodigal  in  the  parable 
that  "when  he  had  spent  all,  there  arose  a  mighty  famine  in 
that  land,  and  he  began  to  be  in  want."  The  result  of  having 
his  own  way  usually  satisfies  a  lad  within  a  short  time.  The 
time  when  he  has  used  up  his  resources  is  apt  to  be  coincident 
with  the  time  when  his  new-found  friends  desert  him  and  his 
new-found  experiences  pall  upon  him.  Sometimes  sickness 
of  body  and  sometimes  sickness  of  soul  brings  him  back  home. 
Sometimes  he  simply  awakens  from  his  illusions  and  knows 
the  truth  that  his  best  future  is  to  be  where  he  belongs. 
Again,  his  experiences  may  have  discovered  for  him  new 
purposes  which  he  hastens  to  return  to  fulfill.  As  to  which 
of  the  home  influences  is  most  powerful  in  leading  him  back, 
it  would  be  hard  to  say.  Home  itself,  with  its  food,  its  friend- 
liness, its  understanding,  no  doubt  powerfully  attracts  him. 
The  patient  love  of  those  who  have  awaited  his  return  and  will 
welcome  him  without  upbraiding  is  enough.  Yet  no  doubt 
the  homely  influence  of  force  of  habit  underlies  almost  every 
prodigal's  return.  He  simply  cannot  break  the  lengthening 
chain  of  right-doing  which  has  been  forged  for  him  ever  since 
he  was  a  young  child. 

Usually  the  combination  of  simplicity,  dramatized  activities, 
patient  companionship  and  a  just  but  stringent  financial  allow- 
ance, while  retaining  the  child  at  home,  will  tide  him  over 
this  time  of  unrest  until  he  awakens  to  better  sense  and  self- 
command. 

[254] 


THE    PRODIGAL 

One  of  the  most  reassuring  facts  about  the  prodigal 
deeds  of  adolescence  is  that  while  they  may  be  very  vigorous, 
lawless  and  even  lustful,  they  are  not  often,  as  we  suppose, 
manifestations  of  the  will — that  is,  of  the  real  and  whole  self 
of  the  youth.  They  are  to  a  degree  experimental  and  imita- 
tive, even  conventional.  These  acts  are  like  those  of  a  lot  of 
half-broken  colts  whose  driver  has  not  taken  command  of 
them.  If  they  run  loose  long  enough,  the  driver,  who  cannot 
control  them,  may  like  to  persuade  himself  that  they  are  going 
in  the  direction  in  which  he  intended  to  go,  but  what  usually 
happens  is  that  he  suddenly  shows  unexpected  strength  and 
forcefulness  and  that  they  quietly  subside  and  trot  along  under 
harness. 


[255] 


CHAPTER  XXII 

SEX    DISCIPLINE 

If  we  be  honest  we  must  acknowledge  that  the  sexual  im- 
pulse becomes  in  the  lives  of  many  young  men  so  powerful 
that  even  ideals,  prayers  and  the  influence  of  good  fathers 
and  mothers  are  hardly  effective  to  stay  the  compulsion.  No 
doubt  the  sex-hungers  are  stimulated  by  certain  social  facts: 
our  high-keyed  amusements,  the  relaxation  of  college  and 
fraternal  festivals,  animal  dances,  the  solitude  and  freedom  of 
the  first  departure  from  home,  the  necessary  postponement 
of  marriage,  the  presence  in  the  world  of  weak  and  foolish 
young  women  who  are  tempters,  and  the  coarse  mascuHne 
ideals  that  are  still  current.  Within  the  young  man,  assist- 
ing his  erotic  tendency,  is  the  instinct  to  dare,  to  experiment 
and  to  find  out,  and  the  equally  ancient  instinct  to  chase  and 
to  make  love. 

At  this  period,  our  great  task  is,  as  President  Eliot  has 
said,  "to  modify  toward  purity  and  chivalrous  gentleness  the 
animal  instincts  of  man."  To  attempt  to  do  this  entirely  by 
spiritual  means  is  like  trying  to  shovel  earth  with  a  silk  spade. 
To  endeavor  to  do  it  entirely  by  material  means  is  like  trying 
to  shovel  air  with  an  iron  spade. 

The  hmitation  of  a  solely  idealistic  approach  is  that  it  is 
vagueness  without  the  basis  of  sound  knowledge.  The  weak- 
ness of  the  eugenic  ideal,  for  instance,  is  that  the  youth  has 
no  knowledge  and  can  have  little  care  for  the  welfare  of  the 
conjectural  people  of  the  future. 

The  disappointment  which  will  come  to  parents  who  expect 
to  secure  right  living  entirely  through  spiritual  appeals  will 
be  due  to  the  fact  that  adolescence  is  not  by  any  means  en- 

[  256  ] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

tirely  a  spiritual  period.  It  is,  according  to  testimony  of 
all  psychologists,  irresponsible,  incoherent,  restless  and 
independent. 

Good  Motives 
Every  possible  motive  must  now  be  brought  to  bear  to 
upstay  the  will  and  to  keep  the  life  stainless.  With  one  the 
personal  motives  will  avail:  self-respect,  the  noblesse  oblige 
that  will  not  hunt  down  a  woman  or  hurt  a  child,  refinement 
and  disgust,  what  Mr.  Roosevelt  calls  "truculent  integrity." 
and  even  the  fear  of  personal  injury.  A  deliberate  choice 
for  good  may  appear,  based  upon  any  or  all  of  these  self- 
formulated  considerations.  With  another  the  social  passion 
will  be  more  efifective:  loyalty  to  clan,  reverence  of  mother- 
hood in  the  person  of  his  own  mother  and  in  that  of  all 
mothers,  chivalry  to  sisterhood  in  the  person  of  his  own  and 
in  the  unwillingness  to  make  a  thrall  of  the  sister  of  another, 
the  sense  of  responsibility  to  society  and  the  unwillingness  to 
become  a  social  criminal,  the  sense  of  outrage  at  contami- 
nating the  springs  of  birth,  fidelity  to  the  wife  and  children 
that  are  to  be.  With  still  another  the  religious  motive  will 
triumph:  the  manly  fear  of  God,  horror  at  sin,  a  passion  for 
the  pure  kingdom  of  heaven  on  earth.  The  parents  who 
watch  with  prayerful  apprehension  our  young  gladiators  as 
they  go  forth  to  fight  the  lions  will  not  be  careful  to  pick  and 
choose  among  motives,  if  only  they  can  light  upon  those 
which  will  be  effective.  No  doubt  one  counts  at  one  period, 
and  another  at  a  later  one.  Whichever  wins,  let  us  use  it. 
Of  course  the  highest,  if  possible.  Fear  alone  may  drive  a 
man  to  secret  vice.  The  self-regarding  motive  may  divert 
his  selfishness  to  another  channel.  Yet,  as  has  been  bluntly 
said,  it  is  better  to  be  scared  than  syphilitic.  And  let  us  now 
call  upon  all  the  people  who  can  help.  The  physician  may 
broaden  the  scope  of  information,  the  athlete  and  the  camp- 
leader  may  be  strong  examples  of  the  strenuous  life,  good 

[257] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

women  arc  always  helpful,  busy  companionship  with  truly 
strong  men  makes  for  spiritual  athleticism.  The  church  is 
never  more  helpful,  with  its  unworldly  passion  for  a  better 
age,  its  brotherhood  to  children  and  younger  boys — even  its 
confessional  and  its  periods  of  devotion. 

Right  Attitudes 

During  boyhood,  when  sex  matters  were  simply  factors  of 
intellectual  curiosity,  the  passive  acceptance  of  communicated 
facts  and  ideals  was  enough,  but  now,  when  they  involve  in 
every  youth  distinct,  hard-won  personal  choice,  the  individual 
attitude  is  everything.  No  wiser  word  upon  this  has  ever  been 
spoken  than  that  of  Professor  Maurice  A.  Bigelow: 

"Unless  we  can  devise  some  way  to  counteract  the  pre- 
vailing narrow,  vulgar,  disrespectful,  and  irreverent  attitude 
toward  all  aspects  of  sex  and  reproduction;  unless  we  can 
make  people  see  sexual  processes  in  all  their  normal  aspects 
as  noble,  beautiful,  and  splendid  steps  in  the  great  plan  of 
nature;  unless  we  can  substitute  a  philosophical  and  aesthetic 
view  of  sex  relationship  for  the  time-worn  interpretation  of 
everything  sexual  as  inherently  vulgar,  base,  ignoble,  and 
demanding  asceticism  for  those  who  would  reach  the  highest 
spiritual  development;  unless  we  can  begin  to  make  these 
changes  in  the  prevailing  attitude  toward  sex  and  reproduc- 
tion, we  cannot  make  any  decided  advance  in  the  attempt 
to  help  solve  sex  problems  by  special  instruction.  First  of 
all,  sex-education  must  work  for  a  purified  and  dignified 
attitude  which  sees  vulgarity  and  impurity  only  when  the 
functions  of  sex  have  been  voluntarily  and  knowingly  misused 
and  thereby  debased.  If  sex-education  succeeds  in  giving 
young  people  this  enlightened  attitude,  there  will  be  little 
difficulty  in  solving  most  of  the  ethical  and  hygienic  problems 
of  sex.  A  young  man  who  has  caught  a  glimpse  of  the 
highest  interpretation  of  sex  in  its  relation  to  human  life,  in 

[258] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

short,  a  young  man  to  whom  all  natural  sex  processes  are 
essentially  pure  and  noble  and  beautiful,  is  not  one  who  will 
make  grave  hygienic  mistakes  in  his  own  life,  and  he  will  not 
be  personally  connected  with  the  social  evil  and  its  diseases, 
and  he  will  avoid  almost  intuitively  the  physiologic  and 
psychologic  mistakes  that  most  often  cause  matrimonial  dis- 
asters. Everything,  then,  in  successful  sex-education  de- 
pends upon  the  attitude  formed  in  the  minds  of  learners; 
and  towards  this  our  major  efforts  should  be  directed." 

There  is  a  character,  unfortunately  not  unknown  in  the 
high-school  years,  called  euphemistically  a  "chicken- 
snatcher"  and  usually  the  manager  of  a  high-powered  auto- 
mobile, the  influence  of  whose  example  upon  sensitive  and 
hero-worshipping  boys  is  analogous  to  that  of  the  buccaneers 
upon  the  imagination  of  youths  of  the  Age  of  Elizabeth. 
Reversing  all  the  rules  of  chivalry  and  glorying  in  his  immu- 
nities, this  pirate  of  innocence,  this  deluder  of  pleasure-loving 
girlhood,  often  flourishes  in  a  manner  to  cause  right-thinking 
youths  the  same  intellectual  confusion  as  that  which  threat- 
ened the  Psalmist  when  he  saw  the  wicked  flourishing  like  a 
green  bay  tree.  His  end  does  not  seem  as  sure  as  the  end  of 
the  wicked  appeared  to  the  Hebrew,  and  it  requires  all  the 
shrewdness  of  a  worldly-wise  father  to  enable  his  son  to  see 
any  fallacy  in  his  career. 

Gerald  Stanley  Lee  says  that  "the  first  really  important 
shock  that  comes  to  a  young  man's  religious  sentiment  in 
this  world  is  the  number  of  bored-looking  people  around, 
doing  right."  Perhaps  our  greatest  moral  task  with  young 
people  is  to  persuade  them  that  it  is  not  only  wise  to  be  good, 
but  happy  to  be  good. 

What  we  want  is  not  a  grudging  but  a  hearty  allegiance 
to  the  cause  of  right  living.  "Xo  virtue  is  safe,"  says  Dr. 
E.  O.  Sisson,  "that  is  not  enthusiastic."  It  may  be  too  much 
to  hope  that  every  young  man  will  become  a  purity  crusader, 

[259] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

but  he  may  at  least  be  glad  that  he  is  on  the  manly  side.  In 
a  fraternity  of  boys,  several  tens  of  thousands  in  number, 
ranging  from  thirteen  to  eighteen  years  of  age,  and  called  the 
Knights  of  King  Arthur,  those  who  attain  the  second  degree, 
that  of  esquire,  are  bound  together  with  chaste  ideals  and 
chaste  living  as  one  of  their  watchwords.  It  has  been  a 
matter  of  general  observation,  running  now  over  a  score  of 
years,  that  those  who  thoughtfully  take  this  obligation  to- 
gether with  their  campanions  absorb  it  as  an  integral  part 
of  their  young  characters  and  carry  it  on  as  a  living  principle 
into  manhood.  It  is  also  a  well-known  fact  that  the  surest 
way  to  commit  a  young  college  man  to  pure  living  is  to  per- 
suade him  to  act,  in  some  capacity,  as  elder  brother  to  a  com- 
pany of  younger  ones.  The  Master's  own  motto,  "For  their 
sakes  I  consecrate  myself,"  then  becomes  one  of  the  cardinal 
doctrines  of  such  a  young  man's  life  and  acts  as  a  guiding 
motive  long  after  the  special  connection  has  ceased. 

Further  Instruction 
Of  the  matter  of  instruction  now  not  much  need  be  said. 
The  newness  is  not  so  much  in  the  facts  as  in  the  emphasis. 
Copulation  is  now,  in  the  imagination  of  many  chaste  but  in- 
experienced youths,  dreamed  of  as  a  sensual  heaven.  Be- 
cause of  the  mystery  with  which  it  has  been  surrounded,  the 
generative  act  is  thought  of  by  many  boys  as,  under  whatever 
circumstances  performed,  the  acme  of  human  felicity.  It  is 
necessary  to  let  them  know  that  here,  as  in  all  other  moral 
issues,  the  body  is  not  all.  The  sorrows  and  wages  of  sin  are 
nowhere  more  manifest  than  here.  To  harlotry  belong  fear, 
self-loathing,  self-indulgence,  quarrelsomeness,  contempt, 
hatred,  treachery,  mercenary  conduct,  indulgence  in  drink, 
criminal  impulses  and  despair.  To  marriage  belong  love, 
esteem,  self-respect,  forgiveness,  courage,  social  obligations 
and  sacrifice. 

[260] 


SEX    DISCIPLINE 

A  fair,  open-eyed  knowledge  of  the  extent  and  the  virulence 
of  the  sexual  plagues  seems  to  be  essential.  The  main  facts 
seem  to  be  that  gonorrhoea,  formerly  considered  "no  worse 
than  a  cold,"  is  now  regarded  as  a  malady  frequently  char- 
acterized by  complications,  commonly  explanatory  of  sterility, 
apt  to  appear  many  years  after  it  was  contracted  and  thus 
likely  to  affect  one's  innocent  wife  and  children.  Syphilis  in- 
fects the  whole  body  through  the  blood  and  is  both  com- 
municable and  hereditary.  The  youth  who  places  himself  in  a 
situation  where  he  may  contract  either  of  these  diseases  is 
risking  his  manhood  and  gambling  with  other  lives — helpless 
ones — than  his  own.  The  removal  of  the  veil  of  romance 
from  prostitution  should  be  complete.  The  daughter  of 
shame  should  be  recognized  as  in  no  sense  alluring,  but  as  in 
the  majority  of  cases  of  inferior  mentality,  usually  a  virulent 
center  of  an  infection  whose  visitations  upon  the  unborn  are 
the  greatest  of  tragedies,  and  generally  weak,  ignorant,  ill- 
treated  and  defenseless.  Those  who  engage  in  clandestine  sin 
are  even  more  dangerous  because  more  careless  and  ignorant, 
and  they  are  generally  of  a  social  class — from  the  ranks  of 
servants  and  working-people — whom  no  high-minded  youth 
can  wish  to  rob  of  their  chief  life  treasure.  Young  men  should 
also  be  told  that — no  matter  what  assurances  may  be  held 
out  to  them — there  are  no  precautions  which  will  guarantee 
immunity  either  to  their  victims  or  to  themselves  as  to  the 
results  of  the  act  which  constitutes  their  moral  downfall. 

The  majesty  of  a  clean  family  history  is  impressively  shown 
by  a  group  of  facts  that  has  recently  been  collected.  One  of 
the  most  inspiring  is  the  history  of  the  great  Edwards  family, 
compiled  by  Dr.  Winship.  Even  more  convincing  is  the  story 
of  the  so-called  Kallikak  family,  of  which  Professor  Maurice 
A.  Bigelow  says: 

"Even  making  due  allowance  for  the  depressing  innuencc 
of  the  environment  in  which  most  of  the  down-and-out  de- 

[261] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

scendants  in  the  degenerate  line  lived,  the  comparison  be- 
tween the  normal  and  the  abnormal  lines  from  the  same 
ancestor  gives  the  most  convincing  eugenic  evidence  that  has 
been  discovered  in  the  human  race."  Doubtless  it  will  long 
be  used  as  a  basis  for  earnest  impulsion  of  youth  toward  the 
establishment  or  continuance  of  a  line  heredity.  To  those 
who  have  not  seen  the  book  Dr.  Bigelow's  summary  will  be 
interesting: 

"A  young  man  of  good  ancestry  broke  the  moral  law  about 
one  hundred  and  forty  years  ago  and  became  the  father  of 
an  illegitimate  son  by  a  feeble-minded  mother.  Of  480 
descendants  of  this  son,  there  have  been  46  normal,  many 
immoral,  many  alcoholic  and  143  feeble-minded.  The  same 
man  who  back  in  the  revolutionary  days  made  a  moral  mis- 
take which  led  to  such  awful  consequences,  later  married  a 
woman  of  good  family  and  became  the  progenitor  of  a  second 
line  of  496  descendants,  of  whom  494  have  been  normal  men- 
tally (2  were  affected  by  alliance  with  another  family);  and  all 
have  been  first-class  citizens,  many  of  them  prominent  in 
business,  professions,  etc. 

"This  story  of  the  Kallikak  family  will  teach  two  important 
lessons:  (i)  The  biological  principle  that  defects,  both  physical 
and  mental,  are  highly  heritable,  even  for  many  generations; 
and  (2)  the  ethical  responsibility  for  the  sexual  actions  of  the 
individual  who  may  start  a  long  train  of  human  disaster  that 
may  visit  the  children  unto  even  later  than  the  third  and  fourth 
generations.  The  second  lesson  is  not  biological  but  ethical, 
suggesting  individual  responsibility  for  conduct  which  may 
disastrously  afTect  other  individuals'  lives.  It  seems  to  me 
that  so  far  as  general  education  is  concerned,  the  ethical 
lesson  is  the  more  impressive  and  more  likely  to  lead  to 
voluntary  eugenic  practice  by  individuals.  It  is  my  observa- 
tion that  even  many  intelligent  people  are  not  seriously  im- 
pressed by  the  biological  evidences  for  eugenics  considered 

[262] 


SEX   DISCIPLINE 

as  a  general  problem,  but  their  reaction  is  one  of  interest 
when  one  begins  to  present  the  question  of  ethical  responsi- 
bility for  the  transmission  of  physical  and  mental  defects  to 
future  generations." 

There  are  three  lies  that  a  father  ought  to  nail  as  promptly 
as  possible,  which  are  told  and  believed  as  an  excuse  for 
sensual  indulgence.  One  is  that  such  indulgence  is  a  neces- 
sity to  virility.  Give  your  son  "The  Physician's  Answer,"  a 
small  leaflet  compiled  by  Dr.  Exner,  containing  the  names  of 
over  three  hundred  of  America's  leading  physicians,  who 
testify  thus  that  there  is  not  the  slightest  ground  for  any  such 
doctrine,  or  remind  him  that  the  two  classes  that  most  feel 
such  "necessity"  are  imbeciles  and  degenerates.  Another  is 
that  at  least  one  such  indulgence  is  necessary  to  prove  that 
one  is  capable  of  his  marital  duties.  This,  of  course,  is  utter 
nonsense,  and  every  young  man  who  is  vigorous  enough  to 
have  occasional  seminal  losses  knows  that  it  is  nonsense. 
One  more  idea  is  that  since  indulgence  is  natural  and  uni- 
versal among  the  animals,  it  is  a  right  and  privilege  that  be- 
longs to  the  higher  human  animals.  This  doctrine,  perhaps, 
is  the  outgrowth  of  too  much  emphasis  upon  biological  analo- 
gies. Even  biologically  the  argument  rather  points  the  other 
way,  for  man  is  "the  only  animal  who  makes  love  all  the 
year  round,"  who  copulates  for  any  purpose  other  than 
reproduction,  or  who  artificially  stimulates  his  desires.  But 
it  is  still  more  important  to  add  that  he  is  the  only  one  who 
has  a  spiritual  nature  potent  to  restrain,  guide  and  exalt  his 
physical  nature. 

There  is  always  need  of  specific  instructions  concerning  the 
ideals  with  which  young  men  should  approach  marriage. 
The  greatest  need  is  that  they  be  encouraged  to  marry  at  all. 
Bachelorhood  is  often  a  social  sin,  compounded  of  cowardice 
and  self-indulgence  and  a  cynical  view  of  woman.  If  every 
young  man  could  be  told  that  there  arc  plenty  of  women  in 

[263] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

tliis  world  who  are  too  good  for  him  and  that  it  is,  other 
things  being  equal,  his  duty  from  every  standpoint,  personal, 
social  and  moral,  to  say  nothing  of  it  as  a  privilege — to  ex- 
pect, to  seek  and  to  endeavor  to  win  one  of  them,  we  shall 
arrive  at  a  desirable  new  Puritanism. 

The  things  to  be  said  about  the  physical  regimen  of  mar- 
riage are  of  great  importance,  but  they  are  beyond  the  scope 
of  this  volume.  If  the  ideal  of  fatherhood,  which  we  insisted 
should  be  instilled  into  a  boy  long  before  he  has  the  capacity 
of  parenthood,  accompanied  by  complete  information,  can  be 
carried  all  the  way  along,  and  the  virtue  of  youth  focussed 
in  the  family  relation,  even  the  simplest  instruction  will  be 
effective,  because  it  will  be  utilized  by  one  who  has  the  divine 
conception  of  marriage. 


[264] 


CHAPTER   XXIII 

RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 
Religion  as  a  Personal  Matter 

When  we  talk  about  the  religious  nurture  of  young  chil- 
dren we  emphasize  habit-forming  and  ethical  teaching.  These 
are  two  preparatives  for  good  living  that  are  administered 
largely  by  adults.  They  are  two  things  that,  after  all,  are 
externals.  These  are  all  good  and  proper  because  the  young 
child  is  hardly  a  personality  and  is  in  a  stage  previous  to  a 
real  awakening  to  religious  impulses.  But  with  adolescence 
all  is  different.  Religion  now  becomes  a  personal  matter. 
There  is  hardly  a  normal  boy  of  fourteen  or  fifteen  who  is  not 
keenly  sensitive  to  impulses  which,  no  matter  what  his  home 
training  and  influences,  we  must  regard  as  idealistic  and  al- 
truistic— in  short,  religious. 

Every  part  of  the  boy's  being  at  this  time  has  become 
sensitive  to  religious  impulses.  His  bodily  acts  are  now 
recognized,  even  by  himself,  as  being  expressions  of  the 
spirit.  Especially  close  is  the  relation  between  the  newly- 
developed  sex-function  and  passions  on  the  one  hand,  and  the 
ideals  on  the  other.  Every  boy  feels  a  sensitiveness  of  con- 
science as  to  the  control  of  this  function  and  usually  finds  that 
his  growing  interest  in  the  other  sex  has  a  bearing,  favorable 
or  unfavorable,  upon  the  development  of  his  religious  ideals. 
The  boy's  intellect  now  carries  him  off  into  new  curiosities 
and  especially  on  a  quest  for  the  settlement  of  problems  now 
for  the  first  time  recognized  as  personal.  Socially,  the  bov's 
conscience  seems  for  a  while  to  be  in  the  keeping  of  the 
"gang."     Instead  of  being  an  individual  character  he  and  his 

[265] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

chums  seem  to  represent  a  conjunct  character,  each  member 
of  which  contributes  certain  elements.  Yet  after  a  time  it  is 
noticeable  that  the  boy  has  been  maturing  religiously  some- 
what more  rapidly  than  he  has  socially,  and  after  he  is  old 
enough  to  have  succeeded  in  emancipating  himself  from  his 
crowd  it  turns  out  that  he  has  been  achieving  a  definite 
religious  as  well  as  mental  character  of  his  own. 

Religious  Influences 

The  problem  of  writing  about  religious  nurture  for  this 
period,  then,  is  to  say  anything  about  the  period  that  does 
not  have  religious  bearing.  It  would  almost  seem  to  be 
enough  to  ask  the  reader  to  turn  back  through  the  preced- 
ing chapters  of  this  portion  of  the  book  and  reread  them. 
Let  us  take  a  fresh  start,  however,  by  confining  our  discussion 
to  some  of  the  influences  which,  whether  they  are  consciously 
so  recognized  or  not,  are  important  in  affecting  a  boy's 
religious  life. 

We  ought  to  grant  at  the  outset  that  we  do  not  know  very 
much  how  the  religious  life  develops.  It  is  still  true  that  "the 
wind  bloweth  where  it  listeth,  and  we  hear  the  sound  thereof, 
but  know  not  whence  it  cometh  nor  whither  it  goeth:  so  Is 
every  one  that  is  born  of  the  Spirit."  We  are  aware  in  a 
general  way  of  those  tw^o  types  of  people  that  William  James 
made  familiar  as  the  "once-born"  and  the  "twice-born."  The 
twice-born  have  confessed  themselves  in  literature;  we  know 
of  their  conversions,  their  repentances,  their  backslidings  and 
their  ecstasies,  but  really  neither  we  nor  they  can  say  how 
much  these  experiences  have  had  to  do  with  the  life  of  the 
will  and  with  religious  conduct.  We  ourselves  who  are  of 
the  same  type  look  back  upon  some  of  these  experiences  as 
epoch-making  to  us,  yet  as  they  recede  we  sometimes  grow 
a  bit  skeptical  as  to  their  relative  importance.  Boys  at 
least  pass  through  them  and  emerge  apparently  not  much 

[  266  ] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

altered.  It  is  still  a  fair  question  whether  an  enjoyable  con- 
version has  had  as  much  effect  upon  the  motives  and  after- 
life of  a  given  individual  as  an  hour  of  poignant  shame  over 
a  failure. 

The  once-born  are  for  the  most  part  silent,  and  yet  they 
form  no  doubt  a  considerable  and  worthy  minority  of  the 
human  race.  Undoubtedly  a  large  number  of  them  enter  the 
kingdom  of  God.  But  their  religious  experience  omits  a 
definite  turning-point  of  crisis  and  lacks  the  emotional  ele- 
ments of  the  others. 

Conversion 

There  was  a  time  when,  in  orthodox  Protestant  homes, 
the  great  concern  was  that  at  the  proper  time  the  children 
should  be  converted.  This  is  still  with  many  parents  the 
most  earnest  expectation  and  endeavor.  The  churches  to 
which  such  parents  usually  belong  arrange  periodically  for 
protracted  meetings  or  special  occasions  in  Sunday  school 
when  appeals  shall  be  made  to  the  young,  the  response  to 
which  shall  be  such  conversions.  Nobody  can  doubt  the 
effectiveness  for  such  a  purpose  of  the  incentives  and  methods 
which  are  used,  and  there  are  many  versed  in  the  psychology 
of  religion  who  believe  that  such  experiences  are  the  emo- 
tional birthright  of  the  young  soul  and  that  such  committals 
are  a  powerful  and  divinely-planned  reinforcement  to  the 
religious  will. 

Yet  we  must  acknowledge  that  increasing  numbers  of 
young  persons  are  being  received  into  Christian  churches 
who  would  be  genuinely  puzzled  if  they  were  asked  whether 
they  had  been  "converted,"  and  it  would  be  hard  to  prove 
that  they  do  not  become  just  as  good  Christians.  This  we 
believe  on  the  whole  to  be  wholesome.  It  indicates  that 
boys  are  coming  along  in  an  increasing  number  of  homes 
just  as  we  have  advocated,  their  wills  trained  by  wholesome 
habit-forming,  their  social   relations  carefully  guarded  and 

[267] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE   HOME 

shared  by  their  parents,  their  intellectual  doubts  frankly  met 
and  their  hearts  trained  to  love  that  which  is  true,  beautiful 
and  good.  In  such  households,  loyal  to  the  Church,  there  is 
the  expectancy  that  the  child  will  sometime  be  called  to 
align  himself  with  the  divine  institution  which  is  like  a  large 
family,  of  which  his  parents  and  friends  are  already  a  part. 
Whether  we  all  agree  with  these  statements  or  not,  may  we 
not  at  least  find  a  common  meeting-point  in  the  conviction 
that  the  experience  of  conversion  is  by  no  means  the  only 
influence  to  bring  to  bear  upon  an  adolescent  boy? 

Prayer 
As  has  already  been  said,  it  is  difficult  for  us  to  appraise 
the  relative  power  of  influences,  but  it  would  seem  that  prayer 
is  one  of  the  first  importance,  and  never  more  so  than  in  the 
days  when  a  boy  is  learning  by  frequent  failures  to  distrust  his 
own  powers  and  by  increasing  responsibilities  to  feel  his  spirit- 
ual loneliness.  We  have  elsewhere  urged  (when  speaking  of  the 
Religious  Nurture  of  School  Boys)  that  a  boy's  prayers 
should  grow  as  he  grows,  but  it  is  not  easy  during  the  reticent 
years  to  learn  what  a  boy's  prayers  are  like.  It  is  certainly 
not  to  be  supposed  or  hoped  that  a  boy's  private  petitions  are 
those  which  are  occasionally  heard  from  the  lips  of  youths  in 
Christian  Endeavor  meetings.  We  gather  from  those  rare 
persons  who  have  found  it  possible  to  organize  small  prayer- 
circles  of  boys  of  this  age  that  a  boy's  prayers  are  extremely 
short  and  simple  and  that  they  are  chiefly  characterized  by 
passionate  petition  for  personal  manliness.  This,  if  true, 
seems  wholesome.  During  the  years  when  life  appears  to 
youth  a  good  fight  it  would  seem  natural  that  they  should 
regard  the  Eternal  as  their  Champion  and  that  communion 
should  be  to  them  a  rehearsal  of  moral  issues.  Thus,  I  think, 
we  should  encourage  boys  to  pray,  and  if  also  we  can  persuade 
them  that  those  meditations  which  are  characteristic  of  their 

[268] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

solitudes  may  be  turned  Godward,  then  we  help  them  to 
spiritualize  their  day-dreaming. 

The  Bible 

It  must  be  confessed  that  the  Bible  often  seems  to  lose  its 
force  during  the  adolescent  years.  Some  boys  conscien- 
tiously read  it  daily,  but,  one  must  think,  as  a  sacred  exercise 
rather  than  for  its  contents.  They  have  heard  its  phrases 
so  long  that  it  does  not  grip  the  attention,  and  few  boys  know 
how  to  find  their  way  in  it. 

We  must  be  at  least  partly  reconciled  to  this  temporary 
loss  of  interest  in  the  Book  of  books,  for  we  must  remember, 
what  will  be  more  distinctly  pointed  out  a  little  later,  that  it 
is  only  a  part  of  the  whole  tendency  of  youth  at  this  time, 
which  is  to  turn  from  books  to  life.  In  childhood  the  Bible 
was  enjoyed  as  a  story  book;  after  youth  has  learned  some  of 
life's  lessons,  the  Bible  will  remain  to  most  men  and  women 
a  permanent  storehouse  of  personal  religious  experiences. 

The  Church 

We  often  find  this  anomaly:  that  a  boy  feels  religious  im- 
pulses most  strongly  while  at  the  same  time  he  regards  the 
Church  with  the  most  active  distaste.  Many  boys  become 
impatient  with  church-going  because  they  are  too  restless 
physically  to  sit  still.  Sermons  are  hardly  the  natural  nutri- 
ment of  youth,  and  many  boys  have  not  the  attentive  power 
or  the  mastery  of  vocabulary  to  follow  them  intelligently 
through.  To  boys  even  more  than  adults  the  man  behind  the 
address  is  the  principal  thing,  and  the  minister  who  is  a 
friend  of  boys  finds  them  a  challenging  and  friendly  pnrt  of 
his  congregation. 

We  forget,  too,  that  the  domination  of  the  "gang"  follows 
the  boy  even  to  church.  He  likes  to  go  only  where  his 
"gang"  goes.     If  his  "gang"  goes  to  church  or  if  he  finds  that 

[269] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

a  "gang"  which  he  would  like  to  join  goes,  then  he  is  quite 
willing  to  go,  but  in  later  adolescence,  if  the  companions  of 
a  boy  are  non-churchgoers,  and  the  local  church  does  not 
make  strong  endeavor  to  appeal  to  the  boy's  real  interests, 
the  problem  of  continuing  such  allegiance  becomes  a  very 
difficult  one. 

The  Catholic  Church  and  the  Episcopal  Church  have  been 
especially  wise,  psychologically,  in  organizing  themselves 
about  the  child  in  a  fashion  imitative  of  the  family.  The 
baptized  child  is  accepted  as  a  member  of  the  ecclesiastical 
family,  potentially  regenerate.  It  is  the  tradition  as  well  as 
the  expectation  that  the  child  will  come  forward  in  adoles- 
cence to  prove  his  knowledge  of  the  fundamentals  of  the 
faith  in  the  confirmation  class ;  instead  of  waiting  for  a  cata- 
clysmal  conversion — which  may  not  come — before  being  ad- 
mitted into  full  communion,  the  child  is  admitted  upon  at- 
taining a  fitting  age  and  reasonable  knowledge.  And  it  is 
believed  that  in  the  solemn  interim  between  the  confirmation 
and  the  first  communion  and  in  the  activities  which  follow, 
or  in  the  fold  of  the  church,  with  maturing  character,  spiritual 
life  will  gradually  appear.  So  far  as  the  influence  of  this 
plan  can  be  thrown  around  children,  what  could  be  more 
admirable  to  secure  a  quiet,  normal  Christian  development? 

It  is  the  writer's  observation  and  experience  that  where 
religious  committal  through  joining  the  church  does  not  oc- 
cur as  the  result  of  the  process  of  training  and  study  just 
mentioned,  it  almost  invariably  comes  through  the  influence 
and  example  of  companions.  It  would  be  hard  to  find  a  re- 
vival, Decision  Day  or  any  other  church-membership  cam- 
paign where  the  group-spirit  is  not  depended  upon,  and  few 
ministers  who  work  more  quietly  ignore  the  influence  of 
the  "gang,"  clique  or  class  in  securing  young  adherents. 
This  testimony  to  the  conjunct  nature  of  religious  experience 
during  adolescence  has  its  meaning  for  the  home,  since  it 

[270] 


RELIGIOUS   NURTURE 

is  a  reminder  that  wholesome  fellowships  with  children  of 
similar  age  in  the  church  life  are  often  potent  influences  to- 
ward calling-  out  into  consciousness  a  hitherto  unformulated 
but  developing  religious  impulse.  The  positive  value  of 
young  people's  societies  within  the  church,  after  committals 
have  not  been  made,  is  not  in  their  devotional  exercises,  which 
frequently  strike  an  artificial  note,  but  in  their  alliance  of 
young  Christians  for  self-protection  and  in  their  joint  activi- 
ties in  the  service  of  others. 

The  Sunday  School 

A  great  deal  of  distress  is  expressed  because  boys  of  this 
age  lose  their  interest  in  Sunday  school.  It  seems  to  be  for- 
gotten that  they  are  apparently  at  this  time  not  interested 
in  any  kind  of  school.  Many  a  youth  is  so  engrossed  with 
his  own  importance  just  now  that  he  does  not  care  much 
what  anybody  teaches  him  about  anything,  A  great  deal 
that  takes  place  during  the  "opening  exercises"  of  most 
Sunday  schools  is  to  the  average  boy  a  bore.  "The  three- 
quarters  of  an  hour  singing  is  terrible"  was  the  typical  tes- 
timony of  one  suffering  youth.  Such  exercises  are  particu- 
larly hard  to  bear  if  the  lad  has  just  been  to  church.  His 
semi-familiarity  with  the  Bible  especially  causes  him  to  feel 
impatience  with  a  course  of  study  which  reviews  that  which 
he  thinks  he  knows  all  about.  He  is  also  likely  at  this  period 
to  scorn  methods  of  Bible  study  which  seem  to  him  un- 
scientific, and,  by  inference,  to  express  contempt  for  the 
Bible  itself.  It  is  necessary  that  courses  of  Bible  study  dur- 
ing these  years  should  be  particularly  cautious  not  to  teach 
a  boy  anything  which  he  will  later  need  to  unlearn.  The 
same  frankness  and  liberty  of  research  which  is  given  in 
scientific  subjects  in  high  school  should  now  be  api)lictl  to 
the  Sunday  school. 

But  the  great  interest  of  boys  now  is  in  what  they  call 

[271] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

"real  life."  The  popularity  and  success  of  courses  of  study 
which  recognize  this  fact  even  in  their  titles,  such  as  "Real 
Problems  of  Pligh  School  Boys,"  "Life  Problems  of  Young 
:\Icn,"  "Young  People's  Problems,"  etc.,  show  that  the  youth 
has  now  come  to  a  time  when  he  will  no  longer  accept  facts 
on  trust;  when  he  is  impatient  with  the  question-and-answer 
method;  when  he  wishes  to  express  his  own  opinions  as 
well  as  to  hear  others  in  discussion.  Our  best  boys'  classes 
in  Sunday  school  today  are  those  in  which  strong,  fearless 
men  grapple  in  heart-to-heart  contests  with  their  pupils  upon 
the  problems  of  real  life. 

Over  twenty  years'  observation  has  proven  to  the  writer 
that  the  principal  reason  for  the  exodus  of  boys  from  the 
Sunday  school  during  the  adolescent  years  is  the  lack  of 
good  teachers.  In  this  voluntary  school,  whose  subject  is 
life,  the  living  teacher  is  everything.  We  are  writing  here 
from  the  standpoint  of  the  home.  If  I  as  a  parent  had  a  son 
for  whom  there  was  available  no  worthy  Sunday-school 
teacher,  I  would  regard  the  school  as  a  complete  failure  so 
far  as  that  boy  was  concerned. 

Personal  Influence 
This  simply  goes  to  confirm  the  point  to  which  we  have 
been  moving — that  the  best  influence  which  we  can  bring  to 
bear  upon  a  boy  religiously  is  that  of  a  good  hero.  Professor 
Tyler  quotes  Wendell  Phillips  as  saying  that  the  power  that 
hurled  slavery  from  its  throne  was  young  men  dreaming 
dreams  by  patriots'  graves.  He  thinks,  sensibly,  that  a  great 
orator  would  have  acknowledged  that  a  few  living  patriots 
might  vivify  the  dream  without  disturbing  it.  We  parents 
ought  to  regard  as  a  happy  day  that  one  when  our  sons  find 
in  Sunday  school  or  in  public  school  or  anywhere  else  an  adult 
friend  who  represents  in  his  own  person  qualities  which  are 
really  admirable  for  them  to  imitate. 

[272] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

The  writer  recalls  a  splendid  young  Yale  man  whom  two 
of  his  own  sons  had  as  a  Sunday-school  teacher  for  six 
years.  When,  toward  the  close  of  that  period,  he  heard 
one  of  them  say  that  he  would  rather  be  like  Frank  Werne- 
ken  than  anyone  else  on  earth,  he  recognized  the  statement  as 
no  exaggeration,  since  both  boys  were  recognizably  absorb- 
ing the  ideals  of  their  hero.  In  the  instance  of  one  of  them  em- 
ulation of  a  manly  high-school  teacher  actually  determined 
the  choice  of  vocation.  It  was  the  deep  philosophy  of  the 
Fourth  Gospel  that  the  light  of  God  is  manifested  only  in 
the  form  of  life,  and  so  it  has  ever  been.  We  need  not 
entirely  regret  the  temporary  turning  of  boys  from  the  Bible 
in  their  quest  for  a  book  of  life  written  in  real  men,  and 
we  may  well  be  persuaded  that  we  can  afiford  to  allow  our 
sons  to  lose  some  of  the  other  good  influences  which  we 
have  commended  if  only  they  have  found  good  friends. 

But  how  shall  we  do  this? 

Well,  we  can  be  such  friends  to  them  ourselves.  Do  you 
know  this  is  not  as  easy  as  it  sounds?  There  are  today 
plenty  of  indulgent  parents,  plenty  of  parents  whose  ex- 
amples are  worth  following,  but  there  is  still  a  lack  of 
parents  who  are  companionable  with  their  children.  I  sit 
daily  at  the  center  of  a  correspondence  that  comes  from 
many  thousands  of  parents  from  all  over  the  country.  Into 
the  same  ofifices  come  letters  from  their  children.  We  thus 
get  oftentimes  both  angles  on  a  family  situation,  and  I  can 
truly  say  that  I  cannot  remember  a  problem  of  the  adoles- 
cent years  that  did  not  arise  out  of  the  distance  that  had 
come  to  exist  between  parent  and  child;  nor  can  I  recall  a 
single  one  of  the  many  successful  homes  which  was  not 
explained  by  a  beautiful  comradeship.  Frankly,  the  trouble 
is  that  we  love  our  boys,  but  we  do  not  like  them.  Isn't 
that  just  it?  We  cling  affectionately  to  their  lives  and  health 
and  future,  but  wc  do  not  like  their  clumsiness,  their  irri- 

[273] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

tating  ignorance  and  conceit,  their  maddening  folly  and  ob- 
stinacy, their  loss  of  all  that  we  think  is  worth  while. 

I  speak  with  the  deepest  humility  upon  this  theme,  for  I 
regard  myself  as  having  been  far  from  a  model  parent,  but 
when  I  look  upon  the  three  splendid  grown  sons  who  re- 
gard me  as  a  companion  and  ask  myself  how  I  can  explain 
anything  that  I  had  to  do  with  such  a  result,  I  can  think 
of  absolutely  no  explanation  but  that  I  tried  to  put  myself 
in  their  places  and  to  believe  the  best  about  them. 

I  revere  a  man  who  can  pray  with  his  children,  but  I 
speak  reverently  when  I  say  that,  though  I  cannot,  I  regard 
it  as  quite  as  religious  a  virtue  that  I  can  play  with  mine. 
It  seems  to  me  that  incarnation,  which  is  treated  in  theology 
as  an  isolated  act  of  God,  ought  to  become  in  life  a  human 
habit,  and  that  it  is  the  chief  means  by  which  fathers  and 
mothers  can  bring  their  sons  to  God. 

Religious  Living 

Whatever  may  be  the  religious  experience  of  a  boy,  wc 
begin  to  feel  that  he  has  a  genuine  religious  life  when  we 
first  see  him  do  something  for  somebody  else.  The  writer 
of  one  of  the  epistles  that  bears  the  name  of  John  says  that 
"we  know  that  we  have  passed  out  of  death  into  life  when 
we  love  the  brethren."  In  the  only  distinct  and  positive  state- 
ment which  Jesus  made  regarding  the  nature  of  religion,  he 
made  religion  a  question  of  how  a  man  behaves  in  the  face 
of  human  need.  He  named  six  of  the  commonest  of  human 
needs — sickness,  sorrow,  loneliness,  suffering,  hunger,  pov- 
erty— and  suggested  that  our  attitude  toward  these  was  the 
real  test  of  our  religion.  It  is  this  attitude,  freely  and  gen- 
erously taken,  and  not  a  system  of  dogmatics  or  ethics, 
which  constitutes  the  religious  life  we  ought  to  crave  for 
our  young  people. 

In  the  realm  of  service  we  have  opportunity  in  at  least 

[274] 


RELIGIOUS    NURTURE 

three  ways.  The  warm  feeling  of  the  boy  for  those  who 
are  less  fortunate  may  now  properly  be  expressed  through 
gifts  and  deeds  which  involve  some  sacrifice  on  his  own  part. 
He  may  now  assume  definite  responsibility  with  special  needs 
and  objects  of  care.  He  may  devote  himself  with  peculiar 
tenderness  to  the  needs  of  those  who  are  a  little  younger 
than  himself. 

Someone  has  said  recently  that  "the  most  neglected  re- 
ligious need  of  the  boy  is  that  of  being  shown  definitely 
what  Christianity  means  for  him  along  the  line  of  his  daily 
activities."  We  know  that  at  least  three-fourths  of  the 
religious  action  of  an  adult  consists  in  doing  his  daily  duties 
well.  In  this  respect  we  must  confess  that  a  boy  shows 
himself  a  crusader  rather  than  a  cross-bearer.  I  could 
easily  imagine  a  high-school  boy  teaching  a  Sunday-school 
class  and  habitually  neglecting  to  bring  up  the  coal.  The 
trait  is  human.  We  all  would  rather  pick  flowers  than  dig 
up  weeds.  I  should  be  patient  with  this  manifestation.  I 
should  not  taunt  such  a  boy  with  his  public  goodness  and 
his  meager  private  virtues.  I  should  be  thankful  that  he  has 
the  will  to  serve,  and  wait  for  the  later  consecration  when 
he  performs  hated  duties,  as  I  do,  only  with  grumbling. 


[27: 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

FACTS    FOR    ENCOURAGEMENT 

There  arc  some  manifestations  during  this  period,  usually 
considered  trying,  that  may  be  interpreted  as  really  what  we 
like  to  call  "good  signs." 

The  youth  is  garrulous.  But  this  means  that  he  is  con- 
fidential. No  matter  if  the  boy  bores  you  dreadfully  with  his 
football  lingo  or  the  girl  with  her  school  gossip,  be  thankful 
that  they  trust  you  so  as  to  want  to  tell  you  their  secrets. 
Never  shut  that  door. 

The  youth  is  susceptible  to  unworthy  companions. 
But  susceptibility  is  impartial.  He  must  be  equally  sus- 
ceptible to  good  ones,  if  they  are  as  interesting.  Help 
him  to  better  companionships.  Don't  try  to  shut  that 
door. 

The  youth  is  not  studious.  Maybe  he  is  protecting  his 
health  while  growing;  maybe  not.  The  main  point  is  not 
what  he  is  getting  out  of  school,  but  what  he  is  getting 
out  of  Hfe.     Life  is  more  important  than  school. 

The  youth  has  such  crude  moral  conceptions.  Crude  but 
strong.  And  did  you  never  notice  how  true  he  is  to  the 
few  conceptions  that  he  has  succeeded  in  mastering? 

What  you  may  hope  for  is  not  finished  characters,  fully- 
matured  judgments,  perfectly  polished  manners,  before  the 
years  of  maturity.  But  you  may  hope  for  these:  the  general 
disposition  to  will  well  and  wisely ;  the  ability  of  your  chil- 
dren to  propel  themselves  after  you  have  ceased  to  push  them 
from  behind;  undying  alTection  for  yourself  coupled  with  a 
growing  appreciation  of  what  you  have  meant  to  them;  the 

[276] 


FACTS    FOR    ENCOURAGEMENT 

power  of  handing  on   to   their   descendants  and   yours   the 
goodly  heritage  of  bodily,  mental  and  moral  soundness,  with 
all  that  means  to  society  and  to  the  world;  and,  above  all, 
the  resolution  to  be  of  service. 
It  is  a  task  well  worth  all  it  costs. 


f  ^77  1 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 


SUMMARY 

Developments  of  Adolescence. — Adolescence  is  the  golden  age  of 
life.  Physical  development  comes  on  in  waves  and  lulls,  and  emo- 
tional, mental  and  moral  changes  accompany  it.  The  characteristic 
emotion  is  ambition,  involving  at  times  the  most  sanguine  hopeful- 
ness, alternating  with  periods  of  despair  because  of  embarrassing 
failures.  Social  life  is  boisterous  and  buoyant;  the  youth  becomes  in- 
tensely loyal  to  chums  and  the  "gang,"  and  at  some  time  during  this 
period  develops  a  new  interest  in  girls.  There  is  a  moral  awakening 
which  is  characterized  at  different  times  by  emotional  feeling  and 
thoughtfulness. 

Methods  of  Government. — Conservation  of  energy  and  encourage- 
ment to  sane  development  of  life  are  now  important.  The  parent  must 
endeavor  to  understand,  as  far  as  possible,  the  rapidly-changing  emo- 
tions, and  when  he  cannot  understand  them  to  be  tolerant  of  them. 
Sociallj',  he  works  with  the  "gang"  and  recognizes  that  boys  are  in- 
dependently thoughtful  religiously  before  they  are  socially,  and  so 
must  be  patient  until  the  boy's  actions  begin  to  catch  up  with  his 
ideals.  In  the  moral  realm  we  still  build  upon  the  basis  of  habits  well 
established,  although  they  are  not  sufficient  for  every  new  situation. 
Our  greatest  opportunity  is  in  the  guidance   of   the  will. 

Ruling  Mothts. — These  are  self-respect,  hero-worship,  respon- 
sibility, chivalry  and  life  purpose. 

The  Prodig.\l. — The  skill  and  care  of  fathers  are  especially  essen- 
tial in  order  to  solve  the  prodigal  tendencies.  It  is  sometimes  neces- 
sary to  take  extreme  means  for  a  time,  like  putting  a  boy  to  work 
or  even  letting  him  wander;  but  the  prodigality  of  adolescence  is  not 
generally  decisive. 

Sex  Discipline. — We  must  now  use  every  possible  motive  and  de- 
velop every  possible  right  attitude  to  meet  the  sex  impulse. 

Religious  Nurture. — The  need  now  is  for  religious  nurture,  by 
certain  special  influences  which  are  helpful  toward  a  definite  religious 
life.  Among  these  are  the  experience  of  conversion,  the  practice  of 
prayer,  a  church  life  especially  adapted  to  the  boy's  needs,  a  Sunday 
school  which  faces  life  problems  courageously,  and  the  personal  in- 
fluence of  admired  men,  especially  of  fathers.  The  boy  begins  to 
live  religiously  when  he  begins  to  live  for  somebody  else. 

REFERENCES 

Although  child  study  has  centered  largely  upon  adolescents,  writers 
have  seemed  to  avoid  dealing  directly  with  the  difficult  matter  of 
their  home  training.  Consequently,  the  list  of  helpful  and  practical 
books  is  not  long.  A  few  books  are  mentioned  dealing  with  the  spe- 
cial problems  of  the  period. 

Books  upon  the  Philosophy  of  Management 
That  Boy  of  Yours,  250  pp.,  by  James  S.  Kirtley,  published  by  George 
H.  Doran  Co.,  New  York. 

[278] 


SUAIMARY 

Parents  and  teachers  of  boys  will  profit  by  the  sympathetic  view  of 
boyhood  of  Mr.  Kirtley,  who  takes  the  ground  that  there  are  no  bad 
boys  and  that  boys  are  made  bad  by  misunderstanding.  He  discusses 
the  morals,  body,  mind,  religion,  failings  and  home  associations  and 
brings  all  these  things  before  grown-up  eyes  from  the  standpoint  of 
the  boy  himself.  In  these  days  of  the  new  view  held  by  social  workers 
and  educators  in  regard  to  boys  and  their  tendencies  and  development  a 
book  like  this  is  sure  to  prove  of  value. 

Youth,  Its  Education-,  Regimen  and  Hygiene,  380  pp.,  by  G.  Stanley 
Hall,  published  by  D.  Appleton  &  Co.,  New  York. 

An  epitome  of  the  practical  conclusions  of  Dr.  Hall's  large  volumes 
on  Adolescence  in  such  form  as  to  make  them  available  to  parents, 
teachers  and  reading  circles.  The  chapters  most  helpful  concerning 
moral  training  are  the  seventh,  upon  faults,  lies  and  crimes  •  the 
eleventh,  upon  the  education  of  girls;  and  the  twelfth,  upon  moral  and 
religious  training. 

Childhood,  254  pp.,  by  Mrs.  Theodore  \V.  Birney,  published  by  F.  A. 
Stokes  Co.,  New  York. 

Of  this  valuable  book.  Dr.  Stanley  Hall  says,  "The  author  has  a  head 
and  heart  so  full  of  motherhood  and  so  freighted  with  its  lessons,  and 
with  the  new  and  higher  sense  of  its  meaning  that  she  has  found  the 
right  way  by  intuition"  *  *  *  The  book  presents  in  unusually  at- 
tractive, clear  and  forcible  English  the  substance  of  what  parents  most 
need  to  know  in  order  to  make  their  influence  more  felt  for  good  upon 
the  rising  generations."  Mrs.  Birney  was  the  founder  of  the  National 
Congress  of  Mothers.  The  book  is  unusual  in  its  simplicity,  its  com- 
mon-sense dealing  with  the  problems  of  home  life.  It  is  written  by  a 
mother  who  knows  whereof  she  speaks  because  she  has  practiced  what 
she  preaches. 

Home,  School  and  Vacation,  220  pp.,  by  Annie  Winsor  Allen,  pub- 
lished by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,  Boston. 

The  book  deals  with  the  three  subjects  indicated  in  its  title:  home 
training,  school  life  and  vacation  employments.  The  book  is  all  good, 
and  the  chapter  on  discipline  deserves  to  be  written  in  gold.  One  of 
the  great  values  of  the  book  is  its  excellently  simple  arrangement. 
There  is  a  suggestive  chart  on  normal  child  development  at  the  close. 
Educational  Problems,  two  volumes,  xiii,  710  pp.  and  714  pp.,  by  G. 
Stanley  Hall,  published  by  D.  Appleton  &  Co.,  New  York. 

It  is  hardly  to  be  expected  that  many  parents  will  read  all  the  fifteen 
hundred  pages  of  this  treasure  house  of  information.  Nearly  every- 
thing President  Hall  writes  is  suggestive,  some  of  it  challenges  opposi- 
tion, but  that  only  stimulates  thought.  The  chapters  of  greatest  value 
to  parents  of  adolescent  young  people  arc  the  fourth,  uiwn  the  religious 
training  of  children  and  the  Sunday  school;  the  fifth,  upon  moral  edu- 
cation; the  seventh  upon  the  ijedagogy  of  sex;  and  the  ninth,  upon  the 
budding  girl.  Of  all  these  the  most  sensible  and  practical  is  the  one 
upon  moral  education. 

The  Coming  Generation.  402  pp.,  by  William  Byron  Forbush,  pub- 
lished by  D.  Appleton  &  Co. 

[279] 


THE    BOY   PROBLEM    IN    THE    HOME 

Book  I — I.  The  General  Confession.  2.  Some  Adventures  among 
Savages.  3.  The  Young  Pretender.  4.  How  a  Child  Does  His  Think- 
ing. 5.  Books  and  Firelight  and  Children's  Faces.  6.  The  Gang.  7. 
The  Religious  Life  of  a  Child.  8.  The  Wander  Years.  9.  The  Modern 
Home.  10.  The  Art  of  Being  a  Godparent.  Book  H — 11.  Eugenics.  12. 
Health.  Book  HI — 13.  The  New  Education.  14.  Vocational  Training 
and  Guidance.  15.  Some  High  School  Prohlems.  16.  Moral  Training 
in  Schools.  17.  The  Social  School.  18.  Defective  Children.  19.  Play 
and  Playgrounds.  20.  Clubs  for  Street  Boys.  21.  Camps  and  Outings. 
22.  College  and  the  Child.  23.  The  Beautiful  Ordering  of  Life.  24.  A 
Child  Educating  Himself.  Book  IV — 25.  The  Regulation  of  Child 
Labor.  26.  The  Juvenile  Court.  27.  Reformatory  Methods.  28.  De- 
pendent and  Neglected  Children.  Book  V — 29.  The  Sunday  School. 
30.  The  Church  Living  with  Its  Children.  31.  The  Christian  Associa- 
tions. 2)^.  The  Larger  Nurture.  A  Program  for  the  Betterment  of 
Boys  and  Girls. 

Training  the  Boy,  368  pp.,  by  William  A.  McKeever,  published  by 
Macmillan  Co.,  New  York. 

The  motto  of  this  book  may  be  expressed  in  these  words:  "Train 
the  whole  boy  and  not  merely  a  part  of  him."  In  writing  this  book, 
the  author  has  sketched  a  practical  plan  for  rounding  out  the  whole 
boy,  placing  the  emphasis  upon  all  rather  than  some  of  the  forces  ne- 
cessary for  complete  train'ng.  He  devotes  considerable  attention  to 
habit-forming  and  social  training,  but  his  emphasis  is  upon  industrial 
and  vocational  guidance.  Common  sense  is  the  keynote  of  all  that 
Professor  McKeever  writes. 

Books  upon  Child  Study 
The  Adolescent,   100  pp.,  by  J.  W.  Slaughter,  published  by  George 
Allen  &  Co.,  London. 

An  astonishingly  fruitful  little  book.  The  author  avoids  the  note  of 
alarm  which  underlies  much  writing  on  this  subject  and  speaks  very 
instructively  and  hopefully  upon  many  of  the  home  problems  of  this 
period. 

The  Individual  in  the  Making,  339  pp.,  by  E.  A.  Kirkpatrick,  pub- 
lished by  Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,   Boston. 

More  brief  than  G.  Stanley  Hall  and  more  completely  covering  the 
entire  development  of  child  life  is  this  study  of  the  stages  through 
which  a  young  person  passes  from  birth  to  maturity.  The  chapters  upon 
adolescence  are  especially  full  of  interesting  detail  and  contain  a  good 
many  illustrations  from  the  lives  of  individual  children.  There  is  also 
in  each  chapter  a  number  of  sensible  suggestions  for  dealing  with  the 
various  phenomena  of  each  stage  of  development. 
Growth  and  Education,  204  pp.,  by  John  Mason  Tyler,  published  by 
Houghton  Mifflin  Co.,  Boston. 

A  very  valuable  book  upon  the  way  a  child  grows.  Dr.  Tyler  lays  a 
special  emphasis  upon  the  necessity  of  guarding  the  youth  during  high- 
school  years  from  excesses  of  work  or  play.  He  has  a  very  wise  word 
as  to  the  necessity  of  watching  girls  during  the  grammar-school  years 
lest  they  shall  enter  high  school  and  continue  in  college  over-strained 

[280] 


SUMMARY 

and  tired  out.    The  book  is  characterized  by  good  sense  and  the  parent 
will  find  it  full  of  many  helpful  suggestions. 

Books  upon  Sex  Discipline 
Reproduction   and   Sexual   Hygiene,    140  pp.,   by  Winfield   S.   Hall, 

M.  D.,  published  by  the  Wynnewood  Publishing  Co.,  Chicago. 
The  American  Boy  and  the  Social  Evil,  by  Robert  N.  Willson,  M.  D., 

published  by  John  C.  Winston  Co.,  Philadelphia. 
Health  and  Hygiene,  16  pp.,  by  Prince  A.  Morrow,  M.  D.,  published 

by  the  American  Federation  for  Social  Hygiene,  New  York. 
The  Physician's  Answer,  16  pp.,  by  A.  E.  Exner,  M.  D.,  published  by 

Association   Press,  New  York. 
Sexual  Hygiene  for  Young  Men.  4  pp.,  published  by  the  Spokane  So- 
ciety of  Social  and   Moral  Hygiene,  Spokane,   Wash. 
The  Strength  of  Ten,  32  pp.,  by  Winfield  S.  Hall,  M.  D.,  published 

by  B.  S.  Treadwell,  La  Crosse,  Wis. 
The  Kallikak  Family,  121  pp.,  by  H.  H.  Goddard,  M.  D.,  published 
by  Macmillan  Co.,  New  York. 
This  is  the  most  astonishing  and  suggestive  practical  study  yet  made 
in  the  eugenic  history  of  a  single  family. 

Sex  Instruction  as  a  Phase  of  Social  Education,  16  pp.,  by  Maurice 
A.  Bigelow,  published  by  the  American  Federation   for  Sex  Hy- 
giene,  New   York  City. 
Dwells  especially  upon  the  importance  of  such  instruction  in  its  rela- 
tionship to  the  family  and  social  life,  particularly  emphasizing  the  con- 
siderations which  appeal  to  older  boys. 

Books  upon  Social  Problems 
The  Boy  Problem,  219  pp.,  by  William  Byron  Forbush,  published  by 
The  Pilgrim  Press,  Boston. 

This  book  begins  with  a  resume  of  the  child  study  of  boy  nature.  It 
gives  a  very  careful  study  of  the  social  instincts.  There  are  two  chap- 
ters on  the  social  organizations  of  the  day  for  boys  and  tlie  book  closes 
with  sections  on  the  boy  in  the  school,  the  church  and  the  home.  This 
book  has  been  especially  useful  to  social  workers  with  boys. 
The  Minister  and  the  Boy,  171  pp..  by  Allan  Hobcn,  pul)lished  by  The 
University  of  Chicago  Press,  Chicago. 

A  book  urging  ministers  and  churches  to  take  a  more  definite  and 
practical  and  continuous  social  relationship  to  boys.  The  writer  has 
had  a  varied  experience  with  boys  of  all  clr.'^ses  in  a  cily  and  no  one 
has  presented  more  impressively  the  social  duty  and  obligation  of  the 
religious  world  to  the  growing  youth. 

Books  upon  Religious  Nurture 

Educational  Evangelism.  265  pp.,  by  Charles  E.  McKinlcy.  published 

by  The  Pilgrim  Press.  Boston. 

A  discussion  of  the  relipious  discipline  that  is   most   desirable    for 

the  years  of  adolescence.     This  is  a  book  which  deserves  to  be  better 

known.    The  author  sketches  in  a  simple  but  inspiring  form  the  normal 

[.  281  ] 


THE   BOY   PROBLEM    IN   THE    HOME 

moral  development  of  an  adolescent  boy  or  girl.  He  then  shows  the 
kind  of  religious  approach  which  is  desirable  for  each  evolving  period. 
He  discusses  helpfully  the  place  of  both  the  home  and  the  church  in 
these  years  of  crisis  in  the  life  of  growing  youth.  It  is  a  most  help- 
ful book  for  parents  and  a  most  inspiring  one  for  church  workers. 
The  Boy  and  the  Church,  icx)  pp.,  by  Eugene  C.  Foster,  published  by 
Association  Press,  New  York. 

Boys  who  are  under  religious  influence — Sunday-school  boys  and 
church-going  boys — these  only  it  is  of  whom  Mr.  Foster  writes.  He 
knows  from  a  large  experience  in  both  church  and  Y.  M.  C.  A.  work 
that  a  considerable  proportion  of  these  very  boys  not  only  drop  out 
of  Sunday-school  ranks,  but  they  go  clear  over  to  swell  the  ranks 
of  the  wayward  and  the  delinquent.  Why  is  it,  and  how  shall  it  be 
prevented?  To  this  one  problem  Mr.  Foster  addresses  himself.  Re- 
claiming is  good,  but  preventing  is  better.  It  is  a  necessary  text-book 
for  the  home,  the  Sunday-school  worker  and  the  minister. 
Boy  Life  and  Self-Government,  210  pp.,  by  George  Walter  Fiske, 
published  by  Association  Press,   New  York. 

The  book  opens  with  a  description  of  boy  life,  including  a  study  of 
boys'  instincts.  There  is  a  careful  analysis  of  the  epochs  of  body  and 
youth.  A  discussion  of  clubs  for  boys  follows,  giving  details  of  organi- 
zation. The  book  closes  with  two  sensible  chapters  on  the  boy's  reli- 
gion and  the  boy's  home.  A  useful  book  for  parents  and  social  workers 
with  boys. 


[282] 


INDEX 


Activity,  Government  by 

52,  102,  159 
Adolescence,  Developments  of 

219,  278 
Adult's  Outlook,  The  109 

After  School  113 

Alienation  from  Parents  250 

Allowances  243 

Ambition  220 

Amusements  199 

Anger,  Punishing  in  36,  47 

Animalism  65 

Anthropomorphism  64 

Anti-domestic  220,  227 

Apologizing  to  Children  20 

Artful  Dodger,  The  1^7 

Athletics  229,  238 

Attention  and  Obedience  32 

Attention  in  Prayer  76 

Authority  24 

Authority,    Children's    Respect 

for  5 

Awakening,  Moral  225 


Babies,  Obedience  of 

25 

Backwardness 

240 

Baptism 

270 

Bawling 

34 

Beauty 

207 

Bedtime 

48 

Bible  and  the  Child,  The 

02 

Bible  Reading               187,  269,  271 

Bible  Storv-Telling  93 

Biological  Teaching  60 

Blundering  246 

Boarding   School  253 

Books.  The  Choice  of  207 

Boy  Beforp  Eight,  The  58 

Boyhood.  Periods  of  57 
Boy  Problem,  The :    What  it  is  vii 

Bullying  6 


Calmness 

"Captain  of  the  Day" 

Card  Playing 


Career,  Motives  of  a  246 

Character  99 

Child  and  the  Bible,  The  92 

Child  as  a  Plaything,  The  12 

Child  as  a  Person,  The  12 

Child  Is  on  Our  Side,  The  97 
Child  Nurture  64 

Children,    Misunderstood  9 

Children's  Attitude,  The  135,  213 
Children's  Ideas  of  Justice  38 
Children's  Prayers  73  ff. 

Child's  Ideas  about  God,  The  64 
Child's  Room,  The  248 

Chivalry  209.  248 

Choice,    Government   through 

33.  167 
Choice,  The  Successor  of 

Obedience  167 

Christian  Endeavor  268 

Chums  225 

Church  Attendance  94 

Church,  Beauty  of  94 

Church-going  94,  269 

Church  Membership  270 

Circumcision  58 

Cloudy  Days  115 

Clumsiness  231 

Code,  Mastering  a  194 

Committal,  Religion  270 

Companionship  with  Children  119 
Conceit  of  Parents  70 

Concretcness  in  Teaching  68 

Confidence,  Keeping  the  230,  242 
Conformity  9^ 

Conservatism  of  Children  1.^6 

Constructive   Play  87 

Conversion  267 

Co-operation  in  Punishment  31 
Corporal  Punishment  44,  102 

Courtesy  7.1.  117  T- 

Crying  47 


226       D.incing 

237       Day  Dreaming 

201       Decision  Day 


201 
221 
270 


[283] 


INDEX 


Deliberation  in  Government 

112, 

Deprivation,  Punishment  by 

40, 
Despondency 
Destroying  Property 
Development,  Physical 
Developments  of  Adolescence 
219, 
Devices  for  Punishment 
Discipline,  Steadiness  in 
Disobedience 
Disorder 

Diversion,  Government  by 
"Don't" 
Drill 
Duty 
Duty,  Teaching  about 


16, 


30, 


132 

102 
229 

247 
219 

278 
30 
24 

lOI 

7 
155 
173 
156 
193 
68 


Earning  Money  244 

Emissions,  Seminal  iSo 

Emotional    Changes  220 

Emotions,  The  Management  of  230 
Emulation,  Government  by  S2,  102 
Encouraging  Eacts        97,  211,  276 


Estrangement 

10 

Ethical  Teaching 

194 

Eugenics 

261 

Example 

86 

Explanation,  Government 

by 

I. "3 

Explanations 

3- 

Facts  for  Encouragement 

97, 

211, 

276 

rairness 

16, 

lOI 

Family  Worship 

187 

Fatherhood 

i; 

7,  61 

Fatherhood  of  God,  The 

65 

Fatigue 

115 

Fears 

221 

Feelings,  Training  of  the 

206 

F'ckleness 

222 

Fighting 

112 

Firmness 

21, 

lOI 

First  Love 

233 

Fitness  of  Parents 

13  T 

Food 

58 

Foresight 

113 

Forgetting  in  Forgiveness 

T.-I. 

Forgiveness 

33- 

226 

Friendships 

233 

[284 


Friendship,  The  Instinct  of      224 

Gang,  The  144,  224,  232 

Gardening  88 

Garrulousness  of  Youth  276 

Gentleman,  The  170 

Gentleness  220 

Girls  233 

God,  Presence  of  66,  82 

God,  Teaching  about  64 

"Good  Fellows"  27,  loi 

Governmcntl  yActivity  52, 102, 159 
Government  by  Diversion  155 

Government  by  Emulation  52,  102 
Government  liy  Explanation  153 
Government  by  Persuasion  154 
Government  by  Punishment 

36,  Id,  161,  213 
Government  by  Reward  51,  102 
Government  by  Suggestion  29,  loi 
Government  by  Words  32,  loi 
Government   through   Choice 

33,  lOl,  167 
Gratitude  227 

Greed  52 

Habits  and  Morality  71 

Habit-forming  69 

Habit-forming,    Will-training 

by  184 

Habits  of  Reverence  73 

Habituation  156 

Helping  in  School  Tasks  124 

Hero  Worship  224,  241,  272 

High  School  186 

Home  and  the  Sunday  School, 

The  106 

pTome  Covenant  236 

Home-made  Playthings  88 

Home  Work  124 

Honesty  in  Government  109 

Hopefulness  225,  227 

How  Children  Break  the  Law 

6,  loi 
How  Children  Regard  Law  3,  loi 
How  Children  Regard  Punish- 
ment 9,  101 
How  to  Teach  a  Child  to  Pray  78 
Humor  in  Childhood  33 
Hymns                                             80 

Ideas  about  God,  The  Child's    64 

] 


INDEX 


Imaginative  Play 

89 

Imitation 

5 

Imitative   Play 

37 

Irdividualism 

142 

Influence,  Personal 

272 

Influences 

266,  212 

Initiative 

167 

Instincts,  Social 

223 

Instincts,  The 

87 

Insight 

116 

Interests 

222. 

Interrupting   Children 

17 

Jesus,  Teaching  about  67,  93 

Justice,  Children's  Ideas  of        38 


Kallikak  Family,  The 
Keeping  Promises 

Law,  How  Broken  by  Children 
6, 

Law,  How  Regarded  by  Chil- 
dren, 3. 

Law,  The  Child's  Relationship 
to 

Lecturers  on  Purity 

Life  Purpose,  A 

Limitations  of  "Natural"  Pun- 
ishment 

Listening 

Living,  Religious 

Loitering 

Love  for  Children 

Loyalty 

Loyalty  to  Jesus 

Lulls 

Management  of  the  Emotions 
Marriage 
Mastering  a  Code 
Methods  of  Government 

153,  167,  213.  228, 
Methods  of  Sex  Instruction 
Military  Acndcmy 
Military  Discipline 
Ministers  as   Sex   Instructors 
Mischief 

Misunderstanding   Children 
Modesty 

Money  221, 

Montcssori  Methods 


261 
24 


136 

56 
248 

30 
no 

274 

151 

21 

69 

67 

221 

230 
263 
i<>4 

278 

54 

253 

157 

56 

3 

o 

58 

24.1 
41 


Moral  Awakening 
Moral    Law,   The 
Moral  Relations 
Moral  Training 
Motherhood 
Motion    Pictures 
Motives 


225 

40 

237 

195 
60 

205 

249,  257,  2-J% 


Nagging  226, 242 

"Natural"   Punishments  37,   102 

Negative  Offences  9 

New  Testament,  The  93 

Noisiness  34 
Nurture,  Child 

64,  102,  184,  213,  265,  278 


Obedience  I47. 

Obedience,  Drill  in 
Obedience,   Majesty  of 
CJbedience  of  Babies 
Obedience,   Purpose  of 
Obedience,  The  Right  to  Ask 
Obstinacy  43, 

Offences,  Negative 
Old  Testament,  The 
"Once  Born,"  The 
Origins  of  Life 
Outlook,    The    Adult's 
Outlook.  The  Child's 
Overlooking  Faults  20, 


Parent  and  Teacher 

Parent  as  Educator,  The 

Parent  as  Judge,  The 

Parental   Conceit 

Parental   Friendship 

Parental  Power 

I'arcntal  Unity 

Parent's  Altitude,  The 

Passivity  in  I-"ducatinn 

Paying  Children 

Pmalties 

Penitence  of  Children 

Periods   of    Boyhood 

I'crsonal  rommnnds 

Personal  Influences 

P(  rsonality 

Persuasion 

Persuasion,  riovrrnmcnt  by 

Physical  Drvclopmcnt 

Physical  Management 


12, 


II. 


213 

31 
193 

25 
147 

13 

138 

9 

92 
266 

-lO 
109 
no 

lOI 

174 

lOI 

46 

70 

232 

87 

27 

213 

208 

244 

247 

8 

V? 

136 

272 

322 

IS 

1.54 

210 
228 


285 


INDEX 


Physical  Reward  51 

Physicians  as  Sex  Instructors      55 
Play  87 

Play  and  Work  89 

Playthings,  Home-made  88 

Power  of  Parents  87 

Practical   Joking  33 

Praise  51,  240 

Prayer  74  ff.,  185,  2^)8 

Prayer,  Attention  in  76 

Prayers,  A  Treasury  of  84 

Prayers,  How  to  Teach  78 

Praying  for  Children  79 

Prodigal,  The  250,  278 

Promises,  Keeping  24 

Punishment  as  a  Right  46 

Punishment  by  Deprivation  40,  102 
Punishment,  Government  by 

36,  161,  213 
Punishment,  How  Regarded  by 

Children  9,  loi 

Punishment,  Purposes  of  36 

Purpose,  A  Life  248 

Putting  Things  Away  151 

Putting  Children  to  Bed  47 

Racial  Life,  The  4 

Reading,  The  Value  of  187,  209 

Rebellion  224 
References                     102,  213,  278 

Refractoriness  138 

Regularity  08 
Regularity,  The  Child's  Liking 

for  5 

Relations  with  Others  197 

Religious  Habits  185 

Religious  Influences  266 

Religious  Living  274 
Religious  Nurture 

64,  102,  184,  213,  265,  278 

Remorse  of  Children  141 

Renewal  of  Life  .S7 
Reproduction.  Instruction  about  61 

Respecting  Children  in 

Responsibility  237,  243 

Retaliation  162 

Reverence,  Habits  of  73 

Reverence  in  Church  95 

Reverence  in  Prayer  74 

Revivals  207 

Reward,  Government  by  51,  102 


Rhyming  Prayers  83 

Rhythms  2215 
Right  to  Ask  Obedience,  The  13,  loi 

Right  to  Disobey.  The  16,  loi 

Room,  The  Child's  247 

Routine  71 

Ruling  Motives  239 

Safety  in  Punishment  44 

Sarcasm  33,  ii3 

School  223,  253 

Scolding  43 

Self-abuse  178 

Self-assertiveness  186 

Self-control  98 

Self -directed  Play  88 

Self-obedience  vii 

Self-propulsion  viii 
Self-regarding  Period,  The       198 

Self  Respect  239 

Selfishness  4 

Seminal  Emissions  180 

Sense  of  Beauty,  The  206 

Sex  Discipline  54,  102,  213,  256, 278 

Sex  Instruction,  Methods  of      54 

Sex  Instructors  56 

Sex  Organs,  Care  of  the  57 

Sex  Worries  l8l 

Sexual  Vices  261 

Silliness  224 

Sleeping  Alone  58 

Smoking  158 

Sociability  144 

Social   Management  232 

Solitude,  Prayer  in  82 

Spanking  44 

Steadiness  in  Discipline  24 

Stolidity  in  Growth  211 

Story-telling  91 

Stories  90 
Strength,  The   Child's   Feeling 

for  208 

Studiousness  276 
Suggestion  in  Government 

29,  106,  153 

Summary  225 

Summaries                    loi,  213,  278 

Sunday  95,  189 

Sunday  Club,  The  191 

Sunday  Meals  186 

Sunday  Newspapers  191 


[286] 


INDEX 


Sunday  School             94,  196,  271 
Sunday  School  and  the  Home, 

The  196 

Table  Manners  39 

Table  Talk  122 

Talking,  The  Value  of  194 

Teacher  and  Parent  174 

Teachers  as  Sex  Instructors  56 

Teachers,  Sunday  School  272 

Teaching  about  Duty  68 

Teaching  about  God  64 

Telling  Bible  Stories  93 

Temperance  159 

Thankfulness  80 

Theater-going  203 

Touch  Hunger  9 

Training  of  the  Feelings,  The  206 

Treasury  of  Prayers,  A  84 


Truancy  250 

"Twice  Born,"  The  266 

Ulysses  and  the  Sirens  vii 

L'nity  between  Parents  27 

Unreasonableness  16 

Vices,  Sexual  261 

Volition  171 

Waking  Hours  114 

Weather,  The  115 

Will,  Education  of  the  237 

Will-training  168 
Will-trainingby  Habit-forming  184 
Work                                         52,  252 

Work  and  Play  89 


Young  People's  Societies 


271 


[287 


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